Zippy TV Episode #1 Script

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Episode #1 Script

Last updated on February 27, 1998 Opening / Actors (Part 1) / Weekly Poll / Jimmy Picks Up Babes / Kermit / Actors (Part 2) / Lego / Closing / Actors (Part 3)

Jimmy Picks Up Babes
CHARACTERS: JIMMY, 'BABE'
LOCATION: Faith & Life Lounge?
JIMMY: Hi, I'm Jimmy your host, and welcome to that part of the show where I show all of you socially disfunctional individuals out there one of life's most important survival skills next to feeding yourself and which alcolic beverages not to mix together. Yes, we're talking about HOW TO PICK UP BABES!

Yes, now you know the real reason why I'm not a drama major yet I've agreed to host this show: it's all a clever ploy to get babes. And now I have my new-found star-status to enhance my prowess. I'll be unstoppable. Heh heh. (laughs to himself, not hysterically, but subtly, as he explores that thought of him being an unstoppable chick-magnet. After a few moments he remembers he's on TV, and snaps himself out of it.) This week, we will explore that most important tool in woo-ing the opposite sex, THE PICK-UP LINE!

Well I've seen every TV show concerning romance, so I know every pick-up line that's guaranteed to work. So just find one you like and memorize it. The key is to not rehearse the life out of it. It should be practiced, but not TOO practiced. Just go with it, "au naturel", just let it happen. Let me show you what I mean.

(approaches "Babe")
JIMMY: Hey, baby, want to trip the light fantastic?
BABE: I beg your pardon?
JIMMY: Want to come back to my place and... see my etchings?
BABE: (visibly disgusted, raises arm) Talk to the hand.
JIMMY: (speaking to hand, camera focuses tight on Jimmy's face and hand) So, hand, you doing anything tonight?
BABE: What part of "no" don't you understand?
JIMMY: The "n." (after a moment he takes a step back and talks to the camera) Hmm, she's a tough one. But I think I have the perfect line. (turns back to "Babe") I am currently unemployed, and live at home with my parents. ("Babe" slaps Jimmy, walks off disgusted) But that line worked for George on Seinfeld. (sighs) Well, that didn't go quite as planned. When this kind of stuff happens on TV, the hero throws up his arms and says "She must be a lesbian." So, (Jimmy throws up hands) she must be a lesbian. Perhaps we'll have better luck next week. Let's go back to the show.

Actors (Part 2)
CHARACTERS: 4 or 5 ACTORS, PASSER-BY
LOCATION: a grocery store
The camera fades in on people at checkouts, unloading their shopping carts. Everything is quiet. Suddenly PASSER-BY runs by at full speed across the frame. Maybe some shoppers notice, and look in the direction PASSER-BY went. A few seconds, the group of actors, still performing Shakespeare, run by at full speed. Shoppers look in the direction the actors went. Fade out.

The Lego Epic
CHARACTERS: 3 voice actors perfoming:
KING GREGOR and his followers, MERKLIN THE WIZARD, WOLF MAN, RAZMATAZ, NOT ROBIN HOOD, LOUIS THE GUARD, HENRY THE GUARD, BAR WENCH...
THE BLACK KNIGHT and his followers, SIR BATTERNOG, DRAGADON THE DRAGON...
LOCATION: KING GREGOR's castle

Closing
CHARACTERS: JIMMY
LOCATION: studio
JIMMY: So, that's our show. And once again, I'm really sorry about the band canceling like that. But, I think I know how to make it up for you. From now on, I'm going to end every show by doing a big musical production number! How about that?
VOICES OFF CAMERA: NOOOOOOO!
JIMMY: What's wrong? Don't you like my singing?
VOICE: Uhhh, no. It's just that... uh... this is kind of short notice. You should really rehearse... yeah... and you don't have any music or anything... yeah. JIMMY: (oblivious to the fact that the VOICE was stopping him) Oh, you're right. So, I'll practice like mad, and then I can do it next week?
VOICE: Uhhhhhhhh... JIMMY: COOL! There you have it. une in next week for a big musical number starring ME! (switch camera. Jimmy keeps staring in the previous one) So, that was a first show. Not bad for a bunch of amateurs, eh?
VOICE: JIMMY!!
JIMMY: (Jimmy turns, looks in other camera) Eeep. I'm still getting used to that. But, as I was saying, this was our first show, hopefully in a series. Well, I hope it's the first in a series. We're halfway through filming next week's episode. This must be a religious college, because it is a miracle that we got through this. And do you know what will be even more miraculous? If you watch us again next week! Goodnight everybody!! (blows kiss, fade to blue) VOICE: I said fade to black! (fade to black. End credits roll)

(OR we could end it with Jimmy blowing a kiss, it fades to black, then the voice says, "Jimmy I'm gonna edit that out." To which Jimmy replies, "What's wrong with kisses?" Then you hear him apparently kiss the voice. "JIMMY!!")

Actors (Part 3)
CHARACTERS: 4 or 5 ACTORS, PASSER-BY
LOCATION: department store
This could run underneath the end credits. Or else it could be placed immediately before the Closing segment. PASSEY-BY runs down the main section of the mall, or else through a department store, running very slowly by now, struggling to run, then stopping to bend down and catch her breath. Then she starts again. Five seconds later, the ACTORS come stumbling into the frame, barely able to recite their lines. Maybe one collapses. Some stop to catch their breath. After they are all out of the frame, a few seconds pass, then one lone ACTOR, straggling behind, enters the frame, quoting some Shakespeare that is funny in this circumstance.

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