I?m missing the Def Poets perform at the Apollo theater in NYC this evening. I am missing them because I am heading to Massachusetts to take care of some biz. I really wish I could have been in two places at once, but that is not yet possible. I am on the bus taking the scenic route to Massachusetts, having stopped at two foreign places. I think it?s off to Springfield next. All I want to do is get into Worcester.
So, of course, as would be my luck, we are now stopped in traffic that appears to be backed up for a mile at least. This blows. I?m on my laptop and I am listening to Coldplay, which is helping me get through the wait. The only thing that I could possibly think could happen sometime soon, is that my laptop battery dies. But then, I will just get on the phone and hope that it gets me through a few hours of talk time. I mean, that is if we aren?t delayed here for too long.
I think Carmel said that Andrew said that it is snowing hard in New York City. So maybe it is a good thing that I am not heading down there right now. Anyway, today I am feeling a lot better than I did last night. Yesterday was an all around blah day for me. I was in some kind of funk that I could not really shake. I think it all stemmed from my lack of sleep and also me dealing with the agitation that is being a woman?
Woooo hoooo. We are finally moving.
Yeah, so anyway, I guess I am dealing with the fact that I am moody. I hate moody people though. How ironic. There are a lot of things about me that are ironic though. I would rather not get into them though. But I do know that my sporadic mood changes occur far less than anyone that I know (and for some reason, most of the people that I know very well are extremely moody. My little sister included). What bothers me about people?s reactions to my moodiness is that I do not always believe that they are inquiring genuinely. Granted, there are one or two people who I do believe genuinely care, but for the most part, I think that people feel they are obligated to ask me what?s wrong. You know, like when you see someone crying and you ask them if everything is ok, though you could really care less. You kinda feel like ?Damn, I?m in the same room with her and she?s crying, so let me say something so I don?t look mean?. LOL. Don?t act like that never happened.
Actually, I am just an all around weird person, and that is truly it. I fall into moods that I don?t intend on being in. My moods usually trigger me to begin thinking about other things. All the while, I?m not depressed or anything. I?m just feeling, as I like to put it, ?some kinda way?. It?s nothing I can pinpoint, nor do I ever really wish to pinpoint, but I do know that I sometimes wish that I had someone there who could know exactly what to do when I am in that mood.
But um, WHATEVER?.
LOL, I think yesterday I was talking about how much I hate when people say that and I honestly do. I mean, I say it a lot and it is truly a negative thing. When I say WHATEVER, I am usually writing off the significance of something or someone in my life. When I am mad at someone and feel like they should not affect me the way they do, I say WHATEVER. When a situation does not go my way and I?m pissed about that, I say WHATEVER. And when I hear people say that, it makes me FURIOUS. LOL
When someone says it to me or about me, it makes me feel like they are saying it because they know that it makes me angry. Usually, I am filled with hateful things to say to that person, but lately I?ve been trying to see it as something that people just say to fill in the spaces of silence that I usually will maintain when I am trying my hardest not to say anything rude. I guess everyone has their thing that they do when they are upset?.
*OFF THE TOPIC*
the delay was because of an accident and I just want to say that I hope there were no fatalities. We just never know when something like an automobile accident will occur, and as we go from place to place in our vehicles or in other people?s vehicles, I think we need to take time to be thankful for life.
?ok, back to good. I promise from this day forward to make a conscious effort to not get like this when I am around people. And if I do, maybe I?ll just get up and leave. The only thing is that I don?t know if I always feel like explaining my actions, so perhaps I?ll do as I do at work, and smile despite the fact that I feel like crying?
With that, my laptop is saying that I have 48 minutes of juice remaining so I?m gonna stop and I?ll post this later when I actually can get online. For now, I?ll just listen to my cds.