*****

"Todd, no! Oh my God! You didn't! Todd you didn't rape me. You didn't hurt me. Querido, I swear to you. You didn't hurt me,” Téa called out to Todd. She had rushed over to where Susannah and her staff were holding Todd tightly in a physical restraint.

Susannah held her hand up to let Téa know not to say anymore. Todd was struggling with all his might. He was beyond hearing Téa's words or theirs. Susannah ordered a sedative. She wanted to try to calm Todd without putting him out. She wanted him to be able to talk about what had just happened.

"YOU KILL ME! I WANNA DIE! I DID IT! YOU LET ME DO IT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP DELGADO SAFE! I HATE ME! LET ME DIE! IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO STOP ME FROM HURTING PEOPLE! NOT DELGADO! OH GOD! NOT DELGADO! LOCKING ME AWAY DIDN'T HELP! YOU HAVE TO KILL ME! I SWORE IF I EVER DID THAT AGAIN I'D KILL MYSELF AND NOW LOOK! IT WAS DELGADO! YOU LET ME RAPE DELGADO. WHY DIDN'T YOU KILL ME? WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP HER SAFE! HE SAID I'D HURT HER. HE SAID I'D HURT EVERYBODY! DID I HURT STARR? DID I DO SOMETHING BAD TO STARR? HE SAID IF I DIDN'T HE WOULD. LET ME GO! LET ME GO!"

"Roll him," Susannah ordered. They turned Todd on his side. Rodd's clothes made it a little more difficult. Janet loosened his pants and pulled them down just enough to expose the ventrogluteal site. Todd continued to fight the ten staff members that were now holding him still in preparation for the injection Eileen was holding. It had been a very long time since Todd had the strength to require anywhere near that many hands. It wasn't only that his physical health was improving; Todd's grief, self-hatred and need to hurt himself were so strong that huge amounts of adrenaline were being released into his system. It was giving Todd strength his body normally lacked.

"There we go," Eileen commented as she pushed the plunger sending the medication into Todd.

Todd's screams continued for another few minutes. Téa was trembling. She held a shaking hand to her mouth to keep her cries from being heard by Todd. Eileen placed a reassuring arm around her shoulder and led her to the couch. "Téa, I know it's going to be difficult, but you need to try to calm down. If you're upset it will just upset Todd more," Eileen whispered.

Téa nodded and tried to calm herself. She was stunned. She couldn't believe than no more than a few minutes ago she had been sitting there with Rodd. She felt completely responsible. 'Did I accidentally call Todd out? Did I hurt Rodd's feelings and cause him to go inside? Madre de Dios I did this to him. Oh Todd. Querido, I did this to you,' Téa thought.

Slowly, Todd's muscles began to relax. His breathing slowed down and his screams turned to cries. As Susannah had hoped, it calmed him without putting him to sleep. Some of the staff released their hold on him and straightened up. Most winced as their own muscles ached from the tight hold they had on Todd and the somewhat awkward positions some of them had been in. Susannah, Frank, Terry, Jeff, Nancy, and Don continued to hold Todd. He was still trying to get away. He was able to exert little strength now. Their touch was more comforting than firm.

"Why? Why? She got hurt because of me. She had to pay for my being bad. I'm a monster. I love her so much. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. I shouldn't love Téa. I destroy everyone I love," Todd muttered. His speech was slurred.

Téa's heart quickened when she heard Todd admit how much he loved her. She understood because of being so sedated Todd's defenses were down and he was vulnerable. Still, she knew for those very reasons, he was saying what was in his heart.

"Todd, you didn't hurt Téa. Téa's fine. You did not rape her." Susannah spoke firmly. "Can you tell me what makes you think you did?" Susannah was hoping he was ready to talk about finding himself sexually stimulated and why that made him think an act of violence was committed.

"I did! I saw myself doing it. I hit her and threw her down and raped her. She was mad and yelled and then I hit her and . . . and . . . please let me die. Now she's going away and never coming back. She hates me and doesn't want me with her. She hates me and then she's going to die and it's all my fault because I'm so bad. I want her to be safe. If she has to leave me to be safe then I want that for her." Todd's speech was getting even more slurred. It was becoming difficult to understand him. Nevertheless Téa, as well as the staff, just about made out what he was saying. Téa was totally confused. She had no idea what he was talking about. Téa was still in panic mode herself and not thinking too clearly.

"Todd, you say you saw yourself. Tell me what you saw?" Susannah prompted.

"I saw me rape Téa," Todd sobbed.

"Where were you when you saw this?" Susannah pushed.

Todd described what Susannah knew to be the living room of the house he grew up in. Tom had drawn pictures of it.

"Describe yourself to me, Todd. Tell me what you look like when you saw yourself hurting Téa?"

"I'm really big . . . so much bigger than she is. I'm really tall and . . ." Todd stopped talking. Those still holding him felt him begin to tremble violently.

"No! No!" Todd began to cry out. As adrenaline once again began pumping, Todd's body fought the sedative. He was not able to struggle as he had, nonetheless they felt his muscles tighten and held him securely.

"Todd, it's not happening now. You didn't hurt Téa. Tell me what you're seeing," Susannah continued to press.

"M-m-m-my d-dad," Todd began to whisper. "He's hitting her."

"Who is your dad hitting?" Susannah wanted to make sure Todd wasn't still seeing Téa.

"My mom. He's hitting her in the face. He's pushing her down on the floor. Nooooo!" Todd's eyes opened wide as he saw what was happening in his mind. "She yelled at him. Mama! Don't yell. He’ll hurt you more. Mama! She called him a rapist and he punched her in the face! Mamaaaaa!"

Téa bit down on her knuckles to keep herself from gasping.

"Mama's nose is bleeding and her lip. There’s so much blood! Mama! Is my mama dead? Did he kill her?"

"No, Todd. Your mama didn't die then. He didn't kill her. Shhhh! It's just a memory. It's not happening now. It's safe to look at it and know it's not happening now," Susannah soothed.

Frank and Jeff, who were holding onto Todd's arms, felt him try to raise them. With a quick glance to each other they lessened their grip enough to allow him to do this. They sensed he wasn't trying to harm himself. Todd pressed his palms into this eye to try to shut out the images his brain was assaulting him with.

"I know what he's gonna do. I see him take it out of his pants. He uses his dick to hurt my mama. Mama can't stop him. She's not strong enough. She's crying and moaning. Mama!"

"Todd, can you see yourself in the room watching your dad rape your mom?" Susannah asked gently.

Todd looked dazed. It was not a medication-induced daze. He appeared confused by what he was seeing.

"If I was watching then it wasn't me. It was my dad doing it."

"That's right. It wasn't you, Todd. It was your dad. He hurt your mom, not you," Susannah stated firmly.

"I just watched. I didn't help her. She got hurt and I didn't help her. She hates me. It's still my fault. I didn't help her."

"How old were you? Can you see how old you are?" Susannah continued to prod.

Todd looked as if he were taking a closer look at the little boy he saw. "I was five," he whispered.

"Todd, your dad was a big strong adult and you were only a little boy. There was no way you could have stopped him," Frank assured him.

"He hurt her like that a lot. He liked to. He used to laugh at her afterward. Sometimes he's spit on her; sometimes he'd pee on her. He'd . . ." Todd stopped talking for a few moments. Then he began crying out. "Nooooo! I don't wanna! Stop! I don't wanna! Noooo! Daddy no! Stooooop!" Todd was crying out wildly. They realized he had slipped into a flashback. "Nooooo! He saw me! He saw me watching. Noooo! Don't make me daddy! I don't want to! Nooooo!"

Todd felt his father drag him to the desk and saw him get a scissors out of the drawer. He heard his father say . . . "Do it Todd or I'll cut it off. Do you want me to cut it off?"

"No daddy! Don't cut me. Don't cut it off. Daddyyyyy, please don't make me," those in the room with Todd heard him cry out. Todd felt his father pulling his pants off. "Mama! He's pulling off my pants. I don't want to! Mama! Mama! Get up. Get off the floor. Mama! Nooooo! I don't want to." Todd felt the cold scissor up against his penis. "No daddy! Noooo! Don't cut my boy parts. Mamaaaaa!" Susannah and her staff noticed that Todd now used his childhood term "boy parts" instead of the term "dick" that he had used minutes before. They realized that he had regressed to the age he was in, in the memory, as the flashback consumed him.

Todd looked up. It was clear to them that he was seeing Peter towering over him. "Daddy, I don't wanna pee on mama. Please don't make me. She'll hate me for being bad and nasty."

"DO IT!" Todd heard his father scream at him. He saw Peter opening up the scissors as if he were about to cut him.

"Noooooo!" Todd cried out one last time as he saw himself giving in to his fear. He felt his father's hands on his penis as Peter directed Todd's stream of urine onto Barbara's face. He heard his father's loud and terrifying laughter. Barbara lay on the floor semiconscious and moaning.

"Mama, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Mama I'm sorry. I should have stayed quiet." Todd gasped. What had led up to Peter's rage that night was coming back to him. He remembered crying out in pain as his father squeezed his testicles and penis when, during molestation, he had gotten an erection before his father wanted him to. His mother had been staggering to the bathroom, already ravaged by her nightly drinking, when she heard him cry out. She opened the door to Todd's room and lunged at Peter, beating him with her fists. That was when he began to beat her, eventually dragging her down to the living room. Five-year-old Todd had followed. He had smelled the liquor on his father's breath and knew Peter would be "extra mean" to his mother.

"WHO DO YOUR LITTLE BOY PARTS BELONG TO?" Todd heard Peter shout after he discovered the child hiding behind a chair, watching him beat and rape Barbara. For some reason Peter had always gone along with Barbara's babyish name for the male genitals.

"They belong to you daddy," they all heard Todd say as he cowered in Frank’s arms, still looking up to the father he saw standing over him.

"SAY IT TODD!" Todd heard Peter command.

"My boy parts belong to you, sir," Todd repeated what he had said a hundred times before in his five short years of life.

"You remember that you little bastard! You get hard when I want you to get hard," Peter commanded as he shook Todd harshly. "SAY IT!" Peter screamed in Todd's little face.

Todd's chin was trembling. He tried to control himself. He knew his punishment would be severe if he cried. "I only get hard when you say I can, sir."

Todd knew his lines well. He knew exactly what Peter wanted to hear. He didn't even really understand what he was saying, but he had an idea it meant when his penis felt "funny" and then got hard. Todd hated it when that happened. The good physical sensations confused and frightened him. He knew what was happening was wrong. It felt bad and creepy and most of all shameful.

Todd saw that look in his father's eyes. He knew Peter had thought of a "new game." Todd wanted to run. He hated it when his father thought of a new game. Frank felt all of Todd's muscles tighten even more. Todd's terror and flashback had fought the sedation. It was hardly touching him at all now.

"Let's see if your mother can make your boy parts hard?" Todd heard Peter whisper in his ear.

Todd looked up at his father. He didn't understand what Peter was about to make him do. Peter wasn't looking at him. Peter's eyes were glazed and he was staring off into space as he envisioned his new game. Peter was feeling himself becoming sexually aroused. Todd saw Peter get down on his knees near Barbara's face. Todd felt himself being pulled in front of his father. He felt his back pressed up against Peter’s. "Every part of you and every part of your mother belong to me. You remember that Todd," he continued to hear Peter whisper in his ear.

Todd felt Peter take hold of his penis again. He pushed Todd up against Barbara and rubbed Todd's penis against Barbara's cheek. "Come on Todd! Be a man. You get hard, now!"

Todd was terrified he wouldn't be able to and terrified he would. He didn't understand why it was not okay. He just knew that it wasn't. "No daddy!" Todd tried to pull away. Peter pulled him back by the hair and slapped him across the face. Todd tasted blood and felt some trickle down his chin as one of his baby teeth cut into his lip. Todd was too terrified to try to pull away again. He felt his father force his penis against his mother's face once again.

Todd became calmer. He felt like he was watching it on T.V. and that it really wasn't he. It was that other little boy who was doing it. What Todd didn't realize was that it was Andy he was seeing. It had been Andy's memory that had broken through the wall into Todd's consciousness. Todd had been hearing Andy’s cries. Andy, too sad and depressed to come out himself, had broken through to Todd.

Todd saw his mother's face in the same detached manner. "The boy on T.V. is rubbing his boy part on mommy's face. He feels his daddy's boy part up against his backside," Téa, Susannah and the staff heard Todd say. Susannah and the staff knew by the detached tone, Todd was experiencing depersonalization now, and most likely back when the trauma first took place.

"You be a man Todd!" Todd heard Peter's tone. He knew Peter was about to hurt him if he didn't do as he commanded.

Like Todd, Andy had learned to go away in his head. Andy's body reacted to the stimulation. Todd saw Andy standing next to him as they both watched Peter place "the little boy from T.V.'s" penis in Barbara's mouth.

"Don't you ever tell anyone, Todd. You know what'll happen if you tell our secrets," both boys heard Peter whisper.

"I won't tell daddy. I won't tell. Please daddy. I won't tell our secrets. I promise. NOOOOOO!" Those in the dayroom heard Todd say and then shriek as he and Andy saw Barbara's eyes open and saw the look of horror on her face.

Todd was trembling. Todd's body pushed against Frank's as Todd cowered. "Shhhh, Todd it's all right. It's not happening now. Come on buddy relax. Take some deep breaths, Todd. You're okay. Shhhh. It's Frank. Feel me holding you Todd. You're in the hospital. It's safe here," Frank soothed.

Todd's body changed positions. It was an odd position. Frank immediately noticed something different. He reached out to brush the hair out of Todd's eyes. Todd growled at him and tried bite him. Frank quickly pulled his hand away and missed the assault.

Because of the attempted bite, Téa thought it might be Adam. She did realize Adam had never made a sound like that. She felt herself become anxious as she stared at Todd. Susannah and the staff exchanged looks. They had seen this before and were not shocked.

"Let him go," Susannah ordered.

As soon as Todd was let go he got on all fours and began to whimper. On his hands and knees, Todd scampered away from Frank and off to the dining area of the room. He dove under the table Téa and Rodd had enjoyed their lunch on just a short while before. He continued to whimper.

Susannah motioned for everyone to stay back. She slowly made her way to the table Todd hid under. Susannah crouched down and held her hand out, about a foot in front of Todd's face. Todd continued to cower. After a couple of minutes he cautiously extended his neck enough for his face to reach Susannah's hand. He sniffed and licked Susannah's hand several times. Susannah reached in slowly and stroked his head. Still on all fours, he came out from under the table. Frank approached cautiously. Todd bared his teeth, growled and dove under the table once again.

Susannah told Frank to walk to the other side of the room. She called Terry over. As she had done, she had Terry crouch down and hold her hand out. After a couple of minutes Todd sniffed and licked Terry's hand. Susannah asked Jeff to approach him. As he had done with Frank, Todd bared his teeth and growled. He cowered under the table and whimpered.

"Okay, guys. I'd like you all to wait outside the dayroom. I want only female staff to remain in here."

Téa's heart was pounding. She had no idea what was going on. She approached Susannah. "That's not Adam?" Téa asked.

"No, Téa. It's not Adam. It is not unusual for there to be animal alters in the system of someone with DID. From his actions, I believe this is a dog alter."

Téa was stunned. "What? . . . No, that can't . . . a-a dog?"

"One of the last things Todd said was, 'I won't tell our secret.' I have an idea who this dog is," Susannah said to Téa and her staff.

Susannah once again approached the table. She sat on the floor about two feet away from the table Todd was still cowering and whimpering under.

"Randy," Susannah called out softly. Todd came to her, still on all fours. "Good boy," Susannah repeated over and over again as she continued to stroke his head. Susannah tried to call Todd to the front. She tried for almost twenty minutes, to no avail. Todd stayed Randy. Susannah continued to speak soothingly to him and stroke his head.

Téa stared at Todd and Susannah. She was transfixed by what she saw.

Téa slowly walked to within a couple of feet of where Susannah sat. As Susannah had done, Téa sat on the floor. "Randy," Téa called quietly. Todd cautiously approached her. He sniffed her outstretched hand. He licked it. Téa tenderly stroked his head. "I love you," she whispered. "Good boy. Good boy, Randy. You're safe here. No one will ever hurt you," Téa spoke softly as she continued to stroke his head. Tears slid down Téa's cheeks. Todd placed his hands on her lap. He licked her face. After a few minutes Todd rested his elbows on the floor in front of Téa. He rested his hands and chin on her lap. Téa continued to stroke his head. She also rubbed his back. In this position he fell asleep. Janet placed a blanket over Todd. Téa sat there stroking his head and back for nearly an hour. When, at Susannah's insistences, she carefully stood up, Todd curled up on the floor and continued to sleep. The staff allowed him to stay this way for now.

Susannah knew Téa and her staff needed a debriefing. She asked if anyone had an immediate need to talk. When everyone said no, she told them she would wait for Viki and Sam to return. Téa insisted on staying in the dayroom. She wanted to be close to Todd. She felt numb. This day had overwhelmed her. Five female staff members and Susannah stayed in the dayroom as well. Susannah busied herself writing notes on what had occurred.

Téa looked at Todd. His sleep was fitful. He would paw at his mouth every now and then. Téa never had a dog. When Téa was thirteen, she did have a job walking a dog for a woman in her building. She would go to this woman's apartment every day after school. The woman knew Téa was able to let herself in with the passkey. Her father had one for every apartment in the building. At first Téa would look around at the beautifully furnished, spacious apartment that sat twenty floors above the basement apartment she lived in. Téa would look at, but never touch the expensive knickknacks and antiques. She would look out the window with its scenic view of the East River. From this sky rise apartment, the murky waters of the river glistened. The garbage that floated in it could not be seen. Téa wondered if that was part of being rich . . . always being above the garbage in this world and never having it touch you.

On Téa's third visit to the apartment to walk the two-year-old Cocker Spaniel she burst into tears as soon as she walked through the door. Some girls who lived in her neighborhood had just teased Téa mercilessly. One of them had made a racial slur. Téa had not allowed them to see they got to her. She kept her head high and was able to give as good as she got with her quick mind and advanced verbal skills. It was only in the sanctity of the apartment did she allow herself to react to the pain she felt at their teasing. Téa was sitting on the floor and weeping when she felt two little paws on her knees. The dog licked Téa's tears away. Téa looked into the Spaniel's big brown eyes. Téa felt total and unconditional love. It made no difference to this animal that she was hired help or the janitor's daughter. The dog placed her head, chin down, on Téa's lap and allowed her to pet her and then hug her close. Never again did Téa pay any attention to the luxuries the apartment had to offer. From that day on the one thing she looked forward to was the love and affection the sweet animal greeted her with whenever she walked into the apartment. Téa would spend a couple of hours with the dog after she brought him upstairs from his walk.

In the same way the children alters were actually children, Téa could not believe how true to a dog Todd's movements and demeanor were. So much so it frightened her. 'What if he never pulls out of this?’ Téa thought.

Don popped his head in the door. "Viki and Sam are here. Frank is opening the door for them."

Susannah looked at Todd, still curled up and still sleeping fitfully on the floor. "Please ask them to wait in the lounge near Todd's room. Have Marcia, Connie, Gwen, Steve, Carl and Angelo all gotten here?"

"Yep, Dave and Mark aren't on for an hour yet," Don informed Susannah.

"Have they seen Todd's chart?" Susannah asked.

"Yeah, they're ready to deal with the situation. They've all dealt with animal alters before," Angelo informed Susannah.

"Please tell Connie, Gwen and Marcia I want them in the dayroom with Todd and I want Steve and Angelo waiting right outside the door. The men are not to enter the dayroom unless there's a problem."

"Will do," Don responded with a nod of his head and left to give everyone his or her instructions.

Susannah asked the staff who had been present during Todd's disclosure and who had been witness to Randy coming out and Téa to come to the lounge for a debriefing.

As they walked into the hallway, they saw Kevin waiting to be let in. Viki had called him and asked him to meet her at the hospital. Kevin had become frightened that something had happened. He knew Viki would not want him to ruin Rodd and Téa's date. Viki assured him that as far as she knew there was no problem. She just wanted Kevin there because she had an announcement. Kevin had an idea what it was Viki wanted to announce. 'Damn it, mom,' Kevin thought to himself. 'I hope you're not going to live to regret this.'

Susannah noticed Viki looked happy and Sam looked nervous and uncomfortable. She knew this latest development would be difficult for both of them when they heard about it.

Viki looked at Téa's face and realized something had happened. "Where's Todd?" Viki asked immediately.

"He's asleep in the dayroom," Susannah replied.

"Is Rodd still out?" Kevin inquired.

"No," Susannah shook her head.

"Who is out?" Sam wanted to know.

"It's my fault. Rodd went back inside because of something I did and said," Téa volunteered. Her voice broke with emotion.

"No, Téa it's not your fault. Todd needed to come back out. He needed to remember this," Susannah assured her.

"What the hell happened here? Just tell us, Susannah!" Sam's anxiety was increasing greatly.

The staff exchanged uncomfortable looks.

"Is Todd hurt?” Viki was becoming frightened.

"No, not at all," Terry informed her.

"Téa, what did you mean when you said it was your fault. What happened with you and Rodd?" Kevin pushed.

Téa looked away. She felt ashamed. "I kissed him. Well, he kissed me, but I-I-I wanted him to. I kissed him back. I-I called him Todd."

Kevin felt a huge pang of jealousy. He hated himself. He knew how Tom felt when he wished he could get his mixed up thoughts out of his brain. He felt even guiltier because of the way Rodd had helped and comforted him.

"Did I Doctor Hanen? Did I call Todd out? Did I hurt Rodd's feelings so much that he went inside?" Téa began to cry.

"Jesus, Téa! He's sick. How could you let yourself lose control that way?" Sam was furious.

"Honey, Todd may be sick but that doesn't mean his need for human affection and contact has died. It was a kiss. Téa is still his wife." Viki defended Téa. Viki knew that even when she was sick there were times when she wanted Clint to hold her and comfort her. She had a desire to connect with something good and loving in her life.

"Viki," Téa began. "It wasn't just a comforting kiss. It was sexual," Téa confessed.

"I don't believe this! Weren't any of you watching him? Where were you Susannah? Where was the staff?" Sam couldn't believe they let this happen.

"It was a kiss Sam. It's not like they had sex." Kevin could understand Rodd's desires.

"Todd is sick Kevin. A lot of what's wrong with him is because he was sexually abused. He's confused. The last thing he needs is having someone touching him in a sexual way? And once again I wasn't there for him when he was being sexually traumatized," Sam added, muttering to himself.

"For God's sake Sam! You're making it sound like Téa raped him." Kevin hated that Sam was making Téa feel worse than she already felt.

"Honey, Rodd is not confused about sex the way Todd is. He was just having a normal reaction to being close to Tea." Viki tried to reason with Sam.

Susannah saw they were just going around in circles. She intervened. "Viki is right. Rodd does have normal sexual desires. Frank was right outside the door. He was trying to afford Rodd as much privacy as possible. Rodd is an adult. He is also stable and not at risk for most of the things the others are at risk for."

"Sam I'm sorry," Téa interrupted Susannah. "It was my fault. It was!" Téa insisted, as she looked into Viki's eyes. Téa laughed a sad, tragic laugh. "Rodd swept me off my feet. He was everything I'd ever dreamed Todd would be. It did seem more like we were on a date than in a hospital room."

Kevin felt a lump in his throat. He was not feeling jealousy this time. He felt overwhelming sadness, sadness for Téa, for his mother and most of all for Todd. 'Man, you've got so much going for you. If only your parents hadn't fucked you up,' Kevin thought with admiration for Todd and intense sadness for him as well.

"Enough of this!" Viki stated sharply. She turned to Susannah. "What happened to Todd? What did he remember?"

First Susannah turned to Téa. "I'm not going to lie to you. I do think part of the reason Rodd went inside was because you called out Todd's name. His feelings may have been hurt or he may have believed that was what you wanted so he gave it to you. The sensations Todd's body was feeling may have reached Todd in his hiding place. They may have triggered the intrusive memory of what was done to him. If it did, than Todd was ready to disclose this. He wanted us to know. If he was not ready, Goodone would have protected him and kept him inside."

"What was it Todd disclosed," Viki asked in a trembling voice.

"When Todd first came back and found himself kissing Téa and feeling sexually aroused. His first thought was that he raped Téa."

"My God!" Viki exclaimed. "Why would he think such a thing? He knows he's not like that anymore."

"No, he doesn't," Susannah began explaining. "Todd has no control of most things in his life or his emotions. He still has huge amounts of rage within him. He has no idea what he is and is not capable of. Todd has little idea of what normal is. His normal sexual development and knowledge about sex were stolen from him. Most of his sexual experiences have been negative. They were forced on him and totally inappropriate for his age. Not only were his first sexual experiences at an extremely young age, they were with his father and known about by his mother, the very two people who were supposed to love and protect him and keep him safe. The sex was mixed with violence, pain, terror, power, control, hatred, rage and punishment. What's most confusing and disturbing to Todd is that it was also mixed with love, affection, and pleasure. All of these feelings affect Todd's sexuality. When he feels sexually aroused, he panics because he associates that with all the negative feelings and he's left feeling guilty, afraid, ashamed, fearful and out of control. It also triggers rage in him."

"The kind of rage that makes him feel capable of raping again? No, Todd would never do that again," Sam stated firmly.