Nick finally woke to a knocking on the door. He opened his eyes slowly and saw that he was laying on the bed his head next to his lap top, the screen black. The lap top was still on though. Nick heard the knocking again, "Ok ok I'm coming." He looked at the screen and tapped the spacebar. The screen appeared. It was still left on his saved diary entry. He must have been so exhausted he fell asleep as soon as he finished.

Nick grabbed a shirt and pulled it over his head and struggled with his pants while walking to the door. Yawning, he opened it to see Brian standing on the other side.

Blinking a few times, Nick greeted him,"Yeah?" Brian only laughed,"Guess what?!" Nick breathed in and sighed still sleepy and walked back to his bed. Brian followed closing the door,"We got today free!! Nothing to do! AND there's a ball game in a few hours that we can catch! Dude it's almost noon, get up!"

Nick groaned, too many people there for him, "Naw that's ok. I don't feel to good."

Brian looked concerned, "Now that I think about it, you are kinda pale Nick. You aight?"

Nick shrugged,"Yea just a bad dream. I'll be fine if I just get some more sleep you know?"

Brian nodded,"Yea I completely understand man. If you change your mind let me know." Nick nodded. It was almost as if Brian sensed Nick wanted to be alone.

Brian said something to Nick and then said goodbye but, Nick was already lost in his own thoughts to hear him.

Two hours later, Nick hadn't moved from his spot on the bed. His eyes were still fixed on the window. Watching the wind blow branches just a little. Hearing birds chirp. He wasn't really listening, not really thinking. If anyone had asked him that second, Nick probably wouldn't have been able to say what his thoughts had been. There were just too many too fast.

Before Nick realized it, Aj was in his room standing next to him. Ajs voice disrupting his thoughts, made him jump. Nick looked up, "What are you doing in here?" Aj smirked, "What a warm greeting, I was gonna go to the game with everyone else but decided to stay."

Nick scowled,"To what? Watch me?"

Aj laughed, "You're a big boy dildo head. Just wanted to tell you that if there's anything you wanna talk about, I can probably understand. You're pretty good at hiding it, but at times I see that there's something off."

Nick burst out without even knowing,"Ever want to hurt yourself?" Aj knew it was better to just listen and not answer.

"Ever want to maybe cut yourself or do something?! Like..maybe the pain won't be so bad on the inside if you feel pain on the outside? I do. I do alot. So many times I want to hurt myself. Maybe it would make me feel better. And you know what's worse? I already have the places picked out." Nick was breathing heavily not even paying attention that he was talking to Aj, just that he was getting just this little bit out.

"Like...inside of my thighs. Those places can't be seen. I could cut there. Anywhere around my thighs are free range, cuz no one will ever see that. So no one will know. I mean I know it's just thoughts but.." Nick looked off trying not to cry. "Ever just feel so alone? Thinking that all the pain inside, is all your fault? That everything that ever happened to you that has brought you pain, you've deserved it. You just don't know why? I keep wondering what I did that was so wrong. And I can't sleep now, I have such horrible nightmares. I rather stay awake forever than sleep and dream. We have all these people around us and yet, I've never been so alone. Ever feel like no one cares?"

Aj took a deep breath, "Only all the time. It's hard especially since having to fight alcoholism, but yea. I felt very alone and that no one cared. But people do care about you Nick. At least I do. So you never have to feel alone. I mean at least there's me."

Nick took a deep breath,"Yea, you got me too." Aj looked at him,"You wanna talk more?" Nick shook his head. "Alright well I'm gonna go cuz I know how I am when I get to feeling how you are now." Nick nodded. "Thanks Aj...Bye."

Aj smiled a little and turned to the door then turned back to Nick, "I got something for you."

"Huh?" Nick looked up at him. AJ reached into his pocket and pulled out a rubber band and handed it to Nick. "I used to feel the way you do right now Nick. I know you're wondering what it's for. I told people it was for my hair but wore it on my wrist just incase I wanted to use it. But what it was really for was, everytime I got a thought about hurting myself like you're thinking about, I would snap it hard. After awhile it hurt pretty bad and the last thought on my mind was hurting myself so the thoughts went away surprisingly. It should work for you too since you haven't started yet. So here, take this and put it on your wrist. I want you to do the same."

Nick looked at the band and took it from Aj putting it around his wrist,"I don't think.." AJ cut him off, "Just do it." Nick looked back down at his wrist. When he looked back up AJ was gone.

I wonder if it really works. Nick thought about cutting his thigh and snapped the rubber band hard on his wrist. "Fuck!" Nick winced in pain.

Hmmm maybe cutting myself isn't such a good idea afterall..