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Chapter 21
Like A Bed of Rainbow Flowers...our Hope was a Lie.

My eyes snapped open, the calm scenery of the flowers and sun morphed into the dingy basement hidden in Reno’s “glorious house. I could feel the darkness creep up on me again…that dream was just that, an illusion. Ha, how stupid I was to think it was over, done with, finished. We still had to face everyone upstairs, and everyone at school, and our friends. Yeah, this isn’t over.

“’bout time you woke up sleepy head.”

“Yeah,” I whispered absent mindedly.

“You don’t look so good…”

I didn’t feel so good, suddenly, to be honest. I felt as if every little bit of hope I had, was once again ripped out of my finger tips, cutting and scraping my hand till it bled pretty crimson blood. It seemed to be a routine here, give me something to hold on to, give me a tiny bit of faith in happiness, and watch me crumple when it runs away. Sure, nothing happened…yet, but look at my scenario…

I am lying naked in my boyfriends basement, with his parents very much alive upstairs.

I think we all know what would happen if they found us like this…

“Are you sure this isn’t infected?”

I watched Reno tentatively take my marred arm, and trace a slim finger around his bloody name. “Dammit, Strife, why did you do this to yourself?”

“I don’t…know.” I sat up, “It was stupid, I know…”

“I should yell at you…but I can’t; I’d be a hypocrite.” He stared at the multiple sliver of lines that graced his wrist, “It seemed like the only logical thing to do at the time- a win win situation. I can slit my wrist, and if I don’t die I would still be taken far away from Tseng’s grave, and if I died, I wouldn’t have to think about him anymore. My parent’s really wouldn’t have cared either way, I don’t think…I over heard them talking about sending me away anyway because I was, ‘devious.’ But if I had died, what would have happened to you?”

“Maybe-”

“Maybe they would have left you alone.”

The dim basement light cast a deep shadow over Reno’s depressed face, emphasizing the dark circles and aged look that claimed his once soft features. He was allowing the shadows that hide in his eyes, to claim his entire soul, because he blames himself…and that- though I can be called a hypocrite for saying it- was my fault. Look back on it, how did I treat him after a blinding light exposed our love for the lies it was…I acted like he was the enemy, as if it was his idea. Me, of all people, should have known the hold Shinra held against it’s members, and the consequences of disobeying an order. After all Reno lost already…why would I think he would risk mine, his, or his friend’s lives for a little secret I was hiding- even if it meant betraying the one he loved. I can justify what he did now…I don’t blame him anymore, not at all, not a bit.

“Reno,” I whispered, caressing his now damp face, “honey, nothing you could have done could have stopped this.”

“But-”

“No buts, Sinclair. Forget the past…it’s over, Reno…”

The flapping of vile wings echoed a mechanical laughter through our the stone basement- whispering words only I seemed to hear. The stench of charred bodies, half eaten by the worms of decay, found their way into my air, forcing the bile to dance in my stomach. My mind was trying to tell me something again- all the blood stained her dress- I can see the images fly by me, every time I lie- and because of your lies, they have to die.

Why do I see it? Why is there metal cutting through innocent flesh, as if it was nothing but a piece of paper? There’s blood on the walls, and my hands, and then glass…Everything is going to shatter into a million pieces again.

“Over…” his voice was harsh, sharp like the said dancing in my dreams, “Over…?”

“You don’t believe me?”

“You don’t believe yourself.”

I laid on my head on his shoulder, pathetically collapsing in his strong arms. He tighten his grip around my waist, pulling me closer so our bare bodies touched in a calm sex. I gently placed my lips again his neck, sending shiver down my boyfriends body…I loved when I did that to him.

For a moment, the flower returned to this cold place, and we were safe from…

“Reno Sinclair! Upstairs now!” The deep, sharp voice shattered the my imaginary heaven…I could tell from the sound, he knew….

I pulled away from Reno, and stared at the ceiling, as if waiting for it to come down on us. His breathing against my body became rapid, no…frantic…as if someone had put a pillowed over his head; maybe that’s what it feels like when they find out…why am I not scared.

“…what’s going to happen…” he whispered.

“Well…” There was nothing else we could do; I could feel flames destroy the sanity of the basement, his one little haven, the only place where he probably ever felt safe. It was gone now; all the walls had disappeared, exposing everything that was once secret. No where to hide now. “We get dress…and we face them.”

He shut his green eyes, in a weak attempt to savor the little protection he had left. He told me his parents already knew…what was there to fear? There was something more to this- I can tell from the anger in his fathers voice, to he slight tremor in his frail little body..

I would walk through hell with you.

“Reno…”

“When they found out about us the first time,” he began frantically, “it was that day…before I left for California, when my mom was in the living feeding Reeve. They knew what we did…they claimed they saw it in my eyes that; I was ‘fucked by fag,’ they said. My dad…he did something bad to me when we got to California…something I can’t tell you yet. But he said…he said…that if he caught me with you again, he would tell everyone that you are gay…including your parents.”

If it wasn’t my stupid peers, it was the adults in my neighborhood…I was going to be shoved out of this closet no matter what, and I couldn’t do a thing about it. My parents were probably already called…I would have to face them first. Then who? My classmates, teachers, family? I didn’t even had time to prepare for this…

“And to think…I thought hell would have been…a bit more flashier.”

-

I touched the wooden step with my hand, pressing against the wood as if trying to shatter it into a million pieces. I don’t know why I did it…I think I just wanted to make sure I could feel something other than emptiness- I was trying to make sure I wasn’t dead yet. Once Reno said we were in hell, everything shut down. I had dreaded this moment since I started going out with Zack…where everyone would know this deep dark secret I was holding in, and I would be forced to acknowledge that I am gay. I really wish I had died.

But I guess I had no choice, I couldn’t run away from this forever. I just wish…I was able to come out when I was ready, not be forced out with a gun to my head. Now I had the face the hatful eyes of people who I didn’t even know, and allow them to bash and torment me however which way they pleased. What was I supposed to do? Punch them in the face and tell them to kiss my big gay ass?

Well, that would be cool, but I couldn’t do that.

The red hands expert fingers found their way into my short blonde locks, “Ready?”

I laughed inwardly; I’m about to face my greatest fears, of course I am not okay, “Yeah…though the fact that my button down shirt is opened…thanks to some vicious animal who ripped the fucker open-sending buttons everywhere- won’t score me any point with your parental.”

Reno didn’t say anything- I don’t even think he cracked a smile- he just started up the long staircase to hell, without me. He was broken, just from the rough sound of his fathers voice…I never knew this boy was so fragile, and it killed me that I couldn’t protect him. I was turning out to be a real ass of a boyfriend, huh?

“Hey! Baby!” I shouted. He swung around, his eyes narrowed…with a vicious look plaguing his face.

“Not so l-”

“I love you okay…and I won’t run away, I promise.”

It was weak…just eleven little words. You can’t hold on to words…words just fly away into the air a second after you speak them; no anchors to hold them down. What else could I do? Even if it was a little jester, I meant it.

He tried to keep his tough composer- keeping his eyes as narrow as they could be- but I saw a bit of that mask crack, when a small smile danced across his face. “I love you too, Strife.” He faced the cursed wooden door once again- the door the mocked us with its burning red eyes- with a new found sense of courage running throughout this body. However, the fear wasn’t gone…that was evident from the slight tremble in his worn body. We continued out accent to the door- me only a step behind him. The broken staircase creaked taunts and insults, trying to break us down a bit more before we had to face the evil eyes of our parents. It seemed the whole world was against us…

Before we could reach the door, it swung open, revealing a very angry Mr. Sinclair wearing the mask of the devil. He glared at his son, as if he was some kind of lowly rat shifting through his garbage. Never have a seen a parent give their child that look- not even my mother on her worst days would give me that glare…

“What took you so long?” Mr. Sinclair sneered, causing his son to jump just a bit.

“We…had to talk some things through.” Reno didn’t even look into his fathers eyes…he couldn’t….what lied in those green orbs was too painful to look at head on. It would shatter the last bit of strength this boy had.

I could hear the broken echo’s of a conversation coming from living room. My moms voice seemed to be the strongest out of the three- “what have you done to my son,” I think she said. The tone was alien for her though…a mix of confusion and hatred…I could only imagine what kind of lies they told her- they must be painting a really horrific picture of me.

Mr. Sinclair didn’t say another word to us, just point in the direction of the living room where the sentencing was sure to occur. Reno and I walked passed his father, the hatful aura slapping up in the face as we walked into the living area of the Sinclair house. There sitting on the love seat was my mother, and to my surprise, my father. My dad, naturally was very confused, not even lifting his head to look at my eyes, while my mother shot me a pity glance. She said without words….they already told them my secret- they didn’t even give me the right to tell my own parents.

We sat on the couch, subconsciously staying as far away from each other as we could- we didn’t want to dig a bigger hole. I looked towards my left, and saw Reno’s mother rubbing her head, mumbling some nonsense about “satan” and “bad influences. She was playing the martyr card…Reno always bitched about his mother being a drama queen. The head of the execution- I mean family, Mr. Sinclair, stood in front of us, his arms crossed over chest, with the evil glare still plastered on his face.

“Shall we begin,” he said, looking at my mother, “Since Mrs. Strife has a big mouth, how about you start.”

“I’d love to,” she snapped, arising from her seated position. She stomped over to Mr. Sinclair, getting right in his face, “I don’t appreciate you outing my son like that,” she hissed, “You could have at least given him a chance to tell his parents.”

“He destroyed any right to tell you when he decided to fuck my son in my house!”

“They’re sixteen year olds with raging hormones, what do you expect!”

“I expect them to at least have the decency to do it elsewhere!”

“Oh don’t act as if this is the issue you have with our children- admit it, you wouldn’t have cared if your son was fucking some chick he didn’t know, you hate that fact he was getting fucked by a boy!”

“Uh…” My dad, who was silent until now, finally decided to get some balls. He cautiously walked up to my mother, gently putting his hands on his shoulders, “Honey, let’s not loose our temper here…we have to see it from their point of view.”

“Oh shut up,” she hissed, slapping his hands away, “They are heartless people! Now the entire neighborhood knows our son is gay, and he didn’t even get a chance to tell us.” She swung around, her brown hair slapping Mr. Sinclair in the face (yes!), and faced my father, “Derek, doesn’t this infuriate you!”

My dad looked at me for a second…well not really…he didn’t get a good look at the expression plastered on my face- the expression of ambulate helplessness and betrayal. Did he know his son wanted him to same something…speak up! Defend me who couldn’t defend himself! Was he going to let his wife take this upon her fragile shoulders and turn his back on the whole issue. He was going to run back to the office and hide himself in the piles and piles of imaginary work.

He took his eyes off of me, and placed them back on his currently furious wife, “Honey, Eva, this may not be the best place to discuss this. I mean…this is a private matter- for both the Strife’s and the Sinclair’s- I think it would be best if we go back home-”

“You fuckin coward!” She screamed.

“Derek, please control your wife…” Mrs. Sinclair wept, clutching her ears.

“Oh honey, don’t expect him to control his wife, he can’t even control his dog of a son!”

“Don’t call my son a dog you asshole!”

“Oh a I am sorry, he isn’t a dog…he’s a fag!”

It didn’t hurt me when he called me that…I was too preoccupied with what was going on next to me…a little boy was just shattered into a million little pieces- his whole perfect world was tumbling out of control…the last bit of sanity he had, after all the blood, the torture, and the mind games, just flew out of the window faster than the pages of a book. I could still hear everyone arguing…insulting each other, and it was only fueling my boyfriend’s untamed rage. He looked at me…he was warning me…

He arose from the couch…and with a smirk, screamed bloody murder, “Shut the flying fuck up!”

Everyone stopped, all eyes on him. “What’s wrong with all of you!” He continued, “You are all insane! Who the fuck cares if I sleep with boys; its nothing to ruin someone’s life over! But you did dad! You ruin everyone’s fuckin life!”

“Reno, calm down,” his dad growled, “calm down or I will make you calm down.”

“Go ahead, threaten me, I don’t really care anymore.”

“Reno…this doesn’t concern you.”

Reno started laughing, insanely (it was kind of scary actually), pointing at his father accusingly, “But doesn’t it! But doesn’t it concern me. This whole charade- everything- was in some vain attempt to make me magically straight. From threatening my boyfriend, to now…to this. I know it kills you inside to know what I do…and you’d rather die than accept me…”

He stopped laughing…suddenly. He looked at his father drunkly, a smirk plastered on his face. Reno went positively insane… “Yes, I would love to see you die!” He bolted for the kitchen where the backyard sliding doors laid untouched for the winter. Everyone followed him, watching in disbelief as he through open the doors and rush outside into the freezing February weather. And in some pit of my stomach, I knew exactly what he was going to do…

“Attention Staten Island, New York,” he shouted on the top of his lungs, “I, Reno Sinclair, am a flaming homosexual! I like boys, I like fucking boys, hell I even like being FUCKED by boys. And if you don’t like it….well you can fuckin shove it. HA! HA! HA!”

Yup, he went insane, that was the only way I could explained what had happened. No sane person would have had the balls to do what he did…and even though there was a possibility no one heard his confession, it was still amazing to see him to do admit to the world he was gay. If it wasn’t for the fact soon after his mother ushered me and my parents out of the house, I would have done the same thing…as long as he was there to help me.

My parents and I walked down the lonely street, on our way home to our own messed up household. I knew what to expect when I walked through those doors- my father bombarding me with questions about my sexuality…I could see it in his eyes. I couldn’t tell, though, if he was going to pull a Mr.Sinclair and proceed to insult me…he would have no right too…

What has he been around to be a fuckin father?

My mother, who surprisingly was the only one to defend me throughout this entire ordeal, clutched my hand, “It’s okay honey,” she said, “you are going to be okay.”

She said I was going to be okay…and maybe that much was true…

But what about the boy with the cherry colored hair, who was trapped in hell? What was his fate…