Title: Maybe.. Just Once
Pairing: Kev/Nicky, AJ/Brian
Author: Jules
Feedback: Send Here
Rating: Im'a say R... don't understand that NC-17 stuff
Disclaimer: If the first part never happened... then this part sure as hell never happened... Just something I came up with while in an elevator and ran with it...
Chapter 18~Brian~
I thought a lot last night about what AJ said and he's right. I wasn't being fair to anyone in asking him to make love to me, in initiating the whole thing. I need to find out where my head is. Where my heart is. I just don't know any more. Sighing I turn over to find him gone. I can feel the disappointment course through my body. I've never felt this way when I've woken up and she's been gone. I wonder if that should tell me everything I need to know. AJ being gone has left me with a feeling of emptiness, sadness. I just don't know.
~AJ~
I know, I took the easy way out. I left before he woke up. Untangling myself from his arms and legs, I snuck out of the room to think. I need to be away from him. Fully register what happened last night. I've decided to go down to the restaurant to get some coffee and here I sit. Ultimately, I've come to the conclusion that last night I wasted my only chance. He was practically begging me to make love to him and I turned him down. I know it was the right thing to do, but fuck the right thing. Just once I want to be happy. Just once I want to do what will make me feel better. I'm glad I had the strength to do it, but in the same breath it sucks. I am so wrapped up in my thoughts I don't even notice Nick sit down across from me until he touches my hand. It brings me out of the daze I'm in.
"Bone? You okay?" I look up to meet his gaze and smile weakly. All I want is to be alone for now. I hope he understands.
"Not really Kaos. I just want to be alone right now."
He looks at me with an intensity I recognize. He's not going anywhere. I have two choices. I can get pissed off about it and fight with him, demand he leave. OR..... I can just suck it up and deal with the fact that he's not going to leave. I choose the latter. I don't have the energy to fight with him. Not today. Not after last night. So I gave in. "Fine Nick. But I'm not promising anything."
"I didn't ask you to Bone." Damn I loved him. He smiled at me and ordered a coffee, not talking about what I knew we were going to end up discussing. He wasn't prying. Just letting me know that he was there. I understood why Kevin was so in love with him. There was just something about him that you couldn't help but love. Granted, I loved him like a brother, but still, the love was there. "Wanna talk about it?"
"Don't know if I can." I took a long gulp of my coffee, savoring the bitterness before lighting a cigarette. I needed it, to calm my nerves. And there we sat, for what seemed like hours.
"I don't think it's as hopeless as you think." Nick said out of no where, breaking the silence.
"I don't know man."
"Look at me and Kev. I waited forever for him. At least it seemed that way. And now..."
"That's different."
"Not really. Do you know how long I waited? 6 years man. The longest 6 years of my life. You just think it's different because it's you."
I thought about that for a few minutes. It wasn't all that different from him and Kevin, he was right about that. But I couldn't get my hopes up. Couldn't let myself believe that Brian would leave her for me.
"I'm not as strong as you Nick." It was the truth. I wasn't.
"Do you love him AJ?" Nick stared at me, concentrated on my eyes making me uncomfortable.
"More than anyone or anything in my life." I didn't have to think twice about that answer.
"Well AJ. You'd be amazed how strong love...true love makes you."
That blew me away. I know a lot of people think that because he's young, because he's blonde, Nick isn't all that bright. Well they're wrong. He is one of the smartest people I know and I think he plays on those stereotypes so people will underestimate him. Just that one sentence gave me hope. Maybe he was right. Maybe it would be okay.
"So what are you up to today?" I asked him, putting out my cigarette.
"Birthday present for Rok. Wanna come?" He smirked at me, full well knowing the answer.
"Let's shop."