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"Bigun And The Texas Rondyvoo" ...I've got a story to tell ya' true, 'Bout Bigun an' the Texas rondyvoo... (And how I come to get four 58-caliber holes in my underwear.) 'Twas in '98, first part of November, Or tail end of October, hell I don't remember, But there was frost on the ground and a definite chill in the air!
We went to rendezvous, down east of Amarillo, There uz' nothin' but coyotes an' armadillos, And jackrabbits and sage brush as far as the eye could see... But we uz' havin' a time, just laffin' an'jokin', Had the coffee bubblin'. an' th' fire a smokin' An' was just about as contented as two latter day Mountain men could be...
Now, if there's one thing ever'one knows about Bigun - It's that he don't eat turkey, nor duck, nor chicken - (He says, "That's 'fowl' meat! An' I b'lieve I'll decline!") But, I'll get to more about that later, An' anyway, next mornin', I was up slicin' taters' When, true to form, Bigun rolled out of the blankets at the crack of nine...
An' we uz' havin' a blast with them Texican Folks, Swappin' lies an' tellin' jokes - An' just generally havin' ourselves a hoot! Yeah, we uz' raisin' hell an' makin' noise, When someone says, "Grab yer' rifles, Boys! We's fixin' to have ourselves a shoot!"
Then a feller named Wrongway strung a piece of rope 'Tweenst two trees on the opposite slope Of a little creek that ran past camp out back. He says, "People, this is gonna' be a hoot! This is called the "Drop yer' drawers" shoot! An' I want ya' all to go get an article of clothing, an' bring it on back!"
Well, we went back to lodge, I grabbed a pair of drawers - Bigun grabbed a hankie - An' I let out a roar; I says, "NO! Bigun, get in the spirit AND GIT SOME UNDERWEAR!" He says, "But, I ain't got none without racin' stripes..." An' I looked at him an' I said, "Well, cripes! Dig in my war bag, I'm sure I got an' extry pair..."
Then we went on back to where we uz' checkin' in An' Wrongway give us each two clothespins, An' said, "All right boys, go hang yer' frilly unmentionables up there on th' line! - Now Folks, I'm here to tell ya' square; They was seventeen different kinds of underwear, An' even a 44 caliber, double barreled slingshot, that like to've blowed my mind!
Well, we commenced ta' shootin', an' hootin', an' gigglin' An' I turned around an' looked at Bigun - An', he uz' kinda' red faced, just lookin' at them things up there... But, he powdered down twice, Beaulah says, "BLOOM! BLOOM!" An' I got four brand new holes in my fruit of th' looms, But, he knocked both clothespins flyin' - fair an' square!
Well, he stepped 'cross th' creek an' picked up my shorts, Then tossed 'em to me - An' I let out a snort! 'Cuz' til then I hadn't knowed that he'd grabbed 'em fresh from the cellophane! I said, "Bigun, you bald headed son of a b&ldots;. If 'n yore' Ma'ud used a board instead of a switch, Maybe she'd a' knocked somethin' useful inta' yer' brain!
"The way it is, when my wife finds out about this, Partner, she's gonna' be highly pissed! I mean, I ain't even had a chance to try these dang things on!" &ldots;Well, he won that shoot an five or six more 'N' later, we was sittin', figerrin - tallyin' score, And fer a minute there, I thought my mind was gone!
Well, he needed eight to tie an' six to win - He shot thirteen out of a possible ten! I says, "Dang! I never seen you shoot this good before!" He just grinned at me an' said, "There's nothin' to it, Somedays ya' say it, somedays ya' do it..." I said, "Yeah, but it's been my experience that you usually step in it - that's fer' shore!"
He said, "Well I thought you'd be happy fer' me, Ol' son! This is the best shootin' I ever done! An' maybe the first chance of winnin' an aggregate in my whole entire life!" I said, "Partner, I'm proud of ya' plum down to my soles! I jus' wish ya' hadn't shot my drawers full a' holes! Speakin' of which, you know yore' gonna' be the one to tell my wife!"
He said, "If'n I win the aggregate, I'll be glad to tell 'er, But I'm gonna' remind you of somethin' feller' Yer' the one said, "No, use a pair of mine!" I said,"Yeah, but I didn't mean brand new!" ...Well, later that evening, when the moon got higher, They called us all around the Council Fire And The Booshway stood up an' he said a word or two;...
...He thanked us all fer' bein' there, Then he bowed his head an' led us all in prayer... Then he said the sweetest things I think I've ever heard! He says, "First place, Grand Aggregate Prize winner is... BIGUN! Then I fell on the ground a laffin' an' gigglin' When he said "And first prize is a TWENTY-FIVE POUND TURKEY BIRD!"
Now, I mentioned earlier that Bigun don't eat "fowl meat", ya' know! But it was take that turkey or eat some crow! (And he took it like the man he is - gracious, and standin' tall!) So I propose a toast!: May it long be heard - About Bigun and the Texas Turkey Bird!!! (...An' ya' know, maybe gettin' my brand new fruit of the looms shot full of holes was worth it after all...)
Don
Jus'Me McCrary (AKA The Kansan)
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