Silence of the Night
If you look at the time htis is posted you will see that this really is being written in the darkest hour of the night. Just since yesterday afternoon I have developed a cough, and it is painful. Although the thermometer says I do not have a fever, I feel as if my condition is worsening. As I was laying in bed trying not to wake the rest of the family with my coughing, some verses came to mind. And some words of encouragement and instruction that seem to be from the Lord. After reading the Blog of Bryan Davis this week, I am emboldened to share these insights with any who might wish to spend the time reading.

I've been teaching the children to memorize Psalm 23. And the message in this is foundational to the thoughts of my night. That message being "The lord is with me". And we read from 2 Corinthians chapter 4 yesterday also. And again the message was repeated, (sumarized) that no matter what hardships or ailments we endure, if we have Christ then we are not alone. We can not be beaten. For He has already won the battle. And I know that I can endure this sickness, because the Lord is with me. And I know He can take it from me at any moment, or that he can abide with me for the duration - whichever will result in the greatest glory for God. I believe it is possible that I might suffer through the trials of my life for the benefit of others. Either so that they will come to believe through the example of my faith, or so that I might encourage them through the troubles of their own even as the Bible commands us to encourage and comfort one another. I don't have a Biblical verse to support this one thought, that the time of my healing might be dependant on another to submit their heart to the Lord and proclaim their faith in Jesus, but I have this feeling that it may be so. But I do know this, that the rest of the world puts their hopes in falsehoods and lies, and they wonder why things keep going wrong and never seem to go right, and they wrongly blame God for their hardships when they never put their faith in God to help them to begin with. But "they that hope in the Lord shall renew their strength..." Isaiah 40:31 and I know that "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 Most people leave off that very important last half of the sentence, they don't want to acknowledge that there are strings attached to this promise. Two strings that I can see, 1 that we must love God (not just acknowledge that He exists, and even beyond having faith in his power, but love Him!), and 2 that we must be answering His call for the purpose of our lives - we must be following His will, not our own desires. If these two criteria have not been met, then all things may not work together for good. They may work together for evil, instead.

And it is for this reason that we each must "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak." Ephesians 6:11-20

And while we continue to fight the battle for the rescue of the lost souls on this Earth, we can take courage that the final battle has already been won. Christ won that victory for us when he broke the chains of death and returned to life, when he made himself as the final sacrifice so that we no longer have to be seperated from God but can fall at His feet, and and call him Father, Daddy, Pappa, in the greek "Abba Father". God is with us. That is what Immanuel means, God is with us. Jesus came to Earth to repair the fracture in our relationship with God that happened when Adam and Eve broke that trust, fell prey to sin and were cast out of the garden of eden. God always makes a way for us to come to Him, but we have to walk the path.

Anyway, as the honey tea is calming my cough while I write this (and most assuredly the Holy Spirit is helping also!) I pray that these words will touch someone, and be an encouragement to you, wherever you are while you are reading this. I know that whether my cough goes away by morning and I have to return to my regular duties as wife and mother, or whether it turns into deadly pneumonia, that either way God will be with me. And because I do Love the Lord, and I am trying very hard to obey Him and trying to use my talents for His glory, that whatever happens will work out for good, for His glory, in the end. If by my suffering this cough would bring one person to Jesus who may not otherwise have come to him, or if it hastens the decision of one who might have otherwise delayed turning their life over to God, or if by this experience I am able someday to encourage or comfort another person as a result and bring them new hope, then it will be okay. For I know that God is with me, and He comforts me, and I will fear no evil. For greater is He that is within me, than He that is in the world.

God bless you, and may HE grant you peace.

Cloudy
Mood:  don't ask
I feel sick.

I went back to bed after my husband left for work, (something I almost never do because I have nightmares) and the kids came in a while later to inform me that it was time to get up. I feel like I could sleep through the whole day, and wish that I could try. But Mom's aren't allowed to be sick. Everyone else gets to stay in bed when they feel sick, but Moms have to cook meals and tend kids no matter how they feel.

Foggy with a forecast of part sun
I feel really sleepy today. Tea is doing nothing to wake me up. Made pancakes for breakfast, but that didn't help energize me either. Another 6 or 8 hours of sleep sounds nice. Not gonna happen though.

We only have 2 chapters left in the 2nd book of the Dragons In Our Midst series, and we havne't bought the 3rd book yet! And the 4th one doesn't come out until November! I'm going to go insane! (Yes, short trip, I know... I've been there before.) The point being that they are very good books and I wish the publishers would hurry up with the printing of the 4th book. I'm very worried there is going to be a 5th one after that which we will have to wait another year for or something. That would be torture...

I've about given up on the Harry Potter books ever being finished. I can't even remember the details anymore, it's been too long. Both series are very good though, and about equivalent for captivation, reading level and similar fantasy genre. Highly reccomended!

I've added some new links to the sidebar the past few days. Some people have emailed me about various topics, so I've attemped to include the links to resources here when possible. The Punch! Professional software is the program that I used to draw the house plans with. Bible Gateway is an excellent Bible search tool, as well as councelling books resource. Milkshape is the program that I use to draw the 3D models for the game. The SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) is a Multi-national organization that studies Medieval era history and meets together for celebrations, demonstrations and re-enactments. We are friends with the creator of the RPG Claymore! and have played the game with him. He has put years of work into it's development and the game is well organized and fun to play. If you're looking for a Christian based alternative to D&D then give Claymore! a try.

If you're looking for educational resources, for homeschooling or otherwise, I've included a few of my favorites. This is by no means an exhaustive list (indeed, I could fill an entire page with just links on educational resources!) but is a good starting point. If you are interested in science, and looking for simple but fun activities you can do with common household items, I highly reccomend joining Robert Krampf's mailing list for *Experiment of the Week*. If you have any science related questions, he does also answer his emails. We're going to do a crystal growth experiment using a Rock Candy recipe he developed.

And now RL is commanding my attention. So I must post this before it is lost. Blessings to you all.

Liquid sunshine
Indeed, today is overcast with spatterings of liquid sunshine breaking through. (Otherwise known as rain.) Good day to stay indoors, drink hot tea, and read a book.

Which is exactly what we'll be doing today, since the children are sick. My youngest is having asthma to go along with her cough and congestion, she's having a rough time of it. But she's a trooper, and we have modern medicine to help her, so we'll be ok. The boys have a cough and congestion too, but thankfully they don't have the complication of asthma. Why is it that some people just seem more suceptible to illness in general, and some are effected by it more strongly? Even people within the same family.

If I get some time, I'll work on my 3D model again today. But the one I'm working on is one that I want to keep secret until the players discover it all on their own in the game experience. I might be able to show some older models I've already completed for the game though, if anyone is interested in seeing screenshots. So far all I have drawn is animals.

We are still hoping to find a couple more people with talents in animation, and interface before we spend time working on the human models, for technical reasons. It's hard to find people willing to work for free though, and we don't have any funding to pay salaries. And we can't get loans because we have no revenue with which we could make monthly payments prior to release of the game. So, we just keep on, and keep praying, and understand that progress will be slow for a while, until we can get some of the major obstacles cleared out. We'll get there though. I always feel at peace, like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, when I'm working on the game. So until God completely closes the door and opens no others, I will keep persuing this goal.

overcast
Well, I actually got up showered and dressed, and got breakfast done an hour before church starts. However it seems that 2 or possibly 3 of the children are sick with a croupy kinda sounding cough, so we won't be going to church today after all. They are watching SuperBook and Flying House videos instead.

We're having Chai tea with BBQ smokies and hot biscuits for breakfast. Probably won't go out or do much today. Hubby and the kids have a science experiment with crystals planned for the morning. I'm sure a session of WOW will happen at some point in time.

I finished the drawing of the Eagle for my Grandma a couple days ago. I think it turned out pretty well. There were lots of delays and interruptions while making, which is why it took so long. I hope she likes it. Here is a digital image of the drawing (reduced size and resolution in hopes that it will load faster) in case anyone might be interested in seeing it.

The evening is winding down. I'm letting my son make pancakes for supper. The youngest one thinks this is a marvelous exciting thing, the middle son is throwing a fit because people aren't supposed to eat pancakes for SUPPER (he wanted pasta instead) and my oldest is getting to the age where he is just glad we're serving food again. :P

I had a real nice visit with the man who owns the frame shop today, and an artist friend of his who entered the store while I was there also. They offered some good advice and a few tips on where to go to ask if my pictures can be displayed in their businesses. Now I just have to figure out how to afford frames, as they can not be on display without a frame. He said he liked my drawings. The encouragement was nice.

(Written the evening of the 23rd, posted the morning of the 24th)

ruined
Mood:  sad
I made a heartbreaking discovery today. The drawing of my daughter that I did 3 years ago, where I drew her face and then added elven ears, long hair and fairy wings.... It has been lost for 2 years. I finally foudn it today. With some mysterious black substance, possibly printer ink or finger paint, smudged on it. It is ruined. Just as someone was actually interested in looking at my work. :( With every moment of joy or hope seems to come a double serving of anguish or disaster. I feel like I can not win.

I was reminded of the verse in Matthew chapter 6 that says, basically, do not treasure the things of this world, where moths and rust destroy. But store up your treasures in heaven. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (I didn't look up the exact translation, you may do so if you wish.) I do know and beleive that God knows our needs and will provide for us, because we have asked him to. And I am trying to use my talents for His glory. Perhaps I am doing it all wrong... I don't know. I can't seem to get it right. I just feel discouraged today. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.

Cloudy
Looks like more busyness is in store for the day. Things to do, places to go. Perhaps I will hear back from one of the people I called yesterday about creating Lithographs of my drawings, or about having them displayed on consignment in a gallery. What I wish I had been able to learn in college, that I don't even know if any classes taught such a thing, was how to break into the artists market. I can draw, but I don't know how to attract buyers for my work. Who buys pencil drawings?

But today started out with donuts and chai tea. So it can't all be bad right? I should take my vitamins too, so hopefully I won't feel so sleepy all day.

Yesterday I took the kids out for a drive. And while I did find some construction sites, I couldn't tell where they were throwing their scrap wood. It all looked mixed together with the good wood, I don't know how the workers can find their new wood when it's all piled together with the scraps like that... but either way, I didn't want to take something that wasn't acceptable, so just decided not to try that for now. And then we went for a drive up the mountain, looked at some truly gorgeous properties. And some places back there were thickly wooded enough that it looked much like Idaho. Beautiful.

It's been brewing for a while I suppose, but yesterday it hit me full force and once again I started wishing for a bigger house so each of the kids could have their own room, and a place in the country so I can have the farm animals I want. And so I came home to see if there were any 5+ bedroom houses for sale around here. I found three 6 bedroom houses and one 8 bedroom house listed. Two of the 6 bedroom and the 8 bedroom houses were all in town on smaller lots, for nearly $300k. The one I wanted the most was the 6 bedroom house on 53 acres in the country, but it was $580k. That's not gonna happen any time soon! :( If ever. And then the other houses of similar size for sale were $700-999k Totally and completely beyond my faintest dreams.

So, here we are in our small house, living our small lives. And my brain is back to arguing with itself about how I should be grateful for what I have, and how at least this house is bigger than the 2 bedroom apartment we lived in before we moved here, and how many people in the world are less fortunate than us. And it's hard to listen to all those arguments when I see what seem slike veryone I know in bigger houses with more land or better features than what we have. And I know I'm being selfish, so I have to just stop, and give it to God. It's hard to keep from wanting what I can not have.

Ah well, dreams are exersice for the imagination, right? Back to my fantasy land... I have a model to work on this morning, as well as everything else on my schedule for the afternoon.

Blue skies & sunshine
Mood:  not sure
Well today is starting off a bit dissapointing. Tried to make camping reservations for August and the entire month is already booked at the campground I wanted to go to. Apparently we have to plan our August camping trip 9 months beforehand to get the place we want. Now I have to decide if I want to go someplace else or just skip it alltogether.

I had an idea this morning for a possibility of creating space in the playroom so that we can convert it into a bedroom (or restore it to it's intended purpose anyway). Of course, it still involves spending money on brackets and latches, and rollers, which is exactly why I haven't gotten Kaiya's Christmas present finished yet, we never have money for the hardware I need to fasten it all together. So I may not be able to carry through with this idea either, I don't know. But it seems we will never be able to afford $200 for store-bought storage units, and I'm trying to figure out some reasonable ideas. I built a chicken house out of scrap lumber, I don't see why I couldn't build toy boxes out of it also? Just needs to be sturdy enough and safe enough for the children. Anyway, I haven't figured it all out yet. Still need to do some planning.

We went to Wilco yesterday and looked at the baby birds they had in. The little Chukar Partridge chicks are the cutest things ever!! They're so tiny you could stand one on a quarter (if you could get it to stand still HAHA) and so fluffy and busy, running around looking curious, and hiding under the few little evergreen branches the store people had put in there for them. The black ducks were adorable also, I really wanted to bring them home with me. I know we can't until we get a house in the country (IF we ever get a house in the country) but they were very cute and I would love to raise them up and set them loose in our back yard. :) I'm sure the kids would love to make a pond for them, and probably go swimming with them in it as well.

Well, I've been AFK for over an hour now. Life is demanding my attention again, so I may as well just stop here. Can't remeber what else I might have been going to say anyway. Blessings to you all.

One more bit of trivial fantasy...
Just wanted to add that a few days ago (Thursday I think it was?) when I finally put the roof on my imaginary house, I also redesigned the ground floor to include a guest room. This caused the Theatre (private livingroom) to be somewhat smaller also, as it donated some space to that purpose, but also gained a closet in the process. (Something I struggle against continuously in this small house we live in is that there is never anywhere to PUT anything! So frustrating to not have enough closet space, and shelving space. So in my dream home I want at least 1 closet for every room! Can never have too many closets!) Anyway... here it is, including with a 3-D view of the house from the front entry. The Office entry is on the same side of the house as the garage doors. This is of course on an imaginary property so no sidewalks or city streets or other things have been included in the design as I have no way of knowing where those would be if we ever actually had a chance to build this. (HAHA - if you're gonna dream, dream big, right?) Anyway, without further adieu... here it is.