(Diary Entry)

im just wondering... whos willing to just fucking put me out of my misery? ahhhhh damn i cant stop sneezing... i feel like shit... i really do believe that im falling apart man... ofcourse my damn sinuses im sure i know why they r like this... that vicks inhaler thing is becoming my best friend... im gonna go see a doctor on my next day off... i believe.. gonna just talk...see what i can do..i dont know.. little scared but... im tired of the paranoia and panic and just all this shit..

i also wanted to get checked out for ulcers...cuz it could explain why im having so much stomach trouble.. actually, i doubt i will go to the doctor...i dunno my phone rang and i was told "theres some meds out there that r now proven to cause permenant stomach damage..i think u took that medicine awhile back..that could be why ur always having upset stomachs..im gonna check on it and get back with u tomorrow"

grrrrrrrrreat

right now an ulcer is looking pretty simple.. ofcourse i can never have anything simple..its gotta be as out there as possible... ulcer is bad...but ofcourse perm. damage is worse...geez...i appreciate it..really do... my eyes have been burning all day...but ofcourse i also know why too..

blaaaa..

ever talk to someone and try to be really smooth? and end up just making an ass of urself.. i was talking to this girl and wham...slammed my elbow into something.. i didnt flinch...didnt say a word.. pretended it never happened..

i kept on talking...she couldnt let it go tho..."r u ok? sounded like u hit ur elbow pretty hard"

*waving hand* yea yea im fine *dying inside*

"r u sure i think ur bleeding"

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreaaaatttttttt

"oh really?" *laughing* i hadnt really noticed...

then i bout tripped and fell on my face...

i ended the convo as quickly as possible and went and screamed bloody murder and then died...im not always perfectly smooth or anything but...lately i seem to be falling allover myself..fucking up my words and almost stuttering..its like i cant think...my mind gets too cloudy..

ive always fucked up my words a bit...but lately its MORE...

heres a poem i wrote...