Really Pathetic Productions

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Scooby and the Gang’s Guide to Living
By Puns McKenna

We’ll start with Fred “Freddie” Jones. Now, Fred comes from a wealthy family, has a care free view of life, and does pretty much whatever he wants. All fine and dandy if you are affluent, but not at all practical for the average work-a-day schmuck. Now that’s not to say that he is immoral, because he’s clearly not. It just means that he has a different view on life… a different philosophy on how the world works. All in all, though, I suppose he’s a pretty decent guy. Nevermind his on again, off again relationship with Daphne. Talk about a playboy. Sheesh!

Let’s move on to Daphne Blake. All around American girl, right? Pretty, affluent, fashion savvy… You get the picture, right? A great deal like Fred, only more vapid. Always putting her pretty neck into the bad guy’s noose, never stopping to actually think her way through a problem. The epitome of the brainless bubble head. Now, don’t get me wrong. She’s a pretty decent girl… once you get past the pretense and designer wardrobe.

Next, we move on to Velma Dinkly. Portrayed as a bright girl who uses her brains with terrible fashion sense. Are over baggy orange sweaters, red pleated skirts that only go to mid thigh, and orange knee socks fashionable? Not really. In fact I don’t think they’ve ever been fashionable. Putting her fashion sense aside for a moment, she’s probably the most well rounded of the group. She reads a lot, she uses logic, she even has a cute little catch phrase that drives you up a wall after a while. “jinkies!”

Norville “Shaggy” Rogers is in a class unto himself. He and Velma become romantical at times throughout the series, but do they really fit together? If you ask me they go together about as good as vinegar and honey. Shaggy is the irascible no account that will eat you out of house and home. Not necessarily a bad person, but he does seem to let his cowardice and lackadaisical attitude rule his life. To me he’s always seemed stoned out of his mind. Frankly, you’d have to be to willingly eat dog biscuits. Blech!

Speaking of doggy biscuits, let’s look at the ginormous Great Dane that everyone knows and loves. Scooby-dooby-doo! Scooby is a unique blend of cowardice and bravery. He looks like a small brown horse, but he’s really just a big puppy at heart. Not as bright as Velma, but then again he does have this knack for solving mysteries, admittedly, mostly by mistake.

These guys don’t really sound like role models I want to emulate. Do they sound like reasonable people to learn from? Well, that depends greatly upon your point of view.