Most of us, besides being in shock when we first get diagnosed, are in complete dread of having "the talk" with a partner. We think we will get dumped, or that our date will simply leave us standing and spread the word around town that "soandso has GENITAL WARTS!". The truth is that there are people who will leave you, and there are people who won't. The world is full of scumbags, but it is also full of solid-minded individuals with a sense of direction and a heart for other humans. The trick here is to differentiate between them and figure out which kind your significant other/partner/date is. As you may well imagine, there is nothing like an STD to bring out both the best and the worst in people. But whatever the outcome, here are some tips to minimize the damage when it comes time to bare your little secret.

First of all, do NOT use the word "GENITAL WARTS" when explaining HPV to an unsuspecting date. HPV is not genital warts, HPV is simply a virus, it can cause genital warts but it can cause other things, too (and you can tell them that). If you start your conversation out with "Oh, and by the way, I have genital warts," even a good person is hard-pressed not to run and hide. Also, do not reveal your STD-status out of the blue, especially if it is a date and not a current partner. Wait for a place to slide it smoothly into the conversation. We all know that people go off on tangents when they're having a discussion - make HPV one of those tangents. If you are talking to a boyfriend/girlfriend, you may also want to use this approach: "I need to tell you something, because I want to be completely honest with you so we can have a trusting relationship."

After you've led into it, say "I found out that I have a very common STD, it's a virus, it's called HPV." When the person asks, "What's HPV?" (and they will, believe me), say "HPV stands for Human Papillomavirus. It's the virus that causes a couple of things, one of them is warts, and one of them is bad pap smears." They will get all wide-eyed. This is the time to explain that HPV is really, really common (say that most everyone who has ever had sex outside of a marriage relationship is carrying a strain of it around, which, by the way, is also an argument for sex after marriage!). This is also the time to interject the comforting stuff about HPV: "I don't have cancer, it's okay, the virus is really quite harmless in most cases."

If you are talking to a person that you have already had sex with, you need to tell them that they have it too (symptoms or no symptoms). This is probably the hardest part. They will argue that you used condoms (and then you tell them that condoms don't help). You should tell them that they need to get checked, and that even if the doctor does not see anything, they are probably carrying the virus. Perhaps they will pitch a fit. At that point, then, you can determine that they are gutter trash and that you are better off without them. But if they are nice about it, then you may just have yourself a really good partner.

It's normal to be upset about HPV. If you are angry, or if you cry when you find out and when you tell your partner, it's okay. Telling a date is somewhat harder than this. I always find that if you're going to date someone, the best policy is to be up front about it and get it out of the way right near the beginning. Definitely do NOT wait until you are physically involved with the other person, because they may feel bound to you and think that they have to stay with you, even if it means they get an STD. We do not want to tie people down, we want to give them a free choice. If they stay, great. If they don't, move on.

Some personal thoughts about having HPV and getting involved with someone who doesn't have it: I would have real guilt feelings if I ever gave someone HPV without a good reason. This means that personally, I have decided to wait until after I'm married to ever have sex again. I think that in a marriage relationship, I could cope with infecting someone else, because we are bound together. But to simply date someone and have sex without a solid commitment that's on paper seems devastatingly shallow to me. I mean, you could always leave each other. And you may think, oh I'll never leave, I love this person too much. You may say, I don't need a commitment on paper, we know we love each other. Well try being me. The person who told me he loved me the most, that he would never, ever leave me, the person who was a constant in my life for three years while I never appreciated him - that person left shortly after we finally had sex. He's getting married very soon now, if he isn't already. So I'm a testimony to the fact that you never know until you know.

I know that telling another person can be extremely devastating, especially if that person is someone you love. But eventually, I promise you, the hurt will go away. HPV will become one of the biggest learning experiences in your life. And when you find a partner who will stick with you and help you cope with it, more power to you.