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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Disposable Fart Pads.
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Allain's Apothecary;
Amherst, NS
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Allain's Apothecary is proud to announce our latest Product. Subtlebutts Fart Pads and Gas Neutralizers! *WHILE STOCKS LAST!* When your flatulence gets out of control we've got you covered! Simply peel back and stick a pad in the right place!
Subtlebutts pads are guaranteed to neutralize odours but would like to point out that 'Sharting' or 'following through' while wearing our pads will not help you. Subtlebutts Fart Pads come in packs of 10. So hurry down to our Apothecary To-day! Or Call 555-3256
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2.
Sit Down Shopping Cart.
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Cart Boy's Customized Carts; Dartmouth, NS
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Why not take a load off. Try my customized cart next time you peruse the grocery store. All those aisles can be tiring when shopping for just a few essential items. Just sit down and wheel yourself around it's that
simple. My customized Loblaws-made carts have a carrying capacity of upto 300lbs. Too fat? Too Bad! I'll even throw in a removable washable seat cover to the first 10 customers! Remember these are made to order. Cost $120.00. For an extra $10.00
I can install a secret push of the button folds down the unit so it can fit into your trunk, or back seat of your car. Call 555-1236
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3.
Tackle Enhancer!
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Triple X Fashon Accessories, Champlain Place, Moncton. NB
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Feeling a little empty around the crotch? Why not pad yourself out a bit with our new Trouser Expander. Just insert it in your front trouser pocket, then, when you see
a gorgeous girl, guy or animal simply give your expander a squeeze and hey presto - tackle-out! Guaranteed to get you looks and those oh so important second glances! Order today 555-XXXX
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4.
Broken Toilet For Sale.
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Mandy; Via Webphone, Riverview. NB
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My lard-assed 300lb boyfriend put a crack in the seat and it hasn't been right since! Needs a lot of care and attention. Alternatively works great as an ashtray too! Call 555-4512
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5.
Hair Removal Laser
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Dr. Orzabal's Laser Boutique; Moncton, NB
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Nostril hair, armpit hair, down there hair, behind there hair even hard to reach hair. Dr. Orzabal's 'hair Not There' laser removal gun will remove all unwanted hair. Risk free,
Orzabal's guarantee!* (Some conditions may apply) Call 555-8118
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6.
Anti Theft Lunchbags.
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Derek & Debbie's Convenience Stop; Rabid Bight, NFLD
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A trucker dumped 10 boxes full of these useless items for a few Jars of me home made wife's pickled pigs feet. Anyone insane enough to take them from me will be my best friend forever.
The shelf life of most of my produce expired years ago so imitation mold covered lunchbags is the last thing I need! Call 555-1948
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7.
Stroke Your Balls With Ease.
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Garland's Golfing Deals; Riverview, NB
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Tired of getting your balls out of a rough spot? Fed up with endlessly wacking you balls out of the undergrowth?
If the answer is yes then the 'Golf -Mate Putt-Whacker' is for you! Now you can trim long stubbly overgrowth from around your trapped balls and whack-off with peace of mind.
Call 555-7227 for our exclusive deals!
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8.
Hillary Clinton Toilet Brush Sale!
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Bidet's Bathroom Eccentricities; Halifax, NS
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Now you can enjoy the Company of the US secretary Of State in your own Bathroom. Yes, that's right you can now trust America's former First Lady of toilet bowl cleanliness to give you a spot-free place to pee! CALL FAST WHILE STOCKS LAST! 555-BOWL
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9.
Shower Breast Sale!
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Bidet's Bathroom Eccentricities; Halifax, NS
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Do you miss turning on your wife, girlfiend or mistress? Or simply just like the idea of a firm pair of Breasts because you can't get access to them? No matter. We can deliver, fit and install these life-sized puppies for free! CALL FAST WHILE STOCKS LAST! 555-2340
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10.
Mel Gibson Lethal Weapon II Mullet Hairpiece For Sale!
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Hollywood Hair Emporium; George Blvd, Moncton, NB
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As seen on the Shopping Channel. 100% guarantee or your money back! Our customers include Ted Danson and Tom Selleck. For sale. Original mullet wig worn by Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon II. $10,000 OBO. Call 555-WIGS
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11.
Gentleman's Gonad Scratcher
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Implements R Us; Moncton NB
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'When the tough get going the Gonads get tough!' - Longfellow. In this faced paced environment we always seem to be on the go. Over exertion an stress can lead to genital itch. Worry no more - The Gerhard Ghering Gonad Scratcher is
the solution! Whether at work, home or play just insert the Gonad Scratcher and rub your worries away! German engineering at it's best. Call 555-2332
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12.
Hi-tech Computer & Monitor Sale!
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The Garbage Hoarder; Dorchester Cape. NB
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Boy look what The Garbage Hoarder has in store! Brand new, never used Epsom 60MB hard drive PC's and Monitor's. Excellent bargain price of $1000.00 for the lot! Great gift to give to your son or daughter who are off to study. Great for Gran and Gramps who have never used a PC but would like to. Software includes brand new Windows 95 upgrade package. I also have some spare wheel mice (real ones) and some old Printers out in the shed if you want to add to this little lot. Call 555-8977
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13.
Cheap Beer.
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Sidney; Goats Ear, NL
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How's she doin' byes! Sidney here. Gotta truck load of cheap booze heading toward Nova Scotia and New Brunswick in the next day or two. Stop me and buy some! I'll be drivin' one o' them
Captain's Platter containers. Call me, we'll meet up at de nearest truck stop that I'm headed to. Call 555-2367. Don't ferget yer cash now bye's!
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14.
Charming Olde World Rustic Retreat.
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Charming Dilapidations; Moncton. NB
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Situated in rural Albert County this old world charmer has lain empty and abandoned for over 20 years. Surrounded by rusted relics of years gone by. Situated amongst 2 acres of wild
over growth. This rapidly decaying four-bedroom family home has no amenities whatsoever. Lovely outhouse outback though. $229,000 OBO. Call Marc 555-8667.
Call 555-NUTS555-7845
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15.
Saved From The Wrecking Ball. landlord Ready!
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Charming Dilapidations; Moncton. NB
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This Pigeon and Rat infested 90-year old dilapidated townhouse located in the heart of Moncton still has it's charm and grandeur. Great Price for low end rental opportunities!
A real condemned beauty at only $15,999 OBO plus applicable city taxes! Call Marc 555-8667.
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| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2010 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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