*****

Todd had not moved a muscle on his own since Sam and Viki had left him. He was curled up in the easy chair, staring off blankly.

"Hello, sweetheart." Viki hugged him to her. "I hear you had a nice visit with Blair and a good lunch." There was no response. Viki held Todd's hand. It was warm. When Todd was "with them" his hands were always like ice. Viki brought his hand to her lips and kissed it. "Goodone, you take good care of our boy," Viki called out and released Todd's hand. It stayed poised in the air, in the position Viki had held it in. Viki looked at Sam. She had tears in her eyes.

"It's okay. He's at peace. He'll come out of it. He needs this time away. They all do," Sam stated.

Viki gently lowered Todd's hand and placed it on his knee. "I know. A part of me is almost happy that he is probably with Goodone. If he is, he's feeling safe, warm and loved. He's been through so much in the past few days. Sam, when the memories start coming . . . that's the worst part. You can't imagine the pain." Viki's tone was very sad. She hated that Todd was going to have to go through the pain she went through when the memories started coming back, only Todd would be going through it tenfold, at least.

Viki looked at her watch. It was nearly five. She didn't want to wait until tomorrow to find out what Dorian had been up to. "Do you think it's safe for me to leave him for an hour or so?" Viki asked Sam.

"Sure. He's out of it. Susannah thinks he'll be like this for a while." Then, knowing Viki, Sam realized where Viki wanted to go. "Viki, maybe you should let Dorian go until tomorrow. You've had a really hard day." Sam suggestion was more of a plea. He was concerned Viki was putting too much pressure on herself. With all this going on, something had to break.

"Honey, I'm fine. I don't want to give Dorian time to think of a million excuses for what she did. I'll sleep better if I have it out with her now."

Sam knew once Viki had made up her mind, there was no point arguing with her. Not when it came to something that had to do with Dorian. Viki became obsessive when it had anything to do with Dorian. "Speaking of sleep . . . I want you to sleep at home tonight. I'll stay with Todd," Sam insisted.

"No! You slept here last night. I want you to sleep at home or in the lounge. I'll stay in Todd's room." Now it was Viki's turn to be insistant.

"Viki, no. Look, you went through Hell with your own therapy session. Please, for me. After you've seen Dorian, go home, take a long hot bath, have a good dinner and get some rest. Please! Do you know what it would do to Todd and the children if you got sick?"

"No more than if you did," Viki declared.

"Yes," Sam nodded, "a lot more than if I did. These children and Todd need their mama. You have to take care of yourself."

Viki thought for a moment. "Do you promise to get me immediately if Todd or any of them call for me?" "Yes," Sam promised.

"Even if it's three in the morning?" Viki pressed.

"Yes," Sam promised again. He realized Viki had never forgotten the one time he and Susannah kept Todd's condition from her, in order so spare her. He understood that left her afraid it might happen again. "Viki you have my word. I will not hesitate to call you if there is any change at all in Todd, bad or good. I respect your right to know and to decide for yourself if you should be here."

Viki kissed him. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you," Sam replied. He took Viki's hands in his. "Viki, there is nothing in this world, nothing, that you could tell me that would ever make me stop loving you. I blew the first part of my life. I want to get it right this time. I want you and Todd and me to be a family. I want that more than I have ever wanted anything."

"That's exactly what I want and I know it's what Todd wants, at least until he can get back to Téa and Starr. I think Todd needs to be a child, with good loving parents for a while, before he can be the husband and father he wants to be. He needs some of that nurturing he has miraculously been able to give Starr."

Sam fully agreed with Viki. "Todd took what little love he was able to get from Barbara and ran with it. He became a phenomenal father. I will never know how he did that. I'm just thankful that he did," Sam stated.

Viki squeezed Sam's hand. She kissed Todd on the head. She picked up her bag and coat and left for Dorian's.

*****

Dorian was not surprised when the maid told her Mrs. Carpenter was there to see her. She expected Viki or perhaps Sam or both. She did think it would not be until tomorrow. "Viki, how nice to see you. I stopped by the hospital this afternoon, but you and Sam were out to lunch. So was Doctor Hanen, for that matter. Do you really think it wise to leave Todd alone like that?"

Viki felt her anger rising. She could hear the venom under Dorian's concerned tone and sweet smile. "Todd was fine! The techs and nurses were with him. We were all within a block or two of the hospital and the staff knew how to reach us." Viki tried to keep her tone civil. She didn't want to put Dorian on the offense from the start, but it was difficult. Viki knew Dorian, perhaps better than anyone on earth, and she knew Dorian was up to something.

"Oh, I realize there are lots of staff members with Todd at all times." Dorian sighed. "Staff is not family, but you needn't worry. Blair was with him. She is so good with him. I'll tell you, they may have fought like cats and dogs when they were together, but when the chips are down I can't think of anyone better to have on your side than Blair. She loves Todd and takes excellent care of him. My goodness, you should have seen how patient she was with him. She was planning on feeding him when I left. Maybe a few days with Blair will help put some weight back on him." Dorian barely took a breath between sentences. Dorian then shook her head and commented, "He is so frightfully thin and pale. I don't know how you can stand to see him like that. Between us, I would really take a long, hard look at how severely he has deteriorated since he's been in that hospital."

Viki was seething with anger. "Dorian, what the Hell were you doing looking at Todd's chart? I have told you everything that is wrong with him. Why were you snooping?

"Snooping!" Dorian was playing it outraged and hurt. "I was showing concern for Todd and for Blair and that is how you interpret it? Viki, I thought we were past all that?"

'She really has it perfected,' Viki thought to herself. "Both you and Blair were told about any changes in Todd's condition. Apparently, you thought something was being kept from you. Why couldn't you have just asked?"

"As you know, there was no one there to ask. The staff would not have gone into any detail with us. They would have referred us to Doctor Hanen."

"You and Blair couldn't have waited for Susannah to get back from lunch!" Viki was not in the mood for these games.

"Viki, I understand you are having . . . " Dorian pursed her lips and brought her index finger and thumb close together. With a slight tilt of her head, she continued, "some little mental problems of your own to deal with right now. Perhaps Todd's care is too much for you?"

'You bitch,' Viki thought. "I am having some sessions with Susannah because some issues were never dealt with in my first therapy with her. I want to deal with then now." Viki tried to stay calm. She didn't want this to become a shouting match.

"Well dear, since Doctor Hanen failed you, do you really feel Todd is in the best of hands?"

"Failed me!" Viki was livid. She had to pause a moment before she continued. "Susannah saved my life, Dorian! I had been to many psychiatrists before her. She was the only one who finally recognized just how ill I was. She was the one who was finally able to make me whole and give me back my life. Todd couldn't be in better hands."

"Viki, you really should calm down. I don't mean to offend Doctor Hanen, but it seems to me that she did not complete the job with you."

Viki was determined not to allow Dorian to get to her. "As you know, Susannah had to go to Switzerland. She referred me to a fine psychiatrist. We just didn't click. I still had some feelings and memories that remained buried. Look, I am not here to discuss Susannah's competence. She is the finest psychiatrist I know and I trust her completely."

"Of course. I was just thinking of what was best for poor Todd. I would hate for Starr to lose her father."

"Starr will never lose her father. Now tell me why you were looking at Todd's chart and we can put an end to this conversation," Viki said through clenched teeth.

"I thought I already explained that. Blair was concerned. Doctor Hanen wasn't around. I am a doctor and Todd is family. I don't understand why this huge deal is being made of this."

"As a doctor, you should know that Susannah would have had to have permission from me to show you Todd's chart, and as a doctor you should also know you violated Todd's rights!"

"Oh please! What harm did it do? I think you should be far more concerned with Todd's labs and his weight."

Viki's anger turned to fear. She immediately thought Dorian saw something in the chart that no one told her about. "Why? What did you see?" she asked anxiously.

Dorian realized what Viki was thinking and felt a twinge of compassion for her. She quickly answered, "Just what you have told Blair and me. Todd's very anemic. His electrolytes have reached dangerous levels in the past. His renal functions are slightly elevated. His ECG has shown some abnormalities. He has been restrained and heavily sedated more times than I can count. Viki, Todd was a strong, healthy, young man when he was brought into that hospital. Now he is just falling apart."

Viki felt tears sting her eyes. She bit her lip and squeezed her hands into fists to keep them at bay. Viki took a deep breath and collected herself. "As a physician, you should know that major depression and mental illness in general can take their toll on someone, physically as well as emotionally, especially something as severe as DID, psychosis and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Since you did see Todd's chart you must have seen that Susannah has started him on Procrit to help with the anemia. And she is increasing his feedings, slowly, to as much as Todd can tolerate. If he is fed too much at once, he vomits. Some of the alters are also starting to accept regular food more often. Todd has not lost any additional weight in a couple of weeks." Viki stated calmly.

"Well, after losing over thirty pounds it's a good thing . . . if there is to be anything left of that young man."

"Dorian, Todd is finally starting to show some progress. I don't want you or Blair to disrupt that in any way. You will have me to deal with if any harm comes to Todd because of either of you. Believe me, if you think you have seen me angry before, it is nothing compared to how I would feel toward anyone who caused Todd another second of misery. That child has suffered more than anyone would think humanly possible. I'm warning you, Dorian. I'm not kidding around here."

"Viki, you don't have to try to impress me with your rage. Are you forgetting I'm the one you threw down the stairs, kidnapped and imprisoned? You forced me to marry David Vickers . . . oh and let's not forget my being sent to death row. I think I know the extent of your rage. First you were obsessing about your father and now it's Todd. Honestly Viki, the men in your life are certainly hard on your psyche, aren't they?"

For a second, Viki felt Tori's rage. Now, luckily for Dorian, Viki herself was in control of her mind and her body. Allowing herself to feel this rage was still not something Viki was comfortable with. "My feelings for Todd have nothing to with my feelings for Father . . . other than the contempt I feel for Father for taking Todd away from Irene and giving him to the Mannings . . . and Todd and I share . . . we both know what it is to be abused and to have our childhood's stolen away from us." Viki did not feel this was the right time for this question, but she had to ask. "Are you positive that Father never, in any way, gave you even the slightest hint that he had a little boy hidden away or any indication that he was going to visit him?"

"I have already told you no. You know as well as I do that secrets were your father's passion . . . well, besides you. No, I had no idea Todd existed. By the way, have you looked at that letter Victor left for Todd?" Dorian tried to make her voice sound very casual.

"No. As I told you, that was meant for Todd. When he is well enough to handle whatever the contents might be, I will give it to him."

Dorian let that drop. She didn't want to appear too eager. She was happy Viki never noticed the missing check. Not that it had done Dorian much good. She looked through all of Victor's belongings over and over again and found no further connection to James Porter. She called the bank Victor had drawn the checks from and could get no information from them, even when she pretended to be his daughter. She tried to get some information from the bank Porter used to cash the checks and came up blank there too. Unbeknownst to even Blair, Dorian hired a private detective to try to find James Porter.

Viki changed the subject back to the reason she came to Dorian's in the first place. "Why were you looking at Todd's chart, Dorian?"

"I told you! I did it to put Blair's mind at ease. My goodness! You would think I was looking at top government secrets."

"I know you, Dorian. You're up to something. Todd has enough problems. If you cause any more for him, I swear . . ."

"My, my, aren't we full of threats today? I should have known your overtures toward friendship wouldn't last. You've never forgiven me for coming between you and your father, have you? Ohhh, big bad Dorian stole Daddy away from princess Victoria, didn't she? Are you ever going to get over that? You always wanted Daddy all to yourself. You would have hated any woman your father loved!"

"Loved! You think Father loved you? He may have been perverted, but he wasn't stupid! He knew what you were, Dorian. The whole town knew what you were. You thought taking down my mother's portrait and parading around town as Mrs. Victor Lord brought you any respectably? Everyone knew you married Father for his name and his money, and still that was never enough for you. You've never stopped trying to hurt me. Even if you had to use one of my children to do it . . . even if you had to try to ruin Sloan's reputation to do it. You never cared who got hurt . . . Joey . . . Cassie," Viki declared loudly.

"You know I cared very deeply for Joe. I have never done anything to deliberately hurt my child!" Dorian defended herself.

"YOU CARED ABOUT HURTING ME. YOU CARED ABOUT TAKING SOMEONE ELSE AWAY FROM ME," Viki accused loudly.

"JOE CAME TO ME WILLINGLY. I NEVER HELD A GUN TO HIS HEAD AND I NEVER HELD ONE TO VICTOR'S HEAD EITHER. YOUR FATHER WANTED TO MARRY ME AND YOU COULD NOT STAND NOT BEING NUMBER ONE IN DADDY'S HEART," Dorian shouted back.

Viki laughed. "He married you to get back at me. He married you because he couldn't come between Joe and me."

"It's always about you, isn't it? Always about Viki. If I had been executed for killing Victor you would have found some way to turn it around to you being hurt by my death. I wouldn't be surprised if your father married me to get back at you. He was a disgusting degenerate. He was a monster. Yet, you are the one who can't let go of him. Oh, yes. You hate him for what he did to you and even more for what he did to Todd, but you still can't let go of him. You still hate me for taking him away from you. You were a married woman, yet you still wanted to be Daddy's girl . . . Daddy's one and only. Get over it Viki! Be glad you rid the world of that sick bastard. Suffocating the life out of his evil body was the best thing you ever did in your life!"

Viki slapped Dorian so hard Dorian fell to the couch. They both became perfectly still. They were both shocked by Viki's reaction. Viki could not believe she had just done that. She also could not believe that hearing Dorian talk about her father that way could still stir up so much rage. "Oh my God, Dorian. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"

Rubbing the side of her face, Dorian looked up at Viki and snapped, "I suppose I should be grateful you didn't throw me down the stairs this time. I am really happy that you are back in therapy. You need it Viki! If you are Viki?"

"Yes, I'm Viki. I'm the one who handles my anger now. I take full responsibility for hitting you. I am sorry."

Dorian stood up. She was still rubbing her left cheek. "You still love him don't you? Risking another slap, or worse, I have to say that you need help, Viki. There is a part of you that still loves that monster . . . that still needs to be Daddy's obedient little girl. Maybe you should get yourself healed before you play mommy to Todd. What if Todd calls Victor names and says the truth about him? Are you going to hit him too?"

Viki was horrified. "I would never lay a finger on Todd no matter what, and you know it. Todd hates Father, with good reason. He has said many of the same things about him that you have."

"Oh, I see. But Todd did not steal Daddy away from you. Todd did not share Daddy's bed. Is that it Viki? Did the thought of me in your father's bed eat you up inside? Did it kill you to know that he would share that part of himself that made you feel loved, with me?"

"That is sick, Dorian, even for you. You know I hated what Father did to me."

"Yes, I know that," Dorian admitted with a touch of compassion in her voice. It quickly left. "I also know enough about child abuse to know that the abuse is all mixed up with feeling loved and wanted. Your father confused you Viki. He made you feel that to abuse you was to love you. Your father was a cold son of a bitch. I am sure he was usually that way with you too, but when he abused you he was warm and loving, wasn't he? That was probably the only time he was ever warm to you and that he didn't treat you like a piece of property. That is how a sick twisted mind like your father's works. It was in bed that his Victoria became his princess."

Viki couldn't stand it anymore. She needed to get out of there. Even though she knew every word Dorian spoke was true, she didn't want to hear it . . . not now and certainly not from Dorian. Viki picked up her purse from the coffee table.

"You never could stand hearing the truth about your father. I have to give you credit. At least you stayed Viki."

"You needn't worry about that, Dorian. If you get pushed down the stairs again, you can rest assure that it will be by me, Viki! Don't ever do anything to hurt Todd, Dorian. I promise you. You will live to regret it. You will wish you had been executed by the state." With that, Viki turned around and left.

Dorian rubbed her cheek. "I'm sure Blair's lawyer will be happy to hear how unstable and violent Todd's sister is. Imagine a poor child like Timmy being left alone with her?" Dorian thought out loud. She then realized she was more determined than ever to find out what Victor thought was worth almost a quarter of a million dollars to hide.

*****

Viki was deeply shaken by her encounter with Dorian. She was also furious. Once, alone in her car, Viki shouted, "THERE IS NO PART OF ME THAT STILL LOVES HIM!" Then quietly, she added, "not after what I remembered he did to me and to Todd." Viki thought back to the times she was abused. Those were the only times Victor had shown her any warmth. Viki put her head on the steering wheel and wept for the little girl who so desperately wanted to be loved by the only parent she had, even if he was a monster. Slowly, Viki's tears subsided. She lifted her head and wiped her eyes. She still felt shaken. She did not want to think about any of the things Dorian had said . . . not now . . . not tonight. She wanted to be with Todd. She knew she had promised Sam she would go home. That was not what she wanted to do. Kevin, who was still staying at the house, would be home later. He would know something was bothering her. Out of a son's concern, he would ask her about it. She did not want to discuss it with him or with anyone right now. Sam would know too. Viki knew he would sense she didn't want to discuss it and not bring it up. Mostly, Viki wanted to be with Todd. She just had a feeling that she needed to be with him. Viki headed back to the hospital.

Sam was feeding Todd some yogurt when Viki came back. She could see that Sam did not look all that surprised to see her. Sam shook his head slightly and asked, "So what happened to that night off you were supposed to have?"

Viki put one hand on Sam's shoulder and stroked Todd's head with the other. "I am happiest when I am with my two guys here."

"Okay, but you go to the lounge tonight, deal?"

"Deal!" Viki agreed.

Then in a more serious tone, Sam asked, "Are you all right? Any problem with Dorian?"

"Yes and yes," Viki answered. "I'm fine. The last thing I want right now is to talk about Dorian. I can say that I don't think she will be sneaking around here any time soon."

"You know we could have her banned from coming onto the unit," Sam suggested.

"No. I don't want to do that just yet. Sometimes this is hard for Blair and Dorian is really her main support. I honestly don't think she will be trying that again." Changing the subject, Viki asked, "How's he been? I see that you are getting him to eat some more."

"He's doing great. Aren't you, Boomer?" Sam stroked Todd's cheek and smiled at him. "He had another bowl of oatmeal and now he is having some yogurt."

Viki kissed the top of Todd's head and went to take off her jacket.

Secrets 84, Page 2