First I went to Charlotte and picked up the carpet for my bedroom. The idiot who loaded it into my minivan didn't listen to a word I said, so I ended up driving on dirt roads with my tailgate ajar, so my whole car is full of dust. The entire time, the carpet was rolling onto my shoulder and banging against the steering wheel, and blinding the entire right side of my vision. It wasn't so safe.
I made it to the house and then realized I was alone with Kirstin, and the two of us had to try to heft the carpet out of the van and into the house. Kirstin couldn't even pick up one end of it, so I ended up wrestling it into the house myself. The process took over an hour, and by the end of that time I was completely wiped out. Rolls of carpet are very very heavy and unwieldy. It was a Herculean task.
I was fairly disappointed in Roomie on Saturday. An old friend of his called him, and wanted to get together on the spur of the moment, so he made plans to do that, despite the fact that a week ago he had promised me he would come out and help me hang my moldings. So after I got the carpet in there, all that was left to do was the two-man work. I threw in the towel and went back to Lansing.
Then I scrambled around and cleaned the duplex in preparation for Kirstin's birthday celebration. Roomie and I teamed up, and I cleaned, decorated, and coordinated the pizza while he went to pick up the cake and the most important guest, Alex. Kirstin was really happy and excited, and went a little nuts, but it was just what you would expect from an 8-year-old on her birthday. Her dad and stepmom also came over with her little brother, Allyn. It was a lot of fun to have everyone together!
After the kids went to bed and Bill, Kathy and Allyn went home, the rest of us played games until the wee hours of the morning. It was great and very relaxing, and I was very glad we did, until the morning sun came streaming in the window.
Sunday I had planned to move stuff and touch up the bedroom paint. Roomie had said he would help me get the molding up in the morning, but then by the time we got out there, there wasn't enough time. So I dropped roomie and Kirstin at Alex's birthday party (her 4th), and set about moving some stuff myself. I got one minivan-full moved over, and that's it. Roomie thinks I should put off moving until the last weekend in August, because I'm so busy. Maybe that's what I will have to do. I just don't want to be living out of boxes when Kirstin has to start school.
Hopefully tonight Roomie and Jim will be able to get the work done in the bedroom.
I really miss Roomie already. I haven't seen much of him lately because I have been so busy. He's pretty fed up with me, because I have mountains of laundry and can't keep up with it because I'm never home, but he's also irritated because I try to do too much and then get all stressed out.
It's a bit of a contradiction, isn't it?
He says he misses me, too, but also admits to being confused about the whole thing, and not knowing what to think about my moving out as it applies to our relationship. I told him that I thought we should just relax and see what happens. I didn't know what else to say. It breaks my heart to see him so sad, angry and confused. I wish he would talk to me.
I miss him even more today. Since he started his new job he rides with a carpool, and I won't be driving him to work anymore. He was gone before I even woke up. As of tonight I won't be picking him up after work anymore, either, and I have to go straight from here to rehearsal, so I won't see him until I get home, around 10 p.m., and then it'll be just an hour before bedtime! The worst part is that this is the schedule for the whole *week*.
I'm used to having him around all the time. It's so quiet when he's not there, and I feel like a part of me is missing.
I am forced to admit that I think about other men, since I am, after all, a human being. I think I could probably find some fairly good candidates out there for what I want in a relationship, and it would be easier than what I am dealing with now. (Matter of fact, I met one of them in rehearsal in the last few weeks that I like quite a bit.) Maybe I could even find someone who wanted me as much as I wanted them, and maybe I wouldn't have to walk on eggshells all the time.
Then I remind myself of what roomie used to be like, and decide to kick back and give it some time. There's no sense making rash judgements and decisions just at the beginning of a difficult time. I'll wait and see how everything shakes out. While there is no technical commitment between me and roomie, I feel a loyalty to him that I wouldn't want to shake.
