Chapter 3: Questions

I looked out the window. Another overcast day looked back. It had been three days since I was “born,” and I refused to move one inch since I laid down that night. Time felt meaningless. I was never cramped or tired. Now that I lived forever, there was never “too long” anymore.

I sighed, tasting the moist dirt outside. Damn blood hound senses! No one dared to talk to me while I sat holed up in my room, Lea a constant watch dog of my door. She was determined to give me the time I needed. Endless, endless time.

My thoughts wandered to Aldan, as they had frequently over the last couple of days. I did not know what to make of him and more over, what to make of what I was to him. Did he expect for me to fall madly in love with him and we would ride into the sunset together on matching white horses? Well, maybe not a sunset, I still wasn't exactly sure what would happen if I was exposed to direct sunlight. Would I explode into a pile of ash or slowly burn away? Lea did not fear the sun so maybe something else happened, but what? And would it be so bad to fall madly in love with Aldan? The chemistry was clearly there, my primal desires beginning their slow turn at the thought of him. But there was a lot to Aldan that I did not know, only knowing him for a few days, and most of those I spent locked up by myself. On the other hand, I couldn't remember much before my "birth" so he technically was one my longest acquaintances.

I also did not like the idea that Aldan chose me, bloody and dying, to be his mate for eternity. How do you make that kind of decision about a complete stranger? Was it different for vampires? Did they know who they should spend eternity with in an instant and I was just missing it?

Regardless of how I felt about Aldan, I would be eternally bound to him. He was the one who made me into this creature. One with a beautiful face that would kill to survive. Would I be able to do it? The fresh cup of blood continued to sit untouched outside my door. All three days, fresh cups were left outside my door, but I refused to touch them, not wanting to be an accessory to their murder. My thirst battered against my will, stronger today than the days before. I needed a distraction. I needed...

As if my thoughts conjured him from thin air, I heard a knock on the door. “Come in,” I said quietly.

Aldan entered with a large stack of books in his arms, carefully stepping over the untouched glass. He looked at it pointedly but said nothing. “I brought you some things to read. I thought it might help with passing the time. It tends to be quite maddening alone.” He set the items on the nightstand beside the bed. I did not move except to follow him around the room with my eyes. He crossed to look out the window.

“How have you been?” Aldan asked to my silence. “You have been cooped up here quite a few days.”

“Three, to be exact.” My voice sounded other-worldly since I hadn't spoken in days.

“And do you have anything figured out yet?”

The truth was no, but I wasn’t going to let him know that. “Lea is going to be mad at you for coming in here.”

“Do you want me to go?” His eyes raked over my face.

“No.” I sighed. “I needed a distraction. You can only sit and think for so long, ya know.”

He nodded and motioned for himself to sit down. I moved over to give him room, expecting my muscles to scream after the stillness, but they didn't make a peep.

“Lea felt that you would come to us when you were ready to talk,” Aldan told me, his voice solemn. “I thought that it might be a bit intimidating.” He placed his hand on my knee and gave a comforting squeeze. My body leaped at the contact, excited to feel his fingers.

“It is. My mind seems to run around in circles with a huge black spot that I can’t touch. A part of me is still hoping I’m dreaming.” I looked to his face for a reaction, but he gave nothing away to his thoughts.

“You are not dreaming.” His voice was soft and hypnotizing. “I’m sorry.” He looked down at his hands, and I was crushed by his sadness.

“Please don’t feel that way!” I gasped.

His head snapped up in alarm. “You know what I’m thinking?” His eyes searched back and forth into mine.

“No,” I gasped again, now vibrating with his anxiety. “Your feelings...please calm down.”

His brows rose in surprise and he nodded. Down his eyelids slid and his chest went up and down in slow deep breaths. Up and down. His feelings faded to the back of my mind, and I once again was left with my body's spinning reactions to keep my mind abuzz. I looked at the flesh of his chest peeking through the unbuttoned top button of another crisp black shirt, and I wanted to feel his skin. My breaths quickened, taking in more of his sweet scent, thoughts of blood and feeding far away.

“I take it that isn’t normal for vampires,” I asked once Aldan opened his eyes, wondering if my emotions were as transparent to him.

“No,” he answered with a twitch of his lips. “I believe we have enough advantages without also being empathic.”

“Okay, then why am I different?” I slipped the idea of “advantages” away for my personal venomous thoughts. Living off of death would never be an advantage.

“To be perfectly honest, I don’t know. Until just recently I wasn’t positive you were different.” Aldan’s face furrowed in curiosity. “Did you happen to be sensitive to people’s emotions before you became one of us?”

The way he said one of us made it sound more like a club. I wanted to snort at his reference, but kept my sarcasm to myself. “I don’t know for sure,” the black fog ever daunting, “but I don’t think so.”

“You did suffer a rather bad head injury just before you turned.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I wonder as the venom was healing you, it also altered the way your mind works.”

“You mean besides making me crave human blood for eternity.” My flippant remark came out before I could stop it, and I paid for it dearly. His pain was a sharp jab to my heart. Great, I had to get the remorseful vampire. “What do you mean by venom?” I tried to focus the subject away from my comment. I was going to have to start watching my mouth, if only for my own sake.

“Our teeth are coated with venom that stuns our prey with pain. It keeps them from trying to escape.” My mind went back to the man I killed. His agony felt fresh across my body, only heightened now that I knew exactly what he felt. He felt the fire. “If we do not drink our prey to death, the venom will continue to pump though their system. After a few days, if they survive, he or she becomes one of us.”

“If they survive?”

“As I am sure you recall, the change is quite a painful process.” His tone was clinical, separating himself from the subject. “Some individuals’ hearts fail before the venom can make its way completely through their system. Some minds break so fully that they must be destroyed. Not all births are perfect.”

I remembered the pain quite vividly and the slipping of my own mind. Had it been any longer, would they had to destroy me too? "I seem to recall that I was tied up for my protection. Protection from what?"

"I don't think you want to know this. Isn't it enough to know that it was for your protection?"he implored. I shook my head back and forth and he sighed."I did warn you. Just remember that." He cleared his throat of nonexistent flem. "I have heard of newborns ripping their eyes from their sockets. Of scratching and clawing at their own flesh to the point of tearing limbs clear off. Pain makes people do crazy things. And that's what newborns can do to themselves, let's not forget that they can easily do the same thing to others."

I was quiet. Everything he told me seemed to only reinforce that I was truly a monster. "I don't understand. Why are newborns so particularly dangerous?"

"Blood is what makes us strong. A vampire is at its best right after he has fed. As a newborn, you are filled with your own human blood making you more powerful than any other vampire. In return, if vampires do not feed, besides going mad with thirst, they will become weak, barely able to move. Which reminds me..." He stared again at the untouched glass then back at me.

So I am a monster amongst monsters. Ignoring Aldan's pointed stare, I ask “So you said knowing people’s emotions, not normal for vampires, then what is?”

Aldan was thoughtful for a moment. “I think most you already know, but if you like, I will go over them. We are incredibly strong in almost every way. We see far past the human perception. Due to our strength, we can run at hundreds of miles an hour. And our strongest senses, sight and smell, can be used to detect anything from miles away.”

“I knew most of that stuff.” Annoyance tinged my voice. I wanted to know what made me not a monster. What made my life worth having? But I didn't have the words to ask what plagued my mind.

“I figured you did.” He smiled again. “How about you ask what you want to know?”

I pursed my lips in thought. “Okay, we live for eternity, don’t sleep, and apparently aren’t scared of the sun. But you did say the sun would be distracting. What happens?”

“That one is usually better explained through seeing. Let’s just say that it would be difficult for us to blend in if we were in direct sunlight.”

“Is that why it’s so gray all the time?” My annoyance grew stronger from his aloof answer. “Where are we anyway?”

“We live on the outskirts of Portland, and yes, that is why we have chosen to live in an overcast area.”

“Portland. And what kind of place is Portland? Remember, my first memories are waking up here with you.” Again thoughts of him straddled atop me, his shirt shredded away from his body flashed to the forefront of my brain. I pursed my lips, willing the thoughts away.

“It is a major city in the state of Oregon. It is a visually green city due to the amount of rain the area gets."

“Wow, green, huh. Sounds like an exciting city if the color is the best you can come up with."

"We don’t have to stay here.” Aldan's voice was gentle. “You and I could go wherever we wanted. Thomas and Lea would understand.”

"So no coffins, I notice,” pushing aside Aldan’s comment. I wasn’t ready to deal with what I was to him, even if my body seemed ready and willing. “Do you still have to carry the dirt from your original grave? And if so, where’s mine?”

He laughed a joyous sound at my question. I felt happy and warm from his reaction, but I couldn't figure out if it was my honest feelings or his. “Purely movie myth.”

“Well,” the contagious joy seemed to even out the sting of him laughing at me, “how am I supposed to know? Until just recently, vampires were movie myths too. Now, do we turn into bats? Or are they like our familiars?”

Another laugh. Its sweet sound filling my hollow self. He laughed so thoroughly that I saw tears begin to well at the corners of his eyes. “Purely cartoon myth.” I became lost in those tears.

“Why can’t I cry?” The joy seeped out of me, leaving me once again sad and hollow.

Aldan’s face became more serious. “It isn’t that you can’t cry.” He reached for my hand again. I let him stroke the smooth surfaces of my palm. He studied the lines in my hand, following the life line back and forth with his finger. It was as if fire followed his touch, my body eager for more. “As a vampire, everything takes a stronger threshold to feel. You haven’t experienced anything that your vampire senses can’t handle. Tears are a reaction to a release you need. You haven’t needed them yet.”

Rage bubbled inside me. “I haven’t needed them yet?! I have lost everything I know. I have turned into a monster that is a slave to a thirst that will forever separate me from all of mankind. I can’t dream anymore. I can’t eat real food anymore. I can only be known by other monsters!” I was screaming but I didn't care. “B-but you! You get tears over a dumb question on vampire myth!” My breath was rough and angry. My face crumpled under the emotion, still no tears.

To my rage, Aldan was nothing but calm. “These tears,” he said with a rueful smile. He took my fingertips to his eyes. Their wetness slide down my fingers. “They are more than just a reaction to a silly question. They are a release to finding you. I have been waiting for you for over two hundred years. And for the past eighty years, I have had to watch Thomas and Lea and long for what they have with a smile. I have had to feel myself grow cold from want, wondering if I was destined for eternity to long for what stood just past my fingertips. And now here you are. More exquisite than I could possibly have hoped for.”

His feelings were so powerful that I felt the familiar pricks at the backs of my eyes, but not enough to break the ducts of my eyes. “Aldan, I…” My voice choked with emotion.

Instantly, there was a sharp tug on his feelings. “I am sorry, Charisse.” His voice was soft while placing my hands back on my lap. “My pain is my own to bare. I am sorry that you had to feel it. I will try to be more careful around you.” He stood, placing distance between us. “You must be getting overwhelmed by thirst. You really should drink that," he pointed to the glass on the floor," you'll need your strength. Today you learn to track the right kind of prey so that you may be released from the confines of this house.”

My throat burned at the mere suggestion of feeding. Every muscle in my body tensed, as my spoiled toddler sensed that my will was breaking. I would have to feed again.

“You might also want to get washed up. It should help clear your head,” Aldan continued. “The bathroom is that door to the right of you, and the room across the way is yours to do as you wish.” He motioned to a door facing the foot of the bed. “I will be in the library upstairs when you are ready. I have homework to do.”

“Homework?” My eyes narrowed in confusion.

“Yes.” His brilliant teeth sparkled despite the lackluster light. “I take classes at the local college for interaction mostly. It beats hanging around here everyday. You see, Charisse, there will be life outside these walls for you too. Just give yourself time to adjust to your new way of life. You might even find that you like parts of it.”

“I highly doubt…” I began, but he was gone before I could finish, only the soft click announcing his departure.

***

After taking a bath in the most luxurious tub I had ever seen, I walked back to the bed to find that the rumpled clothes I borrowed from Aldan replaced with comfortable jeans, a turtleneck, and necessary undergarments, lacy and expensive looking. Athletic shoes with white ankle socks sat on the floor. All the garments were blue. A note in heavy stock paper sat folded on top.

I thought this might be more to your liking than men’s clothes. It should all fit. I'll be waiting. ~ Aldan.

I'll be waiting. Could he be any cornier? Placing the note back on the bed, I picked up the clothing laid out for me one by one.Is everything I own going to be blue?

It all fit just like he said. It felt nice not to have fabric pooling around my waist, but I was tired of everything being laid out before me. Since I woke up a vampire, nothing seemed to be in my control.

Walking out into the hall, I sniffed the air. I followed Aldan's scent through the living room and up the stairs to a heavy door to the right. The whole house was still, and I wondered where Thomas and Lea were. I turned the warm knob and entered.

“Why do all the doorknobs feel warm?” I asked as introduction. Aldan looked up from the book he was reading. Two pale hands clasped an apple on the cover.

“It’s because the doorknobs contain real gold. Different metals will have varying temperatures that you will now be able to sense,” he answered matter-of-factly. “Lea was fond of them, so Thomas had the entire house outfitted with them. I think the warmth of the metal makes her feel more human.”

“Thomas does anything Lea asks of him, huh?” The question came out as a statement.

“Love makes you do crazy things.” Aldan put the book down beside him. “And love from our kind. That is one of the strongest loves a being can experience.” He stood and looked just past my face, a melancholy smile across his lips. “That is a love that is tested by eternity. We do not choose our mates lightly.”

“Is there no divorce in the vampire world?” I wanted to ask, why me? If this is such an important decision, why me! But I wasn't sure if I was ready for the answer.

“If it is a true love, then no.” His eyes met mine fleetingly. His own inner turmoil washed through my brain. He wanted me to be that one, but he was as unsure as I was. It was like meeting your husband for the first time, only it was after the wedding. “Many of our kind cannot live without their mate. They either live eternity beaten and alone or they end their lives. Either way, I pity any fool that would become between one of us and the one he loves.”

My breath caught in my throat on his sheer intensity. He believed what he said with his whole being. And yet here we stood, two strangers forever bound to one another. Would he suffer without me?

“So how did Thomas and Lea meet?” I asked, steering the subject of eternal love into something a little more concrete.

“Lea use to be a jazz singer in a small speak-easy in New York. It was a favorite of Al Capone and his gang. Thomas and I would go to pick out gang members to feed on. He would stay to listen to Lea, mesmerized by her vivacious presence and voice."Aldan came toward me cautiously. "Thomas use to say that even before she became one of us, Lea was more captivating than any of our kind. I believe that was 1924.”

“So he fell madly in love with her and turned her?” My voice was hard. It seemed so selfish to take so much from one you claimed you loved.

“Actually, like you, she was dying, and was turned to save her life.” Aldan’s voice was mild, but I could feel the sharp bite of his defenses.

“I’m sorry.” My hand reached to squeeze his arm. “I didn’t mean to jump to conclusions. What happened?”

“Lea caught the eye of one of Capone’s men that didn’t take too kindly to the word no. She tried to let him down gently, but one night after her set, he followed her home.” He walked to the window, reliving the night. “Thomas and I heard her cries from the club, but it was too late. She was left naked in an alley way, black and blue with a bullet to the gut. He couldn’t let her die, so he made her one of us.

“I stayed with her during her turning while Thomas hunted down the guy. I don't know the specifics of what happened, just that Lea's attacker would never hurt anyone again. Even now, Thomas won’t say what actually happened, but nothing enrages him more than brutality to women.” Aldan grew quiet.

“How old was she?” I whispered.

“Twenty-three.”

The silence of the room rang in my ears. “You said you have been waiting a long time for me. You are older than Lea?”

“Yes, I was turned in 1779. Thomas found me dying on a battlefield in Virginia.”

“How old are you!?”

He grinned at my surprise, opening the window. “Twenty-two.”

I glared at him. “And how long have you been twenty-two?”

“You aren’t going to get all weird on me, because I am older than you.” He laughed walking back to me.

“There’s older, then there's you…you are like, like some two hundred years old!”

He laughed again. “Two hundred and forty one to be exact.”

“Holy crap!” What do you say to a man that was more handsome than any male model and was older than the United States of America? “You look good for your age.”

A big boisterous laugh came from deep inside of him, causing my lips to pull back into a smile. “You will realize that time takes on a different meaning when it’s endless. Now enough about how old I am, or I really will start to feel old.”

“I would think two hundred years would do that for me?”

“Now, its time to teach you to track.” He stood very close to me, a seductive grin across his face.

Nervousness and agitation bubbled inside me at the thought of what would have to come. I have to end another life to survive, and Aldan is going to show me how. My stomach sunk with dread. Aldan and I were now toe-to-toe, and I wondered where he was going with this. My body awoke at his nearness, a shiver of nervousness spreading through me for a whole new reason. It was like we were magnets, my body pulling for him to be closer. Looking up in his eyes, all I could think of was how close we were wasn't close enough.

“Your first target.” He leaned in to whisper. My mind was dizzy at his closeness, my fingers itching for his skin. “Is me.” He kissed me. Not a peck, oh no. It was a toe-curling, knee –weak kiss. My body sang at his touch, excited for more, while my mind wheeled away. This wasn't right, but I didn't know why. I just wanted him to keep touching me. This was what everyone wanted, but my mind fought against him, bristled at his audacity. My muscles tensed in anger as my bones turned to water. His lips were as soft as I had thought, but I did not expect the expertise in which they would be used. When I regained my senses ready to give him more than a piece of my mind, he was at the window grinning from ear to ear.

“Come and get me.” His smile was devilish and his eyes wicked. Before I had a chance to respond, he was out the window.

“Aldan!” I ran to the window. Looking up was his maddening grin again, instead of the expected bloody mess.

“You are going to have to be faster than that.” His voice filtered out from the line of trees.

I glared at where he disappeared. What the hell happened to the remorseful vampire? This Aldan was the one I remembered from the night I awoke. The infuriating, irritating, and annoyingly handsome man that sired me into being. I wasn't sure which Aldan I liked better, the irritating one or the sad one. I gripped the window sill, my anger matched only by the vertigo I felt looking down. The wood began to splinter under my fingers, and I retracted back, afraid of breaking the window. The sudden movement caused me to loose balance and fall out of the window. I screamed, flipping in mid air and landed on my feet, crouched low to the ground.

That infuriating laugh echoed from the trees. “You have to be the first vampire I have ever seen fall out of a window.”

I growled and sniffed the air, planning to bash that smug smile right off of his face. His scent led me like colored waves through the thick foliage. I ran as fast as my legs would take me, weaving through the trees at break neck speed. Branches and brush grazed my skin, but it felt like a caress as they snapped against my body. My breathing remained even, as I jumped onto boulders and over ravines.

Aldan’s scent ended in a clearing in god only knew where. I sniffed the air, his scent a circular haze around the clearing. He was here, silent and waiting, but he let nothing flag his position. A flock of geese squawked overhead.

Two can play at this game. Clearing my mind, I took in deep gust of wet air. My head cocked to the side, I searched out the target. I smiled, feeling his excitement. Got him! Turning slowly, I crouched low, the ground moist against my palms. There was a skittering of surprise as I pounced.

My full force pushed us both into an adult tree. The trunk splintered and cracked, slumping hard against the other trees.

“Ouch!”

“Serves you right,” I yelled, punching Aldan in the shoulder. I was still dumbfounded by my strength. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

He winced and laughed, shifting out from under me. “You are going to have to be more careful, or we won’t have much of a forest left.”

I huffed at him. “Shouldn’t have tried to trick me.”

He looked at me with a wry expression. “Oh, but reading my emotions isn’t trickery.”

“Use what you got.”

He picked leaves from my hair, that devilish smile back. My stomach free fell, and I scowled at him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I growled, my anger hard to keep a hold of while my body was giddy at his nearness. The world became very fuzzy when he was near me.

“You tell me,” he purred, leaning in closer, dusting the dirt from my cheek.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking.I...I only know what people are feeling.”

“Then please do tell me what I’m feeling.” His breath caressed my skin. Shivers ran down my spin and pooled in my belly. I pressed my lips together, trying to push away the memory of his kiss.

It didn’t take an empath to know what he was feeling. His face was dazzling and his eyes burning like molten rock. His fingers played at the tendrils of hair escaping my pony-tail. I was attracted to him, there was no way to deny that, but I couldn't stop the rage that seared through me knowing I would forever be a monster because of him. I needed more.

“Why me?” My voice was small as I looked into his eyes.

He let out an exasperated sigh and pulled away from me. “You mean other than you were dying and it was the only way to save your life!”

I was surprised at his anger. He must have known I would want a reason. There must have been more to it than that. “Yes! People die all the time and a whole bunch of them not from old age. Why turn me into a monster? Why pick me?”

I saw the muscles in his jaw tense, chewing on his rage. His fervor glowed around him. “Because you asked me to.”

My mind went blank. It seemed so impossible to be true.

“You were dying in my arms and asked me to save you. You begged me to not let you die. You didn’t know what you were signing up for, but I just…” His hands balled in and out of fists. “I understand we are nothing but monsters to you. But in my arms, you were an angel. And I…” He crossed and uncrossed his arms, moving from his chest to his hips and back. “I couldn’t let you die, okay? I’m sorry that we are so disgusting to you. Do you hear me? I’m sorry!” His shouts scared every animal in a ten mile radius away.

“You didn’t save me for me,” I hissed back, no longer sympathetic to his clawing emotions. “You saved me for you. You were tired of being single, and I was your hot ticket to vampire bliss. And I don’t care what you say, I did not ask for this! I did not ask to be turned into a blood-sucking monster. And I will not be your pet!” I ripped a thick branch from the fallen tree, one end broken at an angle.

My hands shook, looking down at the weapon. I did not think about it as I plunged the branch as fast and hard as I could. Aldan stared at me, as I crushed the sharpened point toward my heart. I closed my eyes ready to die, but nothing happened. Still alive, I looked down at the chips and sawdust around me, the branch shattered into uncountable pieces.

“How could you possibly believe something you could break in your hands could kill you?” Aldan's comments cold. I burned with humiliation. “And just for the record, you could also bathe in holy water while nailing yourself to a crucifix and it won’t do you any good. There is only one way for one of us to die. They have to be ripped apart and burned. In that order. The only being strong enough to do that is another vampire. So unless you plan to be making new friends, you are stuck here." He paused unable to control his emotions. "Charisse, when will you understand that you are not a vessel of the devil?”

He stalked away into the trees leaving me alone. Now what do I do? I can’t die, but I won’t continue to kill people to survive. I won’t continue being a monster! I screamed a banshee's cry, unleashing my wrath on the quiet clearing.

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