"There are several ways you can go that would give you the kind of training and degree you need," Susannah advised.

"Yes," Rachel agreed. “I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor in the grad department of Llanview U. I do think that's the way I'd like to go. While I'm getting my degree, I still need a job. I was hoping RJ would need some help at Club Indigo. He visited me several times, although he never mentioned wanting me back. I wonder if that's because he has no job for me or because he knows my working there will not set well with mom and dad?"

"Have you brought up your working there with RJ?" Susannah prodded.

"No," Rachel smiled. "I don't want to push myself on him. I thought perhaps he didn't bring it up because he just didn't want me back or maybe . . . well, because I've been in prison."

"Nahhhh," Both Susannah and Rachel looked at each other and said at the same time. They both burst into laughter. They knew RJ well enough to know he would never deny Rachel a job because of that.

Susannah remembered that Nora wanted to have coming home party for Rachel. "I think your mom will really be so thrilled to have you home. You may have to allow her a day or two of cooing over you."

"I know. I'm not saying I don't want her to be happy to see me or even be a mom to me. I just don't want her suffocating me. I got enough of that from grandma." Rachel laughed softly. "You do know that Grandma Hanen is worried sick about you not being married."

"Yes, I do know. She never fails to mention it when I speak with her. When she tells anyone about me, she never says my daughter the doctor. She always says 'my daughter the unmarried doctor.'" Susannah laughed. Susannah went on to tell Rachel all about Bill.

"Bo mentioned you were seeing someone. I didn't know you were that serious," Rachel stated.

"I don't know if you'd call it serious," Susannah corrected.

"Susannah! The man moved to Llanview to be near you. You're meeting his children. And," Rachel grinned, "if you could see your face light up when you talk about him you'd know it was serious."

Susannah didn't deny it any further. "I'm really not ready for the folks to know about Bill."

"Don't worry. They won't hear it from me." Then Rachel brought up something else. "I also wanted to be back home in time for Passover. I know that mom probably won't celebrate if it's just she and Bo. If we have a seder will you come, and bring Bill?"

Susannah hadn't been to one in years. She actually liked the idea. "I'd love to come and I'm sure Bill would too. His kids will be in then. I can't promise, but I will certainly let him know he's invited. I'd love for you two to meet each other."

"I'm looking forward to meeting the man who finally stole my Aunt Susannah's heart too. Maybe he could bring his kids. The Passover seder is a really nice experience for children anyway. Perhaps one of them can read the four questions?"

"I'll tell him and let you know. Bill seemed to hit it off well with your mom and I know he likes Bo," Susannah informed Rachel.

"I know mom is not happy with you being Todd's doctor. Bo told me she has given you a pretty hard time about it."

Susannah told Rachel how Adam managed to soften a tiny part of Nora's heart.

Rachel shook her head. "I can't believe that an alter of Todd's, or any adult, can really be like the children I worked with."

Susannah explained how the alters were actually children and gave Rachel some information on DID.

Rachel's eyes filled with tears. "I did this to Todd didn't I?"

"No honey, you didn't. Child abuse did this to Todd," Susannah comforted Rachel.

"But he was all right. Okay, I mean I know Todd was never really all right, but he had a life. He was functioning," Rachel insisted, guiltily.

"Todd's decompensation was triggered by Georgie’s death for reasons I can't get into, those reasons go back to his childhood. Todd has had DID most of his life. He was high functioning and great at covering up his loss of time. It is very likely that if Georgie's death hadn't triggered his current condition something else would have. Rachel, I'm not saying you shouldn't have come forward the night of Georgie's death, but you can't go back and change that. Beating yourself up over it won't help Todd and it won't help you."

"I still wish there was some way I could make it up to him. Do you think he'd allow me to visit with him and tell him I am sorry?"

"Susannah sighed. "Honey, I know you feel guilty. I don't believe seeing you at this time would be what's best for Todd. If and when he asks to see you or I feel he is able to handle it I will let you know."

"I understand. I've hurt him enough. I would never want to make things worse for him." Rachel thought for a moment. "In a way I'm relieved. I've never felt comfortable around Todd. I always considered him vile and disgusting. To be honest he always made my skin crawl. I never stopped to think about why he acted the way he did. I just didn't want to be anywhere around him."

"Unfortunately for Todd, he made a lot of people feel that way. I think much of it was a defense mechanism. Todd keeps people from getting close by acting cruel, cold, disgusting, and generally exhibiting inappropriate social behaviors to keep from being hurt. He chases people out of his life before they can hurt him or leave him."

Rachel shook her head and sighed. She looked at her watch. "You know I was going to call mom first and tell her how I expect to be treated before I told her I was in Llanview. I think I'll be the grown-up woman I claim to be and go see her and tell it to her face to face."

Susannah reached over and took Rachel's hand. She kissed her on the cheek. "I'm proud of you honey. You go for it."

Susannah checked to make sure Rodd was still in his room. She was told Frank and Jeff were helping him dress. Susannah smiled. She knew Frank must have found Rodd is date outfit. She walked Rachel to the elevator.

Téa was checking her make-up in the rest room mirror. As she was combing her hair, she realized she was feeling as if she were primping for a date. She felt excited and guilty at the same time. Despite her session with Susannah she still felt as if she were betraying Todd. She also looked forward with great anticipation to spending the afternoon with Rodd. She headed for the dayroom.

Terry had come in to do vitals on Rodd. Now she stood off to the side with Frank and Jeff as Rodd checked himself in the bathroom mirror. Like the other alters, the image Rodd saw in the mirror was his own, not Todd's. He saw himself as he had always looked, not thin or pale. He seemed to be satisfied with what he saw. Rodd took the covered rubber band Terry had gotten for him and tied his hair back into a ponytail. "You have made me look nice for my Téa, yes?"

"You look very handsome Rodd," Terry confirmed.

"Thank you. It feels good to be in these wonderful clothes. Now, if there is nothing else you need to check on me, I go to meet my Téa."

"I'll walk you to the dayroom, buddy," Frank offered.

Rodd walked over to Frank. "Yes, I would like that. Thank you very much." Rodd faced Frank. "I understand you and other staff have to stay close." Rodd eyes looked pleading. "Do you think I might be able to have just a little privacy with my Téa?"

Frank completely understood how Rodd felt. "I'll tell you what. I will sit outside the dayroom with the door opened only a little. I have my book to read and you will hardly know I'm there."

Rodd understood. He smiled good-naturedly. "Thank you. Thank you for everything. You have been very kind. I will always appreciate it."

Frank patted Rodd on the back and they left for the dayroom.

Téa was standing by the window. It was a beautiful spring day. Téa wished Todd, Rodd and all the others could be out there enjoying it.

"Téa," Rodd called out softly.

Téa spun around. Her eyes opened wide and then lit up like a Christmas tree at the sight of Rodd. Téa had not seen Todd's body dressed in anything but sweats, a robe, pajamas or a hospital gown in all these months. Téa approached him. "Rodd," Téa looked into his eyes. "You look so handsome."

"No man can be handsome enough for my Téa. My Téa deserves everything in the world that is beautiful. I would give you every flower on earth and blue sea and the sky if I could."

Téa blushed. "Your company is enough. I've been looking forward to our lunch and seeing the movie with you, Rodd."

"From what I have heard Frank has gotten us a delicious lunch. Are you hungry?"

"Starved," Téa responded.

"Then I will tell Frank we are ready." Rodd walked to the door and told Frank. From his post, Frank called to Eileen to let her know it was okay to bring the lunch.

Rodd headed back to Téa. He held his arm out for her. "Shall we go to the table?"

Téa smiled and took his arm. Rodd held the chair out for Téa. They both noticed the staff had set the table as nicely as was possible. Glass and metal utensils still could not be used. Even though Rodd was not on suicide, assault or escape precautions, the danger of switching was ever present and all precautions were left in place.

Jeff and Eileen came in carrying the steaming hot food and bread. The wonderful smells wafted through the air. "We have linguini with a red sauce and pasta primavera and plenty of both," Jeff announced.

Rodd chose the linguini and Téa the pasta primavera. Steve played wine steward. He had placed a white towel over his arm and held first the sparkling grape juice and then the sparkling cider out for Rodd and Téa to choose. The staff was getting a kick out of taking the part of the servers on Rodd's "date." The pleasure they could see on his face was a huge reward for them.

"What is your choice?" Rodd asked as he looked over both bottles.

"I like them both. I'll leave it up to you Rodd," Téa declared.

"I think we will go with the cider. Apples remind me of the blush in my Téa's cheeks." Rodd stared lovingly at Téa as he said that.

Téa realized she was flush with excitement and it showed. She felt her cheeks flush even more.

Téa sniffed a piece of the warm bread. "Umm, this is heaven. Rodd this is delicious, don't you think?"

"Yes, it is very good. I am a good cook too. Some day I cook for you. I will make everything you like all at once and make a feast for my Téa."

"I would like that very much, Rodd. I'm not the best cook in the world, you know."

"I can't believe there is anything my Téa is not perfect at. I will teach you what you don't know. I learned from my mother and my father. My father loved to do everything together with my mother. He never thought of one thing as work for a woman and one as work for a man. He never expected my mother to wait on him. He always appreciated everything she did for him."

With tears in her eyes, Téa took Rodd's hand. It was warm and alive. Todd's hands were often as cold as ice and trembling. Téa wished some of Rodd's calm would rub off on Todd to help alleviate his suffering. "Your parents sound like very good and wonderful people. The most wonderful thing about them is their son."

Rodd squeezed Téa's hand. "Cooking is only one thing. Téa, there is so much in this world I want to share with you. I know you love Todd."

Téa looked down. The last she wanted was to hurt Rodd.

"It is all right. I want you to love Todd. Todd needs love. He needs all the love he can get. There are many things Todd wants to show you and give you and share with you too. He can't. That doesn't mean he doesn't want you to have them. Todd wants only happiness for you. He hates himself for not being able to make you happy in every way. He wants to be all you've ever dreamed of. He wants to be the kind of man you wished for when you were a little girl and thought of the kind of man you would marry."

"Todd and you and everyone who is a part of Todd are what I dreamed of. Maybe not in the way I dreamed it, but my dream was a man who was good, caring, loving, funny, a good father, smart, handsome, successful, and most of all good to me, a man would always be there for me. You have each given some of that to me. I love all of you. But I think I would trust you to teach me to cook a little more than I would trust Todd," Téa teased him.

"Yes," Rodd laughed. "Todd's idea of cooking is to open a bag of Cheetos."

Téa threw her head back and laughed.

"You have such a beautiful laugh, my Téa. Your laugh sounds like the angels in heaven must sound."

Téa stared into Rodd's eyes. For the minute she forgot she was in the dayroom at the hospital. Téa looked at Rodd's lips. She remembered what those lips felt like. Only it was Todd who was in the body at the time. Téa was feeling things she felt guilty feeling. "Rodd, this is really delicious. You should taste it," Téa pointed to her pasta primavera.

Rodd let go of her hand. "Yes, it looks good. This is very fine too." Rodd added.

Téa twirled some of her pasta on her plastic fork and held it out for Rodd to taste. She knew that he would not take some off of her plate without her offering. Rodd would be afraid that would be something Todd would do.

Rodd allowed her to place the food in his mouth. "Excellent! My compliments to the chef. I shall ask the staff to allow me to call him later so I can thank him," Rodd exclaimed. "Mine is excellent as well. You would like a taste?''

"Yes, I would like a taste," Téa smiled.

Rodd fed her some of his.

"Umm, I think we will have to do this more often," Téa said, before she realized just what she had said.

Sadness filled Rodd's eyes. "I wish I could promise you I'll always be here or that I can come to you whenever you need me or make dates with you and promise to keep them, but I cannot. I never know when I will be there. I'm sorry my Téa." Rodd's eyes filled with tears.

"Rodd, I understand. It's all right. It makes me all the more appreciative of what time we do have together."

Rodd sniffed and dabbed at his eye with a napkin. "It won't always be this way. Someday Todd and I will be separate and then I will be able to promise my Téa everything. We will go on a tour of Europe. Maybe Todd will let us take Starr? I will take you to the finest fashion houses in Paris. I will buy you a villa in Rome, whatever you like. Then you will meet my family and I can once again see my mama and papa. It has been so long since I've been in my mama's arms." Téa started to cry. "No, don't be sad Téa. We come back here to live. I would not keep you from your family. And Todd, he will have Viki and Sam here. Then you can spend time with him when you come back. I know Todd loves you and you love Todd. Our time together will be . . ." Rodd looked deeply into Téa's eyes. "Our time will be filled with romance. Todd cannot give you this."

Téa realized Rodd had given this a lot of thought. He believed with all his heart that he and Todd would truly be separate one day and would be able to lead separate lives. Téa could not bear the thought of losing Rodd or Todd. She thought of Todd being integrated, and while she prayed every day of her life that this would happen, she was tortured by the idea of Rodd never getting his wish. Téa realized how irrational her thinking was, nevertheless, for this moment she wished it were possible for Rodd to get his wish. She wished there were these wonderful parents waiting somewhere in Europe for him and that someday he would once again be able to be in his mama's arms. At the same time Téa prayed for a life with Todd. She tried to remember what Susannah had told her about the alters all becoming a part of Todd and how Todd would be a little like all of them once he was integrated. Téa felt guilty for even having a fleeting second of thoughts about Rodd staying Rodd. She knew she needed more sessions with Susannah.

"Yes, Rodd you are very romantic," Téa smiled.

They heard a light tap on the door. Frank had left the door ajar just enough for him to be able to keep an eye on Rodd. Frank tried to check as little as safely possible. He wanted to allow as much privacy as he could for Rodd and Téa. Frank understood that Rodd was a man and had a man's feelings. Frank knew how uncomfortable it would have been for him to be under someone's constant observation while on a date. Frank saw they were almost finished with their meal. "I was wondering if either of you would be interested in some desert. We have spumoni, Tiramisu, cannolis, and Italian cheese cake." Frank couldn't help himself. When he saw the restaurant’s desert selection, he brought back enough for Rodd and Tea and everyone on staff. He had already had a piece of cheesecake and a cannoli.

"Oh Frank, you have been most kind to us," Rodd complimented. "I would like spumoni very much." Rodd turned to Téa. "You would like some dessert?"

Téa's appetite had not been this good in months. "Yes, I would love a cannoli," Téa announced.

"You got it." Frank went back to his post and told called Jeff over and told him what they wanted.

As they had with the pasta, Rodd and Téa tasted each other's deserts. When Téa broke off a piece of her cannoli and held it out to Rodd, instead of taking it from her hand he opened his mouth. As Téa took her hand away Rodd held it and licked the remaining cheese off her fingers. Téa felt passion ignite within her. She gently pulled her hand back and crossed her legs. Rodd looked into her eyes and smiled. Téa felt herself blushing. She drank some of the cold cider. "Rodd, I am really looking forward to seeing this movie. I remember hearing it was very good."

Rodd dabbed his lips and placed his napkin on the table. "Yes, it is movie time, if there is nothing else you would like to eat?"

"Noooo," Téa laughed. She patted her stomach. "I have eaten more than I have for a long time."

"It is good to have a healthy appetite, no? That is what they want for everyone here, yes?"

"Yes," Téa laughed again. "It is good."

"Frank," Rodd called out. Frank stepped into the room. "It is all right for Téa and me to watch the movie now?"

"You got it buddy. I'll set it up for you." Téa and Rodd settled down on the couch. Frank put While You Were Sleeping in the VCR. He handed the remote to Rodd. "There you go pal." Frank took his place at the door. He adjusted his chair so he could now see the area of the room where Rodd and Téa were seated. Once satisfied that he could glance up at them from time to time, Frank settled down to his book.

Rodd and Téa watched attentively as Sandra Bullock's character, the lonely Lucy, sees the man of her dreams, who doesn't know she exists, knocked in front of a train and rescues him, only to have his family believe she is his fiancée. They watched as Lucy begins to fall in love with this man's brother and comes to realize that he is really the man of her dreams.

Three quarters of the way through the movie Rodd moved close to Téa and put his arm around her shoulder. Rodd felt Téa's body shudder. He smiled to himself, but said nothing. When Frank peeked in he saw Rodd's arm around Téa. He also saw that Rodd was, as always, being a gentleman and Téa did not seem in the least uncomfortable, so he did not tell Rodd to move away from Téa. Frank went back to his book.

Engrossed in the movie, Téa forgot herself for a moment and snuggled next to Rodd and placed her head on his shoulder. Rodd looked down at Téa. 'My Téa is the most beautiful woman to ever walk the earth,' Rodd thought to himself. Rodd kissed Téa's forehead.

Téa looked up at him. "I'm sorry Rodd. I wasn't think . . ."

Rodd placed his index finger on Téa's lips. "Shhh, it is all right. My shoulder is good to rest on." With his other hand, Rodd placed his finger under Téa's chin and lifted her face slightly. "No one or nothing I have ever seen is as beautiful as you. I could look at you for a thousand years and never see enough of my Téa."

"Rodd." Téa knew she shouldn't be allowing this.

Rodd traced his fingers over Téa's lips. "Your mouth is so beautiful. I love to see these lips smile. They are meant to smile, not to look unhappy." Rodd looked so deeply into Téa's eyes that she was mesmerized. She could not tear her eyes from his. The dayroom and the fact that Frank was just outside seemed to vanish. Téa did not pull away when Rodd's lips met hers. It had been so long since Téa felt Todd's full, sweet lips on hers. Téa put her arms around Rodd and drew him toward her. Téa felt Rodd's tongue exploring her mouth as her tongue did the same to his. Both their bodies were responding to what they were feeling. "Todd, I love you," Téa moaned.

The first thing to fill Todd's consciousness was the smell of Téa's perfume. When he felt himself kissing someone and felt his erection he immediately realized it was Téa. "NO!" Todd screamed as he pulled away from Téa and jumped up. Frank ran into the room. Jeff, Eileen, Steve and Terry who were close enough to the dayroom to hear Todd’s scream followed him.

"Todd! Ay dios mio." Téa cried out and jumped up off the couch.

"NOOOOOO!" Todd shrieked. Todd was consumed with panic. He spun around and tripped over the coffee table. He scampered to his feet. His arms reached out wildly trying to find a place to hide.

"Todd it's Frank. You're safe. You need to calm down and tell me what happened." Frank took Todd's outstretched hands in his.

Todd pulled away. He sank to his knees. "Oh Gooooood nooooo!" Todd cried out. He started to slam his head into the floor. Frank had already acted as the team leader and assigned limbs in the event a restraint became necessary. Frank immediately got behind Todd and pulled him into a hold as the others joined in and secured Todd's legs, arms and head. Todd fought them with all his strength. It had been a long time since Todd's body had been able to put up such a struggle. A code was called. More staff rushed to the dayroom. Susannah ran from her office. Téa stood off to the side. She was frozen. She wanted to tell them what happened, but didn't know if she should in front of Todd. All the staff in the room were involved in the restraint.

"You need to relax Todd. Take some deep breaths," Frank instructed soothingly.

"LET GO! LET GO! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SAFE HERE! EVERYONE IS SUPPOSED TO BE KEPT SAFE FROM ME! WHY'D YOU LET ME DO IT! WHY! WHY! OH GOD! OH GOOOOOOD! NOT DELGADO! NOT TÉA! OH GOOOOOD! YOU KILL ME! FRANK YOU KILL ME!"

Susannah rushed to Todd's side. She knelt down to where they had Todd on the floor. "Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. Tell me what happened. What is upsetting you?"

"WHY DID YOU LET ME! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP EVERYONE SAFE FROM ME! THAT'S WHY I'M LOCKED AWAY!"

"Todd help me to understand what you think you did," Susannah's voice stayed calm.

"YOU LET ME RAPE DELGADO! OH GOOOOOD! YOU LET ME RAPE DELGADO!"

TO BE CONTINUED