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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Solar Powered Deaf Aid
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Denis Deaf Aids;
Bouctouche, NB
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My latest breakthrough product in hearing technology will amaze you! The world's first Solar Powered Deaf Aid is now a reality! Yes! No more batteries! No more high pitched interference! No more abrupt deafness! Save your money! Just slip my device round your ear, soak up the sun and experience hours of trouble free hearing! Call me now at 555-8934.
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2.
Fat Apparition Sale!
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Fred's Fat Apparitions;
Halifax, NS
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I currently have a glut of fat apparitions that I need to get rid of. This one resides in a former fast food restaurnat. I believe it is the ghost of Winnie MacDougal a 20th Century fast food glutton, famed for gorging the leftovers in dumpsters during the night. If you own a fast food restaurant and want your leftovers gone by the morning I can guarantee Winnie will do the job! Call 555-3456
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3.
Super Solid Durable Weatherproof Dumpster.
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Derek's Durable Dumpsters;
Northern Saskatchewan, SK
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This 5'x5'x5' conatiner with formed weatherproof lid comes complete with easy to open gas shocks to hold lid open and can be carried on any bale handling deck. This self-dumping weather proof dumpster comes with my 5 year weatherproof-lightweight-durable unibody guarantee! A snip at $55.000. Call 555-DUMP
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4.
Yankee Cobble Sale!
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Its All A Load Of Cobblers;
Herpes Blight, NFLD
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My authentic Yankee Interlocking Concrete Cobble Pavers are available in a wide selection of colors and shapes. This "new" selection of Paving offers a natural charm and beauty to an otherwise drab back garden or path. Add some dignity to your run down outport home or urban city dwelling today! $9500 per sqaure foot. Call 555-8934 and don't foget to ask for Bryan.
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5.
For Sale A 9 x 3.5 -4 Elecric Scooter Inner Tube.
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Inner Tubes R Us; George Blvd, Moncton, NB
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One flexible, airtight hollow ring, made of rubber. This device is usually inserted into the casing of a pneumatic tire for the purpose of holding compressed air to enable a moving object to move more easily and comfortably while riding or sitting on it. In this case for use on an electric scooter. Call 555-8934 for more details.
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6.
Stretch, Burgundy Collar Chamois Shirt. 90% OFF!
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Betty's Unisex Store; Highfield Square, Downtown Moncton
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A must for vain men with insecurity issues. This great shirt does wonders to the masculine physique. It stretches to the contours of your finely crafted and unique upper body giving you room to sashay with ease. Alternatively a great accessory for buffing up your car after a vigorous waxing. Comes in 3 made to fit sizes! Our Price $9.99!!!
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7.
Deluxe Professional
Santa Extra Full Wig
and Beard Set.
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Mr. Frosty's Santa Make-Up Kits; Halitosis Harbour, NFLD
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Ho! Ho! Ho! Don't wait until X-Mas order your Santa wig and beard set. Order it today! This very nice white upswept style is all the rage right now and for just $4.00 dollars more I'll throw in my limited edition Mohair Santa eyebrows set! Call 555-7779
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8.
Hurry! Harry's Head Cheese Sale Now On!
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Harry's Head Cheese Factory; Cap Pele, NB
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Once you try my mouthwatering range of Head Cheese you'll be coming back for more! A great side dish to compliment a full morning breakfast or simply make some Head Cheese Sandwiches for your lunchtime snack. You can pre-order my Brain Gelatine and Onion mix or my Trotters and Spleen Mashed Medley mix right now! Drop by or call; 555-HEAD
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9.
Hungry For Haggis?
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Vagasil's Pork & Mutton Parlour; Rabid Brook, NS
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Come try my Haggis's! Once bitten you'll be smitten! I chop up the finest sheep's heart, liver and lungs, add in onions and oatmeal then boil the lot in the animal's stomach. It's just like eating Sausages! Drop by or call in, or do both! I'll fix you up a haggis while U wait! Call 555-8954 and ask for Vagasil.
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10.
Chuck Norris's Jockstrap.
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Celebrity Garbage Collectors; Los Angeles, CA
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We struck gold with this hot item! Worn by Walker, Texas Ranger himself! You never know Chuck might have had these on during the show! Unbeatable Price! Asking $27,000.00 OBO Call 555-7845
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11.
Mr T's Roll-on Deoderant!
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Celebrity Garbage Collectors; Los Angeles, CA
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Pity the fool Sucka! Yes we are in posession of Mr T's very own deoderant! That's right this is your very own chance to own the muscle head from that 80's show the A-Team's personal deoderant. Yours for $999.00 (Armpit hairs removed before purchase) Call 555-7845
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12.
Celebrity Sanitary Towel!
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Celebrity Garbage Collectors; Los Angeles, CA
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This well worn towel was picked up by our very own professional staff moments after Jessica Simpson left a toilet stall in a very well known establishment. 99% sure it's hers. If you are not satisfied with your very own piece of 'Nick & Jessica/Daisy Duke' memorabilia we recommend you get some DNA testing to ensure it's authenticity! $599.00 OBO. Call 555-7845
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13.
Beautiful Downtown Duplex.
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Greater Moncton Property Specialists; Moncton, NB
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Excellent well kept Victorian Duplex situated in the heart of downtown Moncton. A Two minute walk from everwhere that matters. Running water. Electricity available. Both apartments come with a living room, kitchen, toilet and shower plus 2 bedrooms upstairs. Offers excellent views of the town from the balcony. Price $550,000. Call 555-9997
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14.
Scenic Country Town House
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Greater Moncton Property Specialists; Moncton, NB
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Modern 2 floor homestead located in the heart of Albert County offers great views of the Bay of Fundy. Slight maintenance work required. Minimal fire damage, minimal subsidence. Comes complete with two bedrooms, bathroom, lounge, kitchen and dining room, flag pole and an electric generator and sceptic tank. $456,000.00 OBO. Fully inspected! Call 555-9997
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15.
Apartment Complex Liquidation
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Bob LeBlanc's Apartment's & Suites; Shediac, NB
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Bargain apartment complex. Located in downtown Shediac. Sheduled for demolition 2 years ago. Contains 12 liveable apartments. Great money making potential! This former low income, drug dealers paradise comes with a whole range of possibilities. Asking $1000,000. Turn your debt into credit today! Call Bob 555-3454
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| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2006 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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