"Slats" is standing in the middle of the fairway, club in hand.  He turns and asks eldest son, "What do I need to do to get this on?"  Eldest son replies, " Have someone else hit it for you!"
	One day on the first tee Charles Hanley was heard to say, "Nobody plays the $2.00 nassau anymore, lets play for a $1.00."
	Buck, when asked by another competitor how his team was playing retorted, "It's every man for himself!"
	Steve Schwartz took $200 worth of lessons to learn how to play like the big boys.  What did he learn?   Steve said, "I learned how to cuss, throw clubs, and act like you enjoy it!"
	Do you need a net constructed in your backyard for practice?  Don't call Jim "Recliner" Klein to do the job.  The "Recliner" is noted for constructing his practice nets with lots of reinforcement.  For your own safety you might prefer to forgo the optional pole located in the middle of the net.
	Who you gonna call?  Donnie "The Ghost Buster" Morganti.  Donnie's exorcism of green #2/#11 is quite remarkable.  The story goes that the green was said to have a hex on it.  At the request of Greg Marney, Donnie goes into action.  He inhales very deeply, then bends down and releases a demon killing photochemical reaction into the hole.  His partners then attack the hole and cash putts from all over the place.  So, who you gonna call?
	Standing on #2 tee box, Slats asked, "Is the wind in our face?" to which Steve Schwartz responded, "Depends on which way you're looking!"
	From the Schwartz at the Stagg Hill Open:  "Hey Buck, next time I say shoot me, don't, but shoot everyone else in my group."
	The Lesson.  Slats gave John "Little Pony" Taylor a lesson on how to create a swing for a  lifetime.  He told the "Little Pony" to get of his right side and swing like he was hitting a baseball.  "Little Pony" immediate saw improvement in his game, hitting the ball much further and straighter.  But "Little Pony's" new found distance caused him trouble and he accused his teacher of creating new problems in his golf game, to which Slats replied "I can teach him how to hit the ball, but I still can't club him."
	The Simecka the holder of seven holes in one moved one step closer to legend on Friday, May 28th.  Simecka, who began playing golf around 1962, holed out from a bunker for the first time in his illustrious career.  It occurred on #4 for birdie.  Congrats Jimbo!
	Wanted:  A trained chimpanzee that must be able to understand golf lingo, should be a daredevil capable of climbing to death defying heights for club retrieval and be able to live with someone who has a violent temper.  Please call Chris Reiners.
	Who wants Rick Walsh?  The Group wants Rick only on days in which they are short of players.  Needless to say, this greenskeeper is developing a complex about the worth of his golf game. On 6-10 and 6-11, Jim Simecka was heard to say that if we needed another player to make an even number he would go ask Rick to play.  Rick got to play on 6-10, but was booted on 6-11.  It appears that Rick's complex could be real and not imagined.
	Legendary bouts with the "Jacks":  Jim Simecka, who has been fighting the "jacks", is standing in #1 fairway stands over the ball for an inordinate amount of time, then steps back and declares, "I can't pull it back!"  Slats preparing for a shot that the Wolfman says is about 90 yards to #18 (Slats says it was about 50 yards at the most) sends a shot screaming straight right and he declares, "Wolfman has taught me to shank!"  Rick Walsh, at the member-guest, prepares for a shot to #5 green, whoops, there it goes smashing into the side of the nice gray house over in OB land to the right.  Those are just a few of the stories about players troubles with the so-called parallel shot, obviously there will be many more bouts with "jacks."
	Chucker decided to forgo the ditch off #12.  He decided to hit a 7 wood off the tee and lay up on the dead mule where the women tee off on #3.  Problem:  A 7 wood is too much stick, Chucker found himself with a downhill lie just to the north of the dead mule burial ground.  So after a test run of one time, Chucker has determined that there will be no more attempts to pin the tail on the donkey.
	While playing recently at Custer Hill GC, Donnie Morganti (aka Ghostbuster, Italian Stallion) was on #3 putting for par from about 5 feet. He looked the putt over and realized that it was a wicked left slider. Donnie, in his usual calm address position, hits the putt and it immediately begins sliding like a mud wrestler in a in a vat of Jell-O to the left. To counter act the movement Donnie quickly throws his hips to the right and the putt falls in on the left side of the hole for par. When Donnie was quizzed about his gyrations, he said "I had to put the Tiny Hiney into that one!" Thus the legend of the Tiny Hiney was born.
	Recently at WCC, Slats once again became the idol of many a golfer. The reason: Slats picked up for the longest "K" in history on #10, according to his playing partners it measured at a minimum of 27 feet. Nice par, Slats!
	Donnie Morganti at Custer Hill GC, four holes after the legendary Tiny Hiney incident, steps up to the tee and slaps it on the green to about 8 feet. His playing partners were all over the planet, so Donnie was asked by MarnDawg if he wanted to putt while the others were going to their balls. Donnie's reply, "NO, I don't get this opportunity very often and I want to wallow in the moment!"
	Bill Ballenger creates a new record for K's in a round.  The Mumphrey takes 5 on his way to a smooth 99!
	On Christmas Eve 99 Slats goes swimming in the pond on #17.  The scenario is as follows:  Rick Walsh dumps his tee ball into the pond at the west end.  Despite there being ice on the pond and just 35 degrees with a brisk westerly wind, Slats decides to rescue the Rick's ball (we all know that the Rick's ball was probably one of those he had found in a pond to begin with).  Anyway Slats is reaching and leaning, reaching and leaning some more, then it happened, splash.  Slats was into the water, about jewels high, and begging for a hand to help him escape.  Witnesses on the scene described Slats trying to climb out and then sliding back down the bank into the frigid quagmire numerous times before receiving a helping hand from the Rick.  After being yanked from his watery dilemma Slats proceeds in his climate controlled cart to #17 green to finish the hole.  Reports from his playing partners said there was a trail of water all the way from the pond to a huge puddle by his cart (most thought it looked like a radiator leak on the cart path).  Despite being obviously chilled by his misadventure Slats finished the day with par-par on #17 & #18, a very gutsy finish by the crusty veteran.  Here is some photographic evidence of the event as Slats changes pants in the clubhouse following his round.
	On July 7, 2000 Silver Lake native (home of Lon Kruger, former all-Big Eight basketball star while at Kansas State and current head coach of the Atlanta Hawks) Mark Elliott fired a smooth 29-30=59 around WCC.  When asked to comment about his round he said, "Bernhard (his putting grip of the day) was draining everything!"  At present there has been no comment from the Course Superintendent, but it was rumored that all players are going  to have to suffer through some shoddy pin placements over the next few weeks.  Good round, Mark!
	The Legend of Fake Jack (Ode to Tom Glynn):   There once was a man from Wamego, who lived in a van down by the river When he would pull out his putter, his opponents would shake and shiver   Quoth Jack, Nevermore But as time went on in the new millennia, the great deception was discovered For as players got a closer look at the Response, it was actually uncovered   Quoth the Sweetspot, Nevermore That the Jack that we all knew and despised was actually a fake And no more would we have to tremble and quake   Quoth the Hole, No More
	On a hot mid-July day Irv Klinger attempted to be the ulitmate teammate. His team member MarnDawg had just rolled his birdie putt up to the hole and the ball was lurking over the edge. Irv in an attempt to take his team to a higher level bent over and tried to put the Lenny Randle (for you baseball fans) on it. But whoa, Irv forgot the Super Polygrip and his upper plate ended up in the hole rather than the ball.
	Junior Clark hits his tee ball in the water off of seventeen tee.  As you can imagine he was not a very happy camper.  He puts a new ball in play, takes that silky swing and low and behold holes out for a trey.  His teammates go wild!  Junior's response, he raises his right arm in the sky and calmly gives the thumbs ups.
	We finally know what Spider does when he goes on his supposed business trips.  Seems as though he is a celebrity impersonator, one who attends functions to which they are not invited.  Here is some photographic evidence (he was supposedly in Bumpuck, Alaska at the time).
	It was reported at the Friendly Cooker that the Biz (Big Nuts) ran into the Eich (originator of the Eichisms) on the street and when the Eich responded to the Biz's normal cordial Good Morning, with "it must be going to rain, the pigs are carrying sticks in their mouths", his voice was very weak and raspy. The Biz asks, "what happened to your voice, ole buddy?", to which Eich responded, "I got hit in the throat with a 5 iron." This obviously aroused the interest of the Biz who ask, "how did that happen?" So the Eich explained that he was on number 7 playing (strikethrough: with )by himself, and he was going to play the Schlook, when the "Jack" showed up instead. Since he had hit a brand new Pinnacle Super Spin, given to him by Hammer, he wanted to find it. Low and behold a group of nice looking young ladies came up on 7 tee box and, being the gentleman the Eich is, he waved for them to play through. Well, as luck would have it, one of the young ladies also had the "Jack" show up, even though she was attempting the Ground Looper, causing the Eich to duck and not see clearly where it went. As the whole group kept looking for Eich's Pinnacle and this young lady's Maxfli A10, Eich noticed a large dog, in obvious distress, laying in the grass with a ball strategic struck in it's hind quarters. He approached the dog, lifted it's tail for a better look and politely asked, "Hey baby, does this look like yours?" Whereupon, for some unknown reason, she hits him in the throat with a 5 iron. Fact or Fiction?
	As we all know The Shoemaker (aka Pig's Ass, PA for short) loves to play golf. So much so, his bride Candice (Bunny) thinks it controls his whole life, to the point she even insinuated it might have changed his sexual preference as he spends more time with the Spider and the Cole Train than he does with her. Well one day the Bunny put her foot down and told PA he could go play golf, but he had better be home by noon. PA could tell she was serious so he agreed. Low and behold after the round, PA announces he has to go home to his little Bunny and the Spider and Cole Train witness him heading for the parking lot about 11:30. As he goes through the lot he notices a cute little lassie stranded with a car that won't start. Being the ace auto mechanic that he is, he stops and assists her in getting it started, however it is running very poorly. The cute little gal was obviously still very distressed and concerned about getting home, so she asked PA if he would follow her to her house just to make sure she made it. Looking at his watch, he knew he could still get home by noon, so being the gentleman he is, PA followed her home. Upon arriving at her house, she thanked PA profusely and indicated the least she could do was fix him a Bombay Blue Sapphire martini- up and dirty, not knowing that was like offering a starving Hyena a fresh road kill. PA couldn't refuse and one led to twelve and the next thing you know they're in the bedroom committing sin. Finally, a glance at the clock on the wall revealed that PA was 3 and 1/2 hours late. As PA drove to the Bunny's house, he knew he couldn't lie to her because we all know PA is as honest as a preacher (not a priest). He opened the door and blurted out, "Little Bunny I have to be honest with you. I helped a cute little missy with her car, drank too much Gin, and made whoopee with her at her house. That is why I'm late." The Bunny stared at the PA and retorted, "You lying SOB, how stupid do you think I am, I know you've been out playing golf with your butt buddies."
	Do You Believe in Magic?  Rex "The Magician" Getz destroys Damon Thompson's twenty dollar bill in a trick gone afoul.  Rex took Damon's twenty and ripped it into shreds and then had Damon tap on the back of his hand so that the bill would repair itself, but alas the bill remained in shreds as it lay on the bar.  The nearly tragic part of the magic trick was that Rex had in Damon's words, called him out on 18 tee prior to the trick.  Damon had had a rough day and Rex was questioning his level of play, A, B, C, etc..  Rex challenged Damon to a nassau to prove who was the better player.  We were all very pleased with Damon's patience and the fact that he didn't take Rex out.
	Was it really an acorn when he whipped it out?
	Gary Schuetz reaches for a beer in the cooler of Jim Simecka's cart, just as his hand get to the coolers edge Ace takes of for the gold tee on #13.  In response, Gary says, "you know you've hit rock bottom when Simecka is monitoring your alcohol intake!"