What a world...
Mood:  surprised
MJ
So Alexis just informed me that Michael Jackson is expecting quadruplets... and before you think the King of Pop has become the Queen of Pop, apparently some woman in Florida is expecting the four mini-molesters and the King of Pop is the pop through sperm donation.

Can I just say this? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Alexis also brought up the subject of names. Mike's children are named Prince Michael I (the unfortunate first born), Paris Michael (the girl), and Prince Michael II aka Blanket (dangling baby who will forever fear heights).

Mike, in case you're listening (or reading, as the case may be) here are my suggestions for names:

Tissue - Soft, cuddly and absorbent. What more could you ask for in a child?

Djibouti - The African country would represent Michael's fading ethnicity.

Elmo - Tickle me.

Fluffernutter - Sweet and gooey, with much the same consistency as Michael's skin.

Dipsy, Po, Laa-laa, and Tinky Winky - Four teletubbies, four Jackson kids, equal chance of being gay.

Money for Nothing and the Checks for Free
I just earned $100 for about 1 minute's worth of work. Kick ass!!

I got my mail yesterday and there was a letter from Reader's Digest. I just figured it was probably about a subscription renewal. Imagine my surprise when I opened the letter and found a check... for $100... without much of an explanation... All there was was an index card saying "Thank you for your contribution. It will be seen in an upcoming issue, you lucky dog, you." or something like that. Well, it's actually in the current issue, a Quotable Quote that I submitted a couple of months ago. It's on page 73, in case you were wondering.

You can no longer say my obsession with Jennifer Garner doesn't pay off. It pays $100!

Yesterday's Blog
I've been informed by Pornography Ken, for that is now his name, I'm having it changed legally, that my blog yesterday wasn't that funny. I would like to point out by saying I prefaced that blog entry by saying it wasn't going to be very funny. This just confirms my suspicions that Ken really can't read. He must have had someone else read it to them and they skipped that first part. That is the only explanation I can think of.

Ta ta!

Quote of the Blog
"Never do what you can overdo!"
~ Lucy Coe, General Hospital

Rico... Suave...
Mood:  suave
I've given up on writing in this thing every day. It's just not going to happen.

Today we're going to talk about TV, because I'm tired and am not sure I can be funny (even though Ken - pornography Ken - expects me to always be funny).

So... first and foremost if you haven't seen I Love the 90s, you MUST! They are sooooo much fun, and, of course, you're talking about the decade in which I did most of my growing up (well, as far up as 5"1' goes). And the commentators just keep getting funnier. Hal Sparks and Beth Littleford (come back to the Daily Show!) and Michael Ian Black are my favorites.

Moving on...

I'm going to tell you about 3 tv shows that you probably aren't watching but that you really should watch. And if you're asking yourself why you should watch them? Well, because I said so.

Show #1
The 4400
The newest of the three I'm recommending, this show is very, very cool. It's got one of those premises that is scary in a good way and makes you go "why didn't I think of that?"

Basically, for the last 80 years or so, all of these people have been abducted (originally spelled upducted by my feeble brain) - they've completely vanished with no explanation. Well, all of a sudden this comet looks like it's going to hit earth, but it's not a comet, it's some flowy light thingie that BAM explodes leaving 4400 people standing by a lake in Washington state. What to do with the 4400?

Well, they go into containment for a while, shepherded by Tom and Diana - who work for the Department of Homeland Security (go Tom Ridge!) and who will be the potential love interests. Think Mulder and Scully, right down to the female being the scientist and the man having the emotional investment in the situation - Tom's nephew was abducted and his son has been in a coma since that same night.

Without giving too much more away, the show follows a group of about 10 of the abductees, including a black man abducted while at war in Korea, a young woman who is the granddaughter of that man's true love, a little girl who is the first abductee, and an older man who is the first to show signs something weird is going on. After being back on earth for a while, all of the abductees begin to show signs of special powers... The little girl is psychic, the old man can destroy things with his mind, Tom's nephew can heal or kill with his touch, etc....

It's pretty well written and has a sophomore cast (at least I haven't heard of most of them) with the exception of Peter Coyote. Side note: one of the cast is actually named Mahershalalhashbaz Ali. Picture him in kindergarden!

The 4400 airs Sundays at 9:00 on USA and then, being USA, replays a bunch of times during the week which is good because...

Show (which originally came out as Shoe) #2
Sue Thomas F.B.Eye

This show also airs Sundays at 9:00. It's cute and very different from The 4400, I'll tell you that right now. It's the story of a deaf FBI agent, losely based on the real Sue Thomas, who started out as a fingerprint analyst and who ended up as a field agent due to her lipreading abilities.

The show has a similar format to something like CSI, NYPD Blue, or any of those other law shows. Something bad happens, usually terrorism, and the team jumps into action. The team consists of Jack (total hottie), Sue, Lucy (Sue's roommate), Tara (computer geek), Myles (pompous ass), D (the token minority and married guy), and Bobby (the cute Australian). The show is a mix of spoken word and sign, with the signs conveniently subtitled if a character is not verbally translating. What's fun is you begin to pick up signs after a while. Last night, for example, I learned "No, you didn't" which will be useful for me in my many fights with Ken Crockett (Democrat jazz groupie).

There is a warning: the show has a religious base that will undoubtedly rear it's ugly head at least once every other episode. Touching moments are highlighted by the touching moment music, which will be a key indicator mush is coming. Writing is okay, acting is great considering they're a Canadian cast for the most part (insert rim shot here). Seriously, the actors are pretty good and like I said before, Jack is a total hottie.

A lot of the show is funny, which is why I like it so much. And the signing is really cool too. Storylines are reasonably believable, although sometimes it's hard to imagine Sue can follow conversations just by lipreading, but the show is amazingly true to deaf culture. They deal with several issues regarding Sue's deafness and often times Sue will ask to have something repeated or will look to Jack (her super hottie hopefully future boyfriend) or Lucy (who has learned to sign) for help.

STFBE airs Sundays at 9:00 on PAX.

And if you thought Sunday wasn't already busy enough...

Show #3
Wild Card

This'll be quick cause it's 5 and I want to go home.

Wild Card is Joely Fisher's series on Lifetime. It's soooooo much fun. It also features hottie Chris Potter. (Do you see a theme with my shows here?)

The storyline is one that has been recycled repeatedly over the last year, but I believe Wild Card was the first. Zoey (played by Fisher) loses her sister and is made guardian of two nieces and her nephew. Zoey, who has been a dealer in Vegas, is obviously out of place in her new position as Mom, but she adjusts amidst much laughter.

She gets hired by an insurance agency as an investigator, where she works with hottie Dan. They go out on cases, get into trouble, and sometimes kiss, which is my favorite part.

The kids are okay, Taylor's around 16, Cliff's around 14, and Hannah's 8ish. The way Taylor talks sometimes irritates me, but overall, the kids aren't sickening as tv kids can be.

The writing is also pretty good and the show can be really, really funny. Joely Fisher has amazing timing and she fits perfectly with Chris Potter. I actually think Joely is Emmy worthy if for nothing more than her comedic timing and ability to destroy shoes...

Well, I think I'll end now. I can feel my carpal tunnel growing and I'm pretty sure no one's going to care about this entry anyway.

Wild Card airs 10:00 on Sundays on Lifetime.

Au revoir!

Quote of the Blog
"We are young, heartache to heartache, we stand!"
~ Pat Benatar

John and Ken
Mood:  silly
Today's entry is dedicated entirely to John and Ken (as in Ken Kassing, not to be confused with Ken Crockett, Ken Tesch, Kenny G, or Oh my God they killed Kenny!). This is because Ken made the mistake of saying my new West Wing story sounded like it was leading up to pornography. The story can be found here: For the First Time, although if you read it, I forewarn that it will probably never get finished. Anyway, the story is NOT pornography, will never BE pornography, and has nothing to DO with pornography. Sexual innuendo, maybe, but NOT pornography. It's about romance and happy things like that. My question is: Ken, what have you been doing with your free time? Okay, maybe I don't want to know that answer.

A History of Laura and John and Ken
I was born, they were born (well, they were born first, actually), and we met about 18 years later at Capitol College. We had a class together our first semester here - I'm pretty sure it was English - and we became friends. Then, as they like to harass me about from time to time, I disappeared for a while. I like to think of it as taking some time to find myself. Unfortunately I found myself an asshole boyfriend. Eventually I found myself a new man, who was good friends with John and Ken, so all four of us started hanging out. I am no longer with said new man, but I am still friends with John and Ken. In case you were wondering, John and Ken were Software Engineering/Computer Engineering double majors at Capitol. But don't let that fool you, they actually have personalities.

Facial Hair
John and Ken have grown facial hair. John has a goatee (pronounced "goat-ee") and Ken has a moustache (pronounced "soup strainer"). It took a little while to get used to, but I think I like it now. I'm not opposed to facial hair, as long as it's well contained (* refer to asshole boyfriend) and as long as it's not a "reverse Hitler". Ken is sporting the "reverse Hitler." Now, this is facial hair I just don't understand. In case you are wondering exactly what it is, it's when guys have that little chunk, maybe an inch wide, under their bottom lip. Father John has the "reverse Hitler" which really has nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Wally Kurth (Ned, General Hospital) also sported the look for a while. The "reverse Hitler" just ends up making a guy look like he missed a huge spot shaving. Take a note, guys: It's not attractive.

The Snake
Ken has a snake (and not that kind of snake, you freaking perverts). His name is Grendel and he is named after a character from Beowulf. I'm convinced that Ken got the snake to use as a way to pick up girls. "Hey, chicky, want to see my snake?" SMACK! I also have a feeling that this has probably backfired on him on more than one occasion. If he's not trying to use it to pick up girls, I have a pretty good feeling that Ken secretly wishes inside that he was the Crocodile Hunter. Watch out, world! Ken Kassing, Snake Wrangler!

Grendel is surprisingly soft, as far as snakes go. You kind of expect them to feel all rough and scaley, but they don't really. It's actually pretty neat. I think Grendel has it out for me, but I eventually was able to let it constrict around my arm a little bit (he's a ball python) and it was amazing to feel. Snakes are muscular little buggars.

Humor
John and Ken are kind of like Abbott and Costello, even kind of look like them if you squint your eyes the right way. However, unlike Abbott and Costello, they can each be funny in their own right. Although I must say that Ken has learned the lesson behind thinking before you speak a little better than John. John's been subjected to Dugan-fu, my own personal form of Kung fu, much more frequently than Ken. Speaking of Kung fu, John and Ken both participate in learning this martial art. They have tried to teach me some things, and have even tried to get me to go, but I think they've finally given up since I refuse to stop making my patented Dugan-fu noises when I fight. It's just more fun that way.

The moral of the story is...
Now that you've learned far more than you probably ever wanted to about John and Ken, I hope that you've learned something: don't call my stories pornography.

Toodles!

Quote of the Blog
Josh Lyman: You know what, CJ? I really think I'm the best judge of what I mean, you paranoid Berkeley shiksa feminista... Wow, that was way too far.
C.J. Cregg: No. No. Well, I've got a staff meeting to go to and so do you, you elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed-the-dean's-list-two-semesters-in-a-row Yankee jackass.
Josh Lyman: Feel better getting that off your chest there, C.J.?
C.J. Cregg: I'm a whole new woman.
~ The West Wing

Tittle
Mood:  spacey
In case you were wondering, a tittle is the name for the dot over the letter 'i.' (This bit of information was sent to me by fellow West Wing groupie Josumner.)

Well, I'm back, and Arica is gone, and I am sad. We had a really wonderful time together and did all sorts of fun things like going to DC, visiting the Washington Post, and seeing Fahrenheit 9/11. We got to see the OEOB (hee hee) and made as many possible West Wing references as we could. Friday night we watched The American President and did the same. You can pretty much find every West Wing character somewhere in that movie. As for Fahrenheit 9/11, everyone MUST see this movie. It's absolutely phenomenal. I'll just say if Bush wins re-election, Arica and I are moving to Canada. It may be cold, but at least they have great health care and they don't have, as my friend John calls him, a president "with more money then god, and a brain the size of a pea."

Arica and I also made t-shirts - which was tons of fun. Arica had made me one that said "Rock the Vote" and so inspired we went shopping and got stuff to make more. Today I'm wearing my "Learning is delightful and delicious" shirt. Seems suitable for an academic atmosphere, even if it says "As am I" on the back. :) I also made a "practically perfect in every way" t-shirt, which is quite apt, if you ask me. I also made a shirt that says "The West Wing Get Into It" on the front and "We hold these truths to be self-evident," they said, "that all men are created equal." Strange as it may seem, that was the first time in history that anyone had ever bothered to write that down. Decisions are made by those who show up." on the back. Arica made "Happy is my default position" and "Do you think you have to be crazy to create something powerful" shirts. We're thinking about starting a business. Any investors?

Onward and upward... I have come to the conclusion that I am never going to find a job. Tell me this... If you are fresh out of college or grad school, how on earth are you supposed to have all of the experience that these jobs require? Have the words "entry level" vanished entirely from the english language? I'll tell you another two words that have vanished: "common courtesy." As in "It would be a common courtesy if a company called or emailed you to inform you that a position you have applied for has been filled." Since they don't do this, you apply to 150 jobs and hear back from none. Apparantly, these employers have found some underground black market employment service that is finding them stellar employees, because no one I know has been able to find a job!

Well, enough ranting on the job front. Okay, I lied, one more thing: if anyone knows of ANY job remotely connected to editing, writing (preferably not technical writing), or publications please let me know. I promise I won't be completely psychotic in the workplace. Just somewhat psychotic.

I'll be attending a popular culture conference in Buffalo this fall (yay! I get to see Arica again) where I will be presenting a paper on The West Wing (big surprise). So expect to hear from me in the next couple of days with a request to fill out a survey. And don't worry, you don't have to watch The West Wing to complete the survey.

I guess that's all for now!

Quote of the Blog
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.

I am SO not having children now.

it's been one week...
Okay, so it hasn't been one week, but I love that song, and since I wrote last time about a bad song, I thought I would start this time with a good one!

Moving on... I have lots to update on.

First things first, my friend John just asked me if a throng was a group of people, not to be confused with a thong, which can quickly divide a group of people, or at least one person if you're not careful when you bend over. In case you are wondering, John is right. A throng is a group of people, or a multitude of assembled persons, according to Merriam-Webster.

Moving on, I'd like to give a shout out to my boys Sal and Gary at the sleep lab for Good Sam hospital in Lebanon, PA.

I had a sleep study done Thursday night - and finally recovered by about Saturday afternoon. The test itself wasn't so bad... They hooked all these electrodes and stuff up to me so that by the time they finished, I looked like the love child of Frakenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein (who, heretofore had no name but will now be known as Kippy). So, looking like Frank and Kippy's beloved daughter, I emerged from the bathroom and told the boys it was no wonder I didn't have a boyfriend. Sal offered to take a picture, but sorry folks, I turned him down.

After the boys and I talked politics (go Kerry!) I headed off to bed with Ping and my pillow. We decided to hold off on the happy pills for a while to see if I would fall asleep naturally... Well, it's hard enough for me to fall asleep normally but with all these wires on your head and body it was kind of hard. For some reason, the cameras didn't bother me, take that as you will (did you know that there's a petition out there for Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal to make a sex tape? what HAS this world come to?). After a couple of hours (I think, there are NO clocks in the room) Gary came in and took pity on me and let me take my sleepy pills. I felt like I had just fallen asleep when he came back in at 5:45 and woke me up. That was the least fun of the whole thing.

After Gary took all the electrodes off and got most of the goopy stuff out of my hair (thanks for that!) I talked to Sal who said I had sleep apnea. Greeeeaaaat. One more thing to add to the list. I was not very happy to hear this, although it does explain why I'm tired all of the time. I made an appointment to come back for another study, this time with one of those CPAP machines which make you look like a leper and sound like Darth Vader. Should be fun!

I went home and slept, went to a dress fitting, and slept some more. Five hours of sleep does not really agree with me. By Friday night I was feeling much better and even went to Fenicci's where I got to talk to Ray, the guy who sells me beer, and my friend Patty, who works there. Patty's reaction to my medical news has been the typical reponse: "That's great!" Oooookay... Great for you, maybe, but you're not the one with the tendency to almost stop breathing all night long.

I know they mean well, they're just happy that I have a name for my problem, and it's a fixable problem, even if the fix will make me look like something from Night of the Living Dead. I'm happy there's a fix for my problem, I just wish it wasn't so... bulky.

Anyway, reading people, I should get some work done today. I'm off the rest of the week, so don't expect any posts. Sorry for the inconvenience (I know how much reading about my piddly little life is such a great part of yours) but ARICA IS COMING!!!!! And that's all that really matters. :) Oh, that and voting for John Kerry. It's your civic duty.

Kerry/Edwards 2004!!


Quote of the Blog
"So come together and stand up for a great purpose ? to make America stronger at home and respected in the world. We?re a country of the future; we?re a country of optimists. We?re the can-do people. And we just need to believe in ourselves.

The poet Langston Hughes put it in this way: ?Let America be America again. Let it be the dream it used to be.? ? for those ?whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain, whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain must bring back our mighty dream again.?

In 2004, with your help... with John Edwards by my side... we will bring back our mighty dream again."

~John Kerry