been a long time, since I have posted here. I'm trying to make this a little more private. It is not listed in any web directories.. so I guess I would be the only one reading it.. its fine.. I'll be more honest...
I dont know how its going with Iman. I dont like these temporary urgers to be/not be with him..
how many times a day, do I wish i was more stable and level headed.. more logical and more willing to wait and be patient...
its not happening.. I thought i've changed. I hadnt dated in a while. .i thought i've changed my ways.. but you cant really change your structure.. ur feelings.. the things that have already been established... I wish i could change it..
I read in this book, the probablity of "really" changing urself is 3%, and it happens REALLY rarely!!
so yeah.. no hopes for me..
I mean i'm not desperate.. if he breaks up with me today i wont be that sad.. i'll deal with it and move on..
my problem is insecurity,, confusion.. not knowing how he feels.. I have attempted to communicate with him many many times.. but guys are not that easy .. they are more reserved.. and even if they say anything, chances are its not what they feel..
everybody wears a mask these days.. everybody has a cover on their real serves... that's why relationship dont work.. that's why ppl feel lonely most of the times.. that's why we cant succeed...
I dont knwo what to do with him.. if he's here.. then he is.. i dont like mind games. .i dont like drama.. im passed that stage.. i've told him all these things, over and over and over again..
but some things never change.. everyone plays to some extend.. EVERYONE! its human nature.. I dont know why we have to have this useless thing as a part of our lives.. it sucks!it prevents being real!! it prevents closeness..
I've noticed.. the more mature we get,, the less our games become..
adam really didnt play that much.. mostly i felt safe and confortable telling him my feelings and what I want..
i'm confused.. i want him and Iman.. they are both different.. but i like them both
I dont know what to do.. I hate waiting by this fucking cell phone for his call.. on the other hand I cant call him either.. this is fucking retarded.. I wish I could just sleep and wake up in 5 days. .and check to see if he's called.. then I wouldnt be so fucked up now! not being to concentrate on school and exams
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm going crazy!