| Each and every day there are controversies among "The Group." Many are solved in a timely manner, while some are still brewing to this day. No member of "The Group" is exempt from being embroiled in a situation that requires arbitrators. Many members of "The Group" in fact, thrive on controversy and continually stir the pot to keep players emotions at high level of anxiety. |
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| Controversy #1: Creating fair teams is an ongoing challenge. Each day beginning sometimes as early as an hour before the alleged tee time the winds of discourse begin to blow. You'll see them in the clubhouse, out on the verandah, on the putting clock, and even heckling other members teeing off on number one tee, those members concerned with the days lottery of players. Will they be selected? Are they on the list? With whom will I be paired? Of course, in the end all the questions are answered, usually not to their satisfaction, but answered none the less. We seem to have many members who thrive on problem solving, especially if it affects them in a positive manner. These members have instructed the so-called "A" players to pick the teams, although as selectors of the team, the "A" players know that they have become scapegoats. Recently, one member, we'll call him Steve Schwartz, took our selection process into the Information Age. This person took it upon himself to create a computer program that would anesthetically select one's playing partners for the day. That one is still up in the air. |
| Controversy #2: The "K". What the hell is a "K"? According to sources who have been associated with "The Group" since its origins back at St. Marys Golf Club & Goat Ranch, the "K" is a gimme putt. The problem with the "K" is its undefined distance. On one hole the "K" is just a couple of feet and on the next it might be twenty feet. It is obvious that the "K" was created spontaneously one day out on the course as someone was struggling with the flat stick, but alas, to this day the origin of the "K" remains a mystery to many players. |
| Controversy #3: How to play the ball? Many of "The Group" have wanted to play REAL golf, in other words, they want to play by the book. No gimme's, no noodling, and no mulligans. Would "The Group" survive such a rigorous set of rules? Doubtful, let's look at the facts! There is no way that "Slats" could survive playing REAL golf. He is known for his fantastic noodling style and on occasion has built something that some players call the "bird's nest" to improve his lie. The "K", playing without the "K" would probably cause a violence within the group. As we are all well aware of, its like a tranquilizer to those who are about to leave the course in a rage. As a sign that there is always hope, the mulligan has slowly begun to disappear. In the end though, we might see "The Group" splinter into factions, as has many great groups in the past. We might have all the great putters in the "Noodling Group", all the wild and long drivers in the "K Group", and lastly all the slow starters in the "Mulligan Group". |
| Controversy #4: Who is to take care of the Schwartz? Recently another problem child, Slats, was heard to profess: How can I be expected to take care of the scorecard, two coolers of beer, and Schwartz? That is good one! Kind of like the fox in charge of the hen house! |
| Controversy #5: Who Velcroized the Slats? Seems as though the boy missed a putt by three feet on #3 due to the ripping of the Big Johnson's golf glove. Therefore, Slats said he had been VELCROIZED by the Big Johnson. |
| Controversy #6: What was the Schwartz's
intentions on the night Buck took him home to avoid
getting in trouble with the law? Well the debate is still raging almost a year later. As Buck recalls, Schwartz told Buck he could have the bed and he would take the couch, but to Buck's dismay a present was awaiting him in the bedroom. Laid out the bed was a black silk teddy! Buck was in a quandary; was he to wear the teddy to bed, was he to sneak out the bedroom window, was he to expect a visit from Poppa. You decide! |
| Controversy #7: What tees are we playing today, Chuck? Recently, Chuck has been determined to play the so-called senior tees at WCC. Playing the reds on the front and the whites on the back. Some players would definitely benefit from the change to the senior tees, but implementation of the senior tees into the group has been a hard sell for some of it members. The use of the senior tees might be coming soon, but in order for it to work there will have to be an open dialogue between all players involved so the disruption of creating teams and of the game is minimal. |
| Controversy #8: When are the teams officially untouchable? A situation occurred in March 2000 where a team changed its members temporarily in the middle of the round. Here are the facts behind the Tag Team Ploy. Chuck was on a team and after #5 he decided that a hamburger in the bar was more important than playing in the rain with his group. There was a little moisture in the air, so it may been an excused absence. The problem is that Jim Simecka (now referred to by his WWF moniker The Maestro) gave a tag to Jr. Clark to play in the Chuck' stead. Jr. proceeded to par 6, then 7, then 8, and then closed his performance with a par on 9. As the team starts on 10, Chucker emerges from the clubhouse dry and with a belly full of burger. The tag once again works to perfection for The Maestro, as the team wins bets for the day. It is rumored that the WWF is looking into tag team golf and that The Maestro, Handsome Hanley, and the unflappable Big Bad JR will be hosts on TNT Network. |
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