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Andrew was staring at the wall, wondering why he felt like this, why another man showing affection to Colleen bothered him so deeply. For one thing, Colleen was special to him. They were more than friends…weren't they? He frowned. All his life, he had repressed his feelings. When his parents died, when he lost his best friend to deceit, whenever he felt anything, he hid it and kept a rational, analytical head. That was how he had been taught. His father had been the coolest, most emotionally detached person in the world, and Andrew felt it natural to emulate that. His uncle had shown more emotion, but by the time Andrew had picked up on it, it was too late to change old habits. And now, when he needed to sort out how he felt, he didn't know. He knew how to operate, how to save lives, how to act like a gentleman, but he had repressed the simplest human ability for so long that it failed to come to him. He cared about Colleen. It suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. He cared about her. More than a friend, more than a colleague. Cared about her. It was a start, at least. He smiled, feeling better than he had in days. Now, the problem. His smile vanished as he remembered how he had been acting around Colleen lately. Withdrawn, very withdrawn. No wonder she had taken an interest in Collins! Ever since their kiss over the summer, he had been very reluctant to show any kind of emotion toward her whatsoever. WHY?!!! Because Colleen had been reluctant too. He remembered when she had pulled away when he offered to stay at the clinic when Dr. Mike was out looking for Sully. Still, that was a insufficient excuse, he argued. She had been worried and confused, so his advances were not at the most convenient time! They had skirted around their feelings for EIGHT MONTHS now, or at least he had. Colleen had made a few attempts, in her own quiet way, in her own time. Timing. It was so off for them. He thought back to the times they had spent together since then. Thanksgiving had seemed very promising, especially when he was included in the family celebration. But, her best friend had just died. He still remembered holding her in his arms, trying to soothe away her sobs. She had turned to him. It was something. And then there were the other visits, the brief time they managed to see each other. There was always a sparkle in her eyes whenever they were together. They talked about anything and everything so easily, had so much in common. And the letters. He lived for her letters. They had been coming more and more frequently lately. Perhaps he had a chance… but he had to do something. Fast. An idea started to formulate. A good idea. If Collins could woo Colleen, then by Jove, so could he. He would do it in his own way, though. Genuinely. Mind made up, he went to start his plans. After the refreshments were gone, Dr. Mike cordially thanked Mr. Collins for a wonderful time, and took her leave, claiming that she needed to get back to the clinic. Matthew expressed similar sentiments, but I sensed that they were far from genuine. Mr. Collins invited me on a walk around the Chateau gardens, so they left Flash for me to take back to town, and left in the wagon. The cool breeze tugged gently at my skirt as we walked away from the Chateau, and, thankfully, Andrew's office. I still couldn't get the look he had earlier out of my mind. "I had a lovely time with your family. It's…important that they approve of me," he said, bringing me out of my thoughts. A bit confused, I replied, "What do you mean?" He gestured to the bench we had come upon. "Let's sit. This is for you," he replied, pulling a small velvet bag from his coat pocket. I immediately knew that it had to be some sort of jewelry. This was too much. It was time I spoke up, said something in the sense of propriety. A book was one thing, but jewelry? " Mr. Collins…" I began. "Patrick," he cut me off. "Please, it's time you called me Patrick." His tone was different, almost desperate, as if he was controlling…anger? I decided to play along. I opened the bag, and found a delicate gold link bracelet. "A bracelet? Patrick, I can't accept another gift. Especially one like this," I said softly, mustering all my courage. Somehow, my resolve weakened when he spoke again. "No, of course you can." Taking the bag and the bracelet from me, he removed my glove and slipped the gold circlet over my wrist. "I know we've only known each other for a short time, but my feelings for you are so…strong, and true. Colleen, I love you." "Love me," I repeated, not knowing quite what else to say. "And I know that if you search your heart, you'll see that we're meant to be together. Always." With that, he kissed my hand. I couldn't speak after that. A few moments later, he rose. "Colleen, I'm so sorry to leave you like this, but I'm afraid that I have some important business to attend to, and I really must go. I'll call on you some time this afternoon, huh? Why don't you run along, and I'll see you later," he said. I'm not sure just exactly what I replied, but it must have sounded like a language, because he smiled proudly at my compliance, and walked back toward the Chateau, leaving me, a gold bracelet and a maze of emotions sitting on the bench alone. I don't know how long I sat there before realizing how odd I must look sitting on a bench in the middle of nowhere, all dressed up and alone. Finally, I got up and walked back toward the stables where Flash was. I was still in a daze, so I went home, trying to figure out what to make of all this. At this point, I wasn't sure of anything. The one concrete thing I decided was that things were definitely moving much too fast. If I did have…feelings for Mr. Coll…Patrick, he and I needed to move a little slower. The homestead was empty, as I had suspected. I went upstairs to my room and went directly to the drawer of my night table where I kept my diary. The easiest way for me to sort things out usually was to organize my feelings on paper. Dear Diary, I am caught in one of the most confusing situations of my life. Some might call it a "love triangle", I call it terrible. Patrick Collins just told me that he loved me. HE LOVES ME! We have known each other casually for a month, seriously for three days, and he loves me! I have known Andrew for almost two years now, and I have admitted less! Things are going so quickly that I don't know what to think! I had barely admitted to myself that I had a slight crush on Patrick, and now I need to decide if I am going to tell him I love him? Patrick says that if I search my heart, I will realize that we are meant to be together always. I have always longed to hear words like those. Words proclaiming that my one true love wants always to cherish me, but now that I have, all I feel is bewildered. And not in a good way. We had tea today, and I saw a different side of Patrick. It may have been nothing, but he treated me like a child over a piece of marzipan, wanting, no insisting that I eat it. And looking back on the short time we have spent together, I realized that he has done that several times. Maybe that's just his way, perhaps, maybe he is just being nice, and I am reading it wrong. But then there was the tone of voice he was using when he told me to call him Patrick. Ethan used a similar tone whenever he got mad at Ma. Just before he threatened to hit her. My father could fool anyone. Charming on the outside, a devil in disguise. Is Patrick the same way, or am I just paranoid? I must be! He has never been the least bit threatening, nor has he ever lied to me. I guess I need to stop comparing every man to my father. Patrick is charming, kind, and has always been the perfect gentlemen. But, there's just something about the way I feel whenever I'm around him. I feel…odd. At first, I thought it was just new love, or infatuation. I feel the same way whenever Andrew first enters the room. Tingly, and self-conscious, and just awkward. But with Andrew, I always relax and I feel like I can be myself. With Patrick, I always have to check my behavior and my language to make sure it is ladylike. I always act like a lady, but around him, I don't feel as if I can express a different opinion, or show my knowledge, or talk too much. That's not the type of person I want to be. Already, I have defied conventions by going to medical school. I can deal with that because I made the choice myself. I don't want to be a certain way just to please another person. The one thing that scares me is that I don't know how genuine Patrick really is. I'm not sure if he's feeling infatuation and calling it love. Love is very important and very serious to me. Is that why I am so unsure? I can honestly say that I don't know at this point if I love him or not. I thought I loved Andrew, but is that infatuation as well? I don't know. I don't want to make the mistake of admitting love to someone who won't return it with the same sentiments I put behind it. I have to make a decision. Either way, one person is going to get hurt, I think. But I just need to make sure that the person I hurt is not the person I care about the most. If I ever do that, I need to be one hundred percent sure that I am making the right decision to do so, and now, I can't say that I am. Looking over my thoughts, I decided that I needed to speak to Ma. I was getting absolutely nowhere trying to sort things through on my own, and Ma was the only person who may be able to give me some insight as to what to do. Ma was busily sorting and cataloguing medicines when I came in after hitching Flash to the post outside. I noticed that the clock read quarter to one. No wonder I was hungry! "Ma, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked, setting down my hat on her desk. "Certainly," she replied. I decided not to hedge around the subject. I slid off the bracelet and held it out. "Patrick gave me this bracelet," I said. She took it and studied the delicate gold chain. "He did?" "I don't know if I should have accepted it. It all happened so fast!" I replied. "It looks very expensive, Colleen," Ma commented. "He said he has great affection for me." I decided to paraphrase a little because I didn't want Ma jumping to any conclusions I myself hadn't even come to yet. "He did? Well, how do you feel about him?" Ma asked. "Well, he is awfully handsome." "Yes, he is." "Interesting. And, I must say I do enjoy all of the attention," I said with a half-smile. "You still haven't told me how you feel about him," Ma pointed out gently. I sighed. I was wondering when that point was going to come. "I don't know…all jumbled up. With Andrew, I mean Andrew's so easy to be with, and to talk to. With Patrick…I just get confused!" I replied. It was hard to sort these feelings out inside my head, much less verbalize them. "You think I should give back the bracelet," I said, reading the look Ma had given the whole exchange. She took a deep breath. "Colleen, what I think is that you need to decide how you feel about Mr. Collins. Then, you'll know what to do with the bracelet." She handed it back to me. I stood fingering the links for a moment, when a knock at the door suddenly startled me out of my thoughts. "Come in?" I said aloud. I turned around, and found Andrew standing in the doorway with a big smile on his face. For some reason, my depression lifted, and I smiled back. "Ah, Colleen, I was hoping to catch you here. Michaela," he acknowledged. "Andrew," she replied with a smile. "Andrew, I haven't had a chance to read the journals yet," I said, hoping that was not the only reason he had come, but knowing the probability that it was. "Oh, well that's not actually why I stopped by," he confirmed. "It's not?" I said with a mixture of relief and joy. "The truth is, I was hoping I could interest you in a picnic. If you're not to busy," he added quickly. He had a hopeful look in his eyes. "That'd be very nice," I replied with a smile. "If I'm not needed?" I finished, looking pleadingly at Ma. "Not at all. Have fun!" she said with a smile as she waved us out the door. Andrew and I grinned happily. He opened the door for me, and followed me out to his carriage. "Thank you, have a good day," he said to Ma before closing the door behind him. Michaela watched them drive away from the clinic window. Andrew and Colleen. They were so perfect for each other! The problem was, did either of them realize it? She sighed. After the last few days dealing with Mr. Collins, she was more and more sure that Andrew was the right one for Colleen. What Colleen saw in Patrick was beyond her. Still, she told herself, it was Colleen's life and she needed to make her own decisions. That was a hard fact to accept, but she knew that she must, to a certain extent. But there was just something about Patrick… Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Matthew came in, took off his hat and asked, "Is Colleen around?" "She's out on a picnic with Andrew," Michaela replied. Matthew looked angry. "I think we got a problem with Patrick Collins. I probably shouldn't have done this, but there's somenthin' about this guy that I just didn't trust." "Shouldn't have done what?" "I sent a wire to Collins Limited in Denver and asked a couple of questions. I got this telegram back. Seems he's done nothing but lie to us ever since he got here!" Matthew fumed, handing Michaela a folded slip of paper. She studied it with a furrowed brow, and looked up, troubled. "I've had a bad feeling about him ever since he arrived. I should have said something to Colleen." "Well, we'll tell her now," Matthew replied. The two looked at each other in concern, but Michaela felt relieved. Apparently, this situation was too much for Colleen to handle, and she needed help. Finally, Michaela could get involved and get rid of this Collins fellow for her. I tucked my feet underneath my skirt and settled on the blanket while Andrew arranged our lunch. We had gone to a meadow near the base of Pike's Peak that was absolutely beautiful this time of year. He opened the basket with a flourish and pulled out a covered tin plate. "Grace's meatloaf sandwich," he announced as he opened the napkin. "My favorite," I replied, a bit surprised. "Really? What a coincidence." "Lemonade?" he asked, picking up a jar. "Lemonade?" "Well, it's fresh-squeezed. Is that all right?" He took out two glasses, and looked at me with concern. "I love lemonade," I said. He said nothing, but gave me a self-satisfactory grin. I caught a gleam in his eye, and began to suspect what was going on. "Wait a minute…" I began with a smile. "My favorite sandwich, my favorite drink…" I decided to play a little trick on him. "Do you have my favorite pie for dessert?" I asked playfully. He looked sheepishly down at his lap for a minute. "You never cared much for pie." He put his hand up. "If I'm not mistaken, your favorite dessert is…" he trailed off as he reached into the basket for yet another covered plate. "Oatmeal cookies!" we both said together in unison. Sure enough, under the napkin were some of Grace's delicious oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Still smiling, he began to set up plates for both of us. "Andrew…" I murmured, trying to say how appreciative I was of his gestures. He looked up for a moment, and we locked eyes. "Um, I brought this book," he said, reaching into the basket once again. "Sonnets by Shakespeare. I thought you might like it. There's one in particular here…Sonnet 116, I believe…yes, here it is." He flipped through several pages as he scooted around next to where I sat and handed me the thin book opened to the one he wanted. I took it from him, studying it for a few moments. "Would you mind reading it out loud?" I asked. It was a little forward of me to ask, but I decided to take the chance anyway. After all, not being forward had not gotten me anywhere thus far! I thought Andrew looked a little bit uncomfortable at my request, but he took the book from me and cleared his throat. "Um, well… Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks. Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of …doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor nomaneverloved." Apparently a bit embarrassed, he rushed the last lines and hastily set the book aside. After taking a moment to calm his thoughts, he commented. "Sully's right, this scenery is…is magnificently beautiful." He looked even more uncomfortable after that. Somehow, I sensed that there was something in those last lines that he wanted to say but didn't, or couldn't. T hat seemed to be everyone's problem, including mine. The only one who didn't seem to suffer from a tied tongue was Mr. Patrick Collins! Determinedly, I held out the book again. "What was the last line?" I asked. "The what?" "The last line of the sonnet. It went by kind of fast," I coaxed. He looked at the cover. "Oh, um…well, it just said that…That love knows no time and place, and lets nothing stand in its way." Andrew looked me directly in the eyes. I could see there all the unspoken words and fumbled gestures that had led up to this. Somehow, in that moment, I had my answer. It may not have been verbalized, but I knew hat Andrew- old, familiar, wonderful Andrew, was the only person I cared about truly right now. And I sensed he felt the same way about me, even though Shakespeare had done all the talking. "I agree," I replied softly. He smiled. Hesitantly, he took my hand in his. When I didn't pull away, he squeezed it tighter. No words were spoken for a little while after that. "Well…perhaps we should eat before the ants carry it off," Andrew said finally. Looking down at the blanket, I saw a small army of tiny black critters moving resolutely toward our dinner. "You're right. It would be a pity for them to enjoy this before we do!" I laughed. He smiled and handed me a plate with half the sandwich and some potato salad, as well as a glass of lemonade. "So, Colleen, how are things going at school? In your last letter you mentioned a paper you had to write before you left." "Oh, you mean the one on diseases?" I asked. "Yes, I believe so." "Oh, it went very well. I ended up choosing diphtheria, because of the epidemic a few months ago. I had all the research, and I was also interested in it because of…Becky." I paused a moment to regain my train of thought. The loss of my childhood friend was still a very sore subject, but doing the paper had helped. "The teacher was really impressed at the personal aspect I added to it, and all the information you sent me really helped." He smiled. "I'm glad. The reason that struck me was that I had to write a similar paper when I was in Medical school. There's actually an amusing story behind that, if you'd like to hear it." "Sure!" I was always eager to hear about Andrew's life. "In the first year of medical school, the anatomy teacher gave us all topics for our papers, but he gave us the Latin names for the ailments. Well, I put mine off and put mine off until finally it was the night before it was due! I went searching through my notes, and found the name he had given me, researched it and wrote the 10-page paper in one night. Needless to say, by the time I got around to making the final copy, I was half-asleep, but at least it was done. Well, when the teacher turns back the papers a week later, I didn't receive mine. He ends the class about ten minutes early, and stands in front of the class to talk about our papers. He says that all of them were up to caliber and what he expected, but there is one in particular that needs to be read. Of course, by this time, I have it figured out that it has to be mine, and I'm absolutely beaming. Imagine my paper, written in one night, caught his eye and he's going to read it to the class! He reads the title, and I almost faint. I had gotten the Latin word for my ailment mixed up because I was so tired, and had written the entire assignment on butterfly pox! I mean, all the facts were correct, but I had the name misspelled throughout the entire paper. At least the professor didn't read it. Instead, he simply looked up at me and said "Andrew Cook, the next time you write a paper, be sure that you proofread it and do it ahead of time!" I laughed. "And did you?" "Well, I'll just say that my Anatomy professor taught me more than any of my English teachers!" We finished our lunch, and sat for awhile just talking. I listened to Andrew's stories of things in town while I had been gone and I told him all about school and Denver and everything. He was so easy to talk to, and I found myself laughing more than I had in awhile. "Colleen, unfortunately I have a patient scheduled at three, so we need to be leaving soon. I'm sorry," he apologized. "Oh, that's fine. Ma's making house calls this afternoon anyway, and I told her I'd watch the clinic while she's gone," I reassured. Smiling at each other, we began to pack up our things and headed back toward town.