Cut my life into pieces

I've reached my last resort,

suffocation, no breathing

Don't give a f*ck if

I cut my arm bleeding... (Papa Roach)

I am Cari, not my real name, but I use it in real life anyway. I prefer Cari and it is easier for people to remember. My two sisters call me Care. That is pretty much where I got the name Cari from, and I really dont like my real name much anyway. I have had many nicknames in the past few years... my current nicks, aside from Sweet Cari, are Scarred Soul and Serenity. Curtis thinks that one is funny, and I am not sure why. I don't think it's that unlike me! I am also known as Jade Blue Afterglow and a crapload of other names. If you want to see what my real name is... well it is the name of the html file for this page. Oh yeah, another nick is June Bug, since June is my middle name. A friend at work (Jason, who I call Skippy) gave me that name.

I am 33, and a working mom. I was volunteering my services to a social service group, making phone calls, shopping, and working as a daycare worker. I had to quit because of my depression though. It became disabling for a while. But now I do tech support for a cable internet company. It is not easy to keep a job. When I am depressed, I don't want to work, and when I am manic, I don't think about the consequences of missing work.

I have four children, 3 girls, and a boy. Curtis was so happy when James, or Jamie as we call him, was born. Finally, another male in the house! I think he was feeling a little outnumbered for a while there. And I must say, not just because I am their mom, they are the four CUTEST kids! Natasha is 12, Victoria is 10, Chantelle is 7, and James is 4.

So, I have short hair, it is red, hazel eyes, I'm 5'7". Everyone calls me "cute", "sweet", or they say I look "innocent". I guess that's ok, at least they don't call me ugly! BUT I wonder sometimes if "cute" is used as a euphamism for "God, you are ugly but I can't tell you that." I am not sure if this is what people mean... I call men cute all the time, and to me, it means attractive in a sweet way, I suppose. I am a blunt, obtuse, sometimes bitchy individual, but I don't care what people think. Oh I can't forget about my two tattoos and my nose and eyebrow piercings. One tat is of a butterfly on my ankle, the other is Chinese writing that means "Angel" on my right shoulder. I got that one for Jessica, my deceased daughter, as a sort of memoriam.

What does Cari like? Hmmmmmmmmmm... I like to get the occasional few minutes away from all my kids... like that happens often right?

I live with Curtis, whom I met on the internet in 1997. We have our moments. Ok, we have lots of them. But hey, that happens right? It was pretty strange at the time. Not many people I knew had even been on the internet nevermind met and married someone they chatted with. When he and I first met, it was tense. For me, at least. In walked this man I had never laid eyes on before, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, based on conversations we had engaged in for the past 6 months. I was worried he would take one look at me and turn around and leave. Didn't happen obviously. We have a happy family, and Curt is a great dad to all of the children.

I love piercings and body art... you can check out my body art info too.

I like to do many things, one of them being creating my web page, obviously. I listen to all kinds of music and watch a lot of movies. When people ask me my favourite kind of music, I have a hard time answering them. I like most kinds of music, and I will listen to anything once, before I say I don't like it. With books and movies, however, I have preferences. And what I do not like is romance or sucky stories.

I have changed my appearance a lot since the pic on my other personal info page was taken. First of all, I had my hair chopped off.. I also had my nose pierced. (My Mom is so NOT impressed!) I like the nose piercing. I thought it would change my image, make me look somehow more intimidating, but apparently it's "cute"! Oh well, cute isn't the worst thing I could be called! My kids say with my red hair, pierced nose, and short skirts I look like a Spice Girl, haha. (Now I have the eyebrow piercing. I am wondering what to pierce next .) -Since then, I got my tongue pierced. I think that is all for piercings, but I may get a couple more tattoos.

Melinda Courtesy of

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Email: a_scarred_soul@yahoo.ca