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ENTERTAINMENT
CELEBRITY NEWS
American Scandal Mongers Get Their Own TV Show
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The Hosts Of 'So You Want To Get on CNN'. Eliot Spitzer, Kwame Kilpatrick and Rod Blagojevich (Pictured).
HOLLYWOOD, CA. (AP) - What does a disgraced Governor of Illinois, a corrupt former Mayor of Detroit and a philandering former Governor of New York have in Common? No, not your average
high salaried American citizen but the ingredients to push American reality shows to even more absurd heights.
Starting this fall these three media made darlings of dirt and immoral behaviour will be the panelists on the 12 part game show 'So you Want to Get On CNN'
The concept is beautifully simple, 12 people who have previous brushes with the American legal system and have appeared on local cable TV networks for their
wrongdoings will see if they have what it takes to really cause a stir.
That's not all, the finalist gets to be interviewed on 'Larry King Live'!
Kirsty Allen Bares All On Bike.
Still Sexy At 66. Kirsty Bares Her Behind For Sexy New Calendar.
LONG ISLAND, NY (AP) - This recent photo of her in her garden posing on her neighbours motorbike still shows she's got the curves and the looks and she certainly knows how to flaunt it!
"I thought It was about time to show some skin, I'm not getting any younger and clearly diets have never done me justice. I love the way I am and the body I'm in". Kirsty
told me when I met her at the local Krispy Cream outet.
To coincide with the release of her memoirs Kirsty will also be launching a raunchy new Calender to celebrate her life and love of food. I asked her what her favorite portrait from
the set was. "Definitely December" She gushed. "I'm lying on a table covered in pork and stuffing with an apple in my mouth!"
Tiger Woods Break's Silence.
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Tiger Woods (Pictured). Had One Gas Expulsion Too Many.
London, UK (AP). Tiger Woods spoke publicly on Friday for the first time since the scandal surrounding his infatuation with flatulence broke late last year.
The golf star's agent, Lippa Finklestein, said Woods addressed the media at the Sourglass Clubhouse, Pontefract, Wales last Friday around noon.
"Tiger discussed his past and his future, and he apologized for his flatulant behaviour" said Finklestein.
Woods had been on an indefinite break from golf since letting of a series of foul-smelling, ear-piercing rectal emissions during some major tournaments last year.
"Tiger felt as though it was time to make amends and to apologize for his bowel moving breakdowns" the agent added.
Woods has not spoken in public following a volley of farts that resulted in the golfer 'sharting' himself while driving around outside his Florida home last November. The incident caused Woods to have
a single-vehicle traffic accident resulting in a lot of media attention.
OBITUARY
Actress, Artist And Gas Bar Owner Tilly Tripplelegg Dead At 107.
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Tilly In A File Photo from 2007 and In Her Heyday (Inset).
SUMMERSIDE, PEI (AP) - Born Edna Clegg in Summerside, Prince Edward island in 1903, Edna, convinced of her acting skills Edna headed to Hollywood in 1918.
Here she changed her name to Tilly Tripplelegg (After a defect at birth) and quickly found fame after a walk on part in an early laurel & Hardy silent short.
However it would be another nine years before her next big break as a railway buffer in the classic Buster Keaton flick 'The General'. Other great parts beckoned including that of a passer-by in the classic
1932 Jean Harlow movie 'Red Dust'
By the 1940's her movie career had all but dried up so she turned to her second passion - Art. Her 1952 collection 'Mud On Canvass' made her a millionaire.
She moved back to her home town of Summerside, PEI in 1954, opened a gas bar and ran it until 2007 when a spark from her lit cigarette blew the place to smithereens.
PEI's lady of Hollywood will be dearly missed.
Trevor The Lemon's Tips For Stupid Folk
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a bit, thus reducing
the pressure in your veins.
AVOID being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the trunk until you return.
OLYMPIC ATHLETES. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.
STOP birds nesting in your garden by collecting all the twigs
and moss in your neighbourhood and hiding it in your garden shed.
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books.
Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
AVOID jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.
INCREASE the life of your carpets by rolling them up and keeping them in the garage.
Until next time dudes...
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LOCAL ENTERTAINMENT
Leonard Nimoy's Entertainment Round-Up
Hello I'm Leonard Nimoy. You may remember me as Spock from the original Star Trek TV series and subsequent Movie spin-off's.
My phrases such as "Live Long and Prosper", "So it would seem." "It is curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want" and 'That's Illogical Captain' are practically folklore amongst Trekkies the world over!
Well, here I am. An invited guest columnist for your website aimed at bringing you a brief review of all the latest local events in your area. I hope you've enjoyed my little introduction just as much as I enjoyed saying it. Live long and prosper!"
LOCAL EVENTS ROUND-UP
Sponsored by the Ladies Society of Immaculate Sock Knitters (LSISK) a morning buffet will be held at the Selma Babbage Family Centre in Riverview this Saturday. Cost is $5. Reserve your tickets by calling Enid at 555-6471.
Maritime Goldfish Adoption Program (MGAP) has some beautiful goldfish waiting for foster homes. If you're thinking of adopting a goldfish, come to Highfield Shopping Center in Moncton soemtime between Monday and Tuesday of next week You'll see some amazing Goldfish and have a chance to chat with at length their owners.
The Hillsborough Burping Club will be having a Pancake and baked bean Supper on Sunday from 5 to 6:30 p.m. Pancake, baked beans, onion rolls, pop and cookies will be served. All burpers welcome!
Single Seniors over 100 dribble over breakfast every Saturday morning from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at Rickies Restaurant on 111467 Mountain Road, Moncton. Info: 555-9688. Free Transport available.
The Magnetic Hill Zoo is having a day camp for children ages 8 to 50 years. Camps run from 8 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. and costs $300/day. Children will have loads of fun visiting and feeding the Puma's, Jaguar's and Lions and much more!
Baldies Fitness is starting a new season of classes including free scalp waxing, eyebrow plucking and wattle massages plus Jelly-Belly Cardio. Free 1 week trial. Contact Baurice 555-4340.
Violent Hacksaw The Swastika, Ontario based band famous for their hits 'Box Jellyfish, Sudden Death', 'Arsenic Pet Farm' and 'Mass Murder mayhem' will be performing at the Moncton Capitol Theatre next Monday. Tickets are $150.00 in advance / $149.00 at the door.
The Bleeding Snipers Will be playing Moncton in the near future at The Staten Island Nightclub. The Moncton based trio who's music is heavily influencd by the 'Death Row 5' and 'The Machete Wife's' also local bands will
be showcasinf brand new material from their forthcoming album 'Love and nails'. All tickets can be purchased nearer the date.
BOOK CORNER
Turnips & Gas - A Post War Memoir By Jethro Flambards. Published By Bunion Books.
Jethro Flambards sensational account of life after WWII has been visualized perfectly in this painstakingly vivid 1001 page book.
From posing as a female traffic warden during WWII, to avoid enlistment, Flambards spent the following forty-five years travelling the world eating nothing but Turnips.
From scavengng the fertile marshlands of the Fens in Cambridgeshire, England to Turnip growing in the Andes, Jethro Flambards endured both hardships and friendships throughout his long journey.
A journey he says "had to be done" as he was refused a ration book for posing as a woman.
Turnips & Gas - A Post War Memoir is out now priced $49.99.
COLLECTORS CORNER
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Parking Meters. Jerry Duclas has the largest collection of Parking meters in the world. Several thousand to be exact. His love of parking meters developed at a very young age. "Oh you know, put a dime or a quarter in and see it put to work, it just facinated me". He said.
The world's first parking meter was invented in 1935 by Carl C. Magee in Oklahoma City and was installed by POM first installed on July 16, 1935.
I have it! I bought it at auction for $2 million dollars and it still had change in it from the 1940's!!! I got over $1000.00 just for selling the coins from that machine!
Jerry also has a vast collection of British Kenneth Grange designed meters.
"Kenneth Grange is one of the greatest designers in the UK and his parking meter is in the top ten of design icons – it's better than the iPhone!"
This parking meter was also responsible for inspiring one of the best songs by the Beatles – 'Lovely Rita, Meter Maid'. "There's money to be made in every meter!" Duclas enthused.
Amongst his staggering collection, which is kept in an old Paper Pulp Mill west of Bathurst, New Brunswick, is one of Britiain's first solar-powered parking meters, a modern Canadian MacKay Guardian™ Multi and a MacKay Guardian™X Series. His pride and joy however is a Chinese made Solar Photovoltaic Epoxy Sealed Module for a Parking Meter. A 4.74A Short-circuit Current Model Number: SM08 (if that makes any sense!)
Keep up the good work there Jerry!
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