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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Think You've Got What I Want?
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Moncton, NB
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I need someone to spark up my life. Someone strong, fearless and full of energy. If your that
special someone then you can come over and light my cigarette. I've run out of matches!
Call Darin, 555-9002
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2.
Toothless Old Fool Looking For Love
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Popeye "Pops" Poirier;
Dieppe, NB
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Hello girls! I fought in two World Wars you know. How about giving an incontinent old fart a break and
a new set of dentures. If your over 18 and you know if you are or not call me now at 555-113. Or visit me
in The Notre Dame Du Cadillac retired old buggers home.
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3.
Cosmetic Accident Victim Seeks Sympathy.
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Pat; Muddyview, NB
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First I injected my lips with Buttox. Then burned my cheeks trying to remove some unsightly facial hair. This is my reward!
Do I deserve this! I also have three breasts that have caused me to make my own bra's. How unfair life is when all you
want to do is attract young verile men into bed. Still wanna try? Don't make me cry! Call me, 555-7889
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4.
Stud
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Bert, Age 17;
Kent Siding, NB
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I'm Bert. If you get turned on by my warts and acne and the sight of me all wet and sweaty
then your gonna love being with me. If you behave I'll take you cruising the streets of Moncton in my Red Honda Civic!
Come on don't hold back! Lets burn my rubbers! 555-5678
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5.
Seeking Glory
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Tony 49;
London, UK
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Ladies and Gentlemen. I want to make it very clear to you all that
I am in no way looking out for number one. Why? Because I already am! Join me in
my personal crusade to further damage the British economy while gaining a greater
profile for myself by sucking up to my American headline grabbing hotheads!
You can contact me at Tony's_Number1@hotmail.com
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6.
Seeking Support
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Warmonger;
Washington, USA
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Fellow Americans. I want the whole world to join me in becoming an American. I want you all
to share the true and rightful faith of our freedom. The freedom to know what everyone is doing
twenty four 7. Yes brothers join me in sharing my foggy misinterpreted onesided view of the world.
War not piece is the way to earn the respect of the only country that matters. You can contact
George at gbjnr@whitehouse.com
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7.
Hi Girls!
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Sin Badd The Sailor Boy;
Whispering Meadows, NB
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Well Hello! Sin Badd the Sailor here! I'm looking for two matcho meglomaniacs
to help me in my sexy role playing fantasy. It involves a little fish swimming in a tank with a bigger fish.
The little fish wants to be like the big fish but is just a little bit too insignificant. So to solve this little
problem Daisy the pussy cat (that's me!) Gobbles them all up! Interested? Call 555-GOBBLE
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8.
Can You Help?
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Missing! Bubbles & Mr Chips;
RiverBlade, NB
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My two loveable prize winning Cats, Bubbles and Mr Chips have run away! They were last seen boarding an SMT Bus bound for Montreal with a couple
of well known Hookers. Help me to retrieve my fabulous bundles of fur. Come home boys your dinner is getting cold! please call Cathy on this number 555-2661
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9.
Russell Hobbs Kettle
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Jane's Junk & Bric-a-brac;
Moncton, NB
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One Russell Hobbs Kettle. An excellent companion to water. You can boil water with it.
One previous owner used it but scolded herself when she tried to retrieve the tea bag.
Do not put tea bags in it. It makes water get very hot. Also good for making cuppa soups too! Call Jane, 555 9009
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10.
Wood Saw
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Normand's Tools and Accessories;
St Hubert Le-Joli-Tosser, NB
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Feast your eyes on this unbelievable beauty. Yes it's a saw.
But no ordinary saw. It's perfect for slicing up your mother-in-law's hard home made
bread, her over-cooked leathery beef leftovers and those annoyingly tough cookies she makes!
This has teeth of steel. Yours for $300! Call 555 - NORM Today!
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11.
Zero Down Toyota Bonanza!
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Ricky's Auto Sales;
Albert Pines, NB
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Punch me in the face! I've been robbed! This is as cheap as my wife!
I am offering you this 2002 Toyota Supra for absolutely nothing! Yes! $15,000! It's a giveaway
at a New Brunswick price you can afford! Just a slight dent on the hood where a golf ball
grazed it is stopping me from giving it away at all! Call 555 - RICKY Today!
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12.
Perfect Hunting Vehicle Giveaways!
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Ricky's Auto Sales;
Albert Pines, NB
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BAZOOKA-BAZZAM! Moose hunting season is on! Why not look HOT TO TROT
in your very own dead animal carrier! This excellent four wheeler is yours for $25,000 or just $199 bi-weekly!
It even has a realistic dent from a previous hunting expedition! Rely on RICKY where your deals are never TRICKY!
Call 555 - RICKY Today!
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Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors
© Copyright 2002-2003 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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