Q: What kind of lights did they use on the Ark?
A: Flood lights.
Q: Who was the worst man in the Bible?
A: Moses - he broke all the Ten Commandments at once (when he threw down the tablets!)
In sunday school, the teacher asked, "Who can tell the story of Adam and Eve?" A child raised her hand and said, "First of all God created Adam. Then he looked at Adam and thought, 'I think I can do better. I'll try again.' "So," said the child, "He created Eve."
Anton was asked by his father what he learned in sunday school. "Well, dad," said Anton, "it was great. The teacher told us about when God sent Moses behind the enemy line to rescue the Israelites from Egyptyan slavery. Well, when they came to the Red Sea, Moses called for some engineers to build a pontoon bridge. After the Jews had all crossed, they looked back and saw the Egyptian tanks comming. Moses contacted headquarters by his walkie-talkie to send bombers to destroy the bridge and saved the Isrealites." "Wait a minute, Anton," said his father. "Is that really what your teacher told you?" "Not exactly," Anton admitted, "but if I told it my teacher's way, you won't believe it."
An elderly Jew on a trip was suddenly taken sick and admitted to a Catholic hospital for surgery. The nun who was doing the paperwork asked who would pay the bill. "Well," said the Jew, "My only living relative is my sister, but she is an old maid who converted to Catholicism and now is a nun." "Wait a minute!" said the hospital nun. "We nuns are not only maids. We are brides of Christ." "Oh, fine," smiled the old man. "In that case, send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Johnny was going off to church one morning with several of his friends. His mother gave him two nickles, "One for you and one for God," she said. As Johnny and his friends walked along, He was flipping a nickel up in the air and catching it, over and over. Finally, one time he missed it and it rolled down a sewer. "Oops!" he said. "There goes God's nickel!"
At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a chruch meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decission, and that is why I am a rich man today." He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you to do it again."