Shamus and his pig
by
Daniel Lloyd Emmit Berry
Shamus, an Irish potato farmer living in the village "Barnes Gap in the Sperins," has one very large pig, which he takes for a walk every morning. This morning seemed no different than any other, Shamus thought, as he looked beyond the stony walls to the dew-covered fields and fog-laden atmosphere. A normal morning it was until, his pig found something very interesting in the bushes next to the path. "Come along, ya ol’ pig!" Shamus cried as he pulled at the leash around the pig’s neck. But the beast would not yield. After some shouting fits with his pig, Shamus heard a small voice coming from the direction of the pig’s face.
"Hey, help me down here!" The voice said in a clearer tone.
"Oh, gee! Now I am hearing me pig talking! Dr. O’Connor told my to stop spending all me time at the public houses!"
"I’m not the pig, you layabout, I’m the rock that the pig is kissing, now do be a good man and pull this beast off me!"
"Oh nice, so now it’s the rocks that are doing the talking!" Shamus said as he dragged the pig away from this mystical rock.
"Ie, that’s much better," said a green rock with no apparent mouth to say these words. Shamus heard of such talking rocks in his youth, but there was always an elf or fairy causing the magic to unfold. But, Shamus saw no such creatures flying about the place. Picking up the rock, Shamus looked at it closely and saw only a rather modest stone within his hand.
"Please do a good deed and set me back away from this busy path that I might enjoy the changing seasons without the disruption from such things as your pig." The rock said, causing Shamus to jump back and stumble to the ground.
"Mary and Joseph, help me!" Shamus prayed as he looked up to heaven. Then an evil thought pasted through Shamus’ upper story. "This talking rock can be the salvation for me yet." He said, as he tucked the rock in his vest pocked.
Upon returning to his humble home with his pig, Shamus found his savings and gathered them up into one sack and walked out the door. Strolling to his favorite public house, Shamus sung a happing tune. Once there, he swung open the doors wide and danced to the front of the place.
In a loud voice, he yelled, "I bet all of my riches to anyone else’s, that this rock will talk!" Most of the men present thought only that Shamus had finally gone mad, including the bar tender, who said, "Take no account of Shamus, he must be under the influence of an elf."
"I haven’t seen any of the little green men this morning! In fact, I am quite sane." Shamus said with a straight face.
Stepping up to Shamus, a man looked at the situation and said, "Well, here’s me gold, no let us see that stone of yours talk!" Shamus gazed at his newly found treasure and said, "Now rock, speak to these fine lads." But the rock made not a sound. After a few long minutes of waiting and suffering for Shamus, the man took all of his savings and fled the place. Shamus was at a lost for words for the first time in his life as he picked up the rock and left the public house. With his head held low, the crowd laughed and howled at him.
Upon finding his house Shamus lit a fire and prepared a mug of tea. Taking the rock from it’s resting place Shamus prepared to throw it into the fire.
"No, no," the rocked yelled out. "I will tell you where a pot of gold, silver, and copper coins is buried if you would just return me to my home near that path."
With a shine in his eye, Shamus agreed happily to return the rock on this new condition. With care he laid the rock in the warm sunlight, next to the path. "Now where’s that gold, latte?" Shamus asked of the thing.
Needless to say, Shamus found the pot of gold, silver,
and copper coins and even pasted a few of them down to his children, grand
children, who still have a few till this day.
Don't
despair, Sister Eulalia
He
is drinking for two now
A
Pub Keeper's Tale
What
did he say?
What's
that tune?
An
Irish Toast
