Alright, if you wanna get these jokes, YOU
CAN'T HAVE JAK KILLFILED. Stoopid pukes, buncha whining
pussies...
But if you do, allow me to introduce you to
Jakthehammer's ingenius theory of the origins of the famous Dr.
Laura pics.
They're pics of all different girls.....There were only
supposed to be 12, but I have 23+ "Dr. Laura" pics off
the web........The Clublove "12", PLUS an extra of each
girl, same settings, in slightly different poses.....The whole
thing is a HOAX!!........There was NO VERIFIABLE PROOF posted
that ANY pics off the web are really of Dr.
Laura........NONE........NADA........ZIP.........
The Justice IS, that after 1 1/2 YEARS you Pukes have been
able to come up with NO VERIFIABLE PROOF who those Lookalike
Fakes are really of........Despite the FACT that they are
obviously of all different girls........
Yup......Of all different girls......Anyone with eyes can see
that........There is NO VERIFIABLE PROOF that ANY "pic"
on the web is really of Dr.
Laura........NONE.......NADA........ZIP.........NEIN..........
Yup.......Still NO VERIFIABLE PROOF that ANY "pic"
on the web is really of Dr. Laura after 1 1/2 years of Moron
Whining.........The Lookalike FAKES are still Lookalike
FAKES..........
Repeat ad nauseam for approximately one and a
half years, and somebody's gonna crack. It was Neut.
Laura blew cereal and milk all over the room this morning when
she bit into a cheap, shoddy breakfast food and choked on it. It
seems she had been giving Lew hell about his houshold expense
account and he had tried to save a few pennies by picking up bulk
packed cereal in a bag.
Laura erupted over a spoonful of:
DISGUSTING LOOKALIKE FLAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(click here for the entire Neutrodyne collection)
Inspiring a whole boatload of ...
Lawrence:
Hey Neut, Did I ever tell you about my buddy who got fired
from his landscaping job at Laura's place... Apparently Giuseppe
had trouble telling his tools apart and he was always getting
blasted by the foreman for bringing the wrong implement for the
job. He was thrown off the property one day when he was heard
raising his voice...
IMA SORRY BOUT THE PITCHFORKS, THEY LOOKALIKE RAKES!!!
Lawrence
not a Neut original but a ________________ !!
GregK:
Lew really loved to cook on his fancy new barbecue. In fact,
he started to collect all sorts of accessories for it. In
particular, he had his eye on a rotisserie skewer attachment.
Laura was prepared to get them for Lew's birthday, but when she
was at the store she couldn't remember which one Lew needed.
Instead, she just bought each one of each brand the store
carried. Much to Lew's dismay, none of the skewers worked with
his barbecue.
They were ..
LOOKALIKE STAKES FROM ALL DIFFERENT GRILLS!!!
Maddi:
All right, all right. Here's the real story of the fire that
burned down Laura's house.
We all know about her obsession with food. She's eating while
she does the show. She talks about her lunch, she talks about
Dan's lunch, the reason Carolyn Holt really quit is that Laura
ordered her to turn over her lunch. She obsesses about
cheeseburgers. She pines for cheesecake. This is not a new issue
for Laura.
Back in 1994, just as her show was getting syndicated, Laura
spent a fortune remodeling her kitchen. Really fancy spread:
professional range, two full-size ovens, grill, two sinks, food
compactor, the works. She hired a celebrity chef to come over
once a week and give her cooking lessons.
Unfortunately, like the old joke, Laura was a harlot in the
living room, a professional in the bedroom, and a lady in the
kitchen. Saying she couldn't cook was too simple. She not only
couldn't cook, she couldn't even follow a recipe! She boiled the
French Fries, froze the coddled eggs, and microwaved the
Hollandaise. Her idea of separating eggs was to put six in one
refrigerator and six in the other. When told to add a tablespoon
of soy sauce, she came to a standstill, unable to determine
whether they meant heaping or level. I suppose you know where I'm
going with this.
That's right, it was Laura's terrible culinary skills that led
to the fire that destroyed her house. She found a particularly
tasty- looking picture on a recipe card, and wanted to create the
exact same thing. She followed the instructions as best she
could, but her best was nowhere near good enough to produce
anything visually appealing, let alone edible. Tears streaming
down her eyes (from the smoke as well as her wasted effort),
Laura threw the mess out, got a dozen copies of the recipe card,
and cut each well-staged picture out, placing them around a
cookie sheet. That's right. She put the laminated cardboard
pictures on top of the cookie sheet and popped them into the
high-temperature convection oven, figuring that the result
couldn't possibly be any worse than the mess she just threw into
the food compactor. And being made of cardboard, the pictures
caught fire, and being covered with plastic laminate, they burned
most spectacularly. When Laura opened the oven to check on her
project, the flames leapt out and Laura leapt out of the way.
The kitchen was demolished, and it was all because of those...
LOOK ALIKE BAKES!
K wrote:
An attack of concience overcame Laura yesterday and compelled
her to call her estranged parents. She was comforted by their
voices and wanted to start over, begin the healing process. She
arranged a get-together a posh restaurant for the 3 of them. Her,
Mom and Dad. Just like old times, the 3 embraced, talked laughed
and had a great time. Soon ,it was time to go, and as they were
giving warm goodbye hugs, Mom handed Laura a jewelry box.
"Take this, my dear. It was your grandmother's. It's been in
the family for years. Keep it close to your heart. Tears of joy
streaked her face, especially when she saw the box was marked
"Tiffany" "Thanks Mom" After they left she
sat down to open the lovely velvet box to reveal a beautiful gold
locket. She gasped. I'll wear it always , she thought. As she
opened the chain to place on her neck, she noticed the marking on
the back of the pendant. "Made in Taiwan" She gasped.
She threw the cheap gold-plated locket on the floor and stormed
out of the restaurant. She vowed never to speak to her mother
again, cuz folks, Laura had fallen vicitm to:
A CHEAP LOOKALIKE KEEPSAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Snakes...
Claire:
Not to mention the PetsMart Incident, where the liberal media
printed an ad promising a sale on boas. Anxious for an easily-
housebroken family pet to replace the Dog That Didn't Work Out,
Lew, Laura and Bunchkin eagerly motored to their neighborhood
PetsMart, LS singing along to the Oldies music while the guys
covered their ears and small children within earshot ran
screaming to their homes. They hurried to the Reptile Department
only to find that the sale was a classic bait-and-switch. No live
boa constrictors, just plastic simulations. In other words...
CHEAP LOOKALIKE SNAKES
Lou:
Laura and Lew are in Chinatown, shopping for an aphrodesiac.
They stroll into the shop run by Wong U. After looking at rhino
horn, tiger penis and grizzly spleen they each see what they
individually decide on different items. Lew chooses serpent
tongues from twin cobras. Laura selects whale tail. Both are made
on site by the proprieter. Lew says,"Here's what we need,
honeybunchkin!" Of course, Laura doesn't agree, saying,
"No. U Cupid Flukes. Those are lookalike snakes"
Drakes...
Ellen wrote:
Laura decided that she really needs a pond on her property.
She hired a renowned lanscape architect, who designed a natural
looking pond of some size, and landscaped it attractively. A duck
found its waay to the pond, and began swimming in solitary
splendor. Laura snet Lew out to check, and it was indeed a female
duck. "Lew, we need to get her a mate", said Laura.
"It would be precious to have baby ducklings swimming in the
pond." So Lew put ads in the paper, and people came forward
with several fine looking potential daddies. Soon they were
swimming the pond with mama duck, but months passed, and no baby
ducks. Lew rounded up the ducks and took them to the vet.
"No wonder there are no babies," the vet exclaimed upon
finishing his exam. "These aren't real male ducks. These are
other birds people disguised to look like ducks." Yes, laura
had been the victim of
Lookalike drakes who were all different gulls
E Ructate:
Laura decided to raise ducks. She got some ducks, an
incubator, etc. She lovingly placed all the eggs produced into
the incubator and sat back to watch nature take its course.
Unfortunately, the eggs never hatched because she had been sold
some....
CHEAP LOOKALIKE DRAKES!!!!
Martha Hughes:
One day, Laura was watching late night TV, Yeah 10pm cable tv,
but to her it was late night. She was watching an old *who dun
it* show where there was the great hero who had to figure out who
the bad guy was. Well, the plot was a little complicated, and it
also got her a bit upset. The hero (someone she used to look up
to, a Public Defender by the name of Perry) was called to defend
an innocent person (a single woman in her 20s, if there is such a
thing!) accused of committing the murder. The person who was
killed was a high-society matron who had been offed by a young
and quite good-looking young woman in her twenties. Laura still
felt the sting, especially with having the police around her
house, snooping around all her things 24/7. She especially felt
bad when she found a:
A FAKE LOOKALIKE PAUL
DRAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
K wrote:
Late one night, watching reruns of "Our Gang" Laura
dreamily thought back to the time she and Bill would make love,
then raid the kitchen for Haagen Dazs (R) ice cream, and watch
corny old show like "Our Gang". The next day, she
ordered her assistant to look up the stars of the old series to
find out what happened to them. She found there were indeed many
still around and ordered a meeting with "Mickey" her
favorite. She thought that now she is a super celeb, the meeting
would be easy to arrange and Bunchkin(R) could come with her, it
would be a great nostalgia treat for them both. She and
Bunchkin(R) eagerly awaited his arrival on the set of her new TV
Show, as planned. While she was giving Buncking(R) a rundown of
which Rascal Mickey was, a man approached and extended his hand.
"How do you do, Ms. Schlessinger" I'm Bobby's stunt
double. "Bobby sent me to represent him. He's a busy man you
know. I brought you an 8X10 glossy with his autograph and he says
good luck with your new show." Laura gasped. How
dare...wha....they sent a DOUBLE instead of...she hissed, grabbed
Bunchkin's(R) hand and stormed to her dressing room.
Folks...all together now... Laura had been a victim of...
A FAKE LOOKALIKE ROBERT
BLAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lawrence:
Jim Rome is one of my lurkers and he just emailed to tell me
that some of these posts are;
LOOKALIKE TAKES!!!!!!
I'm Out.
TJ wrote:
Neut, if you keep on this way next you'll be telling us that
Laura, Lew and the Bunchkin lost their way while canoeing in
Minnesota, and they nearly perished because the rescuers had to
search through:
10,000 look-alike lakes.
Mightyjoe:
Lew and Laura and Bunchkin decided to take the old speedboat
out for a ride. At once Laura was dismayed by the bubbles coming
from the back of the boat. "They don't look like the other
boats bubbles" she whined. Lew returned to shore and
immediatley blasted the boat store for selling them an inferior
product. The salesman offered to go back out on the lake and try
to isolate the problem. A few quick turns around the lake and he
had solved the bubble problem. The reason Laura and Lew's bubbles
didn't look like the other bubbles was because their boat ran
into:
LOOKALIKE WAKES!!!!!!
deepneptune:
The other day her shoulders were as white as the Alps. The
bunchkin, ever the little scientist, took a couple pieces of the
dandruff to his room and examined them under his Lil' Microscope
kit and found to his amazement that they were...
LOOKALIKE FLAKES!
k :
Laura took Bunchkin for a treat at their favorite shop.
Bunchkin had been such a good, moral kid, he had earned a reward.
They ordered their regular with extra whipped cream on top. To
Laura and Bunckin's shock and dismay, the new manager had
substituted mellorine for the rich creamy Haggen Dazs(R) they
were used to. They cried in each others arms, for once again,
they had fallen victim to:
CHEAP LOOKALIKE SHAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ask a serious
question...
Maddi's Stealth Lookalike Fakes Post:
Eve wrote:
Which "bastard" are you
talking about? Lew and Laura's son Deryk was born in wedlock and
is living with his natural father and mother. If you're going to
rant, at least get your facts straight.
Tim Hill wrote:
We did the math once here. It looks
like he was conceived out of wedlock. Former friends of hers
disagree on whether she was pregnant at the time of her wedding
(I say former, because none of her current friends knew her
then). Being conceived out of wedlock, but born inside it does
not constitute bastardy.
Maddi wrote:
Laura, in this case, is guilty of fornication and adultery,
but her son is not a love child. Are you aware of why Laura is so
against abortion?
It turns out that she did have one. When she and Lew first got
together, Laura had her tubal ligation undone, and wanted to
conceive to prove her devotion. This was her way to get Lew to
leave his wife and children. Laura conceived and they were
delighted, until she got cold feet. What if he didn't leave his
wife for her? She gritted her teeth, couldn't decide what to do.
Lew, being a bit of a mommy's boy, did not help. Since he didn't
move forward, she wouldn't either. She made a date with the
abortionist for a second-trimester procedure. It turns out she
had been pregnant with twin boys, and she held a private funeral
service for them, naming both of them Jacob. Lew was so torn up
that soon after he left his wife for Laura and they had a son,
Deryk. This incident is what Laura calls a "tubal
implantation." To this day, she is rather edgy on the
subject of abortion, but what many have not realized is that this
is also why she never had more than one child. Laura always lived
in fear of having a second boy, because this would turn her
family into nothing more than...
(oh come on, you didn't think this was a true story, did you?)
LOOK ALIKE JAKES!
Not punny. Not punny at all.
Kris wrote:
More like mixed gender school. If
Derek is within 50 yards of pubescent breasts Laura has a stroke.
Tina wrote:
Cite please.
Lawrence wrote:
Tina, it is well known that DL is obsessed with young girls
and their breasts. She spends more time thinking about breasts
than the entire cast and crew of Baywatch. She could likely be
cured of her food obsession if she could trust Lew enough to get
those topless Polynesian housegirls she's been dreaming about.
There are assmen and there are boobmen but our DL is one
breast-obsessed psuedo-shrink. I have it on good authority that
DL sleeps in a bed full of fake boobs that she orders special
from Fredrick's of Hollywood. The very best prosthetic boobs that
money can buy... and she's got thousands of them... cute, perky,
pink-tipped tits that she rolls and plays in like a kid at the
fair.
These are no cheapo, gimmicky falsies from some novelty shop,
these are your top-of-the-line, genuine, utterly lifelike,
lookalike fakes from all different girls...
There's yer goddamn CITE!
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