High Flight

Ahem....last time our three heroes, Madgrad, BMS, and Mark had evaded ENFF, and french game design. But lo, a new threat arose. A large battlestation orbiting the moon had targetted them. And as we all know, there is only one way to take out a Really Big F***ing Orbital Weapons Platform, and that's with a small fighter trench run. And now, Episode 6....

Madgrad: Um, are we gonna get sued for copyright enfringement on that one?

BMS: Nah, no one will notice.

Mark: I'm getting a reading on my radar....my God its huge!!!

Madgrad: It looks like a small moon...

BMS: That's no moon, its a battlestation.

Mark: Okay, now that's gone too far.

Madgrad: Okay, lets co-ordinate our assualt. Look for a ridicously small opening, maybe in a trench. If we can find one that's the target we need to hit.

Mark: Oh, and we have another issue. What music do we listen too while we go in?

BMS: Good question. How about "Intergalactic"?

Mark: Theme from "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly"?

Madgrad: How about "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap", "Hero of the Day"?

BMS:Dman, we can't seem to agree.

Madgrad: Okay, then, there is only one song to play. "Chocolate Salty Balls".

BMS and Mark: mmmmmm...Chef.....mmmmmm.

::And so, with their theme song blaring in their radio headsets, the three pilots flew towards the RBFOWP::

Madgrad: Hey guys, I have a question. We are in deep space, with no gas, so why am I wearing an oxygen mask?

Mark: Oh, thats easy. You've got a huge oxygen tank installed right behind your cockpit. Its feeding you air.

Madgrad: So, I'm going in to a firefight with 600 pounds of pure O2 strapped behind my head?

BMS: Yup.

Madgrad: Oh, thats just ducky.

BMS: Uh, more problems. The glowing screen in front of me is flashing, and I hear bleeping noises.

Madgrad: Uh-oh, that most be the squadron of generic enemy fighters trying to stop us.

:: Approaching from 12 o'clock, 24 generic enemy fighters screamed in. Yes, these were the ultimate GEF, being reduced to a simple triangular body with guns.::

Madgrad: Man, they must turn like a bitch.

BMS: Who's flying them? Isca's lackeys?

Mark: Worse....TELETUBBIES!!!

Teletubbie pilots: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYY!!

Madgrad: Oh f***! We are outnumbered 8 to 1!

BMS: No problem. SInce we are in an epic battle, we must have senseless wingmen who will fight the emeny, and die honorably to save our asses. Oh look, here they come now!

Retarded Wingmen: Hyuck-Hyuck! Garsh, how can I halp ya'll?

Madgrad: I'm giving five to 1 odds that those @ssholes hit US!

BMS: Don't be so pessimistic. While those bozos duke it out, lets take out the RBFOWP.

Madgrad: I'm approaching now. Will their radar pick us up?

Mark: Nah, we are so damn small, that we won't be detected.

BMS: Kinda like Hasno sneaking into a girls shower while naked?

Madgrad and Mark: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

::Meanwhile, back on earth....:

Hasno: Hey, my ears burn!

::Back to space::

Madgrad: Hey look, I've got the target on my scope.

English Voice: Turn off your targeting computer Madgrad, and use the force.

Madgrad: Two problems: 1 I have no idea how to turn anything off in here, and 2 Why do I hear a British voice in my head?

Mark: Relax, a dead mental english man's voice comes standard issue for all epic space battles.

Madgrad: Oh, okay then.

Mark: Alright! I've got a lock on the stupid puny hole. I'm busting two missles!

Madgrad: I've got a tone too.

BMS: Hell, let me have my shot too.

:: The six torpedoes went into the stupid puny hole. Being a RBFOWP, the hole lead to the unprotected main reactor. The whole base blew in a huge nova explosion. Of course, being an epic space battle, the three small fighters flying right next to it were not at all damaged.::

Madgrad: Woo-Hoo! We did it, scratch one RBFOWP! Yeah!

BMS: Now, we can renenter over Japan, and pick up our DCs! Lets go!

Madgrad: Cool! I'm gonna use my afterburner...AAAAAGGGGGHHHH! I'm going too fast! Where did the stars go? Oh my God...

BMS: Hey wait a minute Madgrad! You just broke light speed, so how can you stop on a dime?

Madgrad: SImple, we've got a case of arcade physics here. The minute I take my foot off the gas, the ship stops. Oh, and I shouldn't have been able to break the speed of light anyway. As an object approaches the speed of light, it becomes increasingly heavy, with its weight going off to infinity before it hit light speed. So, I shouldn't have been able to even go that fast anyway.

Mark: That lecture excited you didn't it?

Madgrad: Yes...ahem....now on to Japan, to find Ragamuffin and Hasno!

And so ends yet another installment of our soap opera, " As the Grip on Sanity Weakens". Tune in next time when all five editors meet. And you thought the three of us were bad.....