Yesterday was the most exciting day of my life and not because I met Matthew Broderick again. Sure I toured Radio City Music Hall. Sure I was carded for the first time at Planet Hollywood. I think I have finally taken that next step. My other friend ended up not coming, so it was just me and Max. It was a crazy, fun, impatient day for me. We played at the Sony building, had our tour and dinner, and then we saw the show. I'll get right to the point. I told him how I feel. I was a bit too shy to use all the words I wanted to, but I told him I have fun with him and I enjoy his company. And he said the same back to me. And then he said, "That deserves a hug". When we pulled back afterwards, we were like right there for a second, but I don't know what he was thinking. He's in SF right now visiting his brother. He said he's send me a postcard. I guess things are good. We have so much in commnon, and I'm not embarassed around him. I can just be me. And we can goof off together too. Amazing.

On Monday I just went to his room and said, "I really like you. D'you wanna go out?" I'm not quite sure his exact words, but it was mutual. I haven't seen him since, and I've been annoying everyone with my worries. Although I always say this, he's totally different from anyone else. On Sunday I went to Manhattan with Hofstra Film Makers Club and Max too. We saw the filming of Spiderman at the NY Public library. It was mad cool to see Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst, especially with my new buddies. They're great fun. And I really enjoyed Max's company that night. On the drive home he invited me to sit on his lap because the car was crammed. Of course I did. But no one's seen him today and he didn't go to class, so I'm all freakin' out. Stop it Fu! Let's hope tomorrow brings me good answers.

Things aren't looking good. It's like a nightmare. These things don't happen to me. Late Saturday night I was contacted by Public Safety because his parents came down. I met his dad and step mom. You know, it's just my life that something unbelievable like this would happen to me. None of us have ever experienced anything like that. It's all a dream, and I'm gonna wake up and Max will be standing there with a big grin on his face. Everything you can imagine them doing has been done, like on TV and the movies. We've been questioned by police and detectives, we've had to view security camera footage. I also met his mother and she said, "You're Laura? You know he really likes you." I almost broke. Somehow I was named as his best friend or something because everyone says I'd be the one he'd call. And I was asked all these personal questions about us too. So someone said something, I don't care. It's nice to know that all those feelings I had were right. But it makes me long to see him even more and give him the biggest, longest hug ever...and then smack him for scaring me. But it's just my life to have the one most personal thing to me be told to everyone. So that's how I guess I've become his girlfriend. His dad is really nice, I can see where Max gets his great, sweet personality.

Things are still the same. I guess that's good because although nothing points to good, nothing points to bad either. Nothing makes sense. I mean, I can't even think of a scenario. There isn't any evidence of something bad, but it also doesn't make sense for him to take off. It's like a terrible nightmare or being stuck in a movie. I don't understand how anything could be real. This doesn't happen to me or anyone. What did he or I do to deserve this? He was on UPN, NEWS 12 and FOX 5. And he was in Newsday. Jeepers, is this really happening? Why is it that I finally find something, and then it's taken away like this? If this is a test, then I agree that absence makes the heart grow fonder. And the timing of everything: why him and why now? These last few weeks have been the most fun. And now my boy is known to everyone. This is Max though, and he's invincible. I think really bad things that make me cry, but I discredit each scenario. And all the positive scenarios don't make sense. Now matter what, I'm upset because I'm thinking. Everything reminds me of him. Songs, rooms, words. And I hate only having memories. I have pictures of us and video from the city. That night was just about the greatest night ever. And that's all I remember. I'm scared to lose him to my memories. I miss him more than anyone can imagine. And if only I had expressed something earlier. If only I had tried calling him again on Tuesday night rather than waiting for him to return my call. I was just sitting in my room. I wish so many things. Every day he's gone I realize even more how much I love him. When he comes back I want to hug him and never let go. I haven't been able to eat or sleep or anything. It's bad, this longing I have for him. I have these dreams that everyone is helping but no one can find anything. I'm just stuck here, and life's on pause but there's nothing I can do. I can't wait. I need him back now, right now. I can't imagine living without him. Please come back.

Please wake me up from this horrible nightmare. How can this be happening? Why him? I don't know what to think anymore. I have been completely questioned out by everyone. And no one can help me because no one's done this before. People are supportive, but no one can do anything. I just don't know anymore. What am I going to do about the semi-formal and Conan? I feel so weighted down with unhappy thoughts that I can't bring myself to do happy things. It's been two weeks, and I'm almost forgetting who he is. My memories have been picked over and dried up by questions galore. There are only a few things left that no one else knows about, just a few memories I never want to share. Max, please come back.

I just got back from the semi-formal. I had been hoping that this little missing-stunt would end and Max would pop out and say "surprise". He has to come back sometime. He can't be dead because it's Max, and I love him. He can't be gone now. I just can't do this anymore. What do I do when I have to go home? I'm sick of repeating myself and explaining the same thing. I just want that cute, quiet, funny Max back so I can fall asleep in his arms. I had so many chances, none of which I took. And now I've lost it all. I was so excited for the formal. I really wanted to dance with him and just be close. I cried tonight. I hope he misses me like I miss him. Tomorrow we have the Conan O'Brien tix. I'm so stressed, tired and fed up. I need you back Max!

Everything's still the same. Things in my life are slowly going ahead. I have my appetite back, but I still think about him every moment. But it's like he's fading. I hate it. There's this empty space next to me no matter what I'm doing. But he's just a memory now. So much time has gone by,t his nightmare, how will I go on with my life after things are resolved, good or bad? And since I'm going home, I might not even be here. And what has he been thinking about me anyways? Can we just go back to being together or whatever we were? All I know is that I hate not having him here, despite was between us. I loved everything about him. I had so much fun, he gave me back that motivation I've been lacking.