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Chapter 23

I knew I told my mom I would be on my way home early…but I guess I lied. To be honest I was all ready to get and leave by eight, but Reno wouldn’t wake the fuck up! I sat on him, I shook him, I told him I was naked…nothing, he wouldn’t wake up…not even a peep. If it wasn’t for the gently rising and falling of his chest, I would have said he died in his sleep. (I know, horrible thing to think about, but whatever.) I watched him sleep, his hair carelessly covering his eyes, the sun gently adding a glow to his pale skin- he seemed to content in his dream world, I didn’t have the heart to wake him up…and drag him back to the hell hole he called a home.

I smiled at his sleeping form…the dream of waking up next to this boy every morning flashed in my head repeatedly, relentlessly, as if trying to give me a glimpse into a bright future. I was trying hard to keep myself from foolishly falling so quickly in love with him, as I did before- I didn’t want to be destroyed again if this didn’t work out- but it’s kind of hard when every time I see him, my stomach does flips and spins, and every time he touches me, that hole in my heart is filled. Yes I know, this is all sappy as hell, but I guess this is what love does to you…

Makes you a big idiot…

I laid on top of him, my final attempt to wake him (now that my precious watch said ten in the morning), and though his eyes fluttered open, mentally he wasn’t as wide awake as I hoped he would be.

“Get off me you fat ass,” he snapped, closing his green eyes again. Did I ever mention Reno Sinclair wasn’t exactly happy go lucky in the morning?

“I’m not fat, and you know it,” I kissed his forehead, then laying my head on his chest, despite his groans to get off him. He gave up, complaining, and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer to his body. I reminded myself of the promise I made to my mother, about being home early, but I suddenly didn’t have the strength to urge him home…I just wanted to fall asleep in his arms again. I closed my blue eyes, as Reno ran his thin fingers through my hair, a song elegantly echoing from him mouth…

“I feel like there’s nothing left to do, but prove myself to you, and keep it running. But this time, I mean it, I’ll let you know just how much you mean.”

“Our song…” I whispered.

“Our song…” he repeated, and continued his singing. Heh, Reno was never quite blessed with a singing voice…some would say his singing sounded like a dieing cat, but to me…it was perfect- so I am either tone deaf or stupid! Whatever, it was still nice, comforting, and slowly I drifted off to sleep…but sadly, the sudden shriek of my boyfriends cell phone brought us both out of our momentary haven. The soft singing, was replaced with vile curses, that rained down carelessly from his mouth, as he looked desperately for his cell phone.

Once he found the contraption, he removed myself from his body, and laid on my back, staring at yellow ceiling, as Reno answered the phone.

“Rude, this better be fuckin good,” he hissed, walking to the other side of the room so I wouldn’t hear his conversation. I guess you could say I was hurt that he wouldn’t stay on the bed with me, even with the risk of finding out why his cousin called…I think part of me still saw him as that Shinra dog who was on call 24/7; it made it harder to trust him…

“Reno,” I whispered to myself, hoping he wouldn’t hear…but unlucky for me, my boyfriend has super sonic hearing, and cautiously laid his eyes on me. I mouthed a “what’s up,” but he shook his head and returned his eyes to the floor. This made me fidget slightly in the bed, but I didn’t argue with him further…

“Rude, calm down you are talking to damn fast- fuckin New Yorkers,” he cursed, “yeah…I left. My parents were being bitches again….Cloud? Yeah he is here? Wh-…”He ran his fingers through his hair, a frustrated look plastered on his face, “So everyone knows? The whole damn fuckin neighborhood knows!” He looked at me sadly, “Yeah…I’ll tell him what’s going down…and that I am going down with him…”

Now I could hear the muffled voice of Rude screaming at his cousin. Reno merely laughed and hung up the phone, shoving the contraption back into his jean pocket. “Well Strify my boy,” he walked towards me, “The whole damn world knows you are gay!”

“Lovely,” I said sarcastically, “Why do you look so god damn happy about it?”

He crawled onto the bed with me, a sneaky smile gracing his face, “Because…in a couple of hours, the whole damn world will know I’m gay.”

“Oh really,” I challenged, leaning over and gently touching his lips with mine- not exactly kissing him…but enough to make him go crazy.

“Yes really.” He pressed his lips hard against mine, practically shoving his tongue in my mouth before I had a chance to complain. In the confusion, he found his way on top of me, momentarily breaking away from the kiss.

“What about your parents?” I asked with a smile, as he proceeded to take off his shirt.

“Forget my parents.”

“And Shinra?”

He discarded his shirt, “Forget Shinra!”

My smile curled into a suggestive smirk, “And what about the rest of the world?”

“Fuck the world!”

“Ha, I’d rather fuck you!” Suddenly the tables turned, and I had him pinned against the bed, staring deeply into his lust filled eyes, “Tell me you love me.”

I don’t know why I suddenly had a doubt in my mind…but I think I just needed those three little words to leave his mouth…just since they sounded so beautiful when he said them.

“I don’t love you,” he smiled coyly.

“You’re about to get romantic on me aren’t you?” I snickered; romantic and Reno normally didn’t mix…at all…

“Yeah…I was,” he grabbed the collar of my shirt, and pulled me into a messy kiss…

And well…I think you can guess what happened next.

--

I watched him intently from the side walk; he was leaning against the hood of his black BMW, a cigarette taking home between his soft pink lips, as he listened to the messages on his cell phone. From the way his body began shifting uncomfortably, something was up. I walked over to him, leaning close to his ear so I could hear the message that made my boyfriend tense…

However, I was only greeted with the robotic voice of the voice mail. He flipped his phone, and shoved the thing back in his pocket…sighing helplessly as he did so.

“It was my parents..” he finally said, laying his head on my shoulder in a defeated matter, “apparently all my shit is on the front porch…they told me to drop off the car and then leave. They don’t want me in their house anymore; as long as I continue to act like a ‘delinquent’…I’m homeless.”

Should I expect any less from these people who claim to hold the title of “parents”? They didn’t deserve to breath the same air as this brilliant boy standing before me. I think he knew that- his parents weren’t worth the tears and the blood this boy has shed for this- but despite that knowledge, he still clung to me, and cried silently into my chest.

“Reno?” I whispered, running my fingers through his mess of short red locks.

“I am not crying!”

Heh, I wouldn’t admit it either…but I didn’t blame him for shedding the tears. I bet he thought he was abandoned, I hoped he knew he wasn’t, not even close. So what if those sorry excuses for “people of God,” didn’t want him. Their fucking lost!

I wrapped my arms around his small body, “You can live with me…no…you are going to live with me.”

Yeah, so I didn’t ask my parents if my boyfriend-who I am sexually active with, mind you- if he could live with us…but they kind of owe me right! Okay that’s selfish, but you know what I mean. And given the circumstances…I doubt they would say no.

Reno pushed himself off my chest, and stared deeply into my eyes, as if trying to see if I was serious. I was. He smiled approvingly, and for the first time, in a long time, my boyfriend looked genuinely happy. In this messed up world, with the problems of a thousand people surrounding us, we seemed to find some kind of happiness. I don’t know what it was…was it because I finally showed him I truly forgave him for everything, or because this imperfect state of New Jersey gave us the freedom we had been looking for..

Whatever it was…it took the stress right off our bodies, leaving only us-him and I- tangled together in imperfect perfection.

I suddenly felt sick at the thought of letting him go…

…When the hell did I get so sappy?

“We better go babe.” I kissed his lips gently, sealing our little deal.

A deal my parents didn’t exactly agree to yet.

“Thank you, Cloud,” he whispered against my lips, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I always thought those three little words, were nothing more than justifications for underage sex- teenagers throwing those words around carelessly, not knowing the true meaning or power behind them. But when I say those words to him, they are real…not a mask…not something I am just saying for the sake of saying.

I meant them…

I still do.

Those three words may have saved our lives…

-

The car ride home was drench in a thick, uncomfortable, but understandable, silence. Reno had a lot to think about before we got back to that land of ignorance called Staten Island- that’s obvious enough. I should be following his example- I had a lot to think about…everyone in the God forsaken state new I was gay- but I think I was too engrossed with looking at my boyfriend to care.

I think I stopped caring what people thought of me at that point…

I’m gay, I have probably been gay my entire life. If people didn’t like me, it wasn’t because I was gay, it was because-honestly- I am not a very likeable person. Hell, sometimes I don’t even like me. All that matters is, the people who do care about me, have no problem with my sexuality…everyone else can kiss my ass.

But there was always the fact that everyone who couldn’t stand me was going to make my life a living hell for the next year and a half. I guess I did have to think about if I was strong enough to handle the torture my fellow gay teenagers had to face…

I looked back at Reno, his green eyes was focused on the road ahead…

The road ahead…

I followed his eye sight, and saw nothing but clear roads, trees, and the blaring afternoon sun lighting the way.

I felt free…the road ahead was cleared for us. The Goethals Bridge that connected Staten Island to New York was illuminated by the sun, giving the illusion of purity. It was a perfect hunk of metal for a second…the whole word was perfect.

If only I had seen the snow that fell over the horizon.

-

His stuff was carelessly thrown out on the front lawn for all to see- most destroyed, some barely hanging to life, and few still unmarred by his parent’s misguided hatred. The paintings, though, his beautiful creations…were all destroyed, and left to bleed helplessly on the floor. Posters were ripped, game systems were gutted, and even some pictures of him and I-from when first went out…they must have found them- where laid unmarred, but were discarded among the rubble, as living proof of our so-called sin. This is how he parents handled this situation…

They just wanted it to be gone with the wind.

Reno, in turn, threw the car keys at one of the windows…it didn’t break the glass, not even cracked it a bit, but it satisfied him in some way I couldn’t understand. He took a few more exhausted breaths, and walked over to his stuff…taking a seat among his memories- and the first things he began to pick up, were the pictures of us.

The most important thing…

“These pictures, almost forgot I had them. After we broke up, I hid them in a shoe box, under my gay porn mags. I really wanted to forget I think, but every so often I would look at these pictures, and just remind myself of how happy I was with you.”

“You never gave them to me…” I said, “Why?”

His face grew grim suddenly, as his eyes started teary up again, “Because…I needed them. I thought I was never going to see you again…I wanted something to remind me of your face…I wanted all those memories for myself. I think, I just wanted to forget about what I had to do to you, and pretend that it was all real…that there were no strings attached in the relationship. These pictures…it looks so real…”

“It was real,” I assured him, walking over to where he sat, “if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be standing here, with you.”

“Thanks honey,” he smiled sadly, and returned to the task of sorting through his things. “Everything is destroyed; except for my clothes…they even took my DVDs out and smashed them. They really went all out didn’t they?”

I guess the obvious answer to that question would be…yes, yes they did. But he already knew that, there was no use reminding me- or saying anything for that matter. What should I say? There was nothing that needed to be said in this moment- I just wanted to get away from this place as soon as we could, even if we were just going to my house.

Which would be another hell to face…

We gathered the survivors of Hurricane ignorant asshole, and began the short walk back to my place. I still had yet to call my parents to inform them of our new house guest, so I can only expect the surprise look on their already contorted faces when I show up with Reno and all his crap. As we got closer to the house, I began to worry though…what if they didn’t welcome him?

Where would he go if I didn’t take him in anyway? Rude is part of his family, so his parents wouldn’t let Reno in with open arms, and as for friends, I doubt Rufus or Hojo would welcome him in with open arms and a six pack of beer.

I guess Vincent was right; I was all Reno had…more so now than ever.

I had to stand my ground with my parents, even if it meant getting my own ass kicked out- I mean, I could always live with Cid, that would be fun! But something in the pit of my stomach told me everything was going to be okay…

I walked into the house, dropping some of Reno’s crap on the floor, and walking towards the kitchen. I peeked in and saw my parents silently talking over a cup of coffee- I don’t think they heard us come in…

I turned back and saw Reno leaning against the wall, staring apathetically at his stuff as if they suddenly held no meaning to him. I jogged back over to him, “Stay here, and let me talk to my parents about the situation.”

“Whatever,” he shrugged, never taking his eyes off the small pile.

I didn’t have time to interrogate Reno on why he was depressed now…my parents seemed to have noticed my presence in the house, and tentatively called me over to the kitchen. I sighed, from their hesitant voices, something told me this wasn’t going to be a pretty conversation, and with my temper…

I just hope no one gets killed…okay maybe that isn’t very funny.

I walked back to the kitchen, leaving Reno to brood over his depression some more. My parents were pacing around the in some kind of zombie state; looking at the floor as if searching for the answers to their questions, or maybe a solution to their on going problem- me. I know it sounds so cliché- my parents don’t understand me, cry, let me right a song about it can cut myself (not the sarcasm)- but that was the vibe I got from them when I took a seat at the kitchen table…they really didn’t understand, and I don’t know how to make them understand.

“Cloud,” my father decided to start, taking a seat across from me…hmm seems slightly familiar. “We need to discuss this…calmly.”

“Before…we discuss anything,” I took a final breath… “Reno…will be staying with us for an indefinite period of time.”

“Excuse me?” His voice grew gravely deep…it was an alien tone, so sue me if part of me started to get scared. I don’t know, though, if he was mad at me, or made that I made these plans behind his back.

“His parents threw him out- he had no where else to go, what did you want me to do, dad?”

“Not invite him over like it was okay,” he shrieked.

Now I knew Reno could hear what was going on… “Dad, please, he is in the living room!”

“Dammit Cloud!” He got up and walked to the other side of the kitchen. Well, that was quick…not even two seconds and already he gave up. Kudos dad. I looked at my mother, who had resorted to grabbing her head in frustration, asking her without words if she understood anything.

She answered me by turning her back…

“What’s going on guys?” I mumbled, “I know you don’t understand this, but I feel like there’s so much more to this than…common misunderstanding…”

I suddenly remembered the conversation Reno and Rude had over the phone…

“What happened when I was gone?”

My parents looked at each other for a long time…once again silently discussing something I couldn’t hear. I felt like a little kid again, being ushered out of the room when my parents were having a fight, and not understanding why I couldn’t be apart of the conversation…

“I am not a little kid anymore guys!” I shouted, arising from my chair, “Tell me what’s going on!”

I think they agreed my mom would speak this time…she turned and faced me, her dull eyes for once seemed torn…between protecting me, and being honest. “Cloud…something did happen…”

“Yeah mom?”

“After you guys ran off, the Reno’s parents called a neighborhood meeting, to discuss the issue about you two. Their were fights…your father and I fought to protect you two from their plans. We were fighting against the entire neighborhood. I swear if I hear the phrase, ‘think about the children,’ I am going to kill someone…

“It was just a messed up honey…Mr. Sinclair made sure everyone knew…it’s just going to be a hard few weeks dear.”

She wasn’t telling me the whole story, but I guess she didn’t want to add insult to injury. I think she knew I was more depressed than I was letting on…not to mention I had to worry about Reno now..

“He has to stay mom…” I said, “you can’t throw him out too…”

“We won’t,” she assured me, throwing a nasty glare at my father, “but…he has to sleep in the guest room…”

I wanted so badly to object to that little catch. I couldn’t bare to have him so close yet so far from me…don’t they trust me? I mean, just tell me not to have sex with him, and I would comply…I just want to hold him in my arms when I slept- I didn’t want some stupid wall to separate us. Now that I have him…

But I couldn’t argue with them. I was already skating on thin ice as it is, and if I pushed them too hard they would change their minds all together. I guess only a wall is better than miles.

Once again, I was tired of talking about this issue- even if in the past two days we haven’t exactly talked about it. Heh, what was there to talk about…I was gay, lets just move on please. But I didn’t feel like starting anymore problems with them, so I kept my mouth shut this time. A dark a silence dropped on the kitchen again…my parents where looking at each other again, a lost look still evident in their dark eyes…and I once again I felt I didn’t belong.

I arose from my seat, when my dads head snapped towards me, “Sit down, we aren’t finished with you yet.”

I rolled my eyes and retaliated, “Then fuckin talk, and don’t go silent on me! If you have something to say, then fuckin say it!”

“Don’t you use that tone with me, young man,” he stalked over to me, getting right into my face, “no matter what, I am still your father and you are still my son.”

“Then why don’t you start acting like a father.”

He was using all his strength to refrain from smacking me, and I guess I couldn’t blame him- I wasn’t exactly being the most understand person in the room, but I was bitter and angry, and for once I just wanted to unleash the anger I had hid in a pit of my stomach.

“Listen to me, Cloud,” he started calmly, “I don’t know what I did to get you so angry at me…maybe it was because I wasn’t here for you, and I am sorry for that. But I don’t think I deserv-”

“Shut up dad.” I walked out of the kitchen, leaving hi to make the next move. Was he trying to make me feel guilty or something? Why, because I was angry at him for never bothering to be their for me. I didn’t want to deal…call me immature but I just wanted all of this to go away.

Once I walked out, I was met with another obstacle- the tired, sad eyes of my boyfriend. Reno and I stood in a frozen state, just staring at each other, much like my parents did not to long ago. Despite the lack of spoken words, I understood what he was telling me- “maybe I should go?” “I don’t want to me any trouble..” “It’s okay Cloud…”- but I ignored his silent pleas to let him go, and stalked over to him, grabbing his hand…

“Ignore them,” I whispered, “they don’t understand.”

He laughed gently, “You’re an idiot honey…”

I was taken a back by the seriousness that was laced within those words, “Idiot?”

“They do understand,” he whispered, “They are just trying to protect you…you just won’t let them.”

“I can’t right now,” I mumbled, “I don’t care about myself-”

“Well maybe you fuckin should,” he snapped, looking fiercely into my eyes. “The whole school knows now. Rufus just texted me with the photo the used and what they said. They put it up on myspace, sent it through emails. They have a club now ‘who wants to kick Cloud’s gay ass.’ Come Monday, you are going to need all the protection you can fuckin get, because come Monday twenty eight hundred students are going to want to hurt you!”

But honestly, I didn’t care about the students who wanted to hurt me because of their ignorance…

I was only worried about one…

The one who started this all into motion.

“It’d be okay baby…I promise.”