I guess I never realized how closed I get during the visitation period of my "little friend". I guess I kinda pull myself away from people and become very easily agitated and sort of aloof in my thoughts.
I am not in a bad mood. I'm just in a blah mood. Times like these make me think hard about the future and wish that it was here now. I mean, specifically, I think about coming home from work around the same time as my husband and being able to vent to him about how hard my day was and have him there to understand me.
I think about him going to extra mile to make me feel a little better. I think about him putting his arms around me and just holding me while I sleep and me waking up to him snoring softly and laying awkwardly because he didn't want to get comfortable because he thought I might wake up.
I think about all of this and then I think abou the fact that I am single. So is this all just some fantasy, or is it truly something the future will bring?
Right now, I'm just in one of those moods that "you" have to be able to figure out. It's not a crying out for attention mood. It's not a mad at the world mood. It's not even a don't talk to me don't touch me mood. It's just a "I can see that you just need to be held mood". I appreciate you despite the fact that you feel that those kids do not. It's an " I understand your pain and I'm gonna be here always" . I guess I just need that person in my life today. And guess what, my room bed is being occupied by just me at the moment.
But hey,
that's life...
And I am not an emotionally charged person, but maybe today I realized something and that just helped continue this kind of mood that I have been in all day....
Whatever...
damn, I hate when people say that...
it's like writing off your importance...
but...
WHATEVER