Susannah hoped his bringing it up meant he was ready to discuss it. "What happened when you came back home after running away to your stepfather's summer house?" Susannah pushed.
"Nothing happened," Todd denied.
"Todd, you just said you had to go back to be punished. How were you punished?"
"Punished?" Todd repeated. He felt himself fading away. He only felt partially in their world.
"What did your dad do to you?" Susannah rephrased.
Todd's head lowered. "Uh-oh. Is he in trouble?" one voice said.
"I remember you," another voice said, "you're a doctor lady and you let us draw pictures."
Everyone listened to their voices for a moment. Then they all realized Scared and Braver had come back.
*****
Susannah spoke to them first. "Hello boys. We haven't seen you for a while. No. Todd is not in trouble. Have you boys been with Carol and Goodone?"
Braver spoke up. "They take real good care of us. They never send us away. Papa had to go be with Todd now. Todd is crying and papa heard him, so he went to him. Mama and the girls are trying to make Thomas feel better because he gets mad when papa goes away. Andy is in his own room, sleeping. He’s real tired. We wanted to say hello to him but mama said no."
"Does Todd cry a lot when he comes in to hide?" Susannah inquired.
"Until papa goes to him. Papa knows how to make us all feel better," Scared explained.
The boys started to get off the chair. Susannah gently pushed them back. "Boys, you have to get up very slowly. I would like you to let someone know when you want to stand up so we can help you." They both nodded in agreement. "How do you boys feel? Do either of you feel any different from the way you usually do?" Susannah asked.
"I can't see so good," Scared answered.
"Scared, can you tell me in which way your vision is different?" Viki and Sam heard concern in Susannah's voice.
"It's not light enough." Scared shrugged. "It's just harder to see," he answered as best he could.
"Braver, are you having trouble seeing?" Susannah probed.
"Nope. I see real good," Braver answered smiling.
Susannah went to get one of Tom's storybooks. "Scared, do you know how to read?" Susannah did not take for granted that he did.
Scared nodded.
"Will you read from this book for me?" Susannah held the book out to him.
Scared nodded again. He took the book. He turned to the first page. "I can't see the letters good."
Susannah could hear the anxiety in his voice. "Scared, let me help you stand up and we will go over to the lamp and see if more light helps you to read, okay?"
"Can Braver come with me?" Scared asked anxiously.
"Sure he can," Susannah assured him. She smiled and held out her hand.
Scared gave her his hand. He was a little dizzy when he stood, but only for a few seconds. Once the book was held directly under the lamplight he was able to make out the words. "How come I can't see so good anymore?"
Before Susannah could answer him, Braver patted Scared on the shoulder and promised, "Don't worry, Scared. I'll read to you. I'll help you draw."
"Scared, your eyes might be affected by some medicine we gave Todd. I don't want you to be afraid. Whatever it is, we will fix it. Okay?" Scared nodded. "Boys," Susannah asked, "would you like to come see my office and talk to me for a while?"
They both nodded eagerly. "Can they come?" Scared pointed to Sam and Viki.
"Sure they can," Susannah replied.
Susannah asked Frank and Jeff to wait in her outer office. As they walked, they noticed that Braver had no trouble walking. Scared, who stood a little shorter than Braver, was wobbly and reached out to them as he walked.
Braver and Scared waved to Susannah's secretary as they passed by her desk. She smiled and waved back. Once they entered Susannah's office they walked around looking at things. When they passed the window they stood and looked out. The sight of people walking around on the street seemingly mesmerized them. Scared whispered something to Braver and he whispered back.
"Boys, is there a problem?" Susannah called out.
"This don't look like our neighborhood. Are we far from our house?" Braver asked. Scared tugged on his arm and whispered to him again. "Are we near mama's house?" Braver wanted to know.
Susannah walked over to them. "No boys. I'm sorry. We are nowhere near your house or mama's house. We are in Llanview Pennsylvania. Do you boys know where Pennsylvania is?"
"That's where the Liberty Bell is," Scared answered.
"Yeah, and where the candy bars come from," Braver added.
"That's right. You boys know your history and geography."
They both smiled and Braver said, "We learned that in school. We were supposed to go on a school trip, but daddy wouldn't let us."
Scared turned to Sam. "Will you take us to see the Liberty Bell and to the chocolate place?"
"Yes, as soon as you boys are well enough I will take you anywhere you want to go," Sam promised.
"Boys, I'd like you both come sit down so we can talk for a while." Susannah informed them. She pointed to the chair sandwiched between Sam and Viki's. They seemed hesitant. "Do you boys know how to work a computer?" Susannah asked. They shook their heads. "After we talk for a while how would you like me to show you how to play with the computer?" Susannah offered.
"Ooooh, can we do it now?" Braver asked. Scared looked nervous. He whispered to Braver again. "I'm sorry. We can do it later. Please don't send us away," Braver pleaded.
"You boys don't ever have to worry about that. We will never send you away. You can ask for whatever you want. You will never be punished or sent away," Susannah assured them.
Braver whispered to Scared and they both nodded to each other.
"So, is it all right if we talk a little first?" Susannah pressed. Once again, they nodded. They headed over to the chair Susannah pointed to.
"Braver, Scared, the last time you were out you told us about helping Todd find his way to your mother's summerhouse. Do you remember that?" They looked at each other nervously and nodded again. "You said she kept you for six days and then sent you back to your father. Is that right?"
They took each other's hand and nodded yet again.
"Boys, there is nothing to be afraid of. All of that happened a long time ago and your father is nowhere near here. You are both safe." They seemed to calm down a little. "Do you boys remember overhearing Todd's stepfather talking to Todd's mother about him?"
"Todd was out, but we could hear it. He didn't like Todd and he made mama send him back. I don't think mama liked Todd too much either because she said she'd take care of it. Scared and me heard her from inside. Todd started to cry when he heard them. He went to his room so they wouldn't know he heard or see him cry."
Viki and Sam fought to keep themselves from crying.
"Did mama come to tell Todd he had to go back?" Susannah asked gently.
"That's when we came out. Can I have some water please?" Scared asked.
Susannah poured him a cup of cool water. She noticed a slight tremor in his hand when he reached for it. Scared seemed to be having side effects, while Braver did not. "Scared can I feel your left arm?" Susannah asked.
"Will it hurt?" Scared was frightened.
"No, not at all. I just want to move it up and down a little." Braver patted Scared's shoulder comfortingly. "Just relax your left arm," Susannah instructed. Once his arm was relaxed Susannah put her left hand under his elbow and took his wrist into her right hand. She gently moved his forearm to and away from his body. She felt the jerking motion of cogwheel rigidity as soon as she started. She knew that Scared was starting to display extrapyramidal symptoms. This finding upset Susannah very much. She knew that this rarely happened with Zyprexa. She hoped that Scared was the only one who was experiencing this. "Braver, can I do the same thing to your right arm that I just did to Scared's left one?"
"It doesn't hurt," Scared assured his twin.
The muscles of Braver's arm offered no resistance. The movements were smooth. Susannah was amazed. She knew that each alter could experience different or no side effects, but to have the muscles of these two react differently as they shared Todd's body at the same time boggled Susannah's mind. "Okay, boys," Susannah smiled at them. "That's it. You are both very brave boys. Scared and Braver exchanged looks and giggled. They both smiled at Susannah.
Susannah continued the session. "What did you boys do when mama came into your room to tell you she was sending you back to your father?"
"We took each other's hand. We didn't want to upset mama. She said daddy would hurt her if she kept us. She said, 'you don't want daddy to hurt me again do you?' We don't ever want mama to get hurt," Braver stated.
"But we don't want to get hurt either," Scared added. A tear trickled out of his eye. He leaned to the side and rested his head on Sam's shoulder. Sam put his arm around his him.
"No, of course you don't want to get hurt," Susannah acknowledged his feelings. "It must have been very frightening to hear that you had to go back to your dad," Susannah reflected. They nodded. "Did hearing your mom say that make you feel anything beside fear?" Susannah probed. Both boys started to get anxious. Susannah knew they weren't ready to talk about their feelings just yet. She continued to probe for facts. "How much longer did you both get to stay with your mom?"
"She made us leave the next day. She gave us pizza for dinner because that's Todd's favorite and she ate with us. Mama's new husband ate all by himself because he thought we were Todd and he don't like him," Braver responded.
"Maybe he don't like us either?" Scared wondered out loud. Braver shrugged his shoulder. "Maybe mama don't like us anymore?" Scared stated as more tears rolled down his cheeks. Sam tightened his grip on him.
Remembering what Lisa and Sarah told her about Todd coming out at the airport, Susannah asked, "Do you boys remember leaving the summer house?"
They both nodded. Braver was the first to respond again. "Mama was afraid to pack the baseball cards and the stuff she got Todd at the fair. She knew daddy would punish us if he saw it. We had to leave everything and only take the clothes we came in."
"See, mama didn't want us to get hurt. She didn't," Scared whispered sadly.
"No, of course you mother didn't want you to get hurt. She loved you. She was just afraid of your father," Viki comforted them. She wanted to take them in her arms.
"Do you both remember going to the airport?" Susannah posed.
"Mama was crying when she drove us. She asked us if we wanted to stop for ice cream, but our tummies hurt," Scared informed her.
"Do you know why Todd came back out while you were at the airport?" Susannah asked.
Braver looked away from Susannah. She could see the sadness on his face. "We didn't want to hurt so much so we went inside," Braver confessed.
"Todd wanted to come out. He wanted to see his mama. He knew he would never see her again for his whole life," Scared added.
A tear slid down Viki's cheek.
"Were you both able to still see Todd and mama after you went inside? Susannah questioned. "No, I think we took a nap. Can we play with the computer now?" Braver answered and then asked.
Susannah realized they instinctively knew they could not handle any more. "Sure you can. Both of you did a wonderful job talking about things. We're very proud of you," Susannah complimented them and then showed them how to play one of the games she had installed for Tom.
They caught on right away. In just a few minutes they were laughing and giggling with each other. Susannah, Sam and Viki noticed that Scared was still having problems with movement. "Is he having some of the side effects you told us about?" Sam asked.
"I'm afraid so, but it is only Scared. Braver seems unaffected."
"Are you going to stop the medication?" Viki pressed.
"Not yet. None of the others are having this side effect. Let's give it a little while longer. Todd is still having psychotic episodes."
"I thought this is not supposed to happen with Zyprexa?" Sam pointed out angrily.
"It usually doesn't, but there is always a possibility. Todd and the alters are extremely sensitive to all meds. It's unfortunate, but he may fall into the one percent of patients who experience some of the extrapyramidal symptoms and perhaps some of the other symptoms. Peep was getting headaches. Todd is feeling sleepy, sluggish and slowed down. Thomas may have experienced akathisia and Scared also seems to be presenting with amblyopia, which is diminished vision. He feels like the light is dim. Things look slightly blurred," Susannah explained.
They watched as Scared and Braver played the computer game. They noticed that Scared was moving his head around and getting closer to the monitor. He was having trouble seeing. "Scared is also displaying extrapyramidal symptoms. I noticed some tremors and something called cogwheel rigidity. His movement isn't smooth. When I examined his arm I could feel it. As I raised and lowered his arm I could feel a hesitant jerking motion. This was not present in Braver's movements. I'm not going to start him on Cogentin yet, because that is also not without side effects and Scared may be the only one experiencing this. He is not out very often and it would be a shame to load Todd up more meds."
They looked over at the boys again. Braver had his right hand on top of Scared's left to keep it from trembling. Susannah let them play. After about half and hour they stopped. Braver whispered something to Scared. They walked over to the window and looked out again. Braver rubbed his hand on the glass.
"Is there a problem?" Susannah called to them.
"I'm just trying to feel the street and the air," Braver answered. Viki, Sam and Susannah exchanged looks. They could see the sadness in each other's eyes. They knew how awful it must be for all of them to be cooped up this way. The boys walked away from the window. Scared picked up Susannah's Rolodex. He and Braver sat down on the floor and started playing with it.
"Do you want me to take that away from them?" Sam offered.
"No, that's all right. Let them play with it," Susannah answered with a smile.
Suddenly "they" stood up. With her hands on her hips, Lisa scolded. "You're not supposed to take things that don't belong to you. Mama sent us to tell you that and that she wants you to come back and play with Thomas."
"Thomas is real upset again," Sarah added.
"No! We're having fun out here," Braver stated.
"Doctor Hanen let us play with her computer," Scared boasted.
"So! We got to play house with mama. Mama likes to play with us cause we're girls," Sarah bragged.
"Big deal!" Braver teased. "Yeah! Big deal! We don't like to play house anyway!" Scared chimed in, encouraged by Braver's teasing.
"Mama's gonna be upset because you took Doctor Hanen's toy and she didn't say you could," Lisa teased back.
"We always ask first, right Lisa?" Sarah declared. She clasped her hands in back of her and twirled back and forth.
"Well, you forget sometimes, Sarah," Lisa scolded, gently.
"HA! See, you forget too," Braver said to Sarah.
Sarah hung her head, but then came back with, "At least I'm learning. You don't listen to Lisa or to mama. That's why you both got sent away from your real mama."
Scared sat down on the floor again and stared to cry.
Viki, Sam and Susannah watched in amazement. Even Susannah had never seen four alters, all out at the same time and interacting with each other. Todd's body was a mass of movement. His head quickly turned to the left and right. His body, arms and legs quickly changed position as each alter took over for the moment. His facial expressions changed rapidly, even his height and the shape of his face seemed to change from moment to moment. Lisa and Sarah did not seem to be displaying any side effects.
"See what you did! You made Scared cry. I'm gonna tell mama. You're not supposed to make anyone cry," Braver threatened.
Lisa turned to Susannah. "She didn't mean to make him cry, ma'am. He was being bad. He took your toy."
"Lisa, it's all right. I don't mind if the boys play with the rolodex," Susannah assured her.
"Mama says we shouldn't touch other people's things," Lisa stated adamantly.
Susannah walked over to them. "Lisa, I'm sure the boy's mama didn't send them away because she was angry with them and I know Sarah didn't deliberately try to make Scared sad. Do you think you can all come sit with us? Now that you're all together I would like to ask you all some questions."
"I get to sit next to Sam," Scared called out. He wiped his eyes with his hands and then wiped his nose on his sleeve.
"THEN I GET TO SIT NEXT TO VIKI," Sarah shouted.
"Sarah don't yell," Lisa admonished.
Sarah put her hand in front of her mouth and quietly repeated, "Then I get to sit next to Viki."
Viki, Sam and Susannah couldn't help but laugh.
"I want to sit next you Doctor Hanen," Braver joined in.
"I'll sit wherever you want me to, ma'am," Lisa politely added.
Susannah tried to figure out how to work this. She pulled her chair directly in front of the chair that rested between Sam and Viki's. This way everyone got to have it his or her way.
"Lisa, why don't you come sit next to me, with Sarah," Viki suggested.
As they all sat in the one chair, Scared would lean in toward Sam and sometimes rest his head on Sam's shoulder. Sarah picked up Viki's arm and admired her bracelet. Braver and Lisa just sat still.
