Today I am applying the handbrake and trying to veer my speeding life back on track. Until a few minutes ago I hadn't balanced my checkbook in a week. (For me, that's a long time.) I wasn't on top of the weather or news. I hadn't checked myself on my budget, and hadn't planned next week's expenses. I've been so tied up with theatre, work (really busy lately) and my honey that I haven't done much else. I hadn't even planned far enough in advance to know what I was doing this weekend.
The play is coming along nicely, and last night I tried on costumes, which I will wear in tonight's newspaper photos. I have the single ugliest costume I've ever worn in this play, but I'm happily not too vain about it. (It's a schoolbus yellow shirtdress, with a red belt.)
I closed the mortgage on my house last week, and discovered that the rate is so atrocious I'm going to have to refinance soon before I go broke trying to pay the interest. The loan officer pointed out that the whole point of this was to get me off the Land Contract I was on. She smiled sweetly and glowingly told me that she had succeeded.
I pointed out to her that no, apparently the whole point of this was for me to pay her company as much as possible to get me off the land contract, so that they could make a quick profit and not have to service the rest of the loan, because I would then run away screaming, since they gave me a loan they KNOW I can't really afford to pay. It really pissed me off. If I had known the rate would be that bad, I would have gone with another company. I was equally irritated that I was presented with my 'closing costs estimate' AT THE CLOSING, and it was thousands of dollars... and even when I asked them in the weeks before, they had promised I would have no closing expenses.
Don't worry, though. I can (just barely) afford to make ends meet until I can buy it out and get a better rate. In the meantime, we're going to have to eat out a lot less (read: eat a lot less, since I'm doing theatre, and I HAVE to eat out...), drive a lot less (read: park the minivan and ride in the 1989 Metro with no muffler that gets 55 MPG), and not spend any money on non-necessities. At least the last part was easy. I don't tend to spend money on non-necessities at all. Well, except for movie tickets. *sigh*
It stresses me out, because we have two camping trips planned for September, and the Rennaissance Festival, too. There is also a wedding to pay for, and I'm still making that insanely high payment on my van.
I applied to refinance it today as part of my 'slamming on the handbrake' maneuver. If I get approved for that loan, it will mean we can actually eat in the next few months.
I guess that's enough financial ranting and worrying. Everything will come out alright in the end, right?
On a separate note, this weekend while I was chatting aimlessly with Forest and Angie, something blurted its way out of my mouth, completely unplanned, and ringing audibly with an aura of truth. "I'd like to be a teacher some day. English composition. I could teach writing; I would really enjoy it."
*ring*
Did you hear that? It was like the voice of God or something. I opened my mouth, and out it came, and suddenly, it was something I wanted to do. Badly. I haven't had something I wanted to do badly careerwise since I was 9 and wanted to be a ballerina. It just felt right to me.
Of course, I'm inclined to step back and look at it objectively. What am I, nuts? I know how crazy you have to be to be a teacher sometimes. It's thankless work for ungrateful people; hour after hour of grading and planning, and constantly going back to school for the next level of certification. You know what, though? I'd be good at it. I love to write, and I firmly believe that it's a skill everyone needs in every job, period. I wish my car mechanic could write a clear paragraph quite often. I also wish my Ph.D-flaunting bosses could do the same thing.
I've taught people before. I'd enjoy it, and I'd bring a very different sort of background to the job with me.
Maybe this is a good possible future for me.
Of course, I would have to go to school again.
But this is where it gets creepy. The omens are pointing in that direction. Forest and I have talked about school a lot. The original plan was that we would send him through first (since he knew exactly what he wanted to do) and when he was done and in a good job, I would have my turn. I was smiling and holding on to that plan...
When someone contacted me about several full time open positions at MSU in my field. If, by some freakish chance, I could get such a position, it would mean a SERIOUS break on tuition, for both of us. It's one of their benefits after a certain number of years.
Well, I should stop dreaming and get back to work. There's a lot to do, and not enough hands to do it.
