John and Ken
Mood:  silly
Today's entry is dedicated entirely to John and Ken (as in Ken Kassing, not to be confused with Ken Crockett, Ken Tesch, Kenny G, or Oh my God they killed Kenny!). This is because Ken made the mistake of saying my new West Wing story sounded like it was leading up to pornography. The story can be found here: For the First Time, although if you read it, I forewarn that it will probably never get finished. Anyway, the story is NOT pornography, will never BE pornography, and has nothing to DO with pornography. Sexual innuendo, maybe, but NOT pornography. It's about romance and happy things like that. My question is: Ken, what have you been doing with your free time? Okay, maybe I don't want to know that answer.

A History of Laura and John and Ken
I was born, they were born (well, they were born first, actually), and we met about 18 years later at Capitol College. We had a class together our first semester here - I'm pretty sure it was English - and we became friends. Then, as they like to harass me about from time to time, I disappeared for a while. I like to think of it as taking some time to find myself. Unfortunately I found myself an asshole boyfriend. Eventually I found myself a new man, who was good friends with John and Ken, so all four of us started hanging out. I am no longer with said new man, but I am still friends with John and Ken. In case you were wondering, John and Ken were Software Engineering/Computer Engineering double majors at Capitol. But don't let that fool you, they actually have personalities.

Facial Hair
John and Ken have grown facial hair. John has a goatee (pronounced "goat-ee") and Ken has a moustache (pronounced "soup strainer"). It took a little while to get used to, but I think I like it now. I'm not opposed to facial hair, as long as it's well contained (* refer to asshole boyfriend) and as long as it's not a "reverse Hitler". Ken is sporting the "reverse Hitler." Now, this is facial hair I just don't understand. In case you are wondering exactly what it is, it's when guys have that little chunk, maybe an inch wide, under their bottom lip. Father John has the "reverse Hitler" which really has nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Wally Kurth (Ned, General Hospital) also sported the look for a while. The "reverse Hitler" just ends up making a guy look like he missed a huge spot shaving. Take a note, guys: It's not attractive.

The Snake
Ken has a snake (and not that kind of snake, you freaking perverts). His name is Grendel and he is named after a character from Beowulf. I'm convinced that Ken got the snake to use as a way to pick up girls. "Hey, chicky, want to see my snake?" SMACK! I also have a feeling that this has probably backfired on him on more than one occasion. If he's not trying to use it to pick up girls, I have a pretty good feeling that Ken secretly wishes inside that he was the Crocodile Hunter. Watch out, world! Ken Kassing, Snake Wrangler!

Grendel is surprisingly soft, as far as snakes go. You kind of expect them to feel all rough and scaley, but they don't really. It's actually pretty neat. I think Grendel has it out for me, but I eventually was able to let it constrict around my arm a little bit (he's a ball python) and it was amazing to feel. Snakes are muscular little buggars.

Humor
John and Ken are kind of like Abbott and Costello, even kind of look like them if you squint your eyes the right way. However, unlike Abbott and Costello, they can each be funny in their own right. Although I must say that Ken has learned the lesson behind thinking before you speak a little better than John. John's been subjected to Dugan-fu, my own personal form of Kung fu, much more frequently than Ken. Speaking of Kung fu, John and Ken both participate in learning this martial art. They have tried to teach me some things, and have even tried to get me to go, but I think they've finally given up since I refuse to stop making my patented Dugan-fu noises when I fight. It's just more fun that way.

The moral of the story is...
Now that you've learned far more than you probably ever wanted to about John and Ken, I hope that you've learned something: don't call my stories pornography.

Toodles!

Quote of the Blog
Josh Lyman: You know what, CJ? I really think I'm the best judge of what I mean, you paranoid Berkeley shiksa feminista... Wow, that was way too far.
C.J. Cregg: No. No. Well, I've got a staff meeting to go to and so do you, you elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed-the-dean's-list-two-semesters-in-a-row Yankee jackass.
Josh Lyman: Feel better getting that off your chest there, C.J.?
C.J. Cregg: I'm a whole new woman.
~ The West Wing

Tittle
Mood:  spacey
In case you were wondering, a tittle is the name for the dot over the letter 'i.' (This bit of information was sent to me by fellow West Wing groupie Josumner.)

Well, I'm back, and Arica is gone, and I am sad. We had a really wonderful time together and did all sorts of fun things like going to DC, visiting the Washington Post, and seeing Fahrenheit 9/11. We got to see the OEOB (hee hee) and made as many possible West Wing references as we could. Friday night we watched The American President and did the same. You can pretty much find every West Wing character somewhere in that movie. As for Fahrenheit 9/11, everyone MUST see this movie. It's absolutely phenomenal. I'll just say if Bush wins re-election, Arica and I are moving to Canada. It may be cold, but at least they have great health care and they don't have, as my friend John calls him, a president "with more money then god, and a brain the size of a pea."

Arica and I also made t-shirts - which was tons of fun. Arica had made me one that said "Rock the Vote" and so inspired we went shopping and got stuff to make more. Today I'm wearing my "Learning is delightful and delicious" shirt. Seems suitable for an academic atmosphere, even if it says "As am I" on the back. :) I also made a "practically perfect in every way" t-shirt, which is quite apt, if you ask me. I also made a shirt that says "The West Wing Get Into It" on the front and "We hold these truths to be self-evident," they said, "that all men are created equal." Strange as it may seem, that was the first time in history that anyone had ever bothered to write that down. Decisions are made by those who show up." on the back. Arica made "Happy is my default position" and "Do you think you have to be crazy to create something powerful" shirts. We're thinking about starting a business. Any investors?

Onward and upward... I have come to the conclusion that I am never going to find a job. Tell me this... If you are fresh out of college or grad school, how on earth are you supposed to have all of the experience that these jobs require? Have the words "entry level" vanished entirely from the english language? I'll tell you another two words that have vanished: "common courtesy." As in "It would be a common courtesy if a company called or emailed you to inform you that a position you have applied for has been filled." Since they don't do this, you apply to 150 jobs and hear back from none. Apparantly, these employers have found some underground black market employment service that is finding them stellar employees, because no one I know has been able to find a job!

Well, enough ranting on the job front. Okay, I lied, one more thing: if anyone knows of ANY job remotely connected to editing, writing (preferably not technical writing), or publications please let me know. I promise I won't be completely psychotic in the workplace. Just somewhat psychotic.

I'll be attending a popular culture conference in Buffalo this fall (yay! I get to see Arica again) where I will be presenting a paper on The West Wing (big surprise). So expect to hear from me in the next couple of days with a request to fill out a survey. And don't worry, you don't have to watch The West Wing to complete the survey.

I guess that's all for now!

Quote of the Blog
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.

I am SO not having children now.

it's been one week...
Okay, so it hasn't been one week, but I love that song, and since I wrote last time about a bad song, I thought I would start this time with a good one!

Moving on... I have lots to update on.

First things first, my friend John just asked me if a throng was a group of people, not to be confused with a thong, which can quickly divide a group of people, or at least one person if you're not careful when you bend over. In case you are wondering, John is right. A throng is a group of people, or a multitude of assembled persons, according to Merriam-Webster.

Moving on, I'd like to give a shout out to my boys Sal and Gary at the sleep lab for Good Sam hospital in Lebanon, PA.

I had a sleep study done Thursday night - and finally recovered by about Saturday afternoon. The test itself wasn't so bad... They hooked all these electrodes and stuff up to me so that by the time they finished, I looked like the love child of Frakenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein (who, heretofore had no name but will now be known as Kippy). So, looking like Frank and Kippy's beloved daughter, I emerged from the bathroom and told the boys it was no wonder I didn't have a boyfriend. Sal offered to take a picture, but sorry folks, I turned him down.

After the boys and I talked politics (go Kerry!) I headed off to bed with Ping and my pillow. We decided to hold off on the happy pills for a while to see if I would fall asleep naturally... Well, it's hard enough for me to fall asleep normally but with all these wires on your head and body it was kind of hard. For some reason, the cameras didn't bother me, take that as you will (did you know that there's a petition out there for Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal to make a sex tape? what HAS this world come to?). After a couple of hours (I think, there are NO clocks in the room) Gary came in and took pity on me and let me take my sleepy pills. I felt like I had just fallen asleep when he came back in at 5:45 and woke me up. That was the least fun of the whole thing.

After Gary took all the electrodes off and got most of the goopy stuff out of my hair (thanks for that!) I talked to Sal who said I had sleep apnea. Greeeeaaaat. One more thing to add to the list. I was not very happy to hear this, although it does explain why I'm tired all of the time. I made an appointment to come back for another study, this time with one of those CPAP machines which make you look like a leper and sound like Darth Vader. Should be fun!

I went home and slept, went to a dress fitting, and slept some more. Five hours of sleep does not really agree with me. By Friday night I was feeling much better and even went to Fenicci's where I got to talk to Ray, the guy who sells me beer, and my friend Patty, who works there. Patty's reaction to my medical news has been the typical reponse: "That's great!" Oooookay... Great for you, maybe, but you're not the one with the tendency to almost stop breathing all night long.

I know they mean well, they're just happy that I have a name for my problem, and it's a fixable problem, even if the fix will make me look like something from Night of the Living Dead. I'm happy there's a fix for my problem, I just wish it wasn't so... bulky.

Anyway, reading people, I should get some work done today. I'm off the rest of the week, so don't expect any posts. Sorry for the inconvenience (I know how much reading about my piddly little life is such a great part of yours) but ARICA IS COMING!!!!! And that's all that really matters. :) Oh, that and voting for John Kerry. It's your civic duty.

Kerry/Edwards 2004!!


Quote of the Blog
"So come together and stand up for a great purpose ? to make America stronger at home and respected in the world. We?re a country of the future; we?re a country of optimists. We?re the can-do people. And we just need to believe in ourselves.

The poet Langston Hughes put it in this way: ?Let America be America again. Let it be the dream it used to be.? ? for those ?whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain, whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain must bring back our mighty dream again.?

In 2004, with your help... with John Edwards by my side... we will bring back our mighty dream again."

~John Kerry

Songs that Suck
Could somebody please tell me what a milkshake is? (Aside from the yummy ice cream variety, of course.) I am referring to that awful song by some girl who can't really sing or rap so she attempts to do a version of both to a catchy techno beat.

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like 'it's better than yours,' damn right it's better than yours, I could teach you, but I'd have to charge."

What does this mean? Does it mean that the singer is like Parker Posey's character in Waiting for Guffman? ("I always have a job at the DQ.") Does she work at an ice cream joint like Dairy Queen and she's singing about offering her services to children in the school yard?

Or is it a euphemism for something sexual, like her butt? I can get the shake part, but not really the milk part... Is it a race thing? Or does it just mean that her rear end is high in calcium?

What makes her milkshake better than mine? I mean, how can she tell when I don't even know what a milkshake is? Maybe it refers to her clothes or her hair or her IQ, in which case, I'm fairly certain mine is better than hers.

The real problem with this song is that it gets stuck in your head SO easily and stays there for SO long you want to jump out a window - and hope you land on your milkshake.


Quote of the Blog
"Like sands through the hourglass so our the days of our lives in the hospital." ~ Arica Marfoglia

I will call him... Mini Me
Everyone be sure to check out my website!!

https://www.angelfire.com/home/lalilo

I've added a VERY important banner to the top of the main page.

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My interview was cancelled for this morning, so now I'm going tomorrow morning. I'm a little nervous, but not for the interview... I'm worried I won't be able to get out of bed! I've been having this problem lately with waking up... I already have a huge problem with sleeping, so much so that I'm getting a sleep study done this fall (in case you're wondering, yes, I can take my sleepy drugs if I need to; yes, I can bring Ping along; and yes, I can bring my happy pillow). My problem with waking up is that I can't seem to do it. I set my alarm, it goes off, half an hour, 45 minutes later, I get my rear out of bed. At the rate I'm going, I'll have to set my alarm for 5:30 in order to leave my house by 8:30!

Or maybe I just need to stop reading STFBE fan fics and TWW fan fics and go to bed at a decent time. Eh, who knows?

It's Pit Smat's (also known as Pat Smit) last day at Capitol today. He's moving to Oregon. For most, this would seem like a downward move. For a Capitol employee, it's way up. Good luck, Smitty!

And don't ask about the title.. it was just the first thing that popped into my head.


Quote of the Blog
"You need a tenderoni." ~ Sheila Taylor