But right now, I really want a few uninterrupted hours alone with Forest. This weekend was full of other people, and I still feel we haven't had the chance to spend quality time together since all the nastiness of last week. I need that in the course of regular events, and certainly more so since we are getting over our first major set of differences.
On Friday night we had plans to game, and they were cancelled. I didn't get home from my concert until after 10:30, and when we tried to stay up and watch a movie, but I fell asleep, and Forest put me to bed. It was frustrating, and completely my fault.
Saturday he worked all day, then we took Kirstin to a movie, and immediately after the movie I took Kirstin home to bed, and he went out to meet his brother. His car broke down halfway there, but instead of coming home, he visited some friends in Lansing until the wee hours of the morning, I think it was after 2 AM.
Sunday he worked all day again, then we went to watch the Superbowl with his dad, and while I went home to put Kirstin to bed, he went to visit those same friends again, until after midnight.
After all our talks in the past couple of weeks, I was sure that he wasn't going to put me in the position of having to beg for his time, but I'm just about there. He's promised me that tonight after bell choir and Tae Kwon Do is mine, though, so I'm being patient as I can. So far this has been the longest day in recent memory, and it's only 10 AM.
It wouldn't be a big deal if he had something left for me at the end of the day. Like Saturday for instance. He got home from work, and I was really hoping for some conversation after a long afternoon of 8-year-old. Instead, he was so tired that he ended up napping, and then was generally tired, untalkative, and grumpy all the way to the movie. By the time he started to cheer up and get energy again, it was time for him to leave to meet his brother. If it takes 4 hours to recover from work and feel like a human being again, then he and I will just have to spend MORE than 4 hours together. I have to see him smile once in a while, or I feel like I'm starving in plain sight of food.
We used to plan every Wednesday night all to ourselves. We both got out of work at 5 PM, and had the entire night together. No plans were made on Wedesdays without much prior notice, and we carefully considered what we felt like doing. When the opportunity to see my friends every Wednesday came up, I half wanted to turn it down, because that was our time, and it's important. But I talked to Forest about it, and he felt it was more important to see my friends, because he knew I missed them.
His thinking was that we would be able to spend Saturday and Sunday evenings together instead of Wednesdays, and that would be plenty of time. I have come to think that he was mistaken. Weekends aren't held in reserve like our Wednesdays were. People invite us to do things on weekend nights, all the time, and Forest feels bad about turning them down. My parents ask us to do stuff, Wayne asks us to go to Chicago. Friends have shows, I have choir concerts, and Forest can't control his work schedule like he can on Wednesdays. There is just too much chaos.
I haven't talked to him about this, but I guess I'm going to have to. His time is such a sensitive topic right now that I hate to bring it up. This week did NOT work for me. Monday and Tuesday we were too tired to talk, practically, and were still working out the junk from the weekend. We didn't go out together and talk on Wednesday like I wanted to because we played too late. Thursday he spent a half hour talking to me sincerely before he went to Judo and I went home. We had some time together late that night, which I appreciate, although our energies were not exactly spent on conversation. Then we get into the weekend, when I only saw him when he was dead-tired or in a group of people. We're going to have to make a little more room for "us" time than this. I don't think I need much. Back when we had Wednesday nights that I could count on, that was enough.
Of course it seems like a bit of a waste of time just now. In two weeks the entire nature of his work is going to change, and I have no idea what to expect. He will be quitting his waiter job, and going back to run his dad's ice cream shop when it opens in February. I don't know what kind of hours the store will have, or when he will be working, or how many hours. Maybe I'll miraculously have more of his time, or maybe it will just be easier for his friends to get ahold of him, so I will have less.
I just need one night out of seven.
