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TRAVEL
Veruca Vasquez Visits Cape Tormentine
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I remember as a young girl growing up spending my summers with my cousin Gretel in Potato Point, PEI. My parents
would drive me to Cape Tormenting before bundling me aboard the ferry bound for the Isle of Potatoes. I never really
got to appreciate the boat ride because I would often find myself enjoying another sort of ride.
Anyway enough
of my youthful meanderings. Today I decided to take a trip down memory lane. A thirteen km bridge now links Canada's
Potato Province to the mainland. A marvel of structural engineering. A bit like me actually. Well I decided to meet this bridge
and get to know it a little more intimitly.
My day excursion involved a fabulous fall stroll along the New Brunswick coastline.
Here I met a wonderful woman called Vermaline who was catching some rather refreshing rays with her pet parrot. I wandered
round to the old lighthouse and remembered the fun I used to have with the lighkeeper there. Then shortly after found myself sinking
in a patch of quicksand which was a bit of a thrill!
As they day drew to a close I ventured several hundred feet onto the bridge to get the feeling of
walking on water when suddenly a freak gust of wind blew my skirt up over my head. I a temporary state of panic I ran blindly into the path
of an oncoming truck. Thankfully he braked in time but several cars piled into eachother behind.
Once the bridge was reopened
the truck driver kindly offered me a ride across the bridge. "The view up here is awsome" he said. I thanked him for his compliment and
gave him one of my own.
Yes coming here is certainly a trip well worth the trouble. The bridge is open all year round except during
bad weather and freak accidents.
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LEISURE
Randy B'Starrd Heads Into Trouble As He Sets Off For North Korea
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What's the perfect destination? New York, Paris, London? No, too westernized and cosmopolitan. There's no culture there. Everyone goes there.
It's just bright lights, big shops and pollution. So I thought where can I go that's way off the beaten track. I picked up a dart and thrust it into my world map and lo and behold
it landed right on the city of Poontang in North Korea! Yes travelling buddies yours truly was off to the rim of the pacific!
First I flew from Moncton to Toronto, then from Toronto to Halifax, then from Halifax to Boston. Then Boston to Bogota, Columbia. Why you may
think did I do that! Easy, it was ten times cheaper than getting a flight with Air Canada!
Anyway after being sodomised and mugged in Bogota's
Airport washroom I hopped aboard a rusty old oil tanker bound for Taiwan. The ten day trip was a little uncomfortable. I was holed up in a container filled
with Peruvian Goats. I lost my sense of smell after a couple of days which turned out to be a relief as my clothes reeked of Goat's urine.
Once in Taiwan I was immediately sentenced to spend 30 days in a maximum security jail for illegally entering the country. Thanks to me losing
my passport during the mugging in Bogota. Anyway I had a wonderful time working in the prison kitchens making
many rice dishes and getting very drunk on sakki.
Once released I emailed my sponsors in Canada and got them to wire me some cash. From there
I flew to Beijing, China where I met my very sexy north Korean guide, Kooki she charged $400 to be my translator.
Finally six weeks after leaving Canada I landed in the City of Poontang, North Korea. I didn't get more than five minutes breathing space when
armed guards arrested me on suscpicion of importing and exporting underaged She-males. I told them Kooki was my personal secretary and translator to which they replied
that Kooki was infact Kevin a teenage she-male!
All I can stay right now while the Canadian embassy is trying to save me from Death by firing squad is the view of
The Poontang Penitentiary courtyard is very appealing during sunrise. When they are not executing their prisoners that is...
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