april5th, 2000--worryworryworry

I don't know what's wrong, but William hasn't yet written back... :0( I hope he's ok.. he knows he can call me collect if he wants... I'm kinda worried.. maybe his parents really kicked him out this time.. and I can't call........ they hate me so much.
Isaac today asked me if anything was wrong... I didn't wanna bring up William, I know how he makes Isaac uneasy, so I just said Sara hadn't written back in a few days and I was worried.
He just shrugged me off... (thank you for not being too nosey Ike)
Zac knew I had something else wrong.
He asked me if I was using any drugs or anything, and I know he's been really suspicious of me lately... but I can't help if i'm depressed and worried and forming an ulcer at the old age of 17...

think i need an antacid,
***Lor..

april 19, 2000--dream

I had a dream that I was with William and Sara in this small room. They were looking at me like I had done something wrong, but I know I haven't.
We had ice cream.. :0)
But then it changed and I was alone with William.. it was a sleepover I once had as a kid.. the setting was perfect.... but we weren't kids.. and nobody else showed up...
I wanted to kiss him so badly but he kept moving away.

april 20, 2000--dream (again..)

I had the same sleep over dream except I saw Sara there sitting in the corner.. she looked like she knew something...
and William moved further away from me.

Maybe I'm just overly worried about him?? I dunno.

april 21, 2000--quiet

The day has been quiet... calm.. like in those movies, before something big happens...

--tay

april 25, 2000--broken?

I've been broken.

Pounding in my lungs
(i'd have expected my heart)
and constant reminders of my loss.
My Hands.
They've graced every inch,
forgiven every wrong,
touched every sweet moment.

I've been broken

mirrors are cold, hard reminders
of what has left my body vacant
there's no life behind my blue-
no sparkle.. (which they say i had)
my lips are a constant beacon
of past actions and innocent words
of everything i was
of everything i am
of nothing i can think of to make anything seem ok again

I've been broken.

dumped,
jth