"I am thinking about sleeping with someone who has HPV. What should I know?"

If your newly formed relationship has just told you that he/she has HPV, then you are faced with a big decision: whether or not to continue the relationship, and if so, on what level. First of all, it's okay if you feel the urge to run away. Just because you want to protect your body from getting an STD does not make you a bad person, and if you choose to leave your new interest you should not feel guilty about it, as long as you are polite and do not backstab the person. It's okay to say no, whether it's to alcohol, drugs, or in this case - sex. Do not let yourself feel pressured into staying in a relationship that you don't want. You will only mess up your life for no reason. However, it is usually not that simple, as we all know.

The first thing you need to know is that if you have sex with a person who currently has an outbreak of the virus or has recently had an outbreak, you will almost certainly contract it. Condoms are NOT a reliable method of protection against HPV (see my page on Condoms & HPV), and even if you are lucky enough to never develop symptoms, you will still be carrying this and therefore be able to give it to anyone new you have sex with. Only 5% of the people with HPV ever get diagnosed. Why do you think this is? Because the other 95% have good immune systems so they never show signs. So it is quite likely that you will never develop symptoms if you are healthy - but you will still become a carrier.

The longer a person goes without having symptoms of HPV, the more likely the chance that their immune system will repress the virus. Eventually, the virus will be reduced to such a small load that it becomes inactive. At this point in time, it is unlikely that a person would be contagious. Therefore, if you are thinking of having sex with someone who had HPV a long time ago but hasn't had any symptoms for quite some time, it is less likely that you will be infected. However, there is never a 100% guarantee. Also, there is no test to show whether the HPV virus, in and of itself, is in someone's body; so if you did have sex with this person and never showed symptoms, you would not actually be able to say for sure "I didn't get it."

Sit down, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, is this okay with me? If it isn't, then you have two options: you could tell the person that you would like to be with them but you would not like to have sex, or you could end the relationship as nicely and honestly as possible. But if you are not sure, then keep reading.

Factors you should think about are:
1. Do you think that you could have a lasting relationship with this partner? Do you think you could love them?
2. If you don't have sex, you won't contract it. Do you think you could stay with this person and be abstinent? This would solve the problem temporarily, at least until you got serious with your partner or decided that you two didn't match.
3. How committed are you? If you are the kind of person who likes to have sex when you want sex and with whomever you decide, I would recommend you not pursue the relationship. Once you have the HPV, you will need to tell any future partner that you are infected. This will put a considerable damper on your sex life, especially if you are male. This is probably because women get more serious symptoms from HPV than do men, so a woman would be more cautious when starting a relationship with someone who is infected.

Once you have considered all of this, then you can make an informed decision. Know also that although HPV has no medical cure, it is not a harmful virus by any means, and the immune system does eventually repress it - so being contagious is temporary. A lot of people get one episode of it and then it simply becomes dormant in their system and doesn't cause any more problems. Even the most severe kind of dysplasia will not progress to cancer unless it is left untreated. If you get good medical care, then the virus will not rule your life. In addition, you will still be able to have children in the future and you will probably have a normal delivery as well. Whatever you decide, remember that both you and your partner are sensitive people who have feelings, and you need to treat each other with the utmost respect and care when dealing with this virus. That way you will still remain friends, even if you do not work out.