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Dear Jim
10 November 2003, Monday
Time 14:20


Dear Jim,
I feel invalidated.
Hey, yeah, thatís the truth.
If only you would listen
To what I have to say.
If only you would open up your eyes
And see the clues that Iíve been sending you.
But no, I feel invalidated.
I want to talk about my childhood.
I keep dropping little clues.
But you canít see themó
Or wonít.
Itís so hard to tell which it is.
I want to tell you things that happened to me.
But no, you wonít listen.
I want to tell you how it all went wrong.
But no, you wonít listen to me.
I want to open up my soul to you.
Trust you, share with you my innermost details.
But no, you wonít listen.
Why wonít you listen?
I donít know.
Maybe you hate me.
Maybe youíve hated me all along.
Or maybe thatís my black-and-white thinking talking.
Maybe youíre scared.
I always sense a bit of worry in your voice
Whenever we talk about ďhardĒ things.
But thatís not right.
Youíre not supposed to be the scared one.
Youíre my protector, you should have no fear of
Anything I say.
But somethingís gone completely wrong
Since I started seeing you.
That act last time
Completely stole my trust.
Well, a lot of it anyway.
You were supposed to read word-for-word
From the exercise I wrote in my book.
Yeah, I said you could adjust itó
But you completely changed it,
And really fucked it up.
You made me feel angry and distrustful.
I shouldnít feel that way about my therapist.
Especially not one Iíve loved for so long.
A trust- and respect-based love.
A love of my protector.
Not a romantic love.
But still, Jim,
Iím pissed now that you screwed up
And because you wonít acknowledge me.
You wonít admit I even had a childhood.
That, to me, is frightening.
How can I change my future
If you wonít even help me
Find the memories of my past?
Take this letter, Jim,
And read it well.
It is a milestone in my treatment.
I donít stand up to therapists very often,
But when I do it means thereís something
That desperately needs a change.
And trust me, Jim,
Something here desperately needs to be changed.