Mtv’s new show, “I wanna be in a %^&* boy band!”

By Sarah

“Hello, I’m Carson Daly and I’m reporting to you from a remote desert location. We’re here because Times Square said that we’ve expanded too much and had to find another place to film more shows. Cheap Ba@#$%ds! Anywho, TRL will still be on everyday. Unfortunately, we won’t be renewed since it’s on before our prepubescent viewers get out of school.

OK now I’ve told you all the sad news and put that other guy out of work. I need more money!!! Sorry, mental issues. Ever since that day in- what?! OK, back to the show. Well, we’re here to make a new boy band. Yes! We copied ABC! Ooops, pretend you didn’t hear that. OK, before I say anything more dumb, let’s move on....

Our first contestant, Chris, hails from a small town out side of Pittsburgh- errr, Vegas! Yea OK, (Carson looks off camera) I didn’t know he was looking for a new job! Sorry!”

(Chris runs on stage. He has a paper bag over his head. He walks up to Carson.) “Hey, pal, you don’t think they know it’s me do you?”

(Carson rolls his eyes) “No, never. So you want to be in a boy band?”

“What?! Nooooooooo! Not another one! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!” (He runs off stage crying and screaming like a little girl)

(Carson gives a stressed look and then proceeds to introduce his new contestant) “OK, next we have Lance from *Nsync. He hails from, ummm, you probably already know. He says he can’t stand the remarks about him being gay, so he’s auditioning for the new boy band. OK, come on out!”

(Lance walks out looking annoyed) “Was that ‘Come on out!’ thing supposed to be a joke? Cause you’re not funny Carson! I’ll kill you. Just, first I need some liquor, then I’ll kill you. Slowly and painfully. No wait- I’ll do it now!!!! (Lance runs over and starts bitch slapping Carson) The security guards have to carry him off stage.

“Thank you very much” (Carson utters something under his breath) “Spice girl wannna be.
Anyway, next we have- oh god no, not another one. You know what? I can’t take this any more.... I *&%^%$ quit! Take that Mtv! (Carson runs off the stage screaming and you hear some slapping. The camera zooms in on another part of the desert and you see Carson slapping Lance.)

BACK STAGE (Joey is balancing a bowl of Jello on his lap and brushing his hair.) None of those girls will be able to resist a guy with Jello. I’m hot, I’m sexy, I’m da mackiest Mack daddy there has ever been! I’m king! (He makes a growling noise and paws the air as he jumps up. And as he jumps up Jello spills all over him) Oh man.........

(You see Justin with his head in a bowl of bleach) Gurgle sloppppppp* (He pulls his head out and his hair is practically white.) Dats da last time I’s take a beauty tip from Lance. Momieeeeeee!!!!!! (Justin runs off crying and his hair is falling off leaving a path of curls behind him.)

(I step on the small stage and hype the crowd) “When I say N you say SYNC, come, come, come on! Dance, Dance!!!!!! OK, so basically this is at and end. Nuttin’ to see here, nada.. Bye, bye, bye. Show’s over. WAIT!!!! What happened to JC?

(The scene changes to a street corner in Philadelphia) So you see kids, don’t do drugs! Do you want to end up like me?! Here’s $20 thanks for listening to me. I’ve done my good deed! Now it’s time to go shoot up......

OK, OK, now it’s.........

THE END

What was that crap?
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