Alright, if you wanna get these jokes, YOU CAN'T HAVE JAK KILLFILED. Stoopid pukes, buncha whining pussies...

But if you do, allow me to introduce you to Jakthehammer's ingenius theory of the origins of the famous Dr. Laura pics.

They're pics of all different girls.....There were only supposed to be 12, but I have 23+ "Dr. Laura" pics off the web........The Clublove "12", PLUS an extra of each girl, same settings, in slightly different poses.....The whole thing is a HOAX!!........There was NO VERIFIABLE PROOF posted that ANY pics off the web are really of Dr. Laura........NONE........NADA........ZIP.........

The Justice IS, that after 1 1/2 YEARS you Pukes have been able to come up with NO VERIFIABLE PROOF who those Lookalike Fakes are really of........Despite the FACT that they are obviously of all different girls........

Yup......Of all different girls......Anyone with eyes can see that........There is NO VERIFIABLE PROOF that ANY "pic" on the web is really of Dr. Laura........NONE.......NADA........ZIP.........NEIN..........

Yup.......Still NO VERIFIABLE PROOF that ANY "pic" on the web is really of Dr. Laura after 1 1/2 years of Moron Whining.........The Lookalike FAKES are still Lookalike FAKES..........


Repeat ad nauseam for approximately one and a half years, and somebody's gonna crack. It was Neut.


Laura blew cereal and milk all over the room this morning when she bit into a cheap, shoddy breakfast food and choked on it. It seems she had been giving Lew hell about his houshold expense account and he had tried to save a few pennies by picking up bulk packed cereal in a bag.

Laura erupted over a spoonful of:


(click here for the entire Neutrodyne collection)


Inspiring a whole boatload of ...



Hey Neut, Did I ever tell you about my buddy who got fired from his landscaping job at Laura's place... Apparently Giuseppe had trouble telling his tools apart and he was always getting blasted by the foreman for bringing the wrong implement for the job. He was thrown off the property one day when he was heard raising his voice...



not a Neut original but a ________________ !!



Lew really loved to cook on his fancy new barbecue. In fact, he started to collect all sorts of accessories for it. In particular, he had his eye on a rotisserie skewer attachment. Laura was prepared to get them for Lew's birthday, but when she was at the store she couldn't remember which one Lew needed. Instead, she just bought each one of each brand the store carried. Much to Lew's dismay, none of the skewers worked with his barbecue.

They were ..




All right, all right. Here's the real story of the fire that burned down Laura's house.

We all know about her obsession with food. She's eating while she does the show. She talks about her lunch, she talks about Dan's lunch, the reason Carolyn Holt really quit is that Laura ordered her to turn over her lunch. She obsesses about cheeseburgers. She pines for cheesecake. This is not a new issue for Laura.

Back in 1994, just as her show was getting syndicated, Laura spent a fortune remodeling her kitchen. Really fancy spread: professional range, two full-size ovens, grill, two sinks, food compactor, the works. She hired a celebrity chef to come over once a week and give her cooking lessons.

Unfortunately, like the old joke, Laura was a harlot in the living room, a professional in the bedroom, and a lady in the kitchen. Saying she couldn't cook was too simple. She not only couldn't cook, she couldn't even follow a recipe! She boiled the French Fries, froze the coddled eggs, and microwaved the Hollandaise. Her idea of separating eggs was to put six in one refrigerator and six in the other. When told to add a tablespoon of soy sauce, she came to a standstill, unable to determine whether they meant heaping or level. I suppose you know where I'm going with this.

That's right, it was Laura's terrible culinary skills that led to the fire that destroyed her house. She found a particularly tasty- looking picture on a recipe card, and wanted to create the exact same thing. She followed the instructions as best she could, but her best was nowhere near good enough to produce anything visually appealing, let alone edible. Tears streaming down her eyes (from the smoke as well as her wasted effort), Laura threw the mess out, got a dozen copies of the recipe card, and cut each well-staged picture out, placing them around a cookie sheet. That's right. She put the laminated cardboard pictures on top of the cookie sheet and popped them into the high-temperature convection oven, figuring that the result couldn't possibly be any worse than the mess she just threw into the food compactor. And being made of cardboard, the pictures caught fire, and being covered with plastic laminate, they burned most spectacularly. When Laura opened the oven to check on her project, the flames leapt out and Laura leapt out of the way.

The kitchen was demolished, and it was all because of those...



K wrote:

An attack of concience overcame Laura yesterday and compelled her to call her estranged parents. She was comforted by their voices and wanted to start over, begin the healing process. She arranged a get-together a posh restaurant for the 3 of them. Her, Mom and Dad. Just like old times, the 3 embraced, talked laughed and had a great time. Soon ,it was time to go, and as they were giving warm goodbye hugs, Mom handed Laura a jewelry box. "Take this, my dear. It was your grandmother's. It's been in the family for years. Keep it close to your heart. Tears of joy streaked her face, especially when she saw the box was marked "Tiffany" "Thanks Mom" After they left she sat down to open the lovely velvet box to reveal a beautiful gold locket. She gasped. I'll wear it always , she thought. As she opened the chain to place on her neck, she noticed the marking on the back of the pendant. "Made in Taiwan" She gasped. She threw the cheap gold-plated locket on the floor and stormed out of the restaurant. She vowed never to speak to her mother again, cuz folks, Laura had fallen vicitm to:

A CHEAP LOOKALIKE KEEPSAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Not to mention the PetsMart Incident, where the liberal media printed an ad promising a sale on boas. Anxious for an easily- housebroken family pet to replace the Dog That Didn't Work Out, Lew, Laura and Bunchkin eagerly motored to their neighborhood PetsMart, LS singing along to the Oldies music while the guys covered their ears and small children within earshot ran screaming to their homes. They hurried to the Reptile Department only to find that the sale was a classic bait-and-switch. No live boa constrictors, just plastic simulations. In other words...




Laura and Lew are in Chinatown, shopping for an aphrodesiac. They stroll into the shop run by Wong U. After looking at rhino horn, tiger penis and grizzly spleen they each see what they individually decide on different items. Lew chooses serpent tongues from twin cobras. Laura selects whale tail. Both are made on site by the proprieter. Lew says,"Here's what we need, honeybunchkin!" Of course, Laura doesn't agree, saying,

"No. U Cupid Flukes. Those are lookalike snakes"



Ellen wrote:

Laura decided that she really needs a pond on her property. She hired a renowned lanscape architect, who designed a natural looking pond of some size, and landscaped it attractively. A duck found its waay to the pond, and began swimming in solitary splendor. Laura snet Lew out to check, and it was indeed a female duck. "Lew, we need to get her a mate", said Laura. "It would be precious to have baby ducklings swimming in the pond." So Lew put ads in the paper, and people came forward with several fine looking potential daddies. Soon they were swimming the pond with mama duck, but months passed, and no baby ducks. Lew rounded up the ducks and took them to the vet. "No wonder there are no babies," the vet exclaimed upon finishing his exam. "These aren't real male ducks. These are other birds people disguised to look like ducks." Yes, laura had been the victim of

Lookalike drakes who were all different gulls


E Ructate:

Laura decided to raise ducks. She got some ducks, an incubator, etc. She lovingly placed all the eggs produced into the incubator and sat back to watch nature take its course. Unfortunately, the eggs never hatched because she had been sold some....



Martha Hughes:

One day, Laura was watching late night TV, Yeah 10pm cable tv, but to her it was late night. She was watching an old *who dun it* show where there was the great hero who had to figure out who the bad guy was. Well, the plot was a little complicated, and it also got her a bit upset. The hero (someone she used to look up to, a Public Defender by the name of Perry) was called to defend an innocent person (a single woman in her 20s, if there is such a thing!) accused of committing the murder. The person who was killed was a high-society matron who had been offed by a young and quite good-looking young woman in her twenties. Laura still felt the sting, especially with having the police around her house, snooping around all her things 24/7. She especially felt bad when she found a:

A FAKE LOOKALIKE PAUL DRAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


K wrote:

Late one night, watching reruns of "Our Gang" Laura dreamily thought back to the time she and Bill would make love, then raid the kitchen for Haagen Dazs (R) ice cream, and watch corny old show like "Our Gang". The next day, she ordered her assistant to look up the stars of the old series to find out what happened to them. She found there were indeed many still around and ordered a meeting with "Mickey" her favorite. She thought that now she is a super celeb, the meeting would be easy to arrange and Bunchkin(R) could come with her, it would be a great nostalgia treat for them both. She and Bunchkin(R) eagerly awaited his arrival on the set of her new TV Show, as planned. While she was giving Buncking(R) a rundown of which Rascal Mickey was, a man approached and extended his hand. "How do you do, Ms. Schlessinger" I'm Bobby's stunt double. "Bobby sent me to represent him. He's a busy man you know. I brought you an 8X10 glossy with his autograph and he says good luck with your new show." Laura gasped. How dare...wha....they sent a DOUBLE instead of...she hissed, grabbed Bunchkin's(R) hand and stormed to her dressing room.

Folks...all together now... Laura had been a victim of...

A FAKE LOOKALIKE ROBERT BLAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Jim Rome is one of my lurkers and he just emailed to tell me that some of these posts are;


I'm Out.


TJ wrote:

Neut, if you keep on this way next you'll be telling us that Laura, Lew and the Bunchkin lost their way while canoeing in Minnesota, and they nearly perished because the rescuers had to search through:

10,000 look-alike lakes.



Lew and Laura and Bunchkin decided to take the old speedboat out for a ride. At once Laura was dismayed by the bubbles coming from the back of the boat. "They don't look like the other boats bubbles" she whined. Lew returned to shore and immediatley blasted the boat store for selling them an inferior product. The salesman offered to go back out on the lake and try to isolate the problem. A few quick turns around the lake and he had solved the bubble problem. The reason Laura and Lew's bubbles didn't look like the other bubbles was because their boat ran into:




The other day her shoulders were as white as the Alps. The bunchkin, ever the little scientist, took a couple pieces of the dandruff to his room and examined them under his Lil' Microscope kit and found to his amazement that they were...



k :

Laura took Bunchkin for a treat at their favorite shop. Bunchkin had been such a good, moral kid, he had earned a reward. They ordered their regular with extra whipped cream on top. To Laura and Bunckin's shock and dismay, the new manager had substituted mellorine for the rich creamy Haggen Dazs(R) they were used to. They cried in each others arms, for once again, they had fallen victim to:

CHEAP LOOKALIKE SHAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Ask a serious question...

Maddi's Stealth Lookalike Fakes Post:

Eve wrote:

Which "bastard" are you talking about? Lew and Laura's son Deryk was born in wedlock and is living with his natural father and mother. If you're going to rant, at least get your facts straight.

Tim Hill wrote:

We did the math once here. It looks like he was conceived out of wedlock. Former friends of hers disagree on whether she was pregnant at the time of her wedding (I say former, because none of her current friends knew her then). Being conceived out of wedlock, but born inside it does not constitute bastardy.

Maddi wrote:

Laura, in this case, is guilty of fornication and adultery, but her son is not a love child. Are you aware of why Laura is so against abortion?

It turns out that she did have one. When she and Lew first got together, Laura had her tubal ligation undone, and wanted to conceive to prove her devotion. This was her way to get Lew to leave his wife and children. Laura conceived and they were delighted, until she got cold feet. What if he didn't leave his wife for her? She gritted her teeth, couldn't decide what to do. Lew, being a bit of a mommy's boy, did not help. Since he didn't move forward, she wouldn't either. She made a date with the abortionist for a second-trimester procedure. It turns out she had been pregnant with twin boys, and she held a private funeral service for them, naming both of them Jacob. Lew was so torn up that soon after he left his wife for Laura and they had a son, Deryk. This incident is what Laura calls a "tubal implantation." To this day, she is rather edgy on the subject of abortion, but what many have not realized is that this is also why she never had more than one child. Laura always lived in fear of having a second boy, because this would turn her family into nothing more than...


(oh come on, you didn't think this was a true story, did you?)





Not punny. Not punny at all.

Kris wrote:

More like mixed gender school. If Derek is within 50 yards of pubescent breasts Laura has a stroke.

Tina wrote:

Cite please.

Lawrence wrote:

Tina, it is well known that DL is obsessed with young girls and their breasts. She spends more time thinking about breasts than the entire cast and crew of Baywatch. She could likely be cured of her food obsession if she could trust Lew enough to get those topless Polynesian housegirls she's been dreaming about. There are assmen and there are boobmen but our DL is one breast-obsessed psuedo-shrink. I have it on good authority that DL sleeps in a bed full of fake boobs that she orders special from Fredrick's of Hollywood. The very best prosthetic boobs that money can buy... and she's got thousands of them... cute, perky, pink-tipped tits that she rolls and plays in like a kid at the fair.

These are no cheapo, gimmicky falsies from some novelty shop, these are your top-of-the-line, genuine, utterly lifelike, lookalike fakes from all different girls...

There's yer goddamn CITE!