"How's my little pumpkin'?" Blair asked as Starr ran to her when she saw here outside the school.

"Mommy look! They taught us how to draw bunnies." Starr held up a picture she had drawn.

"That great! Look at that! Starr, you are so talented. You certainly got that from your daddy. Did you know your daddy is a very good artist?"

"Uh-huh. Daddy used to draw with me all the time. Daddy draws the best."

"Yes he does," Blair agreed. Blair realized it was probably Tom or perhaps those girl twins she was told about who used to draw with Starr. Blair knew that no matter who was out, Starr was always loved and always had a good time.

"Starr, how would you like to go to McDonald's for a Happy Meal and then you and Mommy can have a talk about Daddy?"

"Is Daddy coming home?" Starr asked hopefully.

"Not just yet, sweetie. Why don't we wait and talk about Daddy after you've eaten?"

Starr smiled and agreed. She didn't want to upset Blair. She was afraid that Blair might get sick and go away too, the way Todd and Téa had, and then she would be all alone. Starr loved her daddy with all her heart. She loved Blair, but her relationship with Todd was special. It had been Daddy and Shorty for so long. Ever since Starr had been sick, when she was just a toddler. Todd had done everything for her. He woke her up in the morning and had breakfast with her. He was her playmate and her best friend. He took her to "daddy and me" groups. He bought her little outfits for her and allowed her to mix and match her clothes and develop her own style. He was there when she caught colds and scraped her knees. He would put her to bed and tell her his fractured version of fairy tales and the most wonderful stories that he would make up. Todd would look at his daughter's wide eyes, listening to him, fascinated by his every word and his heart would fill with the kind of love he had never known. He never missed an opportunity to make Starr feel special, beautiful, smart, wanted and very loved. Starr had always known she was deeply loved by her daddy. Now, Starr was having a hard time understanding why her daddy had left her for so long.

At first, Starr would draw pictures for Todd and make things from him and put them in her "daddy box" because she was sure he would be home any day and he would get to see everything. Now she did it because it was all she had left of her father. Starr would sometimes pretend to be asleep after Blair tucked her in and read to her. Then, when Blair left her room, she would get out of bed and say a special prayer for her daddy and more often than not dissolve into tears that she would muffle with her pillow. Starr missed Todd with all her heart and she was afraid her daddy was dead or dying and no one was telling her the truth. Many times she had thought of going to the hospital on her own, but she was afraid she would upset Blair. The last thing she wanted to do was to lose her mommy too.

Starr just picked at her burger and fries. She played with her Happy Meal toy for a few minutes and lost interest. Finally, not being able to hold it back any longer, Starr blurted out, "Mommy, is Daddy dead?"

Blair's mouth was left hanging open. She looked at the tears that had welled up in Starr's huge eyes and realized that her precious little girl had feared this for a long time, but was afraid to ask or say it out loud. She knew she should have been more honest with Starr all along. By trying to protect her she had just caused her to suffer silently. "Oh no. Oh sweetie, no! Daddy is not dead. Daddy is in the hospital, like I told you."

"He must be real sick cause he's been there for so long," Starr said very sadly.

Blair took a deep breath and pulled Starr up onto her lap. "Yes, baby. Daddy is very sick, but he is getting better and stronger."

"How come Daddy doesn't want to see me?" Tears spilled down Starr's cheeks.

Blair hugged Starr to her. "Oh, baby. Daddy misses you and always asks about you and thinks about you all the time. He doesn't want you to see him when he is sick," Blair told her honestly.

"Maybe I can make daddy feel better, like he always made me feel better when I was sick? I told Fred the Frog to tell Daddy how much I miss him and that I want to see him. Did Fred tell that to Daddy, Mommy?"

"Yes, daddy got all your messages. Sweetie, daddy thinks that it will be better for you to wait and see him when he is well."

Blair looked at the child in her lap. A child that was created by the greatest love she had ever known. She had to find the right words to tell Starr about her daddy. "Starr, let me try to explain to you about Daddy's illness. When daddy was a little boy his own daddy was very mean to him."

More tears spilled from Starr's eyes. "I don't like it if anyone is mean to Daddy."

"I know you don't, baby, but sometimes daddies or even mommies don't know how to treat the precious children they are given. Instead of loving them, they hurt them."

"Are the children bad? Was daddy bad? Will I get hurt if I'm bad?" Starr became fearful.

"No! Never!" Blair hugged Starr to her even tighter. She was afraid she was not explaining this too well. "Starr, no one should ever hurt a child. Not if they're bad . . . not for any reason. You will never be hurt. Mommy and Daddy, when he is well, will always protect you. We will never let anyone hurt you in any way."

"How come Daddy's mommy let his daddy hurt him?"

This was harder than Blair had anticipated. She hated seeing how much pain was in Starr's eyes. "Daddy's mommy was sick and she had to leave Daddy when he was just a little boy. He was left alone with his daddy and his daddy was not a very nice man."

"Is daddy's daddy still hurting him? Is that's why he's in the hospital?"

"No. Daddy's daddy is dead. He can't ever hurt him again." Blair made sure to make that clear.

"Then how come Daddy is so sick?"

Blair took another deep breath. "Sometimes when little children are hurt a lot they pretend to be someplace that doesn't hurt . . . someplace where they can be safe and happy."

"Like Second Chance? Daddy always told me about a place called Second Chance where little children were always happy."

Blair smiled and kissed Starr's forehead. "Yes, something like that. When Daddy was a little boy he pretend he was somewhere happy when his daddy would hurt him . . ."

"So, he didn't feel the hurt." Starr finished Blair's sentence for her.

Blair was amazed at her child. She should have known that Starr would be able to understand Todd's illness on some level. She knew she was wrong for having kept her in the dark. "Yes. Daddy went where he wouldn't feel the hurt. Now it's time for him to remember all the things that happened to him and that is making daddy very sad."

Starr leaned into Blair and put her arms around her and pressed her cheek against Blair's chest. "Does Daddy have to remember? Maybe they should let him pretend some more."

"Oh, sweetie. I wish they could, but Daddy needs to remember. You see even when we think we forget something we really don't. The memory is saved in little tiny parts of our brain. Then, if it's a bad memory, it is always there. It can make us sad unless we can get it out and talk about it."

"Is Daddy talking about the bad memories?" Starr pressed.

"Yes. He is starting to, but it takes a long time. Daddy can only remember a little at a time."

"Maybe I can help Daddy remember, like he used to help me remember my numbers and my letters?"

Blair hugged Starr even tighter and kissed her on the head. "I'm sure that when Daddy comes home he'll need you to help him in all kinds of ways, but these are special memories and Daddy needs a doctor to help him remember."

"Does the doctor hurt daddy? Does she give him shots?"

"Sometimes, but they only hurt for a second and then they make daddy feel better." Blair did not tell Starr that in her opinion they were not "making daddy feel better." They were harming him.

"Does Daddy have to get blood tests, like me?"

"Yes, sweetie. He does." Blair knew she had to level with Starr.

"Daddy used to hold me when I went for blood tests and then I wasn't so afraid. Maybe I can go and hold Daddy?"

Blair's heart was breaking. "Starr, the part of the hospital Daddy is in doesn't allow children." Blair's eyes welled up with tears when she saw the sadness etched in Starr's face. She knew her baby was not such a baby anymore. Hiding things from her just made it worse. "Starr, Mommy wants to ask your opinion on something." Starr stared up at her with questioning eyes. "Now this is probably not possible . . . so I don't want you to get your hopes up . . . if daddy could come home . . . before they make him all better . . ."

"DADDY'S COMING HOME!" Starr shouted gleefully.

"No . . . Starr . . . baby . . . listen to me. Daddy is still very sick. I thought maybe he might get better faster if he was home with us instead of in the hospital."

"He would Mommy. We'd make Daddy better real fast. I can read real good now, so I can read him stories and bring him ginger ale and put his medicine in applesauce so it don't taste so bad."

Blair knew she was not handling this right. "Starr, honey, if daddy did come home there might be times when you couldn't see him. Daddy might not seem like Daddy sometimes. His illness makes him need to be alone sometimes . . . or . . . or not act like himself. Daddy would also need to have a lot of doctors and nurses staying with him and there might be times when Daddy needs the house to himself and you would have to go stay with Auntie Dorian. Starr, please tell mommy the truth. Do you think you would be upset if Daddy was at home, but you couldn't see him or if you had to go away from home for a day or two?"

"No, Mommy. I want to do everything to help Daddy. I like to be alone sometimes too, like when I want to watch my favorite TV shows. I don't like it when you or daddy talk to me then."

"So it would be all right with you if sometimes you couldn't be around Daddy, even if he were home with us?"

"Uh-huh," Starr agreed. "Mommy?"

"Yes, baby."

"Is Daddy all alone in the hospital?"

"Noooo. Sweetie, Aunt Viki and Sam are with him all the time."

"Daddy loves Aunt Viki a lot, me too. Will she come to live here when Daddy does?"

Blair did not want to get Starr's hopes up. "Starr, remember Mommy told you that most likely daddy will not be able to come home yet and he will have to stay in the hospital. If he does come home, Aunt Viki won't be coming to live with us. Of course she can come to see him."

"What about Tee? Daddy loves Tee. Does she ever come to see him?"

Blair could tell all these questions had been preying on Starr's mind for a long time. "Yes. Téa comes to see Daddy."

"I'm glad Tee still likes Daddy, even if she doesn't like me anymore."

Blair noticed tears well up in Starr's eyes when she said that. Blair knew that Téa had genuinely cared for Starr and having her child feel disliked, by anyone, was never her intent. "Téa loves you very much, Starr. She never stopped, it's just that . . ." Blair was going to say that Téa was too busy or that she needed her space, but she knew that would be a lie. Starr was the one person on earth Blair did not lie to. "I asked Téa to stop coming around. Téa still wants to see you. I told her not to," Blair confessed to her daughter.

"Mommy, how come?" Starr didn't seem angry, as much as hurt.

"Because Mommy was being selfish. It makes Mommy feel uncomfortable to have Téa around because she is still Daddy's wife. I still like to think of you and me and Daddy as a family. Starr, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were thinking Téa didn't come around because she didn't like you anymore." Blair thought about Téa, cheating with Kevin behind Todd's back, and she felt rage. She didn't want her anywhere near her child. Still, she couldn't allow Starr to never again see someone she loved and longed to see. "Would you like it if Téa came to visit you?"

"Oh Mommy, can she!" Then Starr's excitement quickly faded into sadness. "Not if it makes you feel bad, Mommy."

"You are such a sweet little girl," Blair hugged Starr tightly and rocked her. "No, sweetie. It would not make me feel bad anymore. If I know seeing Téa is making you happy than I will be happy, but Téa will have to come see you at home. Okay?"

"Maybe we can have a tea party and then when Daddy comes home we can all have a tea party and lots of cookies."

Blair knew she would have to talk to Téa. This might work out after all. Maybe seeing Starr would make Téa feel guilty about hurting Todd? Maybe it would make her want to help get him away from the hospital or at the least she might slip and incriminate herself in some way. Blair still had her sleazy photographer following Téa around. So far he only got one more picture of her going into Kevin's car the other night. Kevin had already been in the car for quite some time when Téa got there, according to Jerry Skinner. 'A photo of Téa getting in a car, big deal!' Blair thought. 'I need more than that. Maybe Ms. Delgado will slip when she thinks she's just talking to Starr.' Blair decided to leave a tape recorder in the room when Téa came to visit.

The sound of Starr sniffling interrupted Blair’s thoughts. "Baby, what is it? Why are you crying?"

Guilt that had been eating away at Starr, for months now, could no longer be contained. "Mommy," Starr sobbed. "Daddy is sick because of me too."

"Oh Starr, no! No, he isn't. Sweetie, what makes you think that?"

Starr hung her head, as tears continued down her cheeks. Whispering, she confessed. "Because I get real mad at Daddy sometimes for going away for so long. I look at the stuff I make him and I say . . ." Starr couldn't get the words out. She choked on her sobs.

Blair noticed an older couple from another table staring at them. She gave them a dirty look and turned her attention back to Starr. "Tell Mommy, baby. It's all right to say it out loud. Nothing bad will happen."

Starr looked at Blair with sadness and desperation in her eyes. "Sometimes I say 'I hate you Daddy. I hate you a whole lot and I don't care if you never come home to me.' Daddy's still sick cause I said that. Cause I get real mad at him for going away for so long and leaving me. Daddy promised. He said it would always be me and him. 'Daddy and Shorty.' That's what he always said and he lied to me. Daddy went away and didn't wait for me or take me with him." Starr burst into fresh sobs.

Blair held Starr's head pressed against her chest. She gently rocked her child. She had no idea Starr was feeling these things. 'My God,' Blair thought. 'She keeps her feelings to herself the way Todd does. I've got to make sure she know it's okay to say what she feels.'

"Starr. Sweetie, listen to Mommy. You did not, in any way, make your daddy sick or keep him sick. You can't make someone sick just by being angry with him or her. It is all right to feel angry with people. Daddy became sick because of things that happened to him way before you were born or before daddy met Mommy or Aunt Viki or Sam or Téa."

"Mommy, I don't really hate Daddy. I love so big it makes my tummy get bigger." Starr pointed to her heart.

"I know you do. Daddy knows you do too. I promise," Blair assured her.

"Can Daddy hear it when I say I hate him and don't care if he ever comes home? I make sure Fred is not around when I say it."

Tears were rolling down Blair's cheeks too. "No, Starr. Daddy can't hear it when you say that, but daddy would understand that you're angry with him. He is very mad at himself for being sick and being away from you. If Daddy could, he would come home to you in a second."

"Do you think God is mad at me because I said mean things about Daddy and he's keeping him sick?"

Blair was beginning to think that Starr needed counseling to get her through this. Even though Blair, herself, had wondered many times what kind of God allows a child to be tortured the way Todd was, she said to Starr, "Oh honey. No." Blair held Starr tightly. "God doesn't punish someone because you get mad at them."

"Maybe God is mad at me for saying it and that's why he's keeping Daddy away from me?"

"No. Absolutely not! God doesn't work that way. He loves you and he loves Daddy and he would never hurt either one of you."

"For sure, Mommy?" Starr looked up at Blair.

Blair saw so much pain in her little girl's eyes. Blair knew Starr was not convinced. She hoped her own anger at God for allowing Todd to be hurt wasn't coming through. "For sure, baby. In fact . . . like I told you . . . Daddy is starting to get a teeny bit better."

"I won't be angry at Daddy any more!" Starr was adamant.

"Starr, it's all right to feel anger. It makes people feel sick inside if they don't let the anger out. I promise you. You can get angry with Daddy and Mommy and Aunt Dorian or Viki or anyone you want and it won't hurt them in anyway. You know what?"

"What, Mommy?" Starr looked questioningly at Blair.

"If you want, the next time you get mad you can tell me and we can get mad together. We won't get mad at Daddy. We'll get mad at Daddy's sickness. We can get real mad at daddy's sickness and at his daddy for making him sick."

"Yeah! I don't like anyone or anything that hurts Daddy."

Blair hugged Starr again and asked. "Do you have anything else that you've been thinking about that you want to tell Mommy?"

Starr thought for a moment. "No, Mommy. That's it." Blair hoped she was being honest. Starr did look like she was feeling better. Do you want any more of your burger or fries?" Starr shook her head. "Do you want to go the play area or do you want to go home?"

"I wanna go home, Mommy. I wanna draw a fresh bunny picture for Daddy and then tell Fred to tell Daddy how much I love him."

"Okay, pumpkin'. Let's put our stuff in that trash can over there and we'll go straight home."

*****

Sam and Viki were surprised to see Bill in Susannah's office when they got there. After they said their hellos, Susannah announced, "Bill has some information about Michelle's parents. I thought it would be best for him to explain it."

Both Sam and Viki's heart rate sped up. It had been a long time since they had even thought about Michelle's family. Now they were terrified to hear what Bill had to say.

"Let me start by saying they have not been found," Bill began. Viki and Sam let out audible sighs of relief. Bill went on to explain about Michelle's family being in witness protection.

"Jesus! I never would have thought of that," Sam exclaimed.

"So your friend still has no way of finding them?" Viki asked.

"He is trying to find someone who will talk to him . . . someone who, because of the situation, will put us in contact with them so that we can be the ones to explain to them what happened to Michelle."

Viki and Sam were grateful for that. They wanted to make sure Michelle's parents knew what Todd had been through that night too and that he tried to help Michelle as best he could.

"Do you think we have a chance of finding them?" Sam inquired.

"I think we do. It just may take some time until my friend can luck into the right intermediary," Bill explained.

"Susannah, does this mean you are going to start to push Todd to remember things about the night Michelle died?" Viki asked. The fear in her voice was apparent.

"No. Todd is not ready for that, not by any means. He is just starting to show progress remembering some of the less traumatic instances of abuse and those overwhelm him. No. You don't have to worry about that for now."

Sam and Viki felt relief, again. "We were running late so we came straight to your office when we got back. Has there been any change in Todd since we left?" Sam asked hopefully.

"No. I saw him just a while ago. He is still in a dissociative state. There was a problem though, but not with Todd." Susannah let them know this immediately, so they wouldn't get anxious.

"Just as you left for lunch," Susannah began, "Blair and Dorian came to visit Todd. Frank was in the room with them."

"Did Blair do something to upset him or did Dorian?" Viki asked angrily.

"No, not at all. I heard Blair was very good with him. She fed him and cleaned him up afterward. It's Dorian. Jeff caught her going through Todd's chart."

"What! What the Hell was she doing that for? Doesn't she know she violated his rights by doing that?" Sam was nearly shouting.

"Dorian has never concerned herself with someone's rights!" Viki added. Her voice was filled with fury. "Susannah, what do you think she was looking for?" Viki's tone had changed from anger to concern.

"She said Blair was worried and because she is a physician and family, she thought it would be all right if she checked the chart. She claims she would have asked me, but I was out to lunch."

A shiver ran up Viki's spine. She knew Dorian was up to something.

"Do you believe that?" Sam asked Susannah.

"No. Only Terry and Nancy were at the nurses station at the moment. Marcia was in the pantry checking to see what we needed sent up from the kitchen and Gwen was out to lunch. Jeff had gone into the break room or a quick soda. Dorian deliberately got rid of Terry and Nancy. She told Terry that she thought Todd was running a fever and was looking pale. She asked her to do vitals on him. Then she told Nancy that he had been shivering and needed extra blankets."

"That sounds just like Dorian. Susannah, I have a feeling she is up to something. I just don't know what. Why was she even here? Why did she come with Blair?" Viki pressed.

"She told Terry she had come to lend you moral support," Susannah answered.

"I don't have a good feeling about this either," Sam declared.

"We wrote up the incident. I would like you both to review the report, later," Susannah informed them.

"Yes. Of course," both Sam and Viki answered simultaneously.

"I think I'll pay Dorian a little visit tomorrow, if Todd is all right and I can leave for a while," Viki told them.

"Would you like me to come with you?" Sam offered.

"Or I can go with you," Susannah volunteered.

"No!" Viki said firmly. "This is between Dorian and me. I kind of thought her benevolence was getting old. I knew the real Dorian would have to surface sooner or later." Viki turned to Bill. "We are extremely grateful to you for everything you have done for Todd. Trying to find Michelle's parents so that we can explain things to them is just one thing of many."

"She's right, Bill. You have been here for us ever since we met you. I owe you, buddy," Sam added.

"Todd is a great kid. What happened to him is more horrible than anything I've ever come across. I think it's about time someone gave him a break," Bill replied.

"Can we go see him now?" Viki asked.

"Sure, we're done here," Susannah told them.

Sam and Viki headed out to see "their kid." Bill put his arm around Susannah's shoulder and rubbed her back. She leaned her head on his shoulder and just appreciated his presence. "If I know Viki," Susannah stated, "she'll be on her way to Dorian's and have it out with her this evening."

TO BE CONTINUED