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Movie Reviews
With the Orioles in the sad shape that they are currently in, there hasn't been too much for Julio to do fans. Every time I've shown up, I've kicked some heavy duty booty, and held up MY end of the bargain.
It's just a matter of time until the Orioles realize that they need me to start, middle relieve, close, bat, and field every position for them. Kind of like Bugs Bunny in that old cartoon... Until that day comes, it leaves Julio with a lot of free time. What am I going to do? Practice?? I'm already perfect!
With so much time on my hands, and all of my charity work out of the way, etc. etc. I've been spending a great deal of time at the movies. So, for your enjoyment, a quick spot of Julio's movies reviews!
Clockstoppers- When I saw the title of this film, I immediately thought that it was a documentary about the Julio's fastball. Boy was I mistaken! It was something about some kids with a watch that could speed things up so fast that it looked like everything else was standing still. Well I can make a baseball go so fast that it looks like a batter is standing still! Maybe it was about my fastball...3 out of five stars for minimal Julio related content.
The Sweetest Thing- Cameron Diaz and Christina Apllegate shaking their fine booties for the Julio? Where do I sign up? There's some funny moments that made the Julio laugh, but there's also a lot of lot of girly crap that the Julio is glad that he can tune out.
4 out of five stars. It would have gotten a full score, but the title is false... The sweetest thing is truly Jorge Julio... or the Julio hooking up with both of these fly hookers at the premiere! Let's go Julio, let's go! *clap, clap*
Blade 2- A story about a fly brother with almost mystical powers, dominating a bunch of people in his field. That's right, I thought this was the Jorge Julio story, but instead it was some lame thing with vampires. Go figure.
0 out of 5 for falsely advertising Julio to the people. Wesley Snipes wishes he could slay batters like the Julio can...
And so that's all for now fans. With any luck, the Baltimore Julios will soon take off, and I won't have to spend my time watching movies when I could be winning the pennant! Until next time...
See you at the yard...
-Jorge "God" Julio
Commentaries 1 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7
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