OCTOBER~NOVEMBER~DECEMBER 2009

First I will say that the first two months at home were challenging, to say the least. Our family was adjusting to all the ups and downs of one more person, and trying to figure out how all the "pieces will fit" in our new puzzle. There were some behaviors that had to be addressed. I thank God for some friends of mine who are adoptive parents, who gave us some very sound advice...

... One adoptive mom told me that Faith had developed many behaviors in China to help her get her needs met. And now, our job is to help her learn more appropriate ways to get her needs met... now that she is in a family. Another adoptive mom told me that Rick and I were "too nice," and that Faith has to assimilate into our family, not take over the family. I think we were trying so hard to help her feel safe, that we gave her a little too much leverage. That being said, we began to set limits, and almost immediately, things began to improve. We tried to correct one behavior at a time, so we did not gang up on her everyday.

It took a long while for Faith to begin to trust me. She really pushed me out in the beginning. It was difficult for all of us. I wrote her a letter (translated from English to Chinese) sharing with her how much I wanted a relationship with her, and how painful this was for me. I let her know that I will always love her, and always be here for her... but she really needed to give me a chance. She apologized to me, and hugged me for five minutes; we both cried. It was healing for both of us and I must say, things began to improve after that.

A third adoptive mom, recommended a book for me to read, dealing with many of the struggles we are experiencing. I thank God for this adoptive mom (you know who you are!) because the book is really helping Rick and I understand some of the behaviors we see. Thank you!

We hired a private tutor, a young college student from China who came to the U.S. five years ago. Faith meets with her weekly. Her tutor helps us immensely with the language barrier. Faith is beginning to trust me, we kid around, and I correct her immediately on behaviors that need to be addressed. She is beginning to see me as her mom; And maybe now I am acting more like her mom. Cool!

School is good (I think, she couldn't really tell me). Appetite is maybe too good. She loves the computer. She tries to participate in church services, which to me, reveals how much she wants to be part of her new family. She has called her foster mom in China a few times. She is beginning to share some of the details of her life in China.

HALLOWEEN 2009

Her first Halloween was interesting. I made the mistake of taking her into the costume store. She wanted either costumes for children (too small!) or costumes for adults (too sexy!). Something that should have taken 20 minutes took 2 hours! She wanted to combine Dorothy's red slippers with some striped orange witch socks... Ugh! She did not understand why I could not buy her everything in the store. We finally agreed on a modest 50s costume... with Mom modifications (a shirt underneath.)

She loved the trick-or-treating. She was bummed when Dad brought her and Macy home when it started to rain. Macy was pretty much finished, but Faith had just gotten started. So back out again we went so Faith could hit a few more houses. She LOVED having a bucket of candy. I think she loved putting on the makeup more than anything else.

THANKSGIVING 2009

Her first Thanksgiving was good. I told her that Thanksgiving is a family holiday, with lots of food, and that Mommy would be cooking all day. She looked at me puzzled and said, "You?!" (Funny, because she had seldom seen me cook very much since we have been home.)

On Thanksgiving Day, she LOVED the turkey. She was not crazy about all the side dishes, but did take a huge mound of mashed potatoes, and covered it with soy sauce, and ate it all.

CHRISTMAS 2009

Christmas was good. She understands that Christmas is the celebration of Jesus' birth. Faith was able to attend a Christmas party with Macy and two friends who invited them. I surprised the girls with new dresses to wear to the party.

They were so excited. They both put on pantyhose for the first time... there were giggles, giggles, giggles and more giggles as they adjusted their hips into the hose. It was a joyful moment for me. It may have been the first true joy I had felt with the girls since we had been home.

Faith and Macy decorated the tree with the help of two good friends, Illy and "Jay."

One day, Faith was looking on the computer at pictures from Christmas Past. She saw Rick's extended family Christmas photos... all smiles, food and family. She looked at me and said, "We go to Nana's for Christmas?" When I explained that we would not be going to Nana's for Christmas this year, she dropped her shoulders and her head. At dinner we negotiated the whole concept of traveling to Virginia for Christmas. Of course we all wanted to see the extended family, the negotiation came over spending 8 hours in the car (all six of us!) on Christmas Day. We decided it was too much right now, since Rick was leaving the following week for Haiti. Again, Faith's shoulders dropped, and her head dropped. She was really pouting now...

... I pulled her aside in the living room, handed her the translator and said, "What's going on?... talk to me." She typed into the translator, "I am trying to give you cause, I just want opportunity to know large family." At this point, tears are rolling down her cheeks. Big, crocodile tears. I called everyone into the living room and showed them what Faith had written. Zach threw his hands up in the air and said, "Then, WE GO!" It was a group hug that followed... Zach, Christian, Macy and Faith. Faith was still crying. Zach told her, "Quit crying!... We're going!"

We did make a quick trip to see Rick's family. 8 hours there, and 10 hours back in a 37 hour period. We did it for Faith. I think she understands now that seeing "large family" means a long time in the car. It was worth it. On the way home, Faith taught Macy a Chinese song, and the two girls sang it over and over. Faith said the song was about how good things are at Mom's house.

Happy New Year!