Title: There and Back Again

Author: Margie

Rating: R

Pairing: B/S

Summary: Sequel to my fic It Doesn't Matter. Spike is back from Africa, Buffy is dealing, things happen.

Disclaimer: Own nothing. Joss owns all.

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 Chapter 3 -

They walked along in silence, stealing glances at each other. Spike wasn’t sure how to act now, what to say. He had just revealed the outcome of his journey to Africa and wasn’t sure what the response was. Buffy hadn’t said a word since they left the Magic Box. So he kept silent as well.

For her part, Buffy was shocked into speechlessness. Spike had a soul. Those words kept echoing through her mind.

They had reached the cemetery killing four vamps during the first hour. She didn't attempt speech with him until halfway through their second sweep. "What does it feel like?"

"What do you mean luv?"

"Your soul. I mean…do you feel different?" She peered at him sideways.

"Yeah luv." He sighed and took a drag of his cigarette before continuing. "I don't know exactly. Can't describe how it feels. It's almost like I got a second bloke in here with me."

They sat together on a stone bench.

"He's constantly whispering in my ear, you know? Do this. Don't do that. Bloody pillock." He turned toward her.

"But." Buffy chewed on her bottom lip. "You don't seem that different. I mean, not like Angel and Angelus. Don't you feel guilty?"

Her eyes were wide in her face. Spike itched to place his hand on her cheek, to feel her satiny smooth skin again.

"I'm not Angel luv." He felt a small ache at her immediate comparison to his sire. "This bloody soul has me reliving my unlife every day. I close my eyes and see the faces of the men and women I've killed and the ones they left behind, just like peaches."

"The difference is that I had a chance to regret my choices even before my bloody soul." He closed his eyes and turned away dropping the cigarette butt to the ground.

Buffy's hand snuck out to land on Spike's knee. "What do you mean?"

"Buffy I…I know you don't believe it but I loved you. Still do." His eyes were open and feasting on her face once again. "It changed me. You changed me."

His hand came up to dry wash his face before speaking again. "I realized a long time ago that what I was…what I'd done…that you could never love me. For that I regretted every choice I'd ever made. Except letting Dru turn me. 'Cause otherwise I would never have met you." He gave her a half apologetic smile.

"After awhile I started realizing that there were more reasons to regret my indiscretions. The way I feel about you and Bit. If anything ever happened to either one of you…how could I do that to all those people?" He was breathing deeply as he spoke, fighting back tears of remorse.

Buffy's hand moved of its own volition. She squeezed his knee before shifting to his back to draw warm circles there.

Before she could form a response Spike's head snapped up, game face on. He sprang off the bench toward the group of vamps approaching, Buffy right behind him.

There were six of them. They'd seen worse odds. They were fighting back to back. Buffy could feel Spike's duster swaying as he fought the vamps attacking him.

She threw a right cross at the undead ugly in front of her, then spun around knocking the other two down. Before she could rise from her crouch, she felt strong hands grab her from behind. She went flying a few feet to the left, crashing down on the bench they had just vacated.

By the time she was able to look up again Spike was surrounded. They were circling and taunting him. One had grabbed the stake she had dropped during her flight.

Buffy watched as two of the vamps rushed Spike throwing him to the ground.

"Spike!" Her legs felt like lead as she made her way back to him. Time slowed as she watched Spike struggle to free himself.

The vamp with the stake moved forward his arm stretched above his head. The scream died in Buffy's throat choking her as the stake rammed home. Suddenly she was there.

She could only concentrate on one thing. He's dead, her mind kept repeating. He's not coming back this time.

She moved with the preternatural speed of a slayer. Throwing kicks and punches that she didn't feel. Her sight blurred as the first tears fell. She almost didn't notice the vampire gang flee the scene, too tired and numb to give chase.

When she lost sight of the last one she stopped and fell to her knees letting the sobs overtake her.

"What the bleedin' hell?!"

Buffy spun around, her jaw falling open. Spike sat just a few feet behind her rubbing at the hole left in his chest, blood seeping out to stain his hand.

"But…they…" Buffy was speechless. Had they missed? No. She knew a kill shot when she saw one.

Buffy crossed to Spike kneeling on the ground beside him. "How?" She whispered as she reached out to touch him. She watched as the hole began to slowly knit itself together.

"Don't know luv. Don't think this was part of the package." Spike answered absently as he continued to stroke the wound.

Satisfied now that he was real and still undead, Buffy grabbed Spike's arm and placed it around her shoulders. "Come on. You need blood, let's get back to your crypt." She helped him stand and they began to walk together.

"We'll figure this out." She assured him.