I was a proud mom.
I, on the other hand, am not doing so well. I need to study my lines and have no time in which to study them. Because the role of Lysander only got filled last night, I have several scenes which have never even been read through, and the show is in less than two weeks. It's a little bothersome.
We have a Lysander! Thank heavens. Granted we still have scripts in hand, and he doesn't seem terribly sure he really wants to be roped into this, but I am going to assume he'll stick it out and run with it. I hope he can keep up. He doesn't look too happy, but neither would I with so little prep time.
What I really need is for someone to go through my lines with me, and correct me when I'm wrong, so that I can be sure I'm remembering everything verbatim. For the most part I think I know 4 of the 5 acts, but I can't be sure, because I haven't had anyone spot-check me for accuracy. That other act is a complete mystery to me. I'm completely lost in it, and I need to cram on it in a big way. I'm blessed with a good memory, but it's not photographic. I will need to actually take a few hours and study. That's all. Time is at rather a premium for me just about now.
I wish I could sleep nights. For some reason I am so stressed out by my new house, money, all the remodeling stuff, and all the attached relationship stuff that I keep waking up all night. This morning I crawled off to work feeling as though I had not slept at all, and having chewed my lower lip raw. I don't feel so freaked out during the day, but apparently I'm subconsiously a basket case. The lack of good sleep may also be caused by my lack of air conditioning in this miserable heat wave. I sleep right in front of the fan, and I was still sweating last night. It was awful. And it's not supposed to cool down until Sunday.
Here's my new lofty plan for getting moved into my new house: Tomorrow I'm going to put up the second coat of drywall gook, then Sunday the third coat. Next Saturday (Kirstin's Birthday) I will sand it and next Sunday I will prime and paint. The following Saturday the 14th I will be laying carpet and putting the molding that didn't get broken back on the walls. Then on Sunday the 15th I will start moving. Hopefully by the 16th I will be done.
I'm quite eager to move at this point. I feel like I've tossed about $12,000 down a hole somewhere, and will never see it again. I need to be in the house, to appreciate what I've done, and where all that money went. I also need to feel like it's *my* house. It still feels like it's someone else's. When I walk through it in the dark, I expect someone will jump out and chase me away. I know it sounds stupid. But it's true.
Roomie irritated me yesterday by complaining about how he feels like I have unreasonable expectations of him, and don't appreciate him. This, of course, if bullshit, but it really upset me. Of COURSE I have expectations of him! He's my best friend, damnit! I would walk across hot coals for him, and to my mind, he ought to be willing to reciprocate. If he had a house, I would work on it. And I wouldn't complain, or at least I would try not to. I certainly wouldn't accuse him of having unreasonable expectations.
So in a fit up upset-ness yesterday I missed my whole lunch while writing grovelling, apologetic emails to all of my friends, trying to make sure they feel loved and appreciated, and know that I don't just think they are a construction crew. As I look back on it, I feel a little silly, because I don't think most of my friends feel like I'm such an insensitive bitch.
I could be wrong. If you hate me, feel free to write me an email and let me know. I'd be glad to completely remodel my personality to suit you.
So I HAVE A HARD TIME asking people for help gracefully. I don't get into semantics, flattery, and gracious pleadings. Apparently I am also not graceful while people are in the process of helping me out. Part of the cause of Roomie's feeling I was unreasonable was the way I have expressed stress in front of him and other people while they were working on the house. Apparently I sounded ungrateful while I was discovering that I had to spend an extra few hundred dollars, or that things would take several more weeks.
Well I'm sorry for expressing my feelings in front of my friends. I didn't think they would be judgemental. Yes, I'm a little upset at how long it's taking to get my house done. But getting my house done is NOT my friends' responsibility, it's MINE!!! My frustration has nothing to do with them, and I think I should be allowed to be a little bit crabby once in a while, and not have everyone take it personally. Yes, I'm normally a very even-keeled person who doesn't flake out in front of everyone. Why does that mean I always have to be Miss Mary Sunshine?? I AM NOT ALWAYS HAPPY, Damn it!! And I don't have to be!!!!
Thou drivest me past the bounds of maiden's patience.
