The evening is winding down. I'm letting my son make pancakes for supper. The youngest one thinks this is a marvelous exciting thing, the middle son is throwing a fit because people aren't supposed to eat pancakes for SUPPER (he wanted pasta instead) and my oldest is getting to the age where he is just glad we're serving food again. :P

I had a real nice visit with the man who owns the frame shop today, and an artist friend of his who entered the store while I was there also. They offered some good advice and a few tips on where to go to ask if my pictures can be displayed in their businesses. Now I just have to figure out how to afford frames, as they can not be on display without a frame. He said he liked my drawings. The encouragement was nice.

(Written the evening of the 23rd, posted the morning of the 24th)

ruined
Mood:  sad
I made a heartbreaking discovery today. The drawing of my daughter that I did 3 years ago, where I drew her face and then added elven ears, long hair and fairy wings.... It has been lost for 2 years. I finally foudn it today. With some mysterious black substance, possibly printer ink or finger paint, smudged on it. It is ruined. Just as someone was actually interested in looking at my work. :( With every moment of joy or hope seems to come a double serving of anguish or disaster. I feel like I can not win.

I was reminded of the verse in Matthew chapter 6 that says, basically, do not treasure the things of this world, where moths and rust destroy. But store up your treasures in heaven. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (I didn't look up the exact translation, you may do so if you wish.) I do know and beleive that God knows our needs and will provide for us, because we have asked him to. And I am trying to use my talents for His glory. Perhaps I am doing it all wrong... I don't know. I can't seem to get it right. I just feel discouraged today. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.

Cloudy
Looks like more busyness is in store for the day. Things to do, places to go. Perhaps I will hear back from one of the people I called yesterday about creating Lithographs of my drawings, or about having them displayed on consignment in a gallery. What I wish I had been able to learn in college, that I don't even know if any classes taught such a thing, was how to break into the artists market. I can draw, but I don't know how to attract buyers for my work. Who buys pencil drawings?

But today started out with donuts and chai tea. So it can't all be bad right? I should take my vitamins too, so hopefully I won't feel so sleepy all day.

Yesterday I took the kids out for a drive. And while I did find some construction sites, I couldn't tell where they were throwing their scrap wood. It all looked mixed together with the good wood, I don't know how the workers can find their new wood when it's all piled together with the scraps like that... but either way, I didn't want to take something that wasn't acceptable, so just decided not to try that for now. And then we went for a drive up the mountain, looked at some truly gorgeous properties. And some places back there were thickly wooded enough that it looked much like Idaho. Beautiful.

It's been brewing for a while I suppose, but yesterday it hit me full force and once again I started wishing for a bigger house so each of the kids could have their own room, and a place in the country so I can have the farm animals I want. And so I came home to see if there were any 5+ bedroom houses for sale around here. I found three 6 bedroom houses and one 8 bedroom house listed. Two of the 6 bedroom and the 8 bedroom houses were all in town on smaller lots, for nearly $300k. The one I wanted the most was the 6 bedroom house on 53 acres in the country, but it was $580k. That's not gonna happen any time soon! :( If ever. And then the other houses of similar size for sale were $700-999k Totally and completely beyond my faintest dreams.

So, here we are in our small house, living our small lives. And my brain is back to arguing with itself about how I should be grateful for what I have, and how at least this house is bigger than the 2 bedroom apartment we lived in before we moved here, and how many people in the world are less fortunate than us. And it's hard to listen to all those arguments when I see what seem slike veryone I know in bigger houses with more land or better features than what we have. And I know I'm being selfish, so I have to just stop, and give it to God. It's hard to keep from wanting what I can not have.

Ah well, dreams are exersice for the imagination, right? Back to my fantasy land... I have a model to work on this morning, as well as everything else on my schedule for the afternoon.

Blue skies & sunshine
Mood:  not sure
Well today is starting off a bit dissapointing. Tried to make camping reservations for August and the entire month is already booked at the campground I wanted to go to. Apparently we have to plan our August camping trip 9 months beforehand to get the place we want. Now I have to decide if I want to go someplace else or just skip it alltogether.

I had an idea this morning for a possibility of creating space in the playroom so that we can convert it into a bedroom (or restore it to it's intended purpose anyway). Of course, it still involves spending money on brackets and latches, and rollers, which is exactly why I haven't gotten Kaiya's Christmas present finished yet, we never have money for the hardware I need to fasten it all together. So I may not be able to carry through with this idea either, I don't know. But it seems we will never be able to afford $200 for store-bought storage units, and I'm trying to figure out some reasonable ideas. I built a chicken house out of scrap lumber, I don't see why I couldn't build toy boxes out of it also? Just needs to be sturdy enough and safe enough for the children. Anyway, I haven't figured it all out yet. Still need to do some planning.

We went to Wilco yesterday and looked at the baby birds they had in. The little Chukar Partridge chicks are the cutest things ever!! They're so tiny you could stand one on a quarter (if you could get it to stand still HAHA) and so fluffy and busy, running around looking curious, and hiding under the few little evergreen branches the store people had put in there for them. The black ducks were adorable also, I really wanted to bring them home with me. I know we can't until we get a house in the country (IF we ever get a house in the country) but they were very cute and I would love to raise them up and set them loose in our back yard. :) I'm sure the kids would love to make a pond for them, and probably go swimming with them in it as well.

Well, I've been AFK for over an hour now. Life is demanding my attention again, so I may as well just stop here. Can't remeber what else I might have been going to say anyway. Blessings to you all.

One more bit of trivial fantasy...
Just wanted to add that a few days ago (Thursday I think it was?) when I finally put the roof on my imaginary house, I also redesigned the ground floor to include a guest room. This caused the Theatre (private livingroom) to be somewhat smaller also, as it donated some space to that purpose, but also gained a closet in the process. (Something I struggle against continuously in this small house we live in is that there is never anywhere to PUT anything! So frustrating to not have enough closet space, and shelving space. So in my dream home I want at least 1 closet for every room! Can never have too many closets!) Anyway... here it is, including with a 3-D view of the house from the front entry. The Office entry is on the same side of the house as the garage doors. This is of course on an imaginary property so no sidewalks or city streets or other things have been included in the design as I have no way of knowing where those would be if we ever actually had a chance to build this. (HAHA - if you're gonna dream, dream big, right?) Anyway, without further adieu... here it is.

Overcast with intermittent rain
Mood:  rushed
Had a busy weekend, that ushered in a busy Monday, possibly foreshadowing a busy week ahead. That remains to be seen...

Saturday I skipped my Mom's meeting in order to stay and visit with my Aunt & Uncle who arrived early that morning. They had brought 2 more computers down for my Hubby to fix, and to pick up the others they had left a couple weeks before. He was able to fix all 5 of my Aunt & Uncle's computers, some of which they had been told by other computer repair men that they were unfixable. My hubby knows his stuff! At least one of their computers was supposed to be a "top of the line" computer that was custom built for them - what they actually got was a bunch of leftover junk from someone's garage looked like. So sad that people will prey on other people like wolves to a lamb. Anyway, we fixed their computers, and they took our family out to lunch, and it all worked out pretty well in the end.

Then Sunday I took the children to church, came home, relaxed most of the afternoon playing WOW. I got so sleepy I couldn't hold my eyes open and took a nap even. Though I still woke up feeling panicked with nightmares. That's why I don't usually take naps. Our son made it back from his trip safe and sound, and we all enjoyed the evening playing computer games and resting. I made home-made chicken soup for supper and hot tea to drink to try and fend off the feeling that I was coming down with the Strep Throat my husband is just recovering from. Seems to have helped, I feel better today.

Then this morning I launched another attack against the perpetual ant invasion. We spread Diatomaceous Earth all around the outside of the house over the weekend. And this morning I mopped the kitchen and hallway with pure chlorine bleach to try and eliminate their trails and discourage them from wanting to come back in. *I* don't even want to be in my house when the bleach is burning my lungs, hopefully the ants will stay away. I'm tired of defending my home against the invading armies, it is continuously frustrating and aggrivating on a discouraging and demoralizing level.

At some point I'm going to have to tackle the task of re-designing my website also. It's terribly neglected and most of the pages have not been updated in a couple years. The menu page is a mess, and I need to work on some new content as well. I might just start over from scratch and trash the rest of it. Haven't really decided yet. We are also debating as to how much information to release about the game we are working on, and how much to preserve until we get something produced that is closer to a beta release version of the game. You'll know what we decide when I finally create and publish the web page for that. ;)

Anyway, I guess that's about all for now. I have kids to teach, and errands to run, and things to do. Hope you all have a wonderful week!

Sprinkling
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Give them all to Jesus (by Evie)
Why is it that despite your best efforts to set forth a plan for the day, with specific goals to accomplish, that some mornings when you get up the devil sideswipes before you're even fully awake? He has a way of turning the slightest little oversight into a complete emotional breakdown, fully crushing any will to succeed you might have had just moments before. I hate days that start out like this. I feel like I have no control over my circumstances whatsoever, and I just want to give up, lay down and die.

Dear God, I pray that will send Your angels to protect me against further attacks against my spirit, and that You will grant me wisdom and strength to do the things I need to do, and the courage to do them. Help me to overcome my emotional weaknesses, and heal my wounds. And as always, I pray that You will bless my family and friends everywhere. Amen.

Another overcast day
Mood:  not sure
Hubby is home sick again today. He is still running a fever intermittently and he says his throat feels like he swallowed glass. He is very very sick. We're taking him to the Dr. this afternoon. Payday is probably going to be tight because he doesn't have any sick leave. But there is no choice in the matter, I would rather have him home and getting well than working himself to death. If this turns out to be strep, I was reading last night that if it goes untreated it turns into Rheumatic Fever, so he definitely needs to see the Dr. today. Thankfully he let me make the appointment for him without any argument on the matter.

I never put the roof on the house plans I drew yesterday. Got distracted with other things instead. I did write some more notes for my game though. I got some new ideas that, if we can implement them properly, I think will create opportunities to involve the whole family in the gaming experience. I want to reach beyond the mainstream target audience of teenage boys - I want my game to appeal to men, women, and families as well. A lot of games on the market today say that they are games "for everyone", but really they are still targeting that 16-25 male audience. I want my game to be "for everyone ELSE". The hard core FPS hack & slash gamer may not like my game. But I believe there is a huge untapped audience out there that wants to play games, but nothing out there meets their needs. I know I'm one of those people myself. I want to make a game that's fun for the rest of us... and hopefully still captivating enough to draw in a few family members of the other genre. Although it isn't going to be a hack & slash game so obviously some are not going to like it, and that's just the way it's going to have to be. There are 100 titles or more on store shelves for the gore & violence FPS players. There needs to be something out there for gamers like us too, who like action and adventure, interpersonal relationships, exploration and discovery, a sence of impending danger without having to actually face it on a constant second by second basis. And that when we do face danger, it isn't always about collecting "uber gear" to triumph over the enemy, but perhaps more about having clever wits, and increased knowledge.

Anyway... maybe someday my game will be done. If we can ever get enough time to work on it. At this rate it may take 10-15 years. It would be nice if we had some funding for developing the game so that we could focus our work on it full time. It's hard to make progress with $0 funding, no support, and only a dwindling handful of volunteers to work on it. We all have to tend to everything else in our lives first, many days there is no time left for working on the game after we've done everything else. At least my husband is able to keep our computers running well, and our network functioning smoothly. I do appreciate that he does that for us, and that he does it so well.

Well, I've been typing for about 15 minutes now. Guess I better go get a cup of tea or something. And try to figure out what I can feed my family for breakfast that won't hurt Hubby's throat.
Not sure if we have any Malt-o-meal or not...

Bonjour! Aloha! Hasta luego! Auf wiederzehan! Chus! Das Vedanya! And all that...

Damp, Dark & Dreary
Mood:  caffeinated
I'm losing count of the days, I think I missed posting here on Monday. Monday's are difficult. And I was very sleepy, a little irritable, and doubt I would have said anything particularly insightful anyway. I spent the day playing with my Punch! Pro home design program, daydreaming about a wonderful home+office that would be fun to build. Complete with space for Company offices and a conference room. I did some touchups on it this morning, and I'm fairly happy with the floorplan now. I need to put the roof on it today, so it will look nice in the 3-D fly through.

I took my youngest to the Dr. yesterday for a rash, and today my husband is home sick with the flu. He had a fever all night, and has a sore throat this morning. :( I hope we aren't in for another month or two of illnesses around here. Expect delays and gaps between entries, as the distraction of tending my sick family causes me to lose track of time.

Sleepy, damp, rainy, dreary day today. Good day to stay indoors with a cup of tea and read stories or draw.

Day 4
My daughter is sick, so we aren't going to church today, in hopes of preventing the spread of infection. So instead I added some links and experimented with the versatility of editing my page appearance. Hope you have fun exploring the trail of links...