Kevin moaned loudly and opened his eyes. "Mom?"

"Kevin! What on earth is wrong with you! Is this what you've been doing with yourself? You've been staying home and getting drunk?"

"Don't worry. I took care of things at the paper. I got drunk on my own time." Kevin's words were slightly slurred.

"The paper? Is that why you think I'm concerned about you . . . because I want you taking care of the paper! Sweetheart, I'm worried about you. I'm worried about what is going on with you that is making you want to get drunk this way."

"Don't worry about me mom. You have your hands full as it is. I just needed a little break. I'm fine!"

"No, Kevin. You're not fine, not at all. Honey, what is going on? Please tell me."

Kevin sat up. "Ohhhh," he moaned and held his head.

Viki went into his bathroom and got a cool cloth and placed it on his head. She then handed him some aspirin and a glass of water. He gratefully took them. Viki lifted his head by the chin and looked into his eyes. "What is it? Honey, you can tell me? Is it Todd? Is it all the time I spend with Todd or are you still worried about your reaction to Pete? Or is it Cassie? Are you and Cassie having problems?"

"Most of the above. Mom, I do not mind the time you spend with Todd. If anything I feel guilty because I haven't been to the hospital for a while."

"Well, Timmy hasn't been out for a while either," Viki informed him.

Kevin winced at the mention of Timmy's name.

"Sweetheart, please. I know you're afraid you could hurt him or one of the others, but I know you. You would never do that. You are human. You had a right to get angry over the things Pete said to you. He was trying to make you angry. We all know that."

Kevin sighed deeply.

"How are things between you and Cassie?" Viki pressed.

"Great. As long as I'm here and she's in our house," Kevin snapped.

"Have the two of you gotten together to talk about things at all?"

"No. I don't think Cassie is ready right now and I know I'm not. Mom, you don't mind me staying here do you?"

"Kevin, for God sake! This is your home. It always was and it always will be. Why don't you get cleaned up and changed and I will too? I'll meet you in the kitchen in about twenty minutes and we can have some coffee. I'll fill you in on Todd and me and you can fill me in on the paper and on you."

Kevin nodded and swung his legs off the bed. Viki headed for her room.

Kevin looked better by the time he came down to the kitchen. Viki had already put up the coffee. Viki told him that Todd had made quite a bit of progress. She explained how he had been able to communicate with them and how he was able to understand what was being said to him. "Kevin, Todd was able to express some of his fears and talk about the way he felt about himself. Susannah was even been able to broach his having DID with him."

Kevin was happy to hear that Todd was beginning to show some signs of progress. He knew that it wasn't all going well though. He could see the pain in his mother's eyes. "Mom, what is it? I can tell that it there is some bad news along with the good."

Viki was hesitant to tell Kevin everything, given his moods of late. However she knew her son knew her too well and he realized she was keeping things from him. Viki filled him in on the things Andy disclosed and the emergence of Rocky and the things he disclosed about Lisa and Sarah's homecoming.

"DAMN THAT SON OF BITCH PETER MANNING STRAIGHT TO HELL!" Kevin shouted. He pounded his fist against the kitchen table, rattling the coffee mugs. "Mom, I'm sorry. I just can't believe the sadism in that man. How is it possible for anyone to hurt a child to that extent? Even Grandpa Victor wasn't that much of a sadist." Kevin looked at his mother. "Mom, I'm sorry. I don't mean to minimize what grandpa did to you . . . it's just that . . . I"

"Oh, don't worry sweetheart," Viki cut in, "I have thought the same thing many times myself. I feel almost blessed to have had my father as opposed to Peter Manning. Not that any child should ever have to have either of them for a parent. Father was sick, twisted and controlling and he could be cruel, but he was not sadistic. When he hurt someone he always had what he believed to be a reason. Even when he tried to keep me away from your father . . . yes, he did it for his own sick reasons . . . but he didn't do it to hurt me or belittle me. He didn't want me to suffer. Peter loved watching Todd suffer. He loved watching Barbara suffer. It was how he got his kicks." Viki then told Kevin that she was having some therapy sessions with Susannah, for herself.

"I'm happy for you mom. I know that everything that happened with Todd must have stirred up some memories."

"It not just that, honey. There were many issues left unresolved when Susannah left town. I want to finally put all my ghosts to rest. I can't expected Todd to do something that is so painful for him if I can't."

Kevin stood up and kissed his mother's cheek. "You always did teach your children by setting a good example."

Viki took his hand. "Kevin, do you think you might be ready to visit Todd? . . . I mean if Timmy comes back?"

Kevin straightened up and looked away from Viki. Just the mention of being around the helpless Timmy made Kevin uncomfortable. He felt love for Timmy well up in his heart. He also felt that irrational fear that he would end up hurting him. "I'm not sure. Mom, I'm sorry. I just don't know if I am ready."

Viki stood up and hugged her son. "I understand. Why don't you call Cassie? Maybe you two can discuss some of your problems?"

"I don't think I'm ready for that either. Don't worry. I won't sit around and get drunk. I'll go out in a little while. I'll stop by the paper and check on things. I'll you know if there are any problems."

Viki kissed Kevin good-bye. She gathered what she needed and headed back to the hospital.

*****

There were no problems at the Banner. The foreman of each department kept things running smoothly. Kevin knew he really wasn't needed there right now. Tea was surprised to see Kevin walk into her little storefront office. "I was just in the neighborhood," Kevin said.

"Sure Buchanan. You always take an evening stroll through Angel Square. What's up?" Tea asked. She noticed that Kevin didn't look too good.

"Nothing much. I have been feeling no pain of late, if you know what I mean?"

Tea did know, all too well. She hadn't been burying herself in the bottom of a bottle anymore. She had been burying herself in work. There was hardly a citizen of Angel Square, with a legal problem, whom Tea wasn't helping. "How are things between you and Cassie?" Tea inquired.

"Fine. Well as long as we each stay in our separate houses," Kevin replied.

"You're still staying at Llanfair?" Tea guessed.

"Yep. In my old room. What does that say about me?"

"It says you're lucky enough to have some place to go to when things go bad," Tea pointed out. She got up and poured some steaming hot coffee into a mug. She handed it to Kevin. "We like it strong around here. This should get you back in fighting shape," Tea joked. She smiled at Kevin.

Kevin took it and took a sip. "Wow! If this doesn't wake me up all the way, I must be dead." Kevin filled Tea in on what Viki told him about Todd.

Tea couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her face. "God! My poor Todd. I can't believe he managed to live his life as well as he did up till now . . . all that horror buried in his mind," Tea wiped her eyes with her hand.

Kevin handed her his handkerchief. "Have you been to see him, recently?" Kevin asked her.

"No. What about you?" Kevin shook his head. "Aren't we a pair?" Tea began. "We can just stay away from all that suffering because it hurts us too much to be around it. How does Todd get away? Even when he doesn't remember, the alters are suffering. Doctor Hanen doesn't give them the option of not being there or not thinking about it. They have to live with it every moment of their lives." Tea's tone was bitter and self-loathing.

"My mom and Sam don't try to escape it either. They stay there. They bear witness to the torture and suffering that Todd goes through," Kevin declared. He felt very guilty. "It's not all bad news." Kevin told Tea about the progress Todd has been making.

"That does sound encouraging," Tea confirmed. "Do you know if he's mentioned me at all?" she asked shyly.

"No, Tea. I don't. I'm sorry. Why don't you go talk to my mom tomorrow or the next day? She would probably know. Maybe you can visit with one of the alters while you're there?" Kevin suggested. He then asked, "Right now, how would you like to have some dinner? I think all I had today was half a stale donut and I'll wager to guess you haven't had much more than that battery acid over there."

Tea smiled. "I guess I could use some dinner, but I get to pick out the restaurant and if you think the coffee was strong, wait until you taste the food at the restaurant I have in mind."

Kevin smiled back. "You're on. Can you leave now?"

Tea checked her watch. "Yes. My next appointment isn't until eight thirty tonight."

"You see clients that late at night?" Kevin was surprised.

Tea gave him an amused look. "We can't all keep banker's hours, Buchanan."

Kevin smiled again and announced, "Then we'd better be on our way." They left to have dinner together.

Sam had come back to Todd's room while Blair was still with him. She told him Viki had gone home for a while. She also told him Viki said it would be all right for her to join in on the meeting about Todd.

"Of course it's all right. Blair, we do know that you love and care about Todd. No one wants to cut you out of his life," Sam assured her.

Susannah came back, shortly afterward, Viki did too. Todd remained asleep. They left Dave sitting with him. They all went to a conference room. Susannah's office was still being cleaned up.

Sam spoke first. "I don't understand. How could this alter feel the way he does about Peter? How could he think Peter is the best father in the whole world?"

Susannah began to explain, "Sam, it's called attachment to the perpetrator. It is normal for a child to want to attach to his or her parent. We are biologically made that way. Much in the same way puppies, kittens, monkeys and most mammals are. The child wants to get love and affection from the parent. At the same time the child is pulling back and recoiling from the abuse. They are caught between wanting to attach and wanting to pull away. That is some of the basis for the dissociation. The child has to push aside the trauma and pain and all those horrible feelings so he can have this picture of a parent who is safe, loving and caring. Every child needs this safe place and person to attach to. As in Todd's case, if the reality of the child's life doesn't give it to them, they make it up for themselves."

"So, by Rocky making Peter out to be this great dad he is trying to give himself a safe and loving father?" Blair asked.

"Yes, exactly," Susannah answered.

"Why does this little boy imagine himself to be so tough?" Viki asked.

"For the same reasons Pete and Saber do. They were trapped in this horribly abusive situation with no way out. They had no control over anything in their lives and absolutely no power. Peter had all the power and control. They were overwhelmed by it and made to feel totally powerless and helpless. They needed to shift some of that power and control from Peter, the perpetrator, to themselves. It gave the illusion of being in control. Rocky feels that he is in a partnership with his dad and that together they are controlling the others. He gets to feel that love and attachment and approval that he needs . . . that this part of Todd needs. He believes the others deserve the abuse so that neither he nor his father is doing anything wrong or bad. He also needs the power of being able to hurt them."

"Is that why he lives with Saber and not Carol and Goodone or Miss Perkins?" Sam asked.

"Yes. He chooses Saber because Saber is Peter to him. It is still Peter's love and approval that he's after. If he can't get it from Peter, he will try to get it from Saber."

"Do you think he realizes Peter is dead?" Viki posed.

"No. I think at this point that knowledge would destroy him. I don't know his rational for not having seen Peter for so long. Perhaps in his mind he does see him. The problem with alters like Pete, Saber and especially Rocky, is that they do not want to work within the system. They want to stay separate and in control of everyone else. They will usually not be cooperative. Control is an even bigger issue to them than to the others. Giving it, and the power they believe they have, up is not something they want to do," Susannah stated.

"So how will you ever get them to cooperated to help Todd?" Blair inquired.

"Usually through give and take and negotiation. I would make deals with them. I may promise not to ask them or Todd about certain things and they would promise not to interfere with certain aspects of the therapy. Or I may promise to get them something they want in exchange for their promise not to hurt anyone or themselves. I believe I can make such deals with Rocky and Pete. I'm not sure about Saber. Saber is sadistic. He enjoys seeing Todd and the others suffering. He has not attached to Peter. He has become Peter. He sees Todd and all the others as a threat to him."

"Oh, man. It sounds like Todd is at war with himself," Blair observed.

"He is. That's exactly what is happening. What we have to do is to get Todd and all the alters to work together."

"How are you ever going to be able to do that? Just about the only thing most of them want is loving parents," Sam stated. "Yes," Susannah agreed. "That is the bond most of them share and that is a starting point. I need to point out their similarities to them. I also need to find a way to get Mike, the gatekeeper, involved in the therapy."

"What about Goodone and Carol and Miss Perkins?" Viki pointed out.

"I don't think Miss Perkins will be a problem. Carol and Goodone are terrified of allowing Todd or the children to be placed in a situation that makes them vulnerable to being hurt, physically or emotionally. Although, I think it is a very good sign that Todd came when I called him. All the twins trusted enough to allow themselves to relax and to go back inside. I am reasonably sure that Goodone heard me talk to him and to Todd and that he helped me get Todd out." Susannah theorized.

"You really think so," Viki asked hopefully.

"Yes. The first thing Todd said, before he was fully with us, was he wanted to go back. I suspect that Goodone pushed him a little. If so, Goodone may be starting to trust us. If we can earn Goodone's trust that will be a major step in bringing Todd forward for therapy sessions."

"Doctor Hanen, that sounds kind of cruel to me," Blair interrupted. "I thought Goodone was the one safe place Todd had. The one place on this whole earth where he can be happy, warm and safe and were he can feel love. Where will he go for that if you get Goodone to reject him and turn him away?"

"No, Blair. It's not like that. Goodone would never reject Todd or force him to do something he couldn't handle. Goodone is just helping Todd to be strong. If Todd really didn't want to come to us today or if Goodone had not trusted us to take care of him and keep him safe, Todd would not have come out," Susannah explained.

"But you didn't keep him safe. You let him hurt himself. Why would Goodone trust you in the future?" Blair didn't understand.

"Blair, we were all in the room with Todd. You weren't. You have no idea how fast that happened. No one could have stopped him," Sam snapped.

"I have a right to ask questions, Sam! I want to know," Blair snapped back. Her tone was equally impatient.

"I want Blair to ask questions," Susannah encouraged. "I don't want any of you left wondering about any aspect of Todd's treatment. Blair it is true. Todd's body got hurt on our watch. I agree with you. I think Goodone will be upset over that. The thing is, he will not really interpret it as Todd being hurt. He will see it as Rocky being hurt. What will upset Goodone and Carol the most is when Todd comes back and he is in pain. Both Carol and Goodone are very protective of all the children, however Todd is their main concern. That is their job. Protecting Todd is what they were created for."

Blair seemed to accept Susannah's explanation.

"So, how do you plan on ever getting them all to work together?" Viki pressed.

"I was encouraged by the fact that Todd was willing to stay around after I brought up his having DID. He usually dissociates if it's even hinted at. He also was more aware of his condition than I thought he was. He seemed to remember what we discussed so many months ago."

"But Susannah, he sees it as being crazy and evil. He doesn't look at it like an illness," Sam pointed out.

"Right now that's true. Still, being aware of what is wrong with him is a very important step. Denial has always been a huge problem for Todd and it greatly hindered his progress. His being able to hear me while he was inside and his remembering that he heard me once he woke up is another step. Todd is getting stronger, physically and emotionally. Sam, Blair . . . you have no idea how much strength it took for Todd to come to my voice. Viki, I know you understand how terrifying it is to come through that tunnel."

"Yes, I do. It's one of the most terrifying things you can imagine," Viki agreed.

"Tunnel?" Blair didn't understand.

"Viki, I think you can explain it to Blair better than I can," Susannah suggested.

Viki turned to Blair. She hoped her experience with DID would help her to explain it in a way that would make Blair and Sam really understand what Todd is facing. "Sometimes you go away and come back spontaneously. You don't feel it happening. You just go away or you suddenly come back and find yourself there . . . without remembering how you got there. That's frightening enough. Other times you can feel it happening and that is terrifying. The more you try to fight it, the more terrifying it becomes. When you feel yourself dissociating . . . and again when you are called back . . . against your will . . . you feel as if you are being pulled or pushed through this long dark tunnel. You feel as if you have no control . . . this is happening to you and you can't stop it. You have no idea what waits at the other end. Sometimes you try to get back inside and it is as if the way back is closed off to you. I imagine that is what happened to Todd today. I am sure he tried to get back to Goodone, but he felt as if he had to come out and to follow that road to Susannah's voice. The one thing you have to understand is, as Susannah said, if Todd really couldn't face coming out today, he wouldn't have. The part of Todd that is Goodone knew Todd could handle this. As soon as he couldn't handle what was happening he spontaneously switched and Rocky came out. I am sure that Todd ran right back to Goodone's arms and that Goodone was there, waiting for him."

Blair's head was spinning. It sounded as if Doctor Hanen knew what she was doing. Nevertheless, Blair's instincts still told her she needed to get Todd out of there.

"So is that the first step . . . Todd accepting he has DID and being able to hear you?" Sam asked.

"It is the first of many. I have to get Todd to the point where there can be co-communication between him and the alters."

"Susannah, when he hears them now he is terrified. It sometimes sends him into a psychotic episode," Sam stated.

"That is not the only reason Todd goes into an episode. But yes, he is terrified of the voices he hears. That is usually because the ones he hears the loudest are trying to frighten him. Some of the voices he hears during an episode may not be alters. They may be auditory hallucinations. Todd has to learn to accept the DID for what it is and know that the alter's voices he does hear cannot hurt him. He needs to understand that they are a separate part of him, but are still he. Hopefully the neuroleptic will address some of that. It should slow the switching and give Todd a little more control over things. That is what is really most terrifying to him . . . not having control."

Blair realized there was a lot of truth in what Susannah just said. Losing control had been one of Todd's biggest fears ever since she'd known him, that and being abandoned. Blair was still very concerned. She had yet to see Todd conscious since he was given the antipsychotic medication. She had no idea if it was affecting him the way it had affected her mother. She still believed that it was irresponsible of them to allow Todd to hurt himself. Also, Blair did not like the fact that he was in restraints again. It seemed every time she came to see him he was sedated and restrained. She could see that Susannah was a good doctor and was trying her best. Nevertheless, Blair believed that being at the penthouse with her and Starr is what Todd needed. Blair went to say goodnight to Todd. There had been no change in him. He was still in a deep sleep. His fever had gone up to one hundred point nine. This concerned not only Blair, but Sam and Viki as well. Susannah assured them that they only needed to be concerned if it went over one hundred and one.

Blair kissed Todd again and stroked his hair. She whispered in his ear, "Goodnight baby. I'll be back tomorrow. Someone has to watch over you."

As usual, Viki and Sam stayed the night, and once again, so did Susannah.

Todd was kept sedated and slept through the night. Blair was back by eight the next morning. Viki and Sam were both with Todd and Terry was just finishing one of his morning feedings when Blair walked into the room. Sam and Viki were a little surprised to see her back so soon. "How is he doing?" Blair asked. She looked lovingly at Todd.

"He slept through the night. Susannah kept him sedated because she knew how much pain he would be in. He has been moaning a little for the past twenty minutes or so. He may be coming to," Viki informed her.

"Is Doctor Hanen going to remove the restraints?" Blair hoped the answer was yes. She hated seeing Todd tied down like that.

"She has to access him first. She can't take the chance that he will rip out the stitches," Sam reported.

They turned to Todd as he moaned and started to pull against the restraints. Terry stuck her head out of the door and Todd Frank to have someone alert Susannah.

Before Susannah got there, Todd opened his eyes. He tried to raise his arms. Then his eyes opened wider and his face contorted in pain. "Viki! Sam! Viki!"

"We're right here, Boomer," Sam comforted.

"Sweetheart, don't move around too much," Viki cautioned.

"Why does it hurt so much?" Todd cried out. He tried to take a deep breath. The pain in his chest stopped him.

"Todd, you have some stitches in your chest and some in your right hand. You have to lie still so you don't rip them out," Terry explained.

"Why do I have stitches?" There was fear in Todd's voice.

Susannah came in and heard his last question? "Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. I know you're in pain I will get you some medication for it."

"NO! No drugs. I don't want drugs!"

"Sweetheart, why should you be in pain? Let Doctor Hanen give you some medicine for it," Viki pleaded.

"No! Why do I have stitches?"

"You cut yourself with some glass," Susannah gently explained.

"No! You're lying. I didn't try to hurt myself. Is that why I'm tied down . . . because you think I'll hurt myself?"

"We don't want you to rip out your stitches," Susannah told him.

"I won't. Please untie me! I can't stand being tied down." Todd was getting very agitated.

Susannah was afraid he would move around too much if the restraints were released now. "Not yet, Todd. Why don't you try to go back to sleep for a while."

"UNTIE ME!" he shrieked.

"Todd, first you need to calm down and show me you can stay safe. Then I'll take the restraints off." Susannah said calmly.

Todd struggled harder as he attempted to break free of the restraints. "Ohhhh! Viki, it hurts. It hurts!" he cried out.

Susannah ordered some pain med.

"I'm here sweetheart. The pain will get better. You need to get some medication." Viki tried to console him.

"No! No! I said no drugs. I don't want drugs." Todd started to cry.

"For God's sake, Viki. He said he didn't want any drugs. I think he has the right to decide that for himself." They all turned to look at Blair.

"Blair? Is that Blair?" Todd cried in anguish.

"Yes. It's me. I'm here Todd," Blair rushed to his bed.

"Blair. Oh God. I don't want you to see me like this. What are you doing here?"

"Todd, don't be embarrassed in front of me. You've seen me when I was sick and hurt. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to watch out for you."

"Where's Starr? Oh God! You didn't bring Starr here?" Todd breathing was becoming erratic.

"No. Of course Starr's not here. I know you don't want her to see you here. Starr is in school. She's safe."

Todd tried to take another deep breath and grimaced in pain.

"Sweetie, why don't you want to take the medicine for pain?" Blair asked.

"I don't want to be drugged. I hate that. I have no control as it is. Ohhh!"

Blair hated to see him hurt so much. Still, she did not want him drugged against his will.

"Blair," Todd whispered. She put her ear to his lips so she could hear him. "They said I hurt myself. Did I? Did I hurt myself?"

"Yes, baby. You did, but it wasn't really you."

Todd started to tremble. "It was them? They let them hurt me?"

"Who did we let hurt you Todd?" Susannah pressed.

"The voices. They said they were going to hurt me and they did!" Todd started to panic. "Blair! Where is Starr? They said they would hurt her too. You've got to go to her and keep her safe. They do what they say, Blair. They'll hurt her. Go to Starr! Go to Starr!" Todd's struggling increased. Every time he moved, he would shriek in pain. Susannah told Terry to administer the pain med. She hoped it would calm him as well. Blair wanted to stop them, however she was afraid they would force her to leave if she tried to keep them from medicating him. "Viki! Viki! Tell Blair to help Starr. Tell her to keep Starr safe."

Susannah feared he was going into a psychotic episode. "Todd, you need to stop this. You're going to hurt yourself. You need to calm down. Shhhh, no one is going to hurt Starr." Susannah turned to Blair. "You need to leave now. Todd is getting too agitated." Susannah's suggestion sounded more like and order.

"Todd wants me to stay. I'm not leaving him like this," Blair declared adamantly.

"NO! NO!" Todd screamed. "I WANT BLAIR! I WANT BLAIR TO STAY WITH ME! I NEED BLAIR! I HAVE TO TELL HER! BLAIR DON'T GO! I WANT BLAIR WITH ME! BLAAAAAAIR!" No one noticed Tea, standing in the doorway.

TO BE CONTINUED