"Bow Chicka Bow Bow" Adopted As Official Porn Music Imitation
Congress passed a bill declaring "Bow Chicka Bow Bow" to be the official way to imitate the music played during pornographic films. The bill received support from an unlikely source, New York Senator Hillary Clinton. "Of course I watch porn, it's not like Bill's ever around. Sometimes when the guy comes to fix our cable, Chelsea and I look at each other and go "bow chicka bow bow", then collapse laughing. It really was a no brainer to pass."
Roommate Watches Cartoons All Fucking Day
At first, Joel Watkin's roommate, Bill, seemed normal. Until they finally got the cable hooked up, that is. According to Joel, Bill "just sits on his ass and watches cartoons all fucking day. I mean, Power Rangers? Come on! You'd think that he'd be over that childish shit by now, he's 25 for God's sake!" An independent study revealed that out of one 24 hour day, Bill spends 6 hours sleeping (on the couch), 1/2 hour using the bathroom, 1 hour eating (on the couch), and the other 16 1/2 watching cartoons. Joel has exacted revenge by renting out Bill's room for the past 2 months, Bill has not found out yet.
FDNY Loses To Angels In Division Series
When the New York Yankees lost to the Anaheim Angels in the American League Division Series on Saturday, many were stunned. A few however, guessed the reason for the Yanks demise. They had decided to allow members of the New York Fire Department, who as everyone knows are the greatest heroes in the history of the world, to wear the pinstripes and play in their place. Unfortunately, the FDNY was not up to the challenge. Fans were livid: "Fucking guys can't fucking win fucking fuck, what the fuck you lookin' at?"
Local Man is Everyone's Friend, Until He Leaves
Michael Looji is a great friend to everyone he knows, as well as a fabulous dresser, interesting conversationist, and amazing athlete. Or you'd think to hear his friends talk about him, at least while he's in the same room. For some reasons, all of his great attributes disappear as soon as he's out of earshot. Best friend Jack tells more: "Man he's an awesome friend to have, I don't think there's a thing that he doesn't do well. He's an incredible...is he gone yet? Man, I can't stand that fucking guy, who keep's inviting him over?"
