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"…And then, the man claims that he's been experiencing dizzy spells, and has been blacking out. He is positive that he has a brain tumor of some sort, and wants me to operate. I couldn't find any signs of anything abnormal, so I was just going to give him a tonic Preston stocks for ladies who swoon, until he buttons his shirt collar. I tell you, I have never seen a tighter fit! Immediately, his neck turns this odd shade of purple, and it begins creeping up his throat. In a few moments, he starts to sway, so I quickly unbuttoned the collar, and he was fine. Well, once I give him the diagnosis of "tightus-collarae" and prescribe a good tailor, he was cured. The ironic part is that he still wants the tonic, and he wants to come back for a complete physical to ensure that the lack of blood flow didn't do any permanent damage! I guess he didn't believe my diagnosis, because he told me in no uncertain terms that he's always worn a size sixteen neck. For twenty years, that is all he has worn. I think that the one thing he failed to consider was that he may have gained a little weight here and there in those two decades!" Laughing, I looked at Andrew warily as he pulled to a stop in front of the clinic. "Are you sure?" I asked. The story seemed too bizarre to even believe! "Of course I'm sure. You don't believe me?" he asked with a grin "I don't know," I giggled. "Yes. I'm positive," he repeated with laugh. "If you're sure, I guess it's true. Andrew, I had a wonderful time. Thank you," I said as he helped me down. "I'm glad. I did too. Perhaps I can take you up on your chess challenge before you leave," he replied. I smiled. "I'd like that. I'll see you soon, then." "Soon," he echoed with a grin. "Well, I'd better be going." "Me too. 'Bye, Andrew, and thank you again!" "Goodbye, Colleen." I watched him drive away, before turning to go into the clinic. "Hey Ma!" I called happily. She turned around to face me. "Colleen, I'm glad you're back," she said. I was looking on her desk for the bracelet, so I didn't see the serious expression that matched the tone in her voice. "Have you seen my bracelet? I've decided what I'm going to do." "I wanted to talk to you about it." At this I looked up. She had an odd look on her face, the same look she gave one of us if she was upset over a choice we had made. I must have looked confused, because she continued. "There's something I feel you should know about Mr. Collins?" "What do you mean?" "Matthew sent an inquiry to Denver." "An inquiry?" "It seems that Mr. Collins does not run a company for his father. In fact, he just recently bankrupted a small business that his father gave him." This news was a shock. So there WAS another side to Patrick Collins! My instincts about him had been right! Still, it was hard to believe that it was Matthew who had found this out. "I can't believe Matthew would sneak around behind my back," I commented, a little annoyed at my older brother's actions. I could see Ma stiffen. "I wouldn't call it sneaking, Colleen," she said in an equally annoyed tone. "What would you call it?" I asked, growing a bit angrier. "Concern for his sister. I have to admit, I feel the same concern." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Two hours earlier, MA had been the one telling me that I needed to make my own choices, implying that I was adult enough to handle this issue without assistance. Now, she and Matthew felt it necessary once again to step in to correct some aspect of my life, one that I though really didn't concern them now! "You told me to decide for MYSELF how I felt about Mr. Collins. Then, you just CHECK up on him with out even telling me? You need to trust me to make the right decisions on my own!" I cried. "Colleen, this is not about trusting you…" Ma began, but I cut her off before she could finish. "This is exactly what it is about!" With that, I stormed out of the clinic. I turned toward the alley between the Gazette and the clinic, when I caught a glimpse of Patrick Collins walking toward me. "Colleen," he greeted with an uneven, almost forced smile. "Mr. Collins," I said, a bit flustered at his sudden appearance. I didn't really want to face him now, but since he was here, I might as well take advantage of my anger to correct the situation. "Please…I told you to call me Patrick. I've been waiting to see you all afternoon," he replied. His tone was a little accusatory, which I found odd. I was in no mood to provide an explanation, so I just ignored it and pressed on with what I wanted to say, phrasing it carefully. "Patrick, I've been doing some thinking lately, and I've just been a little confused these last few days." "No, don't be confused," he interjected reassuringly. I disregarded this as well, because he had used this ploy once before to get me to agree. "I'm going to ask you not to call on me anymore," I finished. The statement struck him hard. Restraining his anger, he repeated, "Not to call on you." "I know you'll respect my wishes," I said softly. "I see." He took a few steps closer to me, so that I was almost pinned into the wall. "This…wouldn't have anything to do with your friend Andrew, would it?" he asked. "Well, as a matter of fact it does," I replied carefully, not knowing why he would ask me such a question. This was not going as I had intended. He sighed, and his voice took on the same sort of condescending tone it had earlier. "Colleen, I know your family wants you to marry safe, quiet, ordinary Andrew, but you'd never be satisfied with that kind of life." "Patrick," I said. I was shocked at how inappropriate his statements were! "You and I are passionate people, Colleen, who see what we want in life and go after it," he continued. "You don't love Andrew, Colleen, you love me. I can sense it." "Patrick, you're scaring me," I told him in a shaky voice. I looked around to see if there was anyone there who could help me, but we were alone. Suddenly, he clamped his hands around my face, and kissed me. Hard. I struggled to get away from him, but he was too strong. "Does Andrew make you feel like that?" he sneered as he came away from my mouth. "Mmm…LET ME GO!" I cried. I shoved at his shoulders and kicked his foot. He released me and I ran for the safety of the clinic. Somehow, Ma had materialized on the porch of the clinic just as I rushed up the steps. I suddenly realized that we had been close to one of the windows, and I prayed that she hadn't seen what had just happened. I was too embarrassed and ashamed to tell her anything. "Colleen, what is it?" she asked, concerned. "Nothing!" I said firmly, trying desperately to maintain an illusion of calmness. "Is it Mr. Collins?" I immediately though that she knew. "I don't want to talk about it," I replied, a little hysterically. I brushed by her, hurried upstairs and into Katie's nursery. The curtains were drawn for Katie's nap, but she was still awake and pulled herself up into a standing position when I came in. "Up?" she said hopefully. That did it. For some reason, my sister's sweet, innocent words were the action that started the tears rolling down my face. I scooped her up, unfastened and pulled my cloak off with one hand, got a blanket and sank into the rocker with her cradled in my arms. Katie felt my tears, and reached up with a tiny hand. "'Leen, no cry. Happy. Sing?" she said sleepily. Katie still felt feverishly warm from her croup, so I reached for the wet cloth on the table next to me and sponged her face. I heard Ma's voice drift upstairs. "Colleen, I'm leaving. Will you still watch the clinic and Katie? I'll be gone for a few hours." I took a deep breath, calming myself. "Yes Ma!" I called back in a fairly normal-sounding tone. I heard the door close and turned my attention back to Katie. I couldn't think of any songs. The one thing that came to mind was a poem that Becky had taught me, so I rocked back and forth with her and recited softly," "For there is no friend like a sister In calm and stormy weather; To cheer on one the tedious way, To fetch one if one goes astray, To lift one if one totters down, To strengthen whilst one stands." (-Sisters, Christina Rossetti) Katie fell asleep. I rocked her for awhile even as she slept, finding her presence in my arms very calming. Finally, I stood carefully and placed her gently in the crib. For the rest of the afternoon, I tried desperately to have at least an outward semblance of calm. Ma and I were speaking, but barely. I was angry with her, angry with Matthew, but most of all, I was ashamed with myself. Why hadn't I been a better judge of character? I kept remembering the absolute terror I felt when Patrick had cornered me that afternoon, and the journal entry I had made that morning comparing him to my own father. His dual personality had shown itself in all its glory that afternoon, and I was terrified of what might happen next, if anything. Somehow, though I managed to get through the day. I saw a few patients with minor ailments and closed the clinic at five o'clock. Ma came back and told me she was having dinner with Dorothy, so I took Katie home. After making sure that every window and door were locked, I took some leftover chicken from the icebox, made a sauce, and layered it with the meat, some vegetables and some noodles and breadcrumbs before setting it in to bake. Matthew came home just as the casserole came out of the oven and announced that he needed to leave right after dinner because of some thing that Daniel needed help with. I served him his dinner, and he ate in the kitchen, gobbling it down along with a few biscuits, a cup of coffee and some of the stewed fruit I had heated up for Katie. He grabbed a piece of spice cake as well, and munched it as he went out the door. I fed Katie, ate a little myself, and gave her a bath. It was almost seven-thirty, and Ma still wasn't home yet. In a way, I was glad; being by myself was exactly what I wanted. I cleaned up the kitchen, read Katie a story and put her to bed after she had a little tepid willow-bark tea and a methanol rub to help her sleep. She fell asleep immediately. I was doing everything on auto-pilot. It was the only way I could function that night. I barely remembered what went on, but since no major disasters happened, I guessed that I was doing all right. After Katie was in bed, I went into my own room, lit the lamp and closed the door to get ready myself. I took off my dress and placed it and my petticoats, chemise, pantaloons and stockings in the dirty-clothes bag. I put my stays in a drawer and took my long-sleeved flannel nightgown off the hook in the armoire and quickly put it on along with my green woolen robe. I unpinned my hair, brushed it out, braided it and tied the end with a ribbon. Then, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to write in my journal, or read, or sew, or go to bed, but I had to do something. I opened a drawer and began pulling items out of it. Somehow, cleaning seemed to be the answer, so I decided to sort through all my old clothes, a task I hadn't done in awhile. I worked steadily, tossing old undergarments, unfashionable or too-small dresses, faded nightdresses and worn stockings into a pile on my bed. All of my newest things were at school, so I wanted to get rid of garments that I had been keeping at home which were no longer serviceable. (I kept all my good dresses at college, and wore older ones at home so my school clothes would last longer.) I hung up the dresses I wanted to keep neatly in my armoire, re-folded other things and placed them in my satchel to take back to school or in drawers. I cleaned off my dressing table, getting rid of old hair ribbons and broken trinkets. I re-organized everything else, and finally I was done. I was debating whether or not to go through things in Brian's room when there was a knock on my door. "Come in?" I said. Ma pushed the door open. "Colleen, I just wanted to tell you I'm home," she said. She looked at the bed. "What's that?" she asked. "Old clothes," I replied. She looked at me a bit oddly, but said nothing. "Well, I'm going to bed. Good night," she said. "Good night," I replied. She seemed as if she wanted to say more, but instead, she closed the door. I cleared off my bed, and pulled back the covers. Suddenly, finally, I was tired, and drifted off into a mercifully dreamless sleep. Andrew was in the best of tempers when he saw the rest of his patients after he got back. Things had gone quite well that afternoon. He felt so comfortable around Colleen, and she seemed to feel the same way around him. The picnic had been wonderful, and Colleen was such good company. She was so much fun to be with. Fun, intelligent, beautiful…he smiled at that thought, remembering the way the soft sunlight had hit that exquisite auburn hair of hers. It reminded him of the sun - fiery, but warm and soft. That was quite a good way to describe her as well. Her hair was a perfect contrast to her ivory skin and beautiful brown eyes. And her "rosy lips and cheeks" as Shakespeare so eloquently put it! She was just wonderful, plain and simple. Beautiful on the outside as well as on the inside. He found his thoughts traveling to other things about her, things and situations too improper even to mention. With a start, he realized something. He was in love. He LOVED Colleen. That's why his heart fluttered at the mere mention of her name, why he revealed things to her that he never told anyone else, why he had stayed in Colorado for two years, why he had been tied up in knots for the past two days! This was a revelation. He was in love. For the first time in twenty-five years, he was in love with someone. With a person so different from what he was used to that it took his breath away. Colleen Margaret Cooper. He had waited for someone like her all his life, and now that she was here, there was still a chance he could lose her. He could not let that happen, or he might as well rip his heart from his chest right now. * * * * * The next day dawned cloudy, so at least the weather matched my mood. Ma had already left for the clinic by the time I dragged myself out of bed around seven-thirty, but there was a short note on the table saying that Katie was home with me, and to come by the clinic anytime with her. I brought Katie downstairs, and discovered she was feeling much better. I made us some scrambled eggs, toast and stewed cherries for breakfast, dressed her warmly in a blue flannel dress, white stockings and boots, and set her in her playpen. I then donned my oldest dress and apron, tucked my hair back under a kerchief, and set to doing housework. Normally, I hated dusting, sweeping and scrubbing, but that morning i t was blessedly calming. I put on the laundry to wash outside before the rain started, and hung all the wet clothes inside. By the time the house was dusted and swept, the dishes washed and put away, the beds changed and the kitchen cleaned, I was hot, dirty, and tired, but at least in a more rational state of mind. Katie had happily played on her own all morning, but around noon, as I hung up the last of the laundry, she was looking a little bored. "Well, Miss Kitty-Kat-Katie-Love, thank you for being such a good little girl!" I cooed as I scooped her up in my arms and twirled around the greatroom with her. She squealed and clapped her hands. "Dance! 'Leen and Katie dance!" she sang happily. For the first time since yesterday, I laughed. "Well, Katie, Colleen is going to take a bath and change, we can have lunch and then go and see Ma!" I told her. After my bath, I took Katie up to my room with me while I changed into a black calico dress sprigged with pink and purple flowers, and trimmed in white lace. I coiled my hair into a figure-eight knot, tied the middle with a pink ribbon, and turned to Katie. "What do you think?" I asked. "Booful!" was her heartfelt reply. Dinner was the last of the casserole I had made, along with some leftover biscuits and the rest of the spice cake. I made a list of things we were running low on at home, fully intending to go to the mercantile when I got to town. I bundled Katie up warmly, and picked up my cloak. When I lifted it off the hook, I saw my burgundy one hanging beneath it and gave an involuntary shudder when I noticed a glint of gold hanging from the pocket. It was the bracelet. I picked it up, and turned it over and over in my hands. There was no denying that I had to do something. What was the only question. All the way into town, Katie kept up a happy monologue of chatter, but my good mood had vanished as soon as I had laid eyes on that bracelet. When I passed by the alleyway, I half-expected Patrick to jump out from behind the clinic. Obviously he didn't, but this had to stop. I had felt reasonably safe at home, but in town, I was fair game. I knew also that it would get worse when I left for Denver a few days later. While I was at home, at least, I knew most of the people, and knew that there was very little he could do to me in public. The possibilities were endless in Denver, however. This had to end before he or I left. I gave Katie to Ma, and after finding out that there was nothing that needed to be done, I went off on my own. I wandered out to the meadow, and finally ended up standing on the bridge that led to the church, staring at the small stream deep in thought.